With Arms Wide Open
by FebWriter
Summary: A year (well, technically, 13 months) in the life of the Thorpe and Marler families as they expand. Fourth story in a series, following "Everything Is Different Now"; "Tonight and the Rest of Our Lives"; and "Storm."
1. All Change, She's Having a Baby

_**Hello again! This story picks up a couple of months after the end of "Storm." **  
_

* * *

_June 1, 1995, 6:37 AM—Roger and Holly's House_

Holly began the day as she had the past six days: being awakened by intense nausea.

Unlike the past six days, however, today it wasn't just nausea. Her stomach was rolling like a Tilt-a-Whirl. She threw off the covers, stumbled out of bed, and staggered to the bathroom, making it just in time.

Roger jolted awake when he heard the sound of retching. He hurried into the bathroom and dropped down beside Holly, gently holding her hair back as she finished getting sick. She groaned as she put a hand to her head. "At least it's finally arrived," she muttered. "I've been trying to get this stomach flu for almost a week."

Roger gently squeezed her shoulder, then got her a cup of water from the sink. She flushed the toilet before taking the cup of water from him gratefully. He helped her to her feet and she trudged to the sink, swished and spit.

Roger followed Holly back to bed with a frown. When they were back in bed, he felt her forehead, and then the back of her neck. "You don't feel warm," he said.

"I don't have to throw up anymore either, thank God," she said as she turned her pillow over to the cool side.

"You've been nauseous for the past week—" he began.

"Six days, counting today," she corrected.

"You're having these really strange appetite swings where you go from eating everything in sight to choking down half a salad and announcing that you're full, and now you're actually throwing up," he continued. "There's something going on with your stomach."

"Yeah, the flu," Holly said, closing her eyes and trying to get comfortable.

"You don't have a fever," Roger pointed out. "You should really see a doctor, Holly. If you called Ed, I'm sure he could fit you in sometime today."

Holly turned her head and opened her eyes. "Eve's funeral is today," she reminded him. Eve Guthrie, the fiancée of Ed's son Rick, had been stricken by a rare, aggressive form of leukemia and had died a few days ago. Ed would be with Rick on this difficult, heartbreaking day, not at the hospital, and this certainly wasn't any kind of an emergency.

"Oh," Roger said, remembering. "Well, it doesn't have to be Ed." He reached out and ever so gently touched her face. "You've been just a little bit…off these past few weeks. I'm worried about you."

"I'm sure it's nothing serious. If it were, I'd be feeling much worse," she said. Seeing how worried he looked, she said, "How about a compromise? It's about time for my annual checkup with Dr. Sedwick."

"The gynecologist?" he asked. He paused for a moment, then decided to take the risk anyway. "I thought…um…"

"What?" Holly asked.

"Well, ah, the, um…the—the change of life, that's not supposed to happen for a few more years yet, closer to fifty…isn't it?" he asked.

He looked so uncomfortable even mentioning the possibility, but she wasn't offended. "Yeah, I don't think that's what this is," she said. "I don't think you feel sick and throw up, or have such swings in appetite, with that. But Dr. Sedwick will know for sure. She'll probably just tell me that I need to see Ed for a general checkup, but I can get this out of the way before I see him."

"So you'll call her office and get an appointment?" he asked.

"Yes," Holly replied. "although I'm sure she'll be going to Eve's funeral, so if I can even get an appointment today, it'll be late this afternoon."

"Can I go with you?" Roger asked.

"You want to go with me to the gynecologist?" she asked, surprised. "They won't let you in the exam room with me, you know."

"So I'll sit in the waiting room. They have a waiting room, don't they?" he countered.

"Yes," she said dubiously. "If you really want to come along, you can, but you're going to be bored."

But Holly was wrong. Dr. Sedwick would not be telling her to see Ed Bauer, and by the time Holly and Roger left Dr. Sedwick's office, they would both be feeling many things, but bored would not be among them.

* * *

_June 1, 1995, 3:57 PM—Cedars Hospital, Dr. Margaret Sedwick's Office_

"It says you're in for a checkup, Holly," Dr. Sedwick greeted Holly with a warm smile after consulting her chart.

"I was surprised you were able to see me today, with Eve's funeral," Holly said, "but I'm glad. Roger's worried."

"And you're not?" Dr. Sedwick asked.

"I think it's just the stomach flu. I've been trying to get it for almost a week. Every morning, I've been so nauseous when I wake up," Holly said.

Being an obstetrician and gynecologist, those words automatically got Margaret Sedwick thinking in a very definite direction in terms of her diagnosis. "Any vomiting?" she asked.

"This morning, finally, but only once," Holly replied.

"How's your appetite?" Dr. Sedwick asked.

"A little off," Holly admitted. "Sometimes I eat everything in sight, as Roger put it this morning, and other times I'm hardly hungry at all."

"Because of the nausea?" Dr. Sedwick asked.

Holly thought about it, considering. "Well, there were a couple of evenings where I felt a bit nauseous, yes, but for some reason it wasn't as bad as it was in the morning. Of course, I had a cup of ginger tea when I'd feel nauseous at night, and that would settle my stomach."

"Mmm hmm," Dr. Sedwick said. _She really has no idea_, Dr. Sedwick thought, _and if Roger did, he undoubtedly would have said something._ "What else has been going on? Any cramping, dizziness, spotting or unusual bleeding, more fatigue than normal?"

"I had a very short period a few weeks ago," Holly said. "It wasn't really a period, actually. It was just some very light spotting, but I really didn't think anything of it. Some months are shorter and lighter in terms of bleeding and cramps than others. This was just a couple of days, though, and just some spotting and light cramps, as I said."

Holly noticed the shift in Dr. Sedwick's expression then, though the doctor did her best to keep her expression even. "I haven't been dizzy, and I haven't felt any more tired than usual, but then, I'm not a night owl. Roger actually suggested it might be…well, 'the change of life,' as he called it. I think he was afraid I'd think he was making a statement about my age. I'll be 45 in December. That's a little early for menopause, and I remember my mother was 53 when she went through it, so I told him I didn't think that's what's happening here."

"You're right," Dr. Sedwick agreed. She closed Holly's chart. "I want to do a blood test and get a urine sample."

"Do you have any idea what it could be?" Holly asked.

"I'm fairly certain, yes, and the blood test and the urine sample will confirm it, along with one other thing," Dr. Sedwick replied.

While Holly was in with Dr. Sedwick, Roger was sitting in the waiting room, surrounded by four women of various ages, two who were noticeably pregnant (one of whom was making him nervous because she looked like she was about to give birth at any second), one girl who looked to be college age, and a woman who looked to be in about her mid-fifties.

They really didn't have a very good selection of magazines. Roger had searched for something that didn't have to do with parenting, pregnancy, Hollywood gossip, or women's interests and he came up with nothing. Needing a distraction, he approached the receptionist's desk.

The receptionist was a perky blonde of about 25. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"Do you have any magazines for men?" he asked. "You know, _Car and Driver, Newsweek, U.S. News and World Report,_ anything?"

"You're not the first man to comment on that. We're getting more dads-to-be in here lately," the receptionist said sympathetically.

"Oh, I **am** a dad, but my daughter's grown and married," Roger said. "I'm just waiting on my wife."

"I'll talk to Dr. Sedwick about starting subscriptions to some of those magazines," she said, pulling a notepad over to write them down. "Let's see, you said _Car and Driver, Newsweek, and U.S. News and World Report_, right?"

"Yes," Roger replied.

"In the meantime, I do have a complimentary copy of _Highlights for Children,_" she said as she handed him a brightly colored magazine.

It was better than _Cosmopolitan_, _Elle_, and _Hybrid Mom_, Roger thought, gratefully accepting the magazine from her.

He had just resumed his seat and opened the magazine when a nurse came out to the waiting room and said, "Mr. Thorpe?"

Roger jumped to his feet. "Here," he said. "What is it?"

"Would you come with me, please?" the nurse asked.

Now Roger was scared. Holly had said he wouldn't be allowed back in the exam room with her, but now the nurse was asking him to come with her. All he could think was that they must have found something very wrong. Otherwise, why would the nurse be coming to get him?

He followed the nurse, trying to brace himself for whatever situation he might be walking into.

Holly saw the naked fear on Roger's face the second he stepped into the room. She wanted to reassure him, but she was desperately trying not to panic herself since she didn't know what Dr. Sedwick was looking for with this ultrasound she insisted on doing now, and the only thing Holly could think of was that Dr. Sedwick might be trying to locate a tumor.

Roger hurried to Holly's side and grabbed her hand. "Are—" His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat before speaking again. "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked. Holly was lying back on the exam table and Dr. Sedwick was doing an ultrasound on her, running the wand back and forth over her abdomen. _Cancer_, he thought, his insides turning to ice.

Dr. Sedwick looked up from the screen she was studying then. "Ah, just in time, Mr. Thorpe," she said, looking at him.

"Dr. Sedwick, what **is** going on?" Holly asked. "What are you looking for?"

Dr. Sedwick looked back at the screen. "There it is," she said. She turned the screen toward Roger and Holly. They both looked at the screen, neither sure what they were looking for, but knowing they were supposed to be seeing **something**.

Holly spotted it first, a small, whitish blob off to one side of the sea of gray representing her insides. Roger was frantically scanning the screen, trying to recognize possible tumors, and then he too saw the same blob that Holly saw, noticing the perfectly round shape at the top, below which was a small, oblong mass with what looked like a kidney bean rapidly flickering in the center of it.

"What's that?" Holly asked, her voice trembling as she gestured toward the blob on the screen. Roger's grip on her hand tightened reflexively, and she squeezed his hand back just as hard.

Dr. Sedwick beamed at Holly and Roger. "That's your baby," she replied.

Neither Holly nor Roger moved or breathed for a long moment. "Say that again?" Holly finally requested.

"That's your baby, Holly," Dr. Sedwick repeated. "Congratulations. You're pregnant."

* * *

_**For everyone who, like me, deeply hated that Fletcher, not Roger, was Meg's father on the actual show (seriously, whose bright idea was that train wreck of a story?), I offer "With Arms Wide Open." However, there will be some major differences between this story and what happened on the actual show; Roger being the father of Holly's second child is only the beginning. Hopefully you'll enjoy what I have planned for the Thorpes and Marlers in this tale. **_


	2. At the Beginning

_June 1, 1995, 4:43 PM—Cedars Hospital, Dr. Margaret Sedwick's Office_

"I'm pregnant," Holly repeated, stunned. This was completely unexpected.

Roger was doing an excellent imitation of a fish next to her, his mouth moving but no sound coming out.

"Based on what I'm seeing here, I'd say you're seven weeks along," Dr. Sedwick continued, "and it's not too early for morning sickness. That's what your nausea and vomiting have been for the past week. The ginger tea is a good remedy. You might also try ginger ale, and have some dry toast or saltine crackers before you even get out of bed in the morning, and before you go to bed at night. If the morning sickness persists beyond your sixteenth week, however, we'll have to investigate other options."

"The bleeding," Holly said. "What was that?"

Roger's head jerked sharply at the mention of bleeding. "You're bleeding?" he asked, finding his voice.

"Not now," Holly told him distractedly. "A few weeks ago."

"Implantation bleeding," Dr. Sedwick said. "Perfectly normal. Nothing to worry about."

Roger was staring at the screen again. "What is that?" he asked, gesturing with his index finger. At Dr. Sedwick's confused look, he added, "The kidney bean shape that's flickering so fast in the middle of the oblong mass."

"That's your baby's heartbeat, Mr. Thorpe," Dr. Sedwick replied.

Holly sucked in a sharp breath and looked at the screen again herself, watching the rapidly flickering kidney bean shape. Seeing that tiny heart beating what looked like a thousand miles an hour broke through the shock and surprise Holly was feeling, and made this pregnancy a reality, made her fully realize that she was carrying a baby…her and Roger's baby.

"Hear—heartbeat," Roger stammered. That was the moment that Roger's knees gave out on him. He started to fall, but Dr. Sedwick quickly shoved her rolling stool under him, so that when he did fall, it was only far enough to sit down heavily on the stool. He was still holding Holly's hand, his mouth had dropped open and stayed open, and he was staring at the heartbeat on the monitor with the intensity of a laser beam.

"It's so fast," Holly said anxiously.

"It's supposed to be that fast right now," Dr. Sedwick said reassuringly. "It's too early to **hear** the heartbeat yet, but you can certainly see it, and it's a good, strong heartbeat."

"How far along did you say I am?" Holly asked.

"Seven weeks," Dr. Sedwick replied.

Holly counted back seven weeks in her head then: mid-April...to be specific, the week of Roger's birthday, the week that Alexandra Spaulding had kidnapped her, locked her in an unused wine cellar, and had the wine cellar sealed off with a brick wall. She'd escaped only to collapse and wind up here at Cedars severely dehydrated, but after she had recovered, and she and Roger had gone home...

Holly looked at Roger, who was still watching the heartbeat on the monitor. She wasn't even sure he had heard her and Dr. Sedwick, but if he had, he obviously wasn't thinking, as she was, about when they had conceived this child.

"I'm not in my twenties anymore," she said, returning her attention to Dr. Sedwick once more.

"You are one of my older mothers, yes," Dr. Sedwick conceded, "but you're in excellent health, Holly, and everything looks great with the baby. However, I would recommend either an amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling to rule out any genetic abnormalities, or to prepare for them if any are found."

"What kind of genetic abnormalities?" Holly asked.

"Given your age and yours and Roger's combined genetic makeups, the most likely would be Down's syndrome," Dr. Sedwick replied. "Do either of you have a family history of any genetic disorders or birth defects? Any siblings, nieces or nephews, cousins or cousins' children born with Down's syndrome, cystic fibrosis, or hemophilia?"

"No," Holly said.

"No," Roger replied faintly, still watching the beating heart on the monitor. Holly looked at him again, puzzled by the expression in his eyes now, a mix of wonder and sadness. Did he look sad because he was thinking she didn't want this child?

That thought stopped her cold: **did **she want this child?

She was 44 years old. She would be 45 in another six months. Blake was grown and married, and despite Roger's assertion that she had done a good job raising Blake, she didn't really feel that she had. There had been too many arguments and too much pain and resentment, not enough love, and it had only been in the past two years that they had really become close. What if she made the same mistakes with this child that she made with Blake?

On the other hand, she was much happier, and much more grounded, now than she had been when Blake was growing up. She wouldn't have to raise this child alone the way she had raised Blake alone. Maybe she wouldn't screw up as badly with this child as she had with Blake for so long.

Mentally shaking herself from these thoughts, Holly looked at Dr. Sedwick and asked, "When can we do the tests?"

"Well, we usually only do one of them," Dr. Sedwick told her. "Chorionic villus sampling, which we call the CVS test for short, is done between the tenth and thirteenth weeks of pregnancy. Amniocentesis isn't done until between the sixteenth and twenty-second weeks of pregnancy."

"I want the CVS test," Holly said. "I don't want to wait another three months for an amniocentesis. I want to know what's going on as soon as possible."

"Amniocentesis does cover a slightly broader range of genetic abnormalities," Dr. Sedwick said. "CVS doesn't reveal neural tube defects, if there are any. Amniocentesis does. Otherwise, both tests screen for the same things."

"What are neural tube defects?" Holly asked.

"Neural tube defects are birth defects that occur when the spine, the brain, or the bone and skin that protect them do not develop properly," Dr. Sedwick replied. "The most common neural tube defect is spina bifida. Now, corrective surgery can be performed after the baby is born, but new problems with the spinal cord can develop later in life, especially as the child begins growing rapidly during puberty. Length of life is not severely affected with treatment, but most spina bifida patients primarily use a wheelchair.

"However, there is a blood test we can do in the second trimester, between weeks 16 and 18, called the quadruple screen, and that will rule out spina bifida."

Roger swallowed hard at this and finally turned his attention from the heartbeat on the monitor to Dr. Sedwick. "Do you think the baby could have this condition, this spina…"

"Spina bifida," Dr. Sedwick said. "Honestly, Mr. Thorpe, only 1 in 800 infants is born with it. I can't definitively rule it out until the quadruple screen, but while the chance is there, it is not a significant chance."

Roger nodded, his eyes going back to the monitor and that tiny, rapidly beating heart…the tiny, rapidly beating heart of his and Holly's unborn child. His knees were still shaky, his own heart was going a mile a minute, and he had a thousand thoughts and a million feelings spinning inside of him. A baby with Holly! An incredible miracle resulting from the greatest miracle of his life, their love and marriage.

But as much as he loved and adored Chrissy and always had, he hadn't been there for most of her formative years. As far as he was concerned, the credit for the kind of woman Chrissy had turned out to be was all Holly's, even if Holly refused to accept any credit because of how long and how deeply she and Chrissy had been at odds. Roger, being an only son, and not being there during Chrissy's more tumultuous formative years, knew nothing firsthand about mothers and daughters, but weren't they supposed to have difficult times in their relationships?

This child would not be a replacement for Hart, nor would this child be a do-over for Chrissy, although this time Roger would be there from the very beginning. He wouldn't miss a moment.

But what about the past? Someday this child would find out the awful, unspeakable things Roger had done...the awful, unspeakable things Roger had done to Holly. How could this child ever look at him the same, ever love him, once he or she knew that awful truth?

And would Holly even want to have the baby? This wasn't solely up to him. What if Holly didn't want to be a mother again at this stage of their lives?

He looked at the heartbeat again, unable to keep his eyes off it. Could he be responsible for someday breaking that pure and innocent heart? Because if they had this baby, that would certainly happen in the future. Could he break his own child's heart, could he break Holly's child's heart, and then live with knowing he had done so?

Dr. Sedwick handed Holly a prescription for prenatal vitamins and was saying something about folic acid and Roger tuned back in to the conversation fully in time to hear Dr. Sedwick say that she could do the CVS test on June 23, which would be the eleventh week of the pregnancy, and since that was a Friday, Dr. Sedwick told Holly that she would need to take it easy that weekend, spend the 24th and 25th resting on the couch since it was possible that the CVS test could cause cramping and spotting for the two days after the test, and there was a 1-in-400 chance of a miscarriage.

"I'll just print you off some pictures of the sonogram," Dr. Sedwick said. "When you come back for the CVS test, we should be able to hear the heartbeat, and I can make a videotape then if you'd like. Congratulations again."

While Dr. Sedwick printed the pictures, Holly and Roger looked at each other. "We have a lot to talk about," Holly said.

"Yes, we do," Roger agreed. "Home?"

She nodded. "Home," she said, "for a talk on the couch." Dr. Sedwick returned with the sonogram pictures then, and Holly and Roger left her office. As they exited Cedars and walked to the car, Holly took Roger's hand and laced her fingers through his. He looked at their joined hands, then looked at her and cracked a quick smile before unlocking the car so they could get in and go home.

* * *

_June 1, 1995, 5:21 PM—Roger and Holly's House_

When they were seated on the couch together, Roger looked at Holly and said, "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking a lot of things," Holly hedged as she tried to gather her thoughts into some semblance of order. "What about you? What are you thinking?"

"About a thousand different things," Roger admitted.

"Yeah," Holly agreed. They were both quiet for a moment. Then Holly spoke again. "I'll be 45 years old before this baby is ready to be born. Although considering how much of a screwup I was in my twenties, I'm choosing to look at my age as a good thing."

"Same here," Roger said. "I'm vastly different now than I was when Chrissy was little, and that's definitely a good thing." He took a deep breath. "What about if there's something wrong with the baby? One of those genetic abnormalities Dr. Sedwick was talking about?"

"We won't know for sure until after the tests," Holly pointed out.

"I know," Roger said. "But if there **was **something wrong…if the baby had Down's syndrome or that spine thing—"

"Spina bifida," Holly interjected.

"—would you want to…terminate?" Roger asked.

"I don't know," Holly admitted honestly. "If I knew that the child would only suffer if it was born, then probably yes. But plenty of people live full lives with some sort of disability. Using a wheelchair to get around is not the end of the world. Down's syndrome…I don't know. There are plenty of people living with it right now in the world. That's one bridge I cannot cross until and unless I know for certain we have to cross it. This child could be perfectly healthy. The odds of some sort of birth defect are higher because of my age, but it's not definite yet that there's something physically wrong with this child." She looked at Roger. "What about you? How would you feel?"

"I wouldn't want this child to suffer either," Roger said. "And that spina whatever it is…That's the one that has me the most worried. I mean, that's the spine and the brain. Those are two of the big three. Those have to be healthy. A wheelchair is one thing. A wheelchair you can adjust to, especially if you never know anything else. I would hate it for the child, but as long as his or her brain was functioning, and their spine wasn't so bad that they couldn't even move their arms or their head…" He gave her a rueful look then. "You're right: this is one bridge we really can't cross until and unless we come to it."

"Well, at least I know that this time, you and I wouldn't be locked in a knock-down, drag-out custody battle," Holly said.

"No, we certainly wouldn't," Roger agreed emphatically. He studied his hands for a moment, then shifted to fully face Holly before saying, "It wasn't just you. I hated the whole world then, including myself. I was so afraid that you and your mother and my father and the Bauers, especially Ed, would turn her against me, and she was all I had then. I had lost you. I had hurt you so much, I didn't think you would ever even be able to look at me again. If I'm being completely honest, at that point I didn't think I'd ever want to look at you again, either. And the thought of losing her, too...losing the best part of both of us..." He trailed off. "Of course, I lost her anyway, as surely as I lost you."

"We all lost then," Holly reflected. "We lost ourselves, we lost each other, we both lost out on time we should have spent with Blake, time we should have spent being better parents to her than we were instead of constantly tearing each other down and trying to hurt each other, succeeding in ways we never should have even thought of in the first place. You and I both did wrong by Blake then, using her against one another the way we did, and my relationship with her suffered for years afterward.

"But somehow, we didn't permanently damage her, and we didn't permanently damage each other. The three of us have done a lot of healing these past few years. And it wouldn't be anything like that this time."

"No, it wouldn't," Roger vowed. "And I don't see this child as a do-over for Chrissy, although I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made with her."

"Neither do I," Holly said. "I just don't know if I'm capable of not making them again."

"You're a great mother," Roger insisted.

"Now, maybe," she said. "Then, though… Blake successfully lobbied to be sent to boarding school, Roger, so that she could get away from me. The thought of another child of mine doing that both terrifies me and cuts me to the bone. Blake ultimately turned out well in spite of me, not because of me."

"You wouldn't be doing it alone this time," he pointed out. "We both made plenty of mistakes with Chrissy, but we're older now, and we're definitely a lot smarter. Everything would be so different this time."

"I just don't want my relationship with this child to be as contentious and fractious as my relationship with Blake was for so long," Holly fretted, "and I can't help being afraid that it will."

"Isn't part of the reason you had such a hard time with Chrissy that you couldn't help looking at her and seeing the man you hated for such a long time?" Roger asked then.

"Well, yes," Holly admitted. "I just… Everything was such a mess back then. **I** was such a mess back then. And everything **is** so different now, I know. But there's still that part of me that can't help being afraid that I'll somehow make a mess of my relationship with this child in the years to come."

"I think every parent has that kind of fear," Roger said. "I haven't always had a good relationship with Chrissy myself. And I have no relationship with Hart."

"That's by his choice," Holly said.

"He literally fled when I went looking for him in Canada, and that was two years ago now," Roger reminded her. "I don't even know where he is. He's made it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I'm doing my best to accept that. But it wouldn't be like that with this child. I would do everything it took not to fall into the traps I fell into with Chrissy, or with Hart. And I wouldn't miss a moment of this child's life."

"It sounds to me like you want this baby," Holly said, taking his hands in hers.

He looked at her with such aching earnestness she felt tears pricking the backs of her eyes. "I can't think of anything more incredible than raising this child with you," he said. "Even though…" He trailed off and stared at the floor for a long moment.

"Even though what?" she asked gently.

Roger swallowed hard, raising his head to look in Holly's eyes. "The heartbeat," he said. "That tiny heart is so pure and so innocent. I never saw anything so amazing in my life. But then I realized that someday, this child is going to know the unspeakably horrible things I did to you. Maybe I could somehow explain all the other horrible things I did to all those other people, and maybe I could even find a way to explain the horrible things I did to Chrissy, and to Hart. But how is this child supposed to ever look at me, ever love me, after finding out what I did to his or her mother? How do I live with myself, knowing that I will break that pure, innocent heart…**your child's** heart?"

He looked so dejected, his eyes so bleak and full of self-loathing, it brought tears to her eyes. "Yes, someday this child will know everything about our pasts," she said. She put her arms around him then. "And that will be difficult and a huge shock and not an easy thing to get through. But Blake forgave you…and I forgave you…and this child will know that we forgave you, and that you love him, and he'll find it in him to forgive you too. It'll take time, I'm sure, like it took time for me, and for Blake, but you and I both know the importance and the value of love and forgiveness, and we will teach this child the importance and the value of love and forgiveness too."

Roger looked at Holly, his heart starting to pound the way it had in Dr. Sedwick's office. "Are you saying that you want to have this baby?" he asked.

She was silent for a moment, and then she said, "Raising any child isn't easy."

"No, it isn't," Roger agreed.

"2 AM feedings, not sleeping through the night, the possibility of colic, teething, potty training, baby-proofing the house when he starts crawling and walking…then it's off to school, homework, after-school activities, what to do on summer vacation, does he need braces, does he need glasses, do the other kids pick on him, how badly does he get hurt when he falls off his bike, or if he wants to play football…then, God help us, he's a teenager, he's driving, he's dating, the other kids want him to try drugs, alcohol, sex, cigarettes, he wants to get a tattoo or have his ear or worse, some other body part pierced, then there's college to pay for, does he major in something he can support himself doing, how much debt do we all go into educating him between what we pay and his student loans, does he have to move back in with us after he graduates because he can't find a job that doesn't require asking if you want fries with that…"

Holly's rapid-fire monologue made Roger's head spin.

But what she said next made his pounding heart feel like it was going to burst right out of his chest.

"And yet, even with all of that, and even with my worries and fears about screwing up with this kid the way I did with Blake when she was growing up, for once in my life, my head and my heart are in complete agreement, and they're both telling me that whatever difficulties there will be—and there **will** be some difficulties; that's unavoidable when you're raising a child—this child will be worth it."

She brushed her hand through his hair. "This child is **us**, Roger; part of you and part of me combined to make a whole new person, and I could never destroy any part of us. I know we don't know for certain yet, and won't for awhile, but somehow I just have this feeling that everything's okay with this child. So I hope you're not too attached to sleeping through the night, and we might be facing our first difficulty when I tell you that I'm not quitting WSPR to be a full-time, stay-at-home mother, but you'd better learn how to change diapers, and brush up on some lullabies, because we're having a baby."

Overcome, Roger pulled Holly into his arms and kissed her soundly, letting the kiss linger until the need for oxygen forced them to stop. "I would never expect you to quit your job," he said, his voice ragged from both lack of breath and his emotions. He rested his forehead against hers. "We'll find a nanny or the best daycare center in the world, and I'll change diapers, I'll walk the floor in the middle of the night every night, and whatever you want or need is yours for the asking." He drew back to look at her, smiling at him, her face framed in his hands. "The girl of my dreams is having my baby," he said softly, in awe.

"You still think of me as the girl of your dreams?" she asked, getting emotional now herself.

"Holly, I'm always gonna think of you as the girl of my dreams," he replied.

Now she kissed him. When she pulled back, she said, "You really think I can manage not to mess things up with this child the way I did for so long with Blake?"

"Will everything be sunshine and rainbows every single day? No," Roger said. "But there is not a doubt in my mind that you're going to be a wonderful mother to this child, the same way you are a wonderful mother to Chrissy now." He brushed her hair off her forehead. "We've learned from the past, honey. This is a second chance. And no child is going to be as loved as this one will be. I love this child already."

"I do too," Holly said emotionally, finally not trying to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. "And I love you."

"I love you back," he whispered before sweeping her up in his arms and carrying her down the hall to their bedroom.

She was laughing and crying at the same time. "What are you doing?" she asked happily.

"I would carry you everywhere for the next nine months—" he began.

"Seven months and one week," she corrected as she put her arms around his neck.

"Seven months and one week, if I could," he said.

"I'm going to be saying this a lot for the next seven months and one week, aren't I?" she asked as he set her on the bed and then sat down beside her.

"Saying what?" he asked as he bent to remove first her shoes and then his own.

"I am pregnant, I am not an invalid," she replied as she settled herself against the headboard on her side of the bed.

He stretched out on his side next to her, propping his head on his hand. "We're having a baby," he said, his entire face lit with joy.

"Yeah, we are," she replied, her own smile reaching all the way to her eyes.

"When do you think the little one got his or her start?" Roger asked then.

"I know exactly when we conceived this baby," Holly replied.

"Mother's intuition?" Roger asked.

"Not exactly," she said. "Dr. Sedwick said I'm seven weeks along. Seven weeks ago was mid-April…the week of your birthday."

Roger's expression changed, remembering everything that happened that week, a good chunk of it very stressful, until the stress gave way to one of the happiest times of his life. "Then you think—" he began.

"I **know**," she insisted. "It happened the day I came home from the hospital."

They were both quiet for a moment, remembering that day, remembering the physical and emotional intensity of their lovemaking after the threat, the fear, of never being together in that way again was gone.

"I hope it did happen then," Roger said softly, stretching out his arm toward her abdomen.

"It did," Holly replied confidently. She watched his hand move closer until he lightly rested it on her belly. She covered his hand with hers, and he lifted his gaze from their hands to look into her eyes. She cradled his cheek in her palm and he lowered his head to kiss her tenderly. But when she pulled him against her so that he was half on top of her, he jumped back, startled. "What? What's the matter?" she asked, not relinquishing her hold on him.

He looked worried. "I don't want to do anything to hurt you or the baby," he replied anxiously.

She stroked his cheek. "You won't," she said, framing his face in her hands and bringing it back to hers so she could kiss him again. "You can't," she said before kissing him again.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant, I'm not an invalid," she reminded him, "and I'm not made of glass, either." She looked at him consideringly. "Unless you don't want—"

He cut her off with a long, slow kiss that left her breathless, but not as breathless as the way he gently pulled her blouse from her slacks, unbuttoned it, undid the hook-and-eye closure at her waist, and then lowered his head to press several soft kisses to her still-flat abdomen, over their growing child.

After slowly, passionately making love, they lay spooned together, Roger's cheek resting against Holly's, one arm stretched out behind them, his fingers laced with hers, the other arm draped protectively over her abdomen. She rested her other hand on top of his hand on her abdomen and smiled when she felt him kiss first her shoulder, and then her cheek.

They lay in comfortable silence until Roger spoke. "You said 'he.'" She turned over to face him, and he continued, "When you were talking about the baby before, you said 'he' and 'him.' You think it's a boy?"

"Well, we do have a daughter already," she replied. "You don't think it'd be nice to have a boy this time?"

He grinned at her cheekily. "That's not what this is about," he said. "You want a little boy."

"I didn't say that," she pointed out, but she was smiling now too.

"You didn't have to," he said, still grinning. "You want a little boy, and he'll have you wrapped around his little finger from day one."

"You mean the way Blake has had **you** wrapped around **her** little finger from the start?" she countered.

Then Roger's smile faded and he grew serious. "Will you be upset if it's another girl?" he asked.

"Something tells me you won't," she replied.

"Spending the rest of my life surrounded by three gorgeous redheaded women would be its own paradise," he said, "but that's not an answer. Will you be upset if we're having another daughter instead of a son?"

"Not upset," Holly said, "but more scared of messing up, of failing again, the way I did with Blake."

"I honestly don't believe that will happen this time," Roger said.

"Well, what about you? Will you be upset if the baby does turn out to be a boy?" Holly asked, turning the question around on Roger.

"Not upset, but a little uncertain of how to be a good father to a son," he confessed.

"You are not your father," she said firmly.

"I try so hard not to be," he replied. He looked deeply into her eyes then as he continued, "I will say this, though: if we have a son, I will never make our son feel like he isn't good enough. I will never make him feel like he everything he does is a disappointment to me. I couldn't. He would be enough for me exactly the way he was, and I would make sure he knew that from the first moment I held him in my arms."

She stroked his cheek. "I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else but you," she said. "You're going to be a wonderful father."

"I wasn't always," he reminded her.

"Who is?" she asked rhetorically. "Maybe not always, but most of the time. That's why Blake adores you so much and always…almost always has, and this child will, too."

"Speaking of Blake," Roger said, "when do we tell her that she's going to be a big sister?"

Holly thought about it for a moment. "Well," she said, "you usually wait until the end of the first trimester, because the risk of miscarrying significantly decreases after that. I should have asked Dr. Sedwick how long it takes for the results of that CVS test to come back."

"What about the quadruple screen, the blood test?" Roger asked.

"That's not until I'm into the second trimester. I'll be showing by then for sure," Holly replied, "and I'd rather we told Blake before she can see for herself just by looking at me." She put her arms around him. "How about when we get the results of the CVS test? That rules out everything but spina bifida, and Dr. Sedwick said there's, what, a 1-in-800 chance he'll have that? After the CVS test results come back, we'll know for sure that the baby is healthy, so we'll know for sure that we're having it, and I'll be at the end of the first trimester then."

"That sounds like a plan," he agreed, wrapping his arms around her. "And whatever we have, boy or girl, all I want is for this child to be healthy and happy."

"That's all I want too," Holly agreed, touching her forehead to his, "a healthy, happy child that you and I raise together."

* * *

_June 2, 1995, 3:17 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Before Holly even opened her eyes, her first thought was, _Why is Roger playing the piano at this time of night? _She forced her eyes open and blearily checked the time on the alarm clock: 3:20 in the morning. It was only after she had registered what time it was that she realized that Roger was sound asleep beside her, his arm still stretched across her abdomen.

Moving carefully so as not to wake him, she set his arm aside, got up, and after putting on her robe, quietly made her way down the hall to the living room.

Someone was playing the piano in the living room; she and Roger hadn't yet decided what to do with the piano he had grown up on, so it remained in the living room. When he played now, he played the baby grand in the basement music room she had given him for his birthday.

The piano player was young, male, with tousled dark hair, and he was playing a simple but beautiful song that Holly didn't know. Suddenly he began singing in a pleasant baritone voice. Spellbound, Holly crossed the room to the piano, raptly watching and listening to this stranger's serenade, not stopping until she was standing beside the piano.

"May your path be your own

But I'm with you

And each day you'll grow

He'll be there, too

And someday you'll go

We'll follow you

As you go, as you go..."

He looked up at her then, stopping his singing and slowly trailing off in his piano playing, and she recognized him instantly: this was the young man she had seen when she was unconscious, before she woke up at Cedars after escaping the Spaulding wine cellar where Alexandra had imprisoned her.

"It's you!" she exclaimed.

He smiled, and once again, his smile was familiar. "I told you that you'd see me again," he said, removing his hands from the keyboard and resting them on his thighs. "In fact," he said, leaning towards her conspiratorially, "you're gonna be seeing a lot of me, although I won't look like this 'til a little over two decades from now."

"Over two decades from now?" she asked, nonplussed.

"You're the smartest woman I know," he continued. "Give yourself a minute or two to think it all over: you'll be seeing a lot of me, but I won't look like this for years and years. I know everything about you, and Roger, and Blake. I'm obviously very familiar to you, but you can't quite put your finger on why. Well, you couldn't the last time we met, but now, you know exactly why I'm so familiar."

"I do?" Holly asked.

"Yup," he replied.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I know there's something I'm supposed to be seeing here, but I'm just not getting it."

He braced one forearm on the top of the piano, then rested his chin on it, looking up at her. "You had a visit with the doctor yesterday, right?" he asked.

"Yes," Holly said. "We just found out that I'm pregnant." Then it hit her. Her eyes widened and she gasped out in a shocked whisper, "Oh my god. You're my son. You're mine and Roger's son, aren't you?"

He sat up straight again, regarding her carefully through kind eyes. "Yes, I am." He paused, then said, "Will it weird you out too much if I call you 'Mom' right now?"

She looked at him carefully again as she was flooded with memories of the last time they'd spoken. His dark, wavy hair was the exact shade Roger's had been before he'd gone gray. He was an angel compared to his sister at his age...Well, Blake had been faking a pregnancy, concealing the fact that Beth Raines was alive and not dead and buried, and marrying her way through the Spaulding family when she was in her early twenties, so yes, unless this young man was a numbers runner or a drug dealer, he would be angelic next to Blake at that age. His mother had raised him on the Brownings, Shakespeare, and classic literature...he meant her! And the music, his writing music, trying his hand at lyrics, and playing the piano...did he learn that from Roger, or did Roger just introduce him to it and his own interest propelled him forward from there?

"Don't worry, I definitely don't come out looking like this," he said then, gesturing to himself. He smirked, the very image of Roger and Blake both when they smirked at something or someone. "Our family is notorious enough already. We don't need to land in Ripley's _Believe It or Not_ too." His sense of humor mirrored her own.

"Mine and Roger's son," she said again. She laughed shakily then. "Is this just a dream, just wishful thinking on my part? Because Roger was right before, deep down I do want a boy this time."

"That's what you're getting," he said. "And no, this isn't just wishful thinking, Mom. It's just that this is the only way I can see you for now."

"You look healthy," she said then. "Does that mean...Are you..."

"I'm used to your bluntness by this point, Mom, trust me," he said. "Yes, I'm normal. I'm healthy. No Down's syndrome, and no spine thing, as Dad refers to it."

"That's only because it scares him so much," Holly defended Roger then. "A lot of things scare him...scare us both."

"You don't have to be perfect parents," he said earnestly then. "If you were, you'd be the first in the history of the world. I won't be a perfect son. I won't raise as much hell, or the same kind of hell, as Blake did at my age, or as Dad did when he was young, but nobody's perfect."

"You don't have to be perfect," Holly told him. "All your father and I want is for you to be healthy and happy."

"That, I think all three of us can do," he replied.

Holly wanted to touch him, to hug him, but something inside her told her not to try. She didn't know why, but she didn't question it. "We both love you already, and we haven't even known about you for 24 hours yet," she said.

He gave her a sheepish look so much like Roger's then that it made her heart skip a beat. "I'm sorry about the nausea and the puking," he said.

Holly waved a hand dismissively. "You're already an angel compared to your sister in that department," she said. "I was sick as a dog morning, noon, and night for the first three months when I was carrying Blake. So far, you've only made me nauseous for six days, and you've only actually made me sick once. But I have ginger tea, and I'm sure your dad will have dry toast and saltines waiting for me in the morning."

"That must be where I develop my taste for gingerbread," he mused.

Holly smiled at her and Roger's son. "Your father and I are going to do our best," she promised. "You're going to have a good life."

"I know," he said with a serene smile. "It won't always be easy, but all in all, it's gonna be great."

Holly awoke then, and she was no longer in the living room, talking to her and Roger's twentysomething son sitting at the piano; she was in bed with Roger, and it was still dark outside. A look at the alarm clock revealed that it was 4:30 in the morning.

"Roger," she said, sitting up and shaking him awake. "Roger, wake up. Wake up, Roger."

Roger practically vaulted into a sitting position. "What is it?" he asked anxiously. "Do you feel sick again? Are you in pain? Do you want some ginger tea, or some dry toast?"

She smiled at him, running a hand down the back of his sleep-mussed hair to rest on his shoulder. "I'm fine," she said, "but I have to tell you something, and I need you to promise me that you'll keep an open mind, and you won't think I'm completely crazy because I swear it's the truth."

Propped up against the headboard facing each other, Holly told Roger about meeting their son, first when she was unconscious in the hospital, and again tonight in her dreams. She told him everything she noticed and remembered about their son, all the things that were familiar about him, what he looked like, which of their individual physical characteristics and other character traits she could tell he had inherited, and she concluded with, "I know it was him, Roger. I don't know how, or really why, but I know this happened. I saw him and I spoke with him, when I was unconscious and again tonight in my dreams, and it's him. We're having a son, and he's gonna be healthy and incredible." She looked at him anxiously then. "Please, say something."

"I believe you," he said. He rested his hand on the blanket covering her abdomen. "We're still having the tests, though, right? The CVS and the quadruple screen? Just to be absolutely sure, not because I doubt you, or him," he added hastily.

"We'll still do the tests," Holly agreed, covering his hand with her own, "but I know they're going to show that we're having a healthy, handsome little boy. And I can't wait to meet him. The baby him, I mean, and in the waking world."

"Neither can I," Roger said with a grin.


	3. Consternation and Conclusion Jumping

_June 9, 1995, 6:38 PM—Roger and Holly's House_

"What's all this?" Holly asked after she greeted Roger with a hello kiss when he arrived home from work carrying two large bags from the bookstore.

"I bought some books," Roger replied. "They have a whole section at the bookstore on pregnancy and childbirth and parenting!" He set the bags on the coffee table and eagerly began unpacking the books. "At least a few of these should be somewhat helpful, because I'm new to this stage."

Roger stacked the books into piles according to their subject matter. Holly read the titles aloud as he did. "_What to Expect When You're Expecting; Fathers of a Certain Age: The Joys and Problems of Middle-Aged Fatherhood; The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be; Pickles and Ice Cream: A Father's Guide to Pregnancy; Deliver!: A Concise Guide to Helping the Woman You Love Through Labor; A Dad's Guide to Baby Care; Father for Life: A Journey of Joy, Challenge, and Change_."

She smiled at him. "Did you buy out the entire section?" she asked.

"Not quite," he replied. "I didn't buy _Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad_, or _My Boys Can Swim: The Official Guy's Guide to Pregnancy_."

"You're joking. There's not a book called _My Boys Can Swim_," she said.

"Yes, there is," he replied seriously, "with a cover illustrated in a tacky yet self-explanatory manner."

She made a face. "Really?"

"Sadly, yes," he replied. He then began to unpack the second bag of books. "Most of these are geared more towards you than me, but I thought we could both take a look at them."

The first few books had titles like _Healthy Mom, Healthy Baby: The Ultimate Pregnancy Guide; Your Second Pregnancy; The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth; _and _The 100 Healthiest Foods to Eat During Pregnancy._

But then he unpacked _Your Pregnancy After 40; Pregnancy and Parenting After 40: Mid Life, New Life; Midlife Motherhood: A Woman-to-Woman Guide to Pregnancy and Parenting; Hot Flashes, Warm Bottles: Having a Baby After 40; _and_ Not Too Old to Be a Mommy: The Complete Sourcebook for Starting (and Re-Starting) Motherhood Beyond 35 and After 40…_and though Holly had known for over a week now that she was pregnant, and that she and Roger were going to have a baby, it didn't hit her until she saw all those books about middle-aged pregnancy exactly what that meant.

She would be 45 when this child was born. 45! That was definitely middle-aged. And middle age was a time for sitting back and regrouping, figuring out what you were going to do with the second half of your life. The second half of her life had already been decided: she would be bringing up a child…something that she had done when she was younger and, while not without its joys, bringing up Blake was, in retrospect, the equivalent of dancing through landmines. That one book title was right: she would be re-starting motherhood beyond age 35 and after age 40.

"Oh my god," she said, feeling herself start to panic.

Roger was leafing through _What to Expect When You're Expecting,_ but he dropped the book and eased her to a sitting position on the couch when he looked up at her exclamation and saw her swaying on her feet.

"Are you dizzy?" he asked anxiously, sitting down beside her.

Was she dizzy? No. But she was about to hyperventilate. She was assailed by memories of her and Blake having screaming fights, of Blake stomping away from her when either Blake got too frustrated to continue the fight or Holly got so frustrated that she ordered Blake to her room, and Blake slamming her door so hard that she nearly tore it off its hinges until finally the day came that Holly dropped Blake off at boarding school…memories of years of abject misery because her only real identity was Blake's mother, and despite her love for her daughter, trying to make her entire identity revolve around being Blake's mother only ended up hurting them both and damaging their relationship for years, because Holly needed more in her life than motherhood and couldn't find more because for so long, she didn't know what she was looking for.

It had taken half a lifetime, but she'd found what she was searching for. She had her life pretty well figured out; not the whole thing, obviously, but in general. She had finally found out who she was, and what brought her contentment and fulfillment.

This baby was a completely unexpected surprise. Holly wanted this child, she truly did. But her track record as a mother was mostly abysmal until two years ago. She was definitely not the same woman who had raised Blake…but this child would change her life as much as Blake had. What if she reverted to old habits? What if she lost herself again? It was bad enough when it was her and Blake both miserable and fighting. It wasn't that she and Roger never argued, but it had taken them so long to learn to fight fairly. Most of their arguments were what Dr. Janssen referred to as run-of-the-mill married couple stuff which, as she bluntly put it, happens because any two people, no matter how much they love one another and how committed they are to one another, still have to put up with each other's crap. Arguments about run-of-the-mill married couple stuff were one thing; those, she and Roger knew how to resolve, and the making up part was wonderful. But just the thought of ever feeling as lost and miserable as she had when she was raising Blake, and inflicting that misery on Roger and this new baby made her blood run cold, her forehead turn clammy with perspiration, and had her gasping for breath.

"Holly?" Roger asked worriedly.

She looked at him helplessly. "I…can't…." she managed to gasp out. _I can't go back to what I was when I was younger. I can't lose myself, lose my sense of balance. I can't make you and our son as miserable as Blake and I were for all those years. But what if it happens anyway? I can't let it! But how do I stop it? _

Roger rushed to the kitchen as Holly's breathing became more erratic, returning a moment later with a paper bag for her to breathe into and a glass of ice water. "Which one do you want first?" he asked. She snatched the paper bag from him and began to breathe into it.

He sat down beside her, holding the glass of ice water and watching her anxiously as she got her breathing back under control, thinking all the time that he could kick himself.

He had brought home all these books because he was trying to find out some of the countless things he knew he had no clue about regarding pregnancy, childbirth, and caring for an infant, all of which he had zero experience with, and he had picked up the books about midlife motherhood and pregnancy thinking there might be some useful information in them for both Holly and himself since it had been a few decades since Holly had been pregnant with and given birth to Blake, and the mere presence of the books had thrown Holly into a panic attack.

At last, she lowered the paper bag, took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Then she grabbed the glass of ice water from his hand and downed half of it, wincing when an arrow of pain shot through her forehead because she drank the water too fast. Another couple of deep breaths made the pain subside, and she set the paper bag and the glass of water on the end table.

Roger looked at Holly apprehensively. "Are you all right?" he asked fearfully.

She looked at him and said, "I know that I'm pregnant, and we're having a baby, but it just now hit me what that really means, and what I don't want it to mean."

Roger felt a bit panicky himself now, but he remembered Dr. Janssen's advice, took a deep breath to calm himself and, after he was sure it worked, said to Holly, "Talk to me. I've never been through this before, and I admit, I'm focused in right now on finding out what the rest of your pregnancy entails, and then how to take care of the baby once he's here." Cautiously, he stretched his arm across the back of the couch, letting his hand rest lightly on her shoulder, relieved when she didn't shake it off or move away from his touch. "What do you mean that it hit you just now what having a baby really means, and what you don't want it to mean?"

Holly looked at him. "Well," she said, "I thought I had the second half of my life figured out, and then this baby happened, and neither of us anticipated this." Seeing the brief flash of worry and fear in his eyes, she added, "I'm **not** sorry that we're having this baby. I'm just really, really scared."

Roger relaxed. He wanted this baby, but he wouldn't have been able to force Holly to go through with the pregnancy if she didn't really want to. He knew her well enough to know that she meant it; she did want this child, but something had her so panicky and terrified that she was hyperventilating, which wasn't good for her or the baby. "Scared of what?" he asked.

"I've come to realize that part of the reason I did so badly with Blake when she was growing up is because really, for most of that time, raising her was all I had," Holly began. "It isn't that I didn't want to be her mother, but I have never been cut out to be just the happy homemaker, and for several years, first with Ed, then with you, and even after that by myself for a while, and even for part of the time with Dietrich in Switzerland, being Blake's mother was all I did, and all I had, and I needed more in my life.

"I love Blake. I always have, even when it didn't seem like I did to her, or to you. But trying to make my life revolve solely around hers made us both miserable. I didn't see it then, but I do now. And now the stakes are so much higher, because now it would be three people being made miserable: you, me, and this baby. And I don't want to do that again, Roger."

The look in her eyes revealed some of her panic and inner torment. "It took me so long to find myself, but I finally did." She rested her hand on his arm then, gazing deeply in his eyes, needing him to understand where she was coming from and what she was feeling and hoping that she could explain it so that he would understand. "I love being your wife, and being Blake's mother, and I want this child, **our** child," she said fervently. "But I want him to grow up with a happier, more fulfilled, at least slightly less neurotic mother than Blake had to grow up with.

"So many things will change when this child is born. But the one thing that **cannot** change, for all of our sakes, is that I can't lose myself, because if I do…" She shuddered. "I can't even bear to think about how awful that would be for him, and for you, and for me.

"I do get a lot of fulfillment out of being a wife and a mother," Holly said. "But I need something that's just about me, and that's my career. All right, yes, you're the co-owner of the station, but I'm the one running things. I'm the one making the decisions and calling the shots and handling the day-to-day operations. And I find it fulfilling in its way, and it's important to me. I just can't make my entire life revolve around this child to the point that I give up or forget about everything else that makes me who I am. That's the surest road to disaster, for all of us."

"No one knows better than me how much you love your career, how important it is to you, how good you are at it, and I would never ask or expect you to quit your job and stay home with the baby all the time," Roger assured her, rubbing her shoulder and back soothingly.

She looked at Roger anxiously then. "Do you really understand?" she asked plaintively. "I'm not sorry I'm pregnant. I don't want you thinking that for a second. But a repeat of Blake's childhood for this baby…even the slightest possibility of that terrifies me."

"I do understand," Roger assured her, sliding his hand down her arm to take hold of her hand. "And the fact that you're so worried about losing yourself says to me that you won't let it happen. I know that **I** won't let it happen. You know who you are now, and that's not something that you will ever forget."

"But how do I make him understand?" Holly asked, gesturing to her still-flat stomach. "I don't want him to feel like work is more important to me than he is, because that won't be true. I just…it's a matter of balance. I need marriage, motherhood, and my career all three to be truly fulfilled."

"He's gonna know that you love him," Roger insisted. "And you know, we **are** just a few years away from the twenty-first century, so you could look it at as, we'll be raising an enlightened son who will know that a woman can have a career and a family and be fulfilled by both in different ways because he'll see his mom do it his whole life."

"Then you don't resent me for feeling this way? You're not angry or disappointed, thinking I'm being selfish, worrying about losing my sense of self?" she asked anxiously.

"Of course not," Roger said. He put his arms around her and looked into her eyes. "Not wanting to give up your career, and worrying about losing your sense of self, your sense of balance… Those are serious things. This is going to be a huge adjustment for both of us. And you have to go through all the physical changes too."

"The physical changes are the least of it," Holly said. "I just don't want to mess this up, I don't want to mess **him** up. I don't want to lose my sense of balance, because it took me half my life to find it, and I'm a lot happier and a lot less neurotic living a balanced life than I ever was not living a balanced life."

"You're going to be fine," Roger promised. "**We're** going to be fine, all of us. You're going to be an incredible mother to this child. And whatever it takes, you won't lose your sense of balance. You won't let that happen, and I won't let that happen. We will figure this out…together."

Holly bit her lip. "I think this is something I should talk over with Dr. Janssen," she said.

"That's a good idea," Roger agreed.

"You're really not upset that I freaked out like that?" she asked.

"I'm the one who dragged half a bookstore home and threw you into a panic attack in the process. I should be asking you if **you're** upset with **me**," Roger said.

"Well, if it hadn't been the books, something else would have made all of this occur to me," she said. She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder, her arms going around him. He kissed the top of her head before tightening his own arms around her.

"You're right, a lot of things are going to change," Roger reflected. "But I've never been through this part before, and there's so much I don't know, I guess I'm too stupid to be scared yet. But I'm sure my time will come."

Holly lifted her head to look at him. "You are not stupid," she told him.

"And you won't lose your sense of balance," Roger promised. "We have seven more months to get ready for this child, and we will. We'll keep talking, to each other and to Dr. Janssen, and after he's born, whenever you're ready to go back to work, you just say the word, and whatever part of the first three months you don't take, I will."

She tried to picture Roger staying at home with the baby…and she found that she could see it very clearly. "How did you know maternity leave is usually three months?" she asked.

"I've had pregnant employees before," he said. "Three months, or twelve weeks, is standard for maternity leave."

"I don't know if I'll take the whole three months yet," she said. "I'll take two months for sure, but a whole three months…I don't know. Being away from the station that long…I might start to feel…"

"Off-balance?" Roger said knowingly.

"Yes," she admitted.

"Whatever you decide is okay by me," Roger pledged. "And if you take two months off, I'll take the third month and stay home with him."

"You know, I can see that," Holly said, "I really can."

"The second half of our lives won't be what we originally thought," Roger said. "But it might just turn out to be better than we ever could have dreamed, Hol."

"When did you become such an optimist?" she asked affectionately.

"The night we were sitting here on this very couch and you looked in my eyes, moved your engagement ring from your right hand to your left, and said, 'I'm ready. Let's get married,'" Roger replied. He brushed Holly's hair behind her ear. "You won't be doing any part of this alone. I will be there every second, no matter what. And we will figure all of this out together, I promise you."

She touched his face. "This isn't something that we'll get settled tonight, I know, but I do feel a little better," she said.

"Good," he said. She followed his gaze to the stacks of books on the coffee table then. "I can take some of those back," he offered.

"No," she said. "You've never been there for this part of it before, and I haven't done this in a few decades myself. We should keep the books."

"You're sure?" Roger asked.

"Yeah," she said, nodding her head. "And there's something else I'm sure about, no matter how panicked or fearful I might get in the next seven months."

"What's that?" he wanted to know.

"I'm sure that I'm really glad I get to go through all this with you this time," she replied.

"I am too," Roger said before pulling Holly into his embrace.

* * *

_June 18, 1995 (Father's Day), 9:15 AM—Ross and Blake's House_

Ross woke up alone on the morning of Father's Day, and found Blake sitting on the couch hugging her knees to her chest and looking upset. He sat down beside her and kissed the top of her head. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She turned to look at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I started during the night," she said.

"I'm sorry," Ross said, pulling her against his side. She let her legs drop to the floor and threw her arms around him, resting her head against his chest.

"I was going to do the test this morning," Blake said. "It would have been so perfect if I could have told you on Father's Day that we're going to have a baby."

"It will happen for us," Ross assured her. "We haven't been trying all that long yet."

"Three months!" Blake exclaimed, sitting up. "And I know the first month we were waiting for the Pill to get out of my system, but the last two months…" Her upset had given way to frustration.

"These things take time," Ross soothed. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows then. "Besides, this is one time when 'getting there is half the fun' applies more than it did to any vacation I ever took in my life."

"The rational part of me knows that it takes time," Blake said. "But the emotional part of me wants to be pregnant right now! I want a little you running around, calling us Mommy and Daddy."

"And when it happens," Ross said, firm in using 'when' and not 'if,' "it will be wonderful." He passed a hand through her hair. "We could have a girl, you know. **I** want a little **you** running around, calling us Mommy and Daddy."

"You **do** know what I was like when I was younger, right?" Blake asked. "I think that's a parent's ultimate curse: 'Someday, I hope you have a kid who acts just like you.' And Mom definitely laid that on me a few times during some of our many, many arguments and less-than-stellar moments when I was growing up."

"I don't care," Ross said. "I want a little girl." Blake peered at him critically then. "What are you doing?" he asked, puzzled.

"Trying to picture you with gray hair, because any daughter of ours will turn your hair gray if she's anything like I was," Blake replied.

"I was not a saint when I was younger," Ross reminded her. "Any son of ours, if he takes after me, will have his moments, I assure you."

"Boy, girl, whatever, I want to have our baby," Blake said, getting emotional again.

"You will," Ross promised her. "We will have a family, Blake. I want babies with you, too."

"Babies? Plural?" Blake asked.

"I was thinking that whatever we don't have the first time around, we try for the second time around," Ross replied.

"I'm not even pregnant for the first time yet!" Blake exclaimed.

"Do you only want one child?" Ross asked. They had never discussed this, he realized then.

"No," Blake said. "Actually, I was thinking I'd like three."

"Three?" Ross asked.

"Well, we have to have a tiebreaker," Blake said. "Two of the kids would be boys or girls, and then the third one will be the tiebreaker." She paused, considering for a moment. "Unless we have all boys or all girls. I guess that's a possibility too, isn't it?"

Ross smiled. "All boys, all girls, two of one and one of the other… It doesn't matter to me, as long as they're happy and healthy. And it would be nice if at least one of them had your eyes."

"Well, as long as at least one of them has your smile," Blake said. She and Ross kissed then, and then Blake laid her head on his chest once more. "We don't have to meet my parents for brunch 'til eleven. Could we just stay here like this for awhile?"

"I'd like that," Ross replied, rubbing her back as he lightly rested his chin on the top of her head.

* * *

_June 18, 1995 (Father's Day), 10:20 AM—Roger and Holly's House_

Roger walked into the living room to find Holly sitting on the couch devouring a bowl of sauerkraut covered in Tabasco sauce. So far, that had been her only craving. Roger couldn't understand the appeal. For that matter, neither could Holly, who was not particularly fond of sauerkraut herself. "I guess it's like takeout," she had mused after realizing her newfound affinity for sauerkraut. "The kid wants it. I wouldn't be eating this if he didn't." She looked at him. "Be honest. Do you really find it that disgusting?"

"Not disgusting," Roger said. "Just unusual. But then, that's kind of the point of pregnancy cravings, I guess, isn't it?"

"You were expecting me to want pickles and ice cream, weren't you?" she asked, amused.

"Well, that **is** the convention," he said.

"It's the stereotype," she retorted, "which is why that one book you brought home has that as its title. I'm not pickles and ice cream. I'm sauerkraut and Tabasco sauce. I don't know why, I just know that I am."

When Holly saw Roger looking at her after he entered the room, she swallowed and said, "I'm guessing that sauerkraut with Tabasco sauce isn't on Towers' brunch menu."

"Probably not," Roger agreed, draping his jacket over a kitchen chair. He poured himself a glass of orange juice, then sat down on the couch himself. After she finished her sauerkraut, and returned from putting her empty dishes in the kitchen sink, she rejoined him on the couch and removed a small gift-wrapped package from the wide pocket of her flowing floral-print skirt. "What's this?" he asked with a smile.

"Your Father's Day gift," she replied, holding it out to him.

He eagerly tore off the wrapping and opened the box, revealing a pair of sterling silver cufflinks with little red stones winking in the middle of them. He looked from the cufflinks to Holly. "Garnets," she said. "The January birthstone…for the baby." She slid her arm around his shoulders. "Happy Father's Day."

"Thank you," he said before kissing her.

She broke the kiss to remind him, "If we don't leave now, we'll be late."

Roger closed the box then stood up, extending his hand to Holly. She looked down at herself, at her flowing white peasant blouse and long, floral-print skirt, carefully chosen to conceal even the slightest sign that she was pregnant. "I'm not showing yet, right?" she asked, wanting to be absolutely certain.

"Not that I can see," he said as he helped her to her feet. "And your outfit is long and flowing, I'm guessing on purpose?"

"I just don't want Blake guessing until we tell her," Holly said, "and the CVS test is Friday at two. Are you coming with me for that?"

"Yes," Roger replied firmly after he shrugged his jacket on, slipped the box with the cufflinks into the inside pocket, and put his hand on the small of Holly's back to guide her to the door after she had grabbed her purse. "I will most definitely be there, even if it means sitting in the waiting room and deciding between pretending to read _Highlights for Children_ or _Cosmopolitan _while they do it."

"If they'll let you back there, I'd like to have you back there, unless…" She bit her lip. "Well, I know how you are about needles, and this test involves a big needle in my abdomen."

"Please tell me they at least give you a local first," Roger said as they walked to the car.

"They do," Holly assured him. "Knowing how you feel about needles, though, I'll understand if you'd rather stay in the waiting room."

"No," Roger said as he held the car door for Holly. "No, I'll be in there if—if they let me. You want me in there, and I don't want to miss one moment of this. I'll just look at your face instead of the ten-foot needle being shoved into your midsection."

"Ten-foot needle?" Holly asked dryly. "I'm trying to make you feel better about this, and you've got them stabbing me in the uterus with a hypodermic more suited to King Kong. Gee, thanks, honey."

"I'm sorry," Roger said contritely before closing the car door. After settling himself in the driver's seat, he looked at her and saw the twinkle in her eye. "And you're teasing."

"Should I tell Dr. Sedwick to have smelling salts standing by in case you faint?" she asked with a sly grin.

"I have never fainted at the sight of a needle," he retorted as they buckled their seat belts. "Gotten lightheaded and queasy, yes, but I've never fainted. Besides, you're not being very nice to the father of your children on Father's Day."

She stroked his arm as he put the car in gear. "You're right," she said. As he turned the corner at the end of the street, she said, "I'll just ask Dr. Sedwick for one of those little throw-up basins, just in case."

He glanced at her in time to see her smirk. He shook his head, but he was smiling when he did.

* * *

_June 18, 1995 (Father's Day), 11:01 AM—Towers Club, Springfield_

Blake and Ross were already waiting at a table when Holly and Roger arrived at The Towers Club. They rose to greet Holly and Roger. Blake hugged her father and said, "Happy Father's Day, Daddy!"

Roger hugged her back. "Thank you, Chrissy," he said.

When they were seated, Blake handed Roger a small rectangular package wrapped in blue-and-white-striped paper. "It's not very original," she said, "but what do you get the man who has everything?"

Roger opened Blake's present, revealing a silk necktie in a deep burgundy with a matching pocket square. "This is great," Roger said sincerely. "I know we're not exactly traditional, but a tie on Father's Day is one tradition I can get behind."

"I'm glad you like it," Blake said. "And I thought the burgundy would go great with that double-breasted navy blue pinstripe suit of yours." Blake opened her menu. "So," she said, "mimosas all around?" True, she had sworn off alcohol since she and Ross had started trying for a baby, but Blake figured that one mimosa today wouldn't hurt her.

"I'll just have water," Holly said.

Blake looked at her mother. "You feeling all right, Mom?" she asked.

"Fine," Holly said. "Never better, in fact." She did still have the occasional bout of nausea, but it wasn't an everyday thing anymore, and on the mornings it did strike, she just stayed in bed and munched on either dry toast or saltine crackers until it passed, and Roger always stayed with her until she felt well enough to get up, and she hadn't had any more nausea at night.

"You look it," Blake surprised Holly by saying next. "You're positively glowing."

Holly, afraid that if Blake kept on the "you're positively glowing" conversational track, she would somehow figure out the big news Holly and Roger were keeping from her for a few weeks more, looked at Roger.

Roger, interpreting Holly's look semi-correctly _("We need a change of subject before she guesses about the pregnancy."_), then said, "I have an appointment on Friday at two, so I'll be leaving the office early that day, and I won't be back until Monday morning." He tried not to wince at the sideways kick Holly landed on his calf. Her look now clearly said, _That's not enough of a change of subject, considering what that appointment **is**._

"What kind of appointment?" Blake asked. "I thought the Watson meeting wasn't until next week?"

"It's not the Watson meeting," Roger said. "It's just an appointment, that's all."

Blake looked at her father. Something was going on that he wasn't telling her, and whatever it was, judging by the look on her mother's face, she knew about it, but neither of them wanted Blake to know about it…at least not yet.

Her first thought was that Roger had a doctor's appointment. _No_, she thought numbly. _Daddy doesn't look sick._ _He's got to be all right. He's just **got** to!_

Ross picked up on the tension at the table and jumped to the same erroneous conclusion as Blake. He squeezed her knee under the table. She glanced at him and understood what he was silently communicating to her: whatever was going on, her parents had their reasons for not going into it right now.

If it was just a routine physical, Blake figured Roger would have said so, and Holly wouldn't look so uncomfortable and be trying so hard to hide it. No, something was up with them. They were probably waiting to tell her until they knew something definite, Blake thought. Plus it was Father's Day, and they hadn't celebrated too many of those as a family. So Blake decided in that moment to play it her parents' way: as difficult as it was, she would wait until they wanted to tell her what was going on, and in the meantime, she would hope and pray with all her might that whatever it was, it wasn't too serious.

Blake had no idea how far off the mark she was, that she had the wrong parent pegged for this doctor's appointment, and she really had no idea what the appointment was for. But at least her trying not to show worry and fear over what she thought was going on with Roger kept her so busy that she didn't bat an eye or make a single comment when Holly flagged down a waiter near the end of brunch and ordered a dish of pistachio ice cream and a container of warm boysenberry syrup to pour over it like hot fudge.

Ross noticed, though, and found the pistachio and boysenberry an odd combination, although he too said nothing. In fact, ever since Blake had made the comment about Holly positively glowing, and Ross had seen the look on Holly's face when Blake said that, Ross had watched both Holly and Roger as closely as he could without them noticing throughout the meal.

Holly **was** positively glowing, and she and Roger kept exchanging little looks and glances that seemed to be going over Blake's head. Then there was the mysterious appointment Roger mentioned on Friday that he would leave work early for, not to return to the office until Monday morning…the pistachio ice cream with warm boysenberry syrup…the long, flowing blouse-and-skirt combination Holly was wearing, when she didn't usually wear such things…and the small piece of sauerkraut on Holly's left sleeve. All of these things struck Ross as compelling, if circumstantial, evidence…compelling, if circumstantial, evidence that Holly was…

_No_, Ross thought. _It couldn't be._

But as they were saying their goodbyes, Ross saw Holly smooth her hand over her stomach…actually, below her stomach…where an unborn child would be carried, seemingly unaware that she was doing it. Come to think of it, Roger had looked at Holly's stomach quite a few times during brunch, and he was watching her now, taking hold of her hand when she removed it from her stomach. They exchanged another look at that point, and Blake missed this one as well, as she was giving Roger a lingering hug at the time.

But Ross saw it.

_ It couldn't be_, he thought again.

_Or could it?_

His mind reeling, he leveled an appraising look at his friend and mother-in-law. She obviously wasn't far enough along to show yet, but her outfit was an extra precaution against the mere possibility.

Perhaps they weren't sure yet. Maybe that's what the doctor's appointment was for: to confirm the pregnancy.

Regardless, Blake had no clue that's what was going on…and Holly and Roger obviously didn't want her to know yet.

Ross knew that his in-laws had no idea that he and Blake were in the process of trying to make them grandparents. Blake insisted they not tell anyone—not her parents, not Ed and Maureen, not Phillip or Dinah or Justin or Samantha—until there was definitely a baby Marler on the way.

He had the feeling that Blake would be thrown for a major loop when she learned her parents were having a baby, even if they were expecting a baby themselves by then.

Since Holly and Roger obviously didn't want Blake to know about this yet, Ross decided to keep his suspicions to himself, on the off chance that he was wrong.

And Holly and Roger were so worried about Blake figuring out that Holly was pregnant before they had the chance to tell her themselves that it never even occurred to them that Ross was the one who had figured it out, or that Blake was trying not to give in to the consuming fear that there was something medically wrong with her father.


	4. Testing, Talking, Misunderstanding

_June 23, 1995, 1:49 PM—Cedars Hospital, Dr. Margaret Sedwick's Office_

Holly was already waiting at Dr. Sedwick's office when Roger arrived. He spotted her right away and went to sit beside her. "How are you doing?" she asked him, brushing her hand through his hair.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he said, catching her hand as she brought it down from his head and holding it.

"I'm not worried about the test itself," Holly replied, "and I'm trying not to worry too much about the results. But all teasing aside, I **am** worried about your reaction to the needle, no matter how big it is."

"I'll be okay," Roger insisted. "You don't need to worry about me. I promise, if I start feeling lightheaded or queasy, I'll put my head between my knees and take deep breaths."

Seeing that he didn't want to discuss it further, and loving him a little bit more for facing his fear of needles to be there for her, Holly changed the subject, asking, "Do you think Blake suspects anything?"

"I think she's figured out that it's a doctor's appointment, but I think she thinks it's for me," Roger replied.

"Oh no," Holly said. "Knowing Blake, she'll think you need major surgery or something."

Just then the nurse came out holding a chart and said, "Holly Thorpe."

Roger followed her to the door leading to the exam rooms. "My husband wants to come in with me," Holly told the nurse.

"You'll have to take that up with Dr. Sedwick," the nurse replied as she led them to an exam room. "She will be with you in a moment," she said before closing the door.

Holly and Roger put their thoughts of Blake aside as they waited for Dr. Sedwick.

They didn't know that Blake had followed Roger to Cedars, then lagged behind him as discreetly as possible to avoid being discovered, and at that very moment, was standing outside Dr. Sedwick's office staring at the heavy oak door that read MARGARET SEDWICK, M.D. OBSTETRICS/GYNECOLOGY…and continuing with her wrong ideas.

"It's not Dad, it's Mom," Blake muttered, the weight of her worry over what could possibly be wrong with her father now transferring to a new set of possibilities concerning her mother, and what could be going on with her that had Holly and Roger both at the gynecologist right now.

"Blake?"

Blake actually jumped, she was so startled at the voice behind her. Hand flying to her pounding heart, she turned around to find Maureen Bauer looking at her with her head tilted. "Is everything all right?"

"Fine," Blake said, her voice an octave higher than usual. _Yeah, she's gonna believe __**that**__,_ Blake silently chided herself. She cleared her throat before speaking again. "Actually, I was just about to come and find you. I wanted to know how things are going with the committee, if you've chosen a consulting firm yet for the cardiac wing project."

Maureen looked skeptical for the briefest of moments, but then replied, "We've narrowed the choices to two, and Thorpe and Marler is one of them."

Latching on to the subject Maureen was offering so that she would have to force herself **not** to think about whatever was going on with her mother's health (no wonder Holly had looked so uncomfortable when Roger mentioned the appointment at brunch, she thought), Blake said, "Who's the other firm?"

"Breckenridge Associates," Maureen said as she fell into step beside Blake, who was walking away from Dr. Sedwick's office door.

"Thorpe and Marler is better than Breckenridge Associates," Blake said, but Maureen could tell that something was bothering Blake, something that clearly had to do with Dr. Sedwick. But Maureen wouldn't push; if Blake wanted to talk to her about work only right now, that's what they would talk about.

"I happen to agree with you," Maureen said. "The committee is still split down the middle, though. Two more votes will give us a majority in favor of Thorpe and Marler, however. We have another meeting Tuesday…"

Meanwhile, Dr. Sedwick was with Holly and Roger in the exam room. Holly was lying back on the exam table with her belly bared, and Dr. Sedwick was moving a special stethoscope called a fetal Doppler probe over Holly's abdomen. Suddenly, the sound of galloping horses filled the room. Dr. Sedwick smiled, and Roger and Holly looked at each other.

Then it hit Holly what the galloping horse sound really was. "That's the baby's heartbeat, isn't it?" she asked.

Dr. Sedwick nodded as she looked at the screen. "Hearing a heartbeat at this point is a major sign that the pregnancy is progressing as it should," she said.

Holly turned her head to look at Roger to find that he was looking back at her in awe, and he had tears shining in his eyes. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision. She gave him a dazzling smile and whispered, "That's our child."

Roger nodded helplessly, beyond words, lifted Holly's hand to his lips, and gently kissed it.

Dr. Sedwick looked closely at the monitor. "Everything looks great," she reported. "Excellent heart rate, and normal development from what I can see here. You can see the arms and legs now." She pointed out the baby's limbs on the monitor, overwhelming Roger all over again and making Holly tear up as well.

"I would suggest you turn your back now, Mr. Thorpe. This is the part Holly said you would have some difficulty with," Dr. Sedwick said next. At Roger's sheepish look, she continued, "None of that, now. You would be surprised at the number of fathers that faint at the sight of the sonogram."

"Just seeing the baby on that monitor makes them faint?" Roger asked, surprised.

"Eyes roll back in their heads, and they hit the floor like sacks of wet cement," Dr. Sedwick replied as she cleaned Holly's skin with alcohol. "Phobia about needles is very common. There have been some expectant mothers I've had to practically sedate to get them through this procedure, and very few fathers-to-be accompany their wives for this."

Roger turned his back to Dr. Sedwick and focused on Holly's face, grimacing when she winced. "The needle?" he asked sympathetically.

"No, the numbing agent," Holly replied. "It's even colder than the ultrasound gel."

Roger held Holly's hand in both of his. A few seconds later she said, "Don't turn around."

He winced. "It's not really a ten-foot needle, is it?" he asked.

"It's long and thin, but no, it's not ten feet," she assured him. Then her gaze locked with his. "I'd rather look at you than the needle."

He kissed the back of her hand again. "I got the boysenberry syrup for your cheesecake," he said. "It's in the car."

"Thank you," she said, squeezing one of his hands.

He squeezed her hand back. "Whatever you want," he said seriously. "Oh, I also got the black olives. Are you going to put the black olives on the cheesecake and then pour the boysenberry syrup over it?"

"Well, I wasn't, but that sounds really delicious," Holly said with a straight face. Seeing Roger struggle unsuccessfully to keep from reacting with an expression that showed his true disgust at that particular flavor combination, she smirked at him and said, "I'm kidding. Although I might dip the olives in the syrup."

"And we're finished," Dr. Sedwick announced then. "Mr. Thorpe, you can turn around now, and Holly, here you are." She handed Holly a handful of tissues to wipe the gel, alcohol, and numbing agent from her stomach.

"When will we get the results?" Holly asked after wiping off her stomach.

"Around the 4th of July, I would say," Dr. Sedwick replied.

"That long?" Roger asked, disappointed.

"I'm afraid so," Dr. Sedwick said, somewhat apologetically. "But the results will tell us whether or not there are any genetic abnormalities with the baby, except for spina bifida, which we'll do the quadruple screen to rule out in another five weeks, and the CVS will also tell us the baby's gender, if you want to know that." Dr. Sedwick then picked up a blood pressure cuff. "I want to do a quick check of your blood pressure, pulse, and breathing, Holly, and then listen to the baby's heart rate once more," she said. Roger stood by silently as Dr. Sedwick performed her brief examination. "Your blood pressure is just slightly high," she reported, "but I'm sure that's because of your anxiety over the CVS test. The baby's heart rate is just fine, and so are your pulse and breathing.

"Now, there are some symptoms you need to watch for over the next couple of days," Dr. Sedwick continued. Roger and Holly both regarded her solemnly, and Holly reached for Roger's hand again. "Holly, because of the nature of the procedure, you may feel some soreness where the needle went in after the numbing agent completely wears off in the next three hours or so. It is also normal for you to experience cramping, leakage of a small amount of amniotic fluid, and vaginal spotting, but if you do, it will all go away in one to two days.

"If you have moderate or severe cramping or pain in your belly, if you have more bleeding than spotting or bright red bleeding, more leakage of amniotic fluid than a small amount, any redness or swelling where the needle went in, or if you develop chills, a fever, or dizziness, you call me immediately."

Holly nodded. "I will," she promised.

"I'll make sure she takes it easy for the weekend," Roger added then.

Dr. Sedwick smiled then. "If you have no other questions, then I'll get your videotape of the sonogram, with audio of the baby's heartbeat, and I'll see you in a couple of weeks with the results of the CVS test," she said, "unless you call before then for any reason."

Dr. Sedwick left then, returning a moment later with the promised videotape. After she bid them her final goodbye, Roger asked, "How are you feeling?" as Holly got dressed again.

"I'm fine," Holly replied. "No pain or discomfort, at least not yet."

"I wasn't too high-handed when I told Dr. Sedwick I'd make sure you take it easy this weekend, was I?" he asked, tugging at his tie. "Because I really wasn't trying to be. It's just that with the things she said to watch out for, you probably **should** take it easy…you know, just in case."

"You were fine," she assured him. She smiled. "Did you hear what Dr. Sedwick said? Hearing the heartbeat at this point is a major sign that the pregnancy is progressing as it should."

Roger's face took on that look of awe again. "We actually heard his heart beating," he said, amazed. "We even have a movie of it." He gestured to the videotape sticking out of Holly's purse.

"That was incredible, wasn't it?" Holly said, her face softening. "And he has a strong, healthy heart."

"Now as long as his brain and his spine are okay," Roger said worriedly. "I know you have the feeling that everything's all right. I **want** to, but I just...I don't know if I can until all the tests tell us for sure."

Holly squeezed his arm. "I know it requires a leap of faith to believe that everything's going to be all right with him," she said. "And it's okay that you're not entirely able to make that leap of faith yourself. But I **can** make that leap of faith, and if you hold my hand while I do, then you'll be making the leap with me…and I'll believe for both of us until you can believe for yourself."

Roger brushed Holly's hair behind her ear. "What a remarkable woman I married," he said. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes," she said, "but I can walk. You don't need to carry me to the car, as much as you might want to."

"I'm that obvious?" he asked, chagrined.

"Only because I know you so well," she said, looping her arm through his. "And this weekend, we're going to have a talk about the difference between being protective and smothering."

"Yes, dear," Roger said, earning a playful swat on the bicep from Holly in reply before they left Dr. Sedwick's office.

* * *

_June 23, 1995, 6:24 PM—Ross and Blake's House_

When Ross arrived home from work, he found Blake on the couch poring over medical books and photocopied articles from medical journals. "What's all this?" he asked after stealing a quick kiss from her while she was reading a book.

"My dad had that appointment this afternoon, you know," Blake replied, moving a stack of papers from the cushion beside her so Ross could sit down. Ross loosened his tie, unbuttoned his collar, and sat down beside her. "So I followed him, and guess where he went?" She didn't wait for Ross to guess. "Dr. Sedwick's office! You know, the gynecologist? So it's not Dad that has some sort of medical issue, it's Mom."

That settled it, Ross thought. Holly was definitely pregnant. After what he had observed at brunch on Father's Day, he was absolutely certain of it now that he knew that the mysterious appointment Roger had mentioned at brunch and Blake had been obsessing over all week was with Dr. Sedwick, the obstetrician.

Judging by the stacks of books and papers, Blake hadn't made the connection, though, because none of the titles or phrases Ross glimpsed mentioned pregnancy at all.

"I went to the library when I left the hospital and tried to find out as much as I could about the kinds of medical issues that a gynecologist deals with," Blake continued. "Mom might need a biopsy, which would be the most serious thing because we could be dealing with some kind of cancer here. She might need a hysterectomy, which would still be major surgery but not as serious as cancer. Or maybe it's something minor, like removing a cyst from one of her ovaries, or removing some benign fibroids from her uterus."

Ross made a face. "I understand your concern, but honestly, the only ovaries and uterus I ever want to discuss are yours," he said.

"I'm just trying to find out as much as I can so that I can be supportive of both Mom and Dad no matter what's going on," Blake said. "This could be really serious, Ross. I'm hoping it's not, but cancer is the worst case scenario, and whether it's that, or just…one of the minor things I mentioned," she edited herself, mindful of what he had just said about not wanting to discuss anyone's reproductive organs but hers, "I want to have some idea of what we're dealing with so that I can help my parents through whatever course of treatment Mom will be facing. Whatever it is, it's going to hit Daddy really hard. You saw what he was like when Mom was missing a few months back. I haven't always been a good daughter to either one of them, and no matter what's happening with Mom's health, I plan to step up and really be there for them as much as I can, and as much as they'll let me."

Ross thought for a minute, watching Blake as she picked up a few stapled sheets of paper that were covered with bright yellow highlighter marks. Blake clearly wasn't thinking in terms of her mother having a baby. And Holly and Roger obviously weren't ready to tell Blake yet. Blake was already going ninety miles an hour, researching surgical procedures and treatment options for every possible malady involving every possible organ in the female reproductive system. He might save her some worry if he broached the subject as a hypothetical. If she guessed, and either called her parents or went to their house demanding an answer, neither Holly nor Roger would be very happy with him, he guessed, but they'd get over it.

"You know," he said, "there's one possibility you haven't considered yet."

Blake looked at him. "What's that?" she asked.

Ross kept his tone of voice and his expression both neutral, but watched Blake carefully as he said, "Holly could be pregnant."

Of all the reactions Ross thought Blake might have, he honestly didn't expect her to laugh so hard that she almost rolled off the couch.

He steadied her so she didn't fall on the floor, and after she had recovered herself, she wiped at her wet eyes, caught her breath, and said, "Oh, thank you. I needed that laugh." She shot him an amused look. "That would probably be the least medically serious thing that could be happening, but there's no **way** that's what it is. I mean, come on. I'm grown and married. Dad's already a grandfather because of Peter. One of these days, you and I are going to make them grandparents, but Mom and Dad having a baby now? That's a good one." She glanced at her watch. "It's almost seven. You want to just order Chinese for dinner?"

"Sure," Ross replied.

"The usual?" Blake asked, getting up to go to the kitchen, where she kept the phone number and delivery menu for their favorite Chinese restaurant.

"Fine," Ross said. After Blake disappeared into the kitchen, Ross sat back on the couch with a sigh, reflecting that when Holly and Roger finally did tell Blake that they were having a baby, she probably wouldn't take the news well at all.

* * *

_June 23, 1995, 10:14 PM—Roger and Holly's House_

When Holly entered the bedroom after a long soak in a hot bath, Roger was propped up in bed in his pajamas with an open book on his lap, one hand curled into a loose fist as he stared intently at his thumb.

Roger saw Holly out of the corner of his eye and looked up at her. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

Of all the possible symptoms Dr. Sedwick had told them to watch for, the only ones she'd experienced were the soreness at the site where the needle went in after the numbing agent wore off, and a little cramping. "The soreness is gone," she replied as she took off her robe and laid it at the foot of the bed. "And it's been a while since I've had any cramping. Nothing else." She slid into bed next to him. "Why were you contemplating your thumb when I came in?"

"The book," Roger said, nodding to the open book in his lap. "I was just doing some reading, and it says that in the eleventh week, which is where you are, the baby is the size of a thumb." He held up his thumb again.

Holly reached over, gently cradling the back of his hand and looking at his extended thumb. "A thumb with arms and legs," she reminded him. "This is amazing. They didn't have anything like this when I was pregnant with Blake—no _What to Expect When You're Expecting_, no sonograms or hearing the heartbeat or CVS tests." She paused, still looking at their hands, and then asked, "Do you ever resent me because you weren't there when I was pregnant with her?" Then she lifted her gaze from their hands to meet his eyes, and he saw the uncertainty.

Roger carefully marked his place in the book and set it aside with one hand, not letting go of Holly's hand with his other, and gently touched her chin. "A long time ago, when I first knew she was mine, I did," he admitted. "But you had very good reasons for keeping me from her then. I know that and I understand it, and I don't resent you for it anymore." He rubbed circles between her shoulder blades. "What brought this on?"

"I've been remembering things I didn't know I retained about being pregnant with Blake," she replied, "and that got me to thinking about having you here now, and not having you there then, and made me wonder how you felt about not being there then."

"I cannot overstate how overjoyed I am to be here for everything this time," he said, smiling at her. "Honestly, I never think about what I missed with Chrissy, because she's so much a part of my life now, and we have a good relationship." He stroked her cheek lightly with his thumb. "So there's nothing for you to worry about there. I made my peace with that a long time ago."

"Everything is so different this time," Holly reflected, tenderly stroking his jaw. "Having you here…the pregnancy itself…" She looked at him. "One thing I'm definitely going to make sure is different, though, is that I want you in the delivery room with me…I mean, if you want to be there."

"Of course I want to be there," Roger replied firmly. "Nothing and no one could keep me out. I don't know how much help I'll really be, and I've heard that giving birth is very painful—"

Holly snorted. "That's an understatement. It's like trying to push a basketball out the top of a ginger ale bottle."

Roger cringed at that imagery but quickly recovered, putting his arms around Holly as he said, "When the time comes, you can yell at me all you want, and you can squeeze my hand so hard all my fingers fall off from lack of circulation. I'm gonna be right there by your side when you bring our child into the world."

"Good, because I don't want to do it without you," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.

"You won't," Roger vowed.

"Although hopefully, Dr. Sedwick isn't an obsessive baseball fanatic," Holly mused.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Roger asked, puzzled.

Holly lifted her head with a chuckle and looked at Roger. "My regular obstetrician was called away to handle an emergency just as I was ready to deliver Blake," she explained. "So I got an intern who was born and raised in St. Louis and obsessed with the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team. He kept saying how all he had to do was sit there in a crouch like Tim McCarver at home plate waiting for either Steve Carlton or Bob Gibson to fire one in there."

"He compared you giving birth to a pitcher throwing a fastball to a catcher?" Roger asked incredulously.

"He did," she replied. "At the time I wanted to kill him. But looking back now, I think it's kind of funny."

"There's no chance he might have to deliver this baby, is there?" Roger asked.

"None," Holly replied. "I heard years ago that he went into sports medicine. He's probably comparing ligament tears to childbirth as we speak."

"As long as he's not there in the delivery room with us," Roger replied.

Holly leaned back against Roger's chest and held up her own thumb then, looking at it. "The size of a thumb, huh?" she said.

"Yeah," Roger said quietly, still amazed that he and Holly were having another child together, and that he wasn't going to miss one second of this child's life.

She smiled at him. "You're really excited about this," she said, stroking his cheek.

"I truly never dreamed that I'd ever get to be a father again," he replied, "and the fact that it's happening with you..." He trailed off and paused for a beat before continuing, "We get to do it together this time right from the start."

"And we get to do it better this time," Holly said.

"That's the best part," Roger replied. He reached over to turn out the light, turned back to face her in the dim light of the room, and, gently cradling her cheek in his palm, kissed her good night. Then he lay back against the pillows with her in his arms, her head and one palm resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around her to hold her through the night.

"Still feeling okay?" he asked.

"Still feeling okay," she replied, "and looking forward to a lazy weekend with you."

"**Very** lazy for you," he said.

"You are **not** carrying me to the bathroom. I'm pregnant, I'm not an invalid."

"Did I say I was going to carry you to the bathroom?"

"You were thinking about it."

"All right, I was thinking about it," he admitted. "But since you object, I won't actually do it. However, I will give you back rubs and foot rubs, if you want them, and fetch your books and crossword puzzles, and wait on you hand and foot."

"Deal," she said on a yawn before snuggling closer to him and closing her eyes. He rested his cheek against her head and let the sound of her deep, even breathing and the feel of her in his arms lull him to sleep.


	5. Moments of Truth

_July 3, 1995, 9:42 PM—Cliff House_

The wait for the CVS results was an anxious time for Roger and Holly both, though Holly wasn't quite as anxious as Roger, since every time she started to feel anxious about the test results, she thought about the young man she had seen in her dreams, and in her unconscious state in the hospital a few months ago. She wished that she were an artist, so that she could draw a portrait of him for Roger; she wished that their grown son would visit Roger's dreams the way he had visited hers, so that he could have the same kind of assurance she did that their son would be all right.

The 4th of July fell on a Thursday, and most of Springfield's workforce was taking a four-day weekend, including Roger and Holly. The Monday before the holiday, Holly suggested to Roger at dinner, "Why don't we get out of here for the 4th?"

"But the CVS results are due at the end of the week," Roger reminded her, as if she could have forgotten. It was an elephant in the room, each of them anxious themselves for the results, each of them knowing the other was anxious for the results, and both of them trying to bolster the other through their fears while not being able to tame their own fears about said results.

"Exactly!" Holly exclaimed. "We're both so tense and nervous about those results, and I think a change of scenery would do us both good. Just a day trip: leave Wednesday evening, come back Thursday evening. Dr. Sedwick won't be working on the 4th anyway, unless she has to deliver a baby." She reached across the table and took his hand. "We'll have the results by Friday night, so Thursday is going to be the hardest day to get through, and I don't know about you, honey, but I really don't want to stay here pacing the floors and jumping at the sounds of the fireworks going off."

"You're right," Roger agreed. He quirked his lips in a quick grin. "How do you do that so often?"

"It's a gift," Holly replied, smirking back at him.

"Where do you think you'd like to go?" he asked.

"Cliff House," Holly said decisively.

"Really?" Roger asked, visibly brightening.

"Why not?" she replied.

"Let's do it, as long as Cliff House is available," he agreed.

"I might have already made the arrangements," she said with a smile.

He laughed. "Have I mentioned lately that I love the way your mind works?" he said.

She leaned across the table to kiss him. "We have a lot of good memories there," she reflected. "Maybe we can make a few more."

They were on the road by 6 PM on July 3. Holly dozed on the way there, and when they got there, and Roger had parked the car, he looked over at her, still asleep in the passenger seat, and bit his lip, wondering if he should wake her up or just carry her inside. Deciding to avoid yet another reminder that she was pregnant, not an invalid, because he knew those would be among the first words out of her mouth once she woke up if he carried her inside, he leaned across the console to whisper in her ear, "Holly? Honey, we're here."

She slowly came awake, undoing her seat belt so she could stretch. "You're learning," she said.

"Yes, I am," he replied. "You're pregnant, you're not an invalid."

She laughed. "You have just proven that the trainable husband is not a myth after all," she said as they got out of the car. Roger grabbed their overnight bags, and had to chew the insides of his cheeks to keep from protesting when she picked up the bag of groceries they brought along. _She's pregnant, she's not an invalid_, he reminded himself.

After a light dinner of pasta salad that they had picked up at the deli on the way out of town, they went out to the deck. Roger had been fairly quiet all through dinner, and when he sat down on the chaise lounge and held out his hand to pull Holly into his lap, she sat down behind him instead and began massaging his neck and shoulders, which, as she'd suspected, were knotted with tension. "Hey," she said softly in his ear as he dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes. "Are all these knots, and you being so quiet at dinner, because you're so worried about the CVS results?"

"Not entirely," he confessed. "I've been thinking about my father. Wondering if he might like to know he's going to be a grandfather again." He moaned involuntarily as she hit a particular sore spot to the left of his right shoulder blade, and she gently kneaded the area, working out the knot. "He's always liked you. And he doesn't hold it against Chrissy that I'm her father, so he probably wouldn't hold it against this child either."

"You and I are a package deal," she said. "He can't like me and hate you. I won't stand for that. If he can't accept that you've changed, that you and I have **both** changed, then there's no place for him in our lives, and certainly not in our child's life."

"I don't enjoy the idea of trying to explain to our child why my own father can't stand to be in the same room with me," he admitted. "He could barely stand to even look at me at Chrissy's wedding, and I think he spoke maybe ten words to me the entire night." He sighed. "My father doesn't think I'm capable of change. He still sees me as the man capable of all the horrible things I did. I don't deny that I did them, but I am so far away from who I was when I did them, and he doesn't know this because he won't even talk to me, or at least listen while I talk to him."

"If it's any consolation, even though he does like me still, he didn't believe me when I told him how much you've changed," Holly said.

"He probably didn't want to believe it," Roger replied. "He's so used to being disappointed in me, anything else is too foreign a concept for him to even wrap his brain around."

"Well, he needs to wrap his brain around it," Holly insisted. "You **have **changed, Roger, and you've worked so hard to **effect** that change. We've **both** worked damned hard to become who we are now, and it's an ongoing process. There's always room for improvement, so we keep working at it. Adam needs to acknowledge this, to acknowledge you. His refusal to do so still keeps everything from the past that you—and I—have found the strength to forgive and move beyond alive for him, because he's still stuck back there, and at the rate he's going, he's never going to get beyond that place. And neither you nor I need to go back there."

"No, we don't," Roger agreed, lifting his head and staring out into the night. He paused, then said, "What about your mother? Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know," Holly admitted. "She knows you and I got married again."

"My dad doesn't even know that much," Roger mused. "At least, I'm guessing he doesn't, because, since he hasn't answered any of my phone calls in the last six years, I wrote him about the wedding, without putting a return address on the envelope, but when he saw the postmark, he probably pitched the letter straight into the trash can. He never got back to me, and that was six months ago, and if he had called you, you would have told me."

"That's right, I would have." She worked at a particularly tight knot at the base of his neck as she went on wryly, "As for telling my mother, since she took the news of our marriage so well…"

"She always did have that in common with my father. Your mother can't stand me either," Roger reminded her. "And being your mother, she has excellent reasons. But I wish I could make her see how much I treasure you, and treasure our life together, and that I will never hurt you like that again."

"With my mother, it was mostly another chorus of that oldie but goodie that's number-one on her list of greatest hits: her flighty, confused daughter has once again taken leave of her senses, making the latest in a long list of monumental mistakes," Holly told him. "Despite my beginning the conversation, 'Mom, I finally have what I've wanted since I was nineteen years old, and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life,' she couldn't find it in herself to be happy for me. She did, however, suggest I seek intensive therapy immediately. I had half a mind to tell her that I've been in therapy for almost a year, which is **why** I finally have what I've wanted since I was nineteen years old, and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life."

Now it was her turn to sigh. "I just know she won't be happy for me or excited about the baby, either. She's the one person who will throw my age in my face as a bad thing, and when she finds out I'm not quitting my job to be a full-time stay-at-home mother… Well, that's the equivalent of General Custer selling guns to the Indians. Does she deserve to know she's going to be a grandmother again? Probably. Do I need the accompanying stress and anxiety that will come from her reaction, and from her taking cheap shots at my age, and my track record as a mother, and my being a working mother, and you being the baby's father? No, I don't. So I'm leaning towards not telling her…or maybe writing her a letter. Something pithy and to the point, like, 'Dear Mom, How are you? I am fine. Regards to Ken and Andy. Love, Holly. P.S. I'm going to have a baby in January, and yes, Roger is the father.'"

Roger laughed at that. "I would love to see your mother's face after reading that letter," he said.

She wrapped her arms around him from behind then, resting her chin on his shoulder and her cheek against his. "We'll just open the windows. I'm sure we'll be able to hear her screaming all the way from California," she said.

"The rest of Springfield will probably react about like your mother," Roger reflected.

"Ah, but I'm not having this baby with the rest of Springfield, I'm having him with you," Holly replied, "so the only reactions I care about are yours and Blake's. Beyond being surprised, I wonder what Blake will think?"

"Did she ever ask for a brother or sister when she was growing up?" Roger asked.

"Never," Holly said. "But I wouldn't think we'd have to worry about sibling rivalry, considering the age difference between Blake and baby number two here."

"No," Roger agreed, "with us having a boy, she has no reason to be jealous, because there won't be another daddy's girl in the family."

"I think that's the first time you've talked about the baby as a boy," Holly remarked.

"You saw him," Roger replied. "You spoke to him. That's enough for me. But we'll know for absolute certain soon." He turned his head to look at her with a grin then. "Just the thought of seeing you with our son makes my heart feel like it's going to burst right out of my chest. He's going to adore you as much as I do."

Holly smiled as she leaned back in the chaise lounge. "Well, he does seem to take after you quite a bit," she said.

Roger shifted then and went into her arms, framing her face in his hands as she pulled him down to her so that their chests were touching. "I know a lot of things are going to change when this baby is born," Roger said seriously, "but I want you to know that I will never see you as **just** his mother, and Chrissy's mother. You're so much more than that to me. I guess I just want to make sure that you know, before things get hectic, that no matter how hectic they **do** get, that I don't want to lose us, lose our connection to each other, in the middle of new parenthood."

"I don't want to lose sight of us either," Holly vowed. "And you're right: Being Mom and Dad doesn't mean that we cease to be husband and wife, or Holly and Roger. We just have to remember to keep the lines of communication open, and keep doing the little things we already do." She played with the hair at the nape of his neck. "We won't lose our connection," she vowed. "We'll still be us, but come January, we'll be us with a son."

"I propose that we have a date night once a week," Roger said, "even if it's just pizza on the couch while the baby's sleeping."

"It's never **just** pizza on the couch," she pointed out with a mischievous smile, which he returned, "and those are some of my favorite nights. And we'll definitely be able to do that more easily than going out somewhere, at least at first." She trailed a fingertip lightly down his jawline.

"No matter how much I read, I get the feeling that I have no idea what we're really in for once he's here, do I?" Roger asked.

"You'll learn," Holly assured him. "We both will. I haven't even been **around** a baby, much less taken care of one, since Blake was a baby." She stroked his arm. "We won't get everything right. We won't be perfect parents. No one is, Roger. But we'll be the best parents we can."

"I just know that I will never look at our son the way my father looks at me, and I will never **not** listen to him when he talks to me," Roger said earnestly. He shifted a bit and looked at Holly's stomach. "So how much longer until you start showing?"

"Just a few more weeks," Holly said. She paused, then said, "And once I do have a noticeable baby bump, you're going to be talking to it and rubbing it and resting your head against it every chance you get, even before we can feel him kicking, aren't you?"

"Of course," Roger said matter-of-factly.

"I figured as much," Holly said with a tender smile.

* * *

_July 4, 1995, 1:48 PM—Bauer Barbecue, Ed and Maureen's House_

At Rick's insistence, the annual Bauer Barbecue celebrating the 4th of July went on as planned. It was the same boisterous affair as usual, and Mindy Lewis got her old friend Rick to crack his first genuine smile in months that afternoon when she teamed up with him to play Faith Spaulding and AJ Chamberlain in badminton and managed to get herself tangled in the net trying to return AJ's serve. Since only her pride was hurt, and it did make Rick smile for a few fleeting seconds, Mindy didn't even mind the embarrassment of needing to have the others untangle her from the net.

Maureen didn't seem that surprised that Holly and Roger had turned down their invitation to the barbecue (to the relief of nearly all of the other attendees), but Ed assured Blake that he would have been able to tolerate Roger's presence at the barbecue for the sake of Blake, Holly, Maureen, and Michelle. "They made other plans at the beginning of the week, Ed," Blake told him. "Mom said something about them going somewhere for the day, but she didn't tell me where."

"Everything okay with your mom?" Ed asked.

It was all Blake could do not to blurt out that there was something wrong with her mother but she had no idea what because while her parents both clearly knew, neither of them would tell her. Ross kept insisting that they would tell her when they were ready to tell her, that maybe they didn't have all of the information they wanted yet before bringing her into the situation, and so she was trying to hold back and let Holly and Roger come to her, but it was getting increasingly difficult with each passing day. (Ross, of course, had correctly figured out that Holly was pregnant, and after his hypothetical posing of the situation to Blake evoked a reaction of hysterical laughter and complete denial from her, he decided to leave the official confirmation of the news to his in-laws.)

When Blake didn't answer him, Ed pressed, "Is something going on with Holly?"

"I'm sure everything's fine, Ed," Ross said, pinning his friend with a look that clearly told him not to pursue this line of questioning with Blake any further. "We just haven't seen much of her lately, all of us being so busy with work and the summer and all."

Before Ed could figure out how to respond to Ross's clear warning not to push the issue, Hope approached the trio. "Maureen needs your help with the watermelons, Uncle Ed," she announced.

Ed frowned slightly at the spark of relief that flared briefly in Ross's eyes. Something obviously **was** going on with Holly, and Ed was surprised that Ross seemed to know what it was and be taking whatever it was calmly, while Blake seemed to genuinely have no clue what it was and be greatly bothered by that fact.

After Ed excused himself to help Maureen, Hope waited until he was out of earshot and then addressed the Marlers. "Blake, Ross…There's something I have to tell you. I would have told Holly if she'd been here, but I guess she and Roger aren't coming today."

"No, they're not," Blake said.

"Well, then it's only right that you know that Alexandra is being released from Roycedale next week. She's coming home," Hope said.

"Already?" Blake asked, surprised.

"It's been three months," Hope pointed out. "She's making excellent progress, and as a condition of her release, she will continue attending outpatient therapy sessions."

Ross put an arm around Blake's shoulders. "And the restraining order will remain in place," he said. "Roger will absolutely insist upon it."

"You have my personal guarantee that Alexandra will honor the restraining order," Hope pledged. "Things have evolved to sort of a Cold War-like state between our families, and to be honest, none of us have a problem with that. Alexandra is focused on continuing her recovery and getting her life back outside the hospital, and that life, obviously, does not include you or your parents, Blake."

"Well, it's not like my mother and father will be seeking Alexandra out," Blake said curtly. She felt a headache smack her right between the eyes. This was just great, she thought. Here her mom was facing some kind of surgery at the very least, and a much more lengthy and intensive treatment program and recovery time if it was some kind of cancer, and now Alexandra Spaulding was getting out of the mental hospital she had been safely ensconced in for the last three months. If Alex so much as breathed in her mother's direction, Blake knew she'd be chasing after her father again to keep him from going off half-cocked against Alex, restraining order or not.

Hope looked at Blake. "I know this isn't a pleasant subject for you, Blake, but Alan and I just found out about this when we went to Roycedale to see Alexandra this morning. Nick, Fletcher, and Ben are there with her now, and Alan-Michael and Faith are going to see her tonight. As I said, I would have told your parents if they'd been here, but since they're not, I felt that you should know, and you're finding out only a few hours after we, Alexandra's family, found out."

"We appreciate you letting us know, Hope," Ross said.

"Thank you, Hope," Blake said, squeezing her arm. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I think the heat is getting to me." _The heat, not knowing what's going on medically with my mother, finding out her kidnapper is coming home next week… _"I'll take care of telling my mother and father. I think my father would take it better coming from me." _I hope._

Nola Chamberlain came bustling up then to ask Hope to be her partner in a game of bocce against Quinton and Henry, and after Nola and Hope had left, Blake looked to Ross and said, "My party mood just evaporated into thin air, and I'm getting a monster headache. Could you please make our excuses to Ed and Maureen and take me home?"

"Sure," Ross said, drawing her into a quick hug, even as he was relieved that they would escape the questions Ed was sure to have, while at the same time wondering what, exactly, Roger and Holly were waiting to tell Blake about the baby for. Surely they'd had the pregnancy confirmed by now, since they were at Dr. Sedwick's office almost two weeks ago. _For all their sakes,_ Ross thought, _they'd better tell her very soon._ He resolved to give them until Monday, and if they still hadn't told Blake by then, Ross would go to Holly himself and tell her that he'd figured out she was pregnant, and whatever the reason she was keeping it from Blake was not worth Blake's worry and fear that Holly had cancer or needed surgery.

Ross also wondered how Blake would react to the news that her parents were having a baby, in light of their own continuing efforts to have a baby of their own. Would she be happy for her parents, or would she become even more frustrated and upset for herself? And would Blake's inevitable stress over her mother's pregnancy—because Ross knew there would be at least a few fleeting moments of, "Now my parents are having a baby! Dammit, what do you and I have to do to get pregnant, Ross?"—make it take even longer for them to conceive a child of their own?

* * *

_July 4, 1995, 9:29 PM—Roger and Holly's House_

Holly and Roger hadn't been home ten minutes when there was a knock at their front door. "Who could that be?" Roger wondered as he closed the refrigerator door after getting a bottle of water.

Holly was closer to the front door so she went to answer it, exclaiming in surprise, "Dr. Sedwick!" when she saw who was standing on the other side. Roger was so shocked to see Dr. Sedwick that he fumbled the bottle of water in his hand, hurriedly setting it on the table before wiping his hands on his pants and hurrying to join Holly.

"Good evening, Holly, Mr. Thorpe," Dr. Sedwick replied. "May I come in?"

"Of course," Holly said, standing aside to let Dr. Sedwick inside. "Please, sit down."

"Thank you," Dr. Sedwick replied. As she settled herself on the couch, Holly and Roger went to sit on the adjacent love seat.

"Would you like some coffee or something to drink?" Holly offered.

"No, thanks," Dr. Sedwick replied, removing an envelope from her purse. "I got called in to Cedars to deliver a baby earlier, and when I was done, I checked to see if your CVS results were in, and sure enough, they were. And since I know you're anxious for these, and your house is right on my way home, I thought I'd drop by tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow morning to call you and make you come into the office to get them."

Roger and Holly exchanged a look. This was it: the moment of truth.

"Before I tell you the results, would you like to know the baby's gender as well?" Dr. Sedwick asked, opening the envelope and removing the papers inside.

"Yes," Holly said, trying in vain to quell the dinosaur-sized butterflies suddenly attacking her stomach. Roger gripped her hand tightly, and she threaded her fingers through his and squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him.

Dr. Sedwick looked at the results, then looked up at Roger and Holly with a big smile and said, "Congratulations. You're having a healthy baby boy!"

"A boy?" Roger asked faintly.

"He's okay?" Holly asked anxiously.

Dr. Sedwick held up the results. "The CVS proves there are no genetic abnormalities," she informed them. "And I have to say, Holly, you're taking excellent care of both yourself and your child. I wish all my mothers-to-be had pregnancies as healthy and normal as yours."

Overcome, Roger engulfed Holly in an embrace then, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair. She leaned into him, closing her eyes and turning her head to brush a kiss to the side of his neck as she held onto him tightly. "I knew it," she whispered happily. "I knew he was a boy, and he's all right."

Dr. Sedwick turned her attention to putting the results back in their envelope then, and the envelope back in her purse. For all that everyone said about these two, they were clearly very much in love, and Dr. Sedwick was glad that their baby's test results were such a source of joy to them. Not wanting to intrude any further on this highly emotional moment, she said, "I'll see myself out, and I'll see the two of you at your appointment next week."

Roger was shaking and trying not to show it, but Holly could feel it. She turned her head to look at Dr. Sedwick. "Dr. Sedwick, thank you so much," she said.

Dr. Sedwick just smiled in reply. "Congratulations again, you two," she said before taking her leave.

When Dr. Sedwick was gone, Holly pulled back and gently lifted Roger's chin. That's when she saw the tears streaming down his cheeks, and a look in his eyes that she had never seen before, a brilliant mixture of joy, love, and gratitude that burned brighter than the fire of a thousand suns. The depth of his emotional reaction moved her to happy tears of her own. They gazed at each other for a long moment, beyond words, and then Holly leaned in, and Roger met her lips in a slow, passionate kiss, pulling her onto his lap and laying back on the couch, ignoring the insistent ringing of the phone that began then.

They broke the kiss when they heard Blake's voice on the answering machine. "Mom, Dad, are you guys there? It's me. I really need to talk to you—"

Holly regretfully got up and picked up the phone. "We're here," she said breathlessly.

"Are you okay, Mom?" Blake asked worriedly.

Holly looked over at Roger, his face shining as he caught his breath. Holding his gaze, she said to Blake, "I feel incredible. What do you need, honey?"

"Well, it's getting kind of late to get into the whole thing, and I don't really want to do it over the phone," Blake continued. "Can you and Dad meet Ross and me for lunch tomorrow? Say, noon at the country club?"

"That would be great," Holly said. "Your father and I have some news for you too."

Now Blake was the one with dinosaur-sized butterflies attacking her stomach. Finally she was going to get answers from her parents about what was really going on with her mother. She'd spent the last two weeks driving Ross up the wall and through the roof, practically jumping out of her skin, literally biting her tongue to keep from cornering her father at work and demanding that he tell her everything immediately. She'd caught him off in his own little world several times these past couple of weeks. Something was definitely up. She had no idea why her mother had just said she felt incredible, unless her parents had had a really romantic July 4th, which Blake supposed was possible; a last mini-vacation before digging in to deal with whatever medical problem was affecting Holly. She hated that she was going to have to tell them that Alexandra Spaulding was coming home next week, but they needed to know. She just hoped that Alex stayed away from both of her parents. They didn't need to have to deal with Alex on top of whatever else they were already going to be dealing with regarding her mother's health.

"All right, then, we'll see you tomorrow at the club at noon," Blake said. "And Mom? I love you."

"I love you too, Blake," Holly replied. "Good night." She hung up the phone and walked back to where Roger was still sitting on the couch. "Blake wants us to meet her and Ross for lunch tomorrow. She said she needs to talk to us."

"I'm surprised she's held out this long," Roger said as he got up and went to lock up while Holly turned off the lights in the living room and kitchen. "She knows something is going on, but she probably still thinks it has to do with me, and I know she's wanted to ask for all the details about a million times in the past couple of weeks." He grinned again as he put his arm around Holly's waist for the short walk down the hall to their bedroom. "But we finally get to tell her tomorrow."

"If that radiant grin of yours doesn't make her guess before we can tell her," Holly said warmly.

"We're having a healthy son," Roger said. "This radiant grin may be permanent."

"Hmm, I don't know what will unsettle people more: us having a baby, or you going around grinning like that all the time," Holly said as she and Roger got ready for bed.

After changing and brushing her teeth, she returned to the bedroom, smoothing her nightgown over her stomach. She wasn't showing yet, but there'd been a definite thickening around her middle in the past few weeks. It wasn't noticeable to anyone who wasn't looking for it, but it was only a matter of time before she had an obvious, and ever-growing, baby bump. "It's a good thing we're telling Blake tomorrow," she said as Roger, in silk pajama bottoms, turned down the bed. "Another couple of weeks, and I'll just pop." She held one hand out in front of her stomach to illustrate her point. "I'll probably wake up one morning and there it'll be. That's how it happened with Blake." She grimaced. "I hope maternity clothes have improved since the last time I wore them. Everything back then was polyester and double-knit. I wanted to burn it all by the eighth month."

"I'm no clothing expert, but I don't think there's a big market out there for double-knits anymore," Roger said as they got into bed, "and surely you can find something besides polyester. No matter what, though, I know that you'll look beautiful."

"I'll look like a whale by Halloween," Holly retorted.

"Not to me," he said resolutely. "You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. You always have been, and you always will be." He turned over on his side, facing her. "From what I've been reading lately, the physical aspects of pregnancy, for the most part, aren't…well, aren't much fun. Morning sickness, heartburn, swollen ankles, stretch marks…"

"All of which, except for the morning sickness, which is pretty much over, thank God, is fast approaching," Holly said, "and there's nothing beautiful about any of that."

"You're right: there **isn't** anything beautiful about all of that discomfort, or about the outright pain of giving birth," Roger said, gazing at her intently. "But none of that is going to change how beautiful you are to me, because I'm in love with you. The physical changes of pregnancy aren't going to change how I see you, or my love for you, because I love **all** of you. Every part of you—the intellectual, the emotional, the physical, all of it—combines to make you **you**, the woman I love...the woman I will love forever." He ducked his head. "One of your poets could say it better."

"You said it very well," she replied softly, looking up at him in amazement.

He moved closer to her and gently brushed her hair off her face. "Do you have any idea how in awe of you I am, that you're going through all the discomfort and pain it's going to take to have our son, and that you did this once before already to have Chrissy?"

His expression changed slightly then, the look of love he was giving her mingling with wonder. He rested his hand low on her abdomen, below her belly button, where the thickening around her middle was taking place, and held her gaze as he continued, "I never believed in miracles…at least not until a couple of years ago, when my life somehow became a continuing series of miracles, and do you know what all of those miracles have in common? They all started with you, Holly." The love in his eyes took her breath away as much as his next words did. "You are the single greatest blessing of my life, and I am so completely, irretrievably in love with you, and so incredibly amazed that you love me too, and so glad that you're the mother of my children."

She exhaled shakily and reached out to touch his face. "I have never seen in anyone else's eyes what I see in yours," she said emotionally. "It still overwhelms me sometimes how much you love me…and how much I love you."

"Overwhelms you in a good way, I hope," he said softly as she moved into his arms.

"In the best possible way," she assured him, gently stroking his cheek. "Until last year, I didn't know that I could be this happy and content…that I could feel this complete. I didn't know my life could be this full." She raised up as she whispered, "I didn't know I could love like this."

She brushed her lips lightly across his, in the barest hint of a kiss, then drew back to meet his eyes, and the intense love and longing in her gaze sent a jolt to his heart, which was immediately followed by another jolt when she spoke again. "I know that neither of our kids were planned, but if you really think about it, it's fitting that Blake and this baby were both surprises, because they are the products of the deep, abiding love that took both of us by surprise." She slid her arms around his neck as he slid his hand up from her belly to rest on her hip. "As for the discomfort of pregnancy and the outright pain of childbirth, in the end, it's all worth it. Of course, sometimes that end doesn't fully manifest itself for a few decades," she continued, referring to the rocky road she and Blake had traveled for so long as mother and daughter, "but ultimately, it's worth it."

"I'm so glad you think so," he whispered as he felt a warmth he'd never known before suffuse his chest.

She touched his face. "We're having a healthy little boy," she said softly.

"I can't wait to meet him," Roger replied happily. "I mean, I don't want him to come too early, but when it's time, I can't wait to meet him." His eyes widened then as something occurred to him. "We have to get ready for him! We have to get a crib and a car seat and a high chair and clothes and toys and bottles and diapers and make the guest room into a room for him, so we have to look at paint and wallpaper, and we have to come up with a name for him, and what do they call it when you make the house safe for kids with the electrical outlets and the cabinet door locks and putting the cleaning supplies out of reach? Babyproofing? Is that a word?"

"It's a word, and yes, we will have to baby proof the house," Holly said, both touched and amused at Roger's rapid-fire to-do list. "But generally, you don't babyproof the house until the baby at least starts crawling and pulling himself up on the furniture."

"When is that?" Roger asked. "I haven't gotten that far in my reading yet."

"About eight or nine months after he's born, if I'm remembering right," Holly replied. "So we have plenty of time to do all of that." Then she thought of something. "You're not going to come home with fifteen books of names and their meanings and their origins, are you?"

"Not if you don't want me to," Roger replied. "My only insistence is that he's **not **named after me. There's too much baggage attached to the name of Roger Thorpe. I refuse to do that to him."

"I'll go along with that," Holly agreed. "I have an insistence of my own, though. I want us to name him together. You pick his first name and I'll pick his middle name, or I'll pick his first name and you pick his middle name."

"Agreed," Roger said. He paused for a moment, then said, "We really have a lot to do before he's born."

"Yes, we do," Holly agreed, running her fingers through his hair, "but right now, tonight, there's only one thing you need to do."

"What's that?" Roger asked.

"Kiss me already," Holly said as she pulled him to her.

He beamed at her as he lowered his head to meet her kiss.

* * *

_July 5, 1995, 12:01 PM—Lakeland Country Club Terrace_

Blake fidgeted at the table, wishing her napkin was paper and not linen so she could shred it. Ross placed his hand over hers on the table and said, "It's going to be all right, Blake."

"I hope so," she said. Then she spotted Roger and Holly out of the corner of her eye. "There they are. Mom, Dad, over here!" she called, rising from her seat to wave at them. Blake watched as they made their way across the terrace. She was heartened by her mother's appearance; Holly seemed to Blake to once again be glowing, looking the very picture of good health. _Hopefully it's not cancer, then, _she thought. And Roger had his hand at the small of her back, smiling happily at her. _There's no way he'd look like that if it was something serious_, Blake realized, and the thought made her relax marginally.

But that little bit of relief was tempered by how much she hated having to tell her parents about Alexandra now, seeing that they were in such great moods.

Ross managed an unobtrusive look at Holly's stomach. He thought he detected just the slightest bit of weight gain. She wasn't actually showing yet, but if you looked closely, you could see it. Holly and Roger both looked happy…on top of the world, in fact. That was when it hit Ross that whatever concerns the two of them might have regarding Holly's age, or the baby's health, or their abilities as parents, Holly and Roger were truly happy about having this baby, and that realization floored him. He hadn't thought about it in those terms yet, but it was written all over their faces, and in the way they looked at each other.

After exchanging greetings and placing their lunch orders, Holly said, "So, what is it you wanted to tell us, Blake?"

"You said that you and Daddy have some news too," Blake reminded her.

"We do," Roger said, taking Holly's hand and resting their joined hands on the table. "And it's really big news."

"Oh god, you mean it **is** cancer?" Blake asked fearfully.

"Cancer?" Holly asked, surprised.

"No, Chrissy, I don't have cancer. I'm fine," Roger assured her.

"Yeah, I know that, Dad," Blake said impatiently. "I followed you to that appointment, so I already know you went to Dr. Sedwick's office, which means it's not you that's sick, it's Mom."

"Honey, I don't have cancer," Holly said.

"You're sure?" Blake asked.

"Positive," Holly replied, reaching across the table to take Blake's hand in her other hand. "I am so sorry you've been so worried, but we just…We wanted to get the test results before we said anything, and we didn't get them until last night."

"Test results? What test results?" Blake asked. Did they even test for cysts and fibroids? she wondered. Didn't those just show up on an x-ray?

"The CVS test," Holly said.

"And what is this CVS test for?" Blake asked.

"Genetic abnormalities," Roger replied, looking from Holly to Blake. _What does she have to tell us, and why does it have her so stressed?_

Though none of them were watching him, Ross's eyes lit with understanding. Of course! Given Holly's age, of course Dr. Sedwick would test the baby for genetic abnormalities. **_That's_**_ why they waited until now to tell Blake. They wanted to be sure everything was okay with the baby…and as happy as they clearly are, everything __**must**__ be okay with the baby._

"Genetic abnormalities?!" Blake cried. Her mother was too old to develop genetic abnormalities, wasn't she? Unless her mammogram wasn't within normal parameters... She blew out a breath. "Well, what did this test say? Would you just tell me what's going on?"

Holly and Roger exchanged a look and then Holly, beaming at Blake, said, "Your father and I are going to have a baby, Blake."

"I'm not in the mood for jokes, Mom!" Blake exclaimed testily.

"I'm not joking," Holly said, a bit taken aback at Blake's tone. "I'm pregnant."

The color drained from Blake's face as she looked at her parents. Holly still looked taken aback, and now Roger looked worried. "P—pregnant?" Blake stammered, her mother's hand slipping from her suddenly nerveless fingers.

"Three months," Holly said. "He's due in January."

"He," Blake repeated dully.

"Besides ruling out genetic abnormalities—which it did, thankfully—the CVS test also revealed the baby's gender. You're going to have a baby brother," Roger announced.

Blake blinked. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to this, but when her mouth opened, the words leaped out without conscious thought: "Were you guys **trying** to get pregnant?"

"Ah, Blake, I'm not sure that's any of our business," Ross said carefully.

"No, I want to know," Blake insisted, not even looking at him, her gaze boring into her parents. "Were you trying to have a baby?"

"No," Holly admitted, and in that instant, she knew: _Blake and Ross must be trying to get pregnant, and it hasn't happened yet,_ she thought_._ _No wonder Blake's reacting like this._

"No, he's a happy surprise," Roger said, not cluing in to what Holly had just surmised.

Blake felt like she was suffocating. Her parents weren't even trying to get pregnant, and her mother was at the end of her first trimester! She and Ross had been very actively trying to get pregnant for four months, and nothing!

"Well, this is just great, really. It's just really…great," Blake said in a tone of voice that was anything but. "Excuse me, I need some air." She stood up.

"Chrissy, we're outside," Roger said.

"Then I need some air **conditioning**!" Blake snarked before throwing her napkin on the table and hurrying inside.

Roger glared at Ross. "What's the matter with her?" he asked.

Ross held up his hands. "It isn't me," he said. _At least, it isn't me she's mad at...I don't think_, he added silently.

"Well, what did she want to talk to us about?" Roger inquired.

Ross sighed. "Hope told us at the barbecue yesterday that Alexandra is being released from the hospital next week and coming home," he said. Roger opened his mouth to say something, but Ross hurriedly cut him off. "Hope and Alan just found out yesterday when they went to visit Alexandra. Hope was going to tell you and Holly, but you didn't come to the barbecue, so she told Blake and me. And yes, the restraining order will remain in place, and yes, Alexandra has to continue outpatient therapy as a condition of her release."

"Ross," Holly said then, and Ross looked at her. "You two are trying to have a baby, aren't you?"

Ross looked torn for a moment, but then answered Holly with the truth. "Yes. But we haven't been trying for that long. Blake didn't want anyone to know until the baby is actually on the way."

Roger was the one who looked floored now. "You're trying to have a baby? With my daughter?" he asked.

"She's my wife," Ross reminded Roger irritably. "And we've been married for over a year."

"Roger," Holly said in a warning tone.

Ross pushed his chair back. "I should go after her," he said.

"No, let me," Holly said, pushing her own chair back. Once she was standing, she looked from Roger to Ross and back again. "And while I'm inside with Blake, the two of you had better behave yourselves. She and I had better not come back out here and find that one of you has been asked to leave by the staff." She looked right at Roger when she talked about being asked to leave, and he nodded sheepishly. Sending up a quick prayer that Roger would not antagonize Ross to the point of being thrown out, she headed inside to find her daughter.

* * *

_**Just as a quick FYI for anyone who might not know, Ken and Andy are Holly's brothers, and they were both on the show once upon a time, but they were both long gone by the time Blake, Holly, and Roger returned to Springfield in 1988-89.**_


	6. Mixed Emotions and Baby Clothes

_July 5, 1995, 12:17 PM—Lakeland Country Club_

Holly found Blake alone in the ladies' room, sitting at one of the vanity tables with her head bowed. She regarded her daughter for a few seconds, then quietly asked, "Blake? May I come in?"

"Go ahead," Blake said, lifting her chin and swiping at her eyes with a sigh.

Holly sat down on the narrow vanity bench next to Blake. Before she could say anything, Blake looked at her and said, "Ross told you, didn't he?"

"Only after I directly asked," Holly replied. She laid a hand on Blake's shoulder.

"I wanted it to be this great surprise," Blake said sadly.

"It will," Holly assured her.

"Not as big a surprise as your little announcement," Blake said.

Holly raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware it was a competition," she said.

Blake threw up her hands in frustration. "I didn't mean it like that!" she said. "I just…" She gave an aggravated growl. "All I meant was that it won't be totally unexpected, if it ever even **does** happen. The surprise part of it has fallen out."

"Only to your father and me," Holly pointed out.

"You were the ones I wanted to surprise the most!" Blake exclaimed. "Your opinions have always meant everything to me!"

"Do you think we wouldn't be happy to be grandparents?" Holly asked. "I admit, I haven't given much thought to being a grandmother. I'm not one of those mothers pressuring her kids for grandchildren as soon as they're married. But being a grandmother would be wonderful, and I know your father would absolutely revel in your making him a grandfather."

"It's not that either," Blake said.

"Are you mad at me because I'm pregnant?" Holly asked.

"No!" Blake insisted.

"Are you jealous of me because I'm pregnant?"

"Yes!" Blake exploded. Then she looked horrified. "I'm sorry, Mom," she whispered.

"For what? You're entitled to your feelings," Holly said.

"It's just that Ross and I have been trying," Blake said weakly.

"For how long?" Holly asked.

"Since March," Blake replied. "Four months."

"Well, that's not so long," Holly pointed out.

"That's easy for you to say! You're starting your second trimester, and you weren't even trying. And you didn't try for me either."

"No, your father and I didn't actively try for you, or for this baby," Holly agreed. "But four months really isn't a very long time to actively try."

Blake's anger morphed into sadness "Maybe it's karma," she said. "I did fake being pregnant to Alan-Michael."

"I really don't think that's how it works," Holly said.

"I never even thought about having kids for real until I fell in love with Ross," Blake said quietly. She looked at Holly then, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I want it so much, Mom…more than I've ever wanted anything in my life, even though I don't know anything about babies or kids except for the time I spent around Faith when she was younger, and the time I've spent with Michelle, but I really want to be a mom. I want… It sounds cheesy to say it…"

"You want a little person that's a combination of you and the man you love running around," Holly said simply.

"Yeah," Blake admitted, biting her lip.

Holly just smiled. "That makes perfect sense to me," she said.

Blake just looked at her mother for a long moment, neither of them saying anything. "No wonder you were glowing at brunch on Father's Day," she said. "You knew about it then, didn't you?"

"Yes," Holly said. "But the reason we didn't tell you right away is because we were waiting for these test results."

"You're really not supposed to say anything until you're through the first trimester anyway," Blake murmured. "There's less risk of miscarriage after the first three months have passed. But you're there now anyway. And everything's all right with the test results."

Holly decided not to mention the quadruple screen blood test, which she couldn't take for another month anyway. Roger had either forgotten about the quadruple screen in his elation over the CVS results, or he had decided that the odds were in their favor, since Dr. Sedwick said there was only a 1-in-800 chance the baby would have spina bifida. Blake was struggling enough with the news as it was; she didn't need to worry about something that probably wasn't even going to be an issue.

"Everything is all right," Holly replied.

Then it hit Blake. "Three months," she said. "April." She realized then approximately when her little brother must have been conceived. She swallowed hard before saying, "That's really romantic."

Holly ached for her daughter. "Blake…" she began.

"I don't think there's anything you could say right now to make me feel any better, Mom," she said. "But I appreciate the thought." She smiled sardonically. "Patience has never been my strong suit."

"You come by that honestly," Holly said, tucking a wayward strand of Blake's hair behind her ear. "It's going to happen for you."

"It hasn't so far," Blake reminded her mother glumly.

"It's only been four months," Holly reminded her. "These things take time. Don't they say that you should try for at least a year before you start looking for medical reasons it's not happening?"

"Yes," Blake said, not liking that answer any more coming from her mother than she had from Dr. Sedwick or the books she had read on the subject. She looked at Holly's stomach then and noticed for the first time the few extra pounds her mother had put on already. They were only noticeable if you knew where to look, but now that Blake knew where to look, she could see it. "You're really pregnant," she said. _What is this, some sort of cosmic joke?_ she thought to herself. "Well, that glow you have is something to look forward to, huh? Pregnancy does wonders for your complexion." She cringed inwardly at how hollow her own voice sounded. Her mother would definitely notice that.

Holly hadn't really thought about how Blake would take the news of the baby, beyond being surprised. She was definitely surprised, but she was also jealous and hurt. "I'm—" Holly started to say.

But Blake interrupted her. "Don't apologize to me about this," she said seriously. "I feel like enough of a heel as it is for reacting the way I am." She looked at Holly pleadingly then. "I want to be happy for you and Dad, Mom. I really do. Just…I need to work up to that. Maybe that makes me selfish, I don't know."

"It makes you human," Holly replied. "I understand how you feel."

"I hope I didn't hurt your feelings, or Dad's," Blake said.

"You didn't," Holly assured her.

"Dad must be ten feet off the ground," Blake reflected.

"At least," Holly said with a fond smile.

"And you?" Blake asked.

"I've had my moments of fear and insecurity," Holly said, "but overall, I'm looking forward to it."

"He's a lucky baby," Blake said sincerely. And she truly meant that. As unexpected as this was, her parents were, without a doubt, in the best place emotionally either of them had ever been in their lives, and this baby could only benefit from that. He wouldn't have to listen to them having constant screaming fights and slamming doors on each other, and he wouldn't be locked in a human tug-of-war between them the way she had been before she had even started to school.

"You know, they say it's your first child that teaches you how to be a parent," Holly replied. She took Blake's hands in hers then. "I know it took me a long time to learn what I needed to know to be a good mother to you, but you taught me everything I know about being a mother. You've made me laugh, and you've made me cry, and you've made me want to tear my hair out, and you've scared me to death, and broken my heart, and you've made me so incredibly proud, and you taught me how to love another person with an intensity I didn't know I was capable of feeling until you."

Now Blake did begin to cry. Although she and Holly finally had the kind of relationship each of them had always wanted, it took no small amount of time and pain to get there, and Blake knew that she hadn't always been a good daughter to her mother. She hadn't always deserved that kind of tribute from Holly, though she didn't doubt for a second that it was all true, that her mother did feel that way about her, had always felt that way about her despite all of their many trials. It was just all too much for her rioting emotions to take at this moment.

"Oh, honey," Holly said before gathering Blake in her arms. Blake cried on her mother's shoulder for a few minutes, and Holly just held her and let her cry, rubbing her back. When Blake's tears subsided, she drew back to look at Holly. "It's going to happen for you," Holly said firmly.

Blake sniffled, wiping at her eyes again. "If it does—"

"**When** it does," Holly corrected her, gently but firmly.

"—will you be there for me, Mom? I won't have any idea what I'm doing, really, and you'll have some recent experience. Tangie and Maureen and Faith have never been pregnant, and it would be kind of awkward for me to talk to Hope about it since she used to be my mother-in-law and I once lied about making her a grandmother."

"Of course I will," Holly said.

"And you won't think I'm overreacting or being ridiculous about things?" Blake asked.

"There's no such thing as an overreaction or being ridiculous about things when you're pregnant," Holly insisted. "At least, not as far as I'm concerned. I will absolutely be there for you when you're pregnant, in any way I can. A woman always needs her mother when she's pregnant, especially the first time."

Blake tilted her head then. "I can't picture you and Grandma being that close," she admitted. True, Barbara had lived with them for a while in Switzerland before Blake had gone off to boarding school at her own insistence, but Blake didn't recall any real moments of closeness between her mother and grandmother. When they weren't arguing—and half of their arguments were over her, Blake thought, with Barbara disapproving of various and sundry things about Holly's life in general and the way she was raising Blake in particular—they were civil to each other, and that was all. Blake saw no warmth and no real affection between Holly and Barbara then, so it was hard for her to picture Barbara being enthusiastically interested and helpful to Holly when Holly was pregnant.

"It wasn't my mother," Holly confirmed. "It was Bert. When I was pregnant with you, I didn't have the first clue what I was doing. Bert was a big help to me in so many ways."

Holly was referring to Ed's mother, Bert Bauer. Of course Bert had stepped in to give Holly help and advice while she was pregnant, and after Blake was born. At the time, Holly had felt tremendous guilt over misleading Bert into believing that Blake was her grandchild even while being exceedingly grateful that she didn't have to go through all of the changes and uncertainties and confusion of pregnancy and raising a baby alone. Oh, Ed had been there, and he was a good father to Rick, who had been a little boy at the time, and he was excited about Holly's baby, but he was so busy working all the time, and given that he was a doctor, he tended to focus more on the medical aspects whenever Holly had symptoms or questions. Bert was a godsend to Holly when she was a young and clueless expectant mother, and she remained one even after the truth was out, and through all the pain and turmoil that followed, especially in light of the fact that Holly's combative relationship with her own mother at the time hadn't been conducive to Barbara offering help, comfort, or advice, since Barbara was unable to get past the fact that Roger, not Ed, was Blake's father. Barbara had kept her mouth shut about Blake's true paternity after Holly had begged her to, but it stretched their relationship to its very limits, and in some ways, Holly thought, their relationship had never really recovered from the damage done to it back then, since Barbara had made it crystal clear that she disapproved mightily of the entire situation, and what Holly had done to end up in this predicament in the first place, and she had never approved of Roger anyway.

"Does Grandma know yet?" Blake asked.

"I'm planning to pick my moment," Holly replied. "I'm leaning towards after he's born."

"Well, stress isn't good for pregnancy," Blake said, "so that's probably wise."

"I'm sorry, what was that you just said?" Holly asked.

Blake ran the words back in her head. "All right, point taken," she said. "Stress isn't good for pregnancy, and stress isn't good for trying to **get** pregnant, either."

"Your father and I won't say a word to anyone else," Holly promised, "and it will still be a surprise when it happens. Speaking of not saying a word to anyone else, though…"

"My lips are sealed," Blake said. "And I'll make sure Ross doesn't say anything, either." Then something occurred to her. "Wait, did you leave Dad and Ross alone together all this time?"

"Yes, I did," Holly replied, "with strict instructions that they had both better still be there when you and I return."

"We'd better go and see if they are," Blake said, rising.

When Holly and Blake returned to the terrace, Roger and Ross were sitting silently at the table, eating. They both stood up when they saw their wives approaching. "They're waiting to bring your meals out until you're ready for them," Ross said.

"I could eat," Blake said.

"I could too," Holly said.

Roger flagged down a waiter, who dutifully brought out Holly's green salad with chopped grilled chicken pieces and extra tomatoes on top, and Blake's vegetarian pita pizza.

After the waiter had left, Ross said, "Congratulations on the baby, Holly."

"Thank you," Holly said.

"You're sure we have to wait until January?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Holly said with a laugh. "We don't want him to come too early, remember?"

"I was talking to Ross," Roger replied.

Blake and Holly both looked at Ross, who said in a beleaguered tone of voice, "Yes, Roger, the restraining order cannot be revised to include the baby until after he's been born. We went over this while Blake and Holly were inside." Ross looked at Holly then as he asked, "Has he started to drive you crazy yet?"

Holly ran a hand down the back of Roger's head to rest on his shoulder. "I have a secret weapon to keep him from going too far," she said. At Ross's sickened look, Holly said, "Not that!" Blake nudged Ross's shin under the table.

Roger smirked at Ross. "Holly is pregnant, Ross, she's not an invalid," he said.

"Very good," Ross said approvingly. "I didn't even see your lips move, Holly."

When they were finished with their lunches, Roger asked Blake to take a walk around the grounds with him. When they got to the flower garden, which was deserted, Roger said, "How are you doing, Chrissy? Really?"

"It came as a huge shock," Blake replied truthfully. "I'm really glad Mom doesn't have cancer or need a hysterectomy or some other kind of surgery, though. " She shook her head. "I was researching types of surgery and treatment and hormone replacement therapy. The thought of you guys having a baby never even occurred to me, even after I followed you to Dr. Sedwick's office. Some idiot I was, huh?" She gave her father a rueful grin.

"You weren't being an idiot," Roger insisted. "You were tunnel visioned. You get that from me." Now he was the one smiling at Blake ruefully. "The only reason we didn't tell you before today was—"

"Mom explained," Blake said. "You were waiting on those test results. I understand."

Roger stopped walking then, so Blake stopped too. "You know, don't you, that your mom and I having another child together is not going to change the way I feel about you at all, don't you?" he asked anxiously.

"Of course I know that," Blake assured him. "That's not why I reacted the way I did, Daddy."

"You wanted it to be you," he said.

"More than anything," Blake whispered.

He put his hands on her shoulders. "You're gonna make a wonderful mother, honey," he said earnestly, "and a terrific big sister too."

"And you're gonna be a fantastic grandfather," Blake replied. "But first, you get to be a father again, and you're obviously really happy about that." That happiness was written all over Roger's face, in the light in his eyes, and the brilliant smile he was fighting to keep from shining brighter than the lighthouse at full wattage on the darkest night.

"Like you said at my birthday party, this is a happy surprise," Roger said. "I'm sensing that you're not exactly sharing in the happiness your mother and I are feeling, though."

"It's like I told Mom, Daddy, I want to be happy for the two of you. And I'm getting there, I am," Blake said. "I just need to get used to the idea. But this baby is very lucky to have you and Mom for parents."

Roger looked somewhat chastened then. "Your mother and I didn't do right by you when you were a little girl," he said. "Not the way we should have. And we will never **not** regret certain things."

"Oh, there are things I regret too," Blake replied. "I did and said plenty of rotten things to Mom, and even to you, up until a few years ago. The important thing to me is that we're a real family now," Blake said. "We have all come so far, and you're excited about everything you and Mom have to look forward to with this baby, which is the way it should be."

"We want you to be a big part of this child's life, too," he said. "We want him to know his big sister very well."

"He will," Blake said. "He will. It's just… I need to process this, Dad. Okay?"

"Okay," Roger agreed.

They returned to the terrace then, and then Blake and Ross said their goodbyes to Holly and Roger. On the ride home, Blake said, "You knew my mother was pregnant, didn't you? That's why you posed it to me as a hypothetical."

"There was a lot of circumstantial evidence leading me to believe that was the case, yes," Ross admitted.

"Father's Day?" Blake asked.

"Yes," Ross admitted. Then he ticked off each bit of circumstantial evidence he had gathered. "Your comment to Holly that she was glowing, and her reaction to it, the way she and Roger kept exchanging glances, the outfit she was wearing being loose and flowing and having a piece of sauerkraut on her sleeve, the boysenberry syrup on the pistachio ice cream… When you said that you'd followed your father to Dr. Sedwick's office, I figured that's what it was. But I never thought about genetic testing. I figured they were getting it confirmed and then they'd tell you…us." He took his eyes off the road to look at Blake.

Blake looked back at him. "Am I a terrible person for needing to work my way around to being happy for my parents?" she asked.

"No," Ross replied. "You weren't expecting this, you weren't even thinking in that direction."

Blake laid her head against the car window. "They're really happy about this baby, Ross. I mean, they're scared too, but they're happy about this."

Ross wasn't sure what Blake was trying to say. "And?" he prompted gently.

"I want it to be us," she whispered. "I know it's not a competition, but I want it to be us. I admitted to Mom that I'm jealous that it's not."

Ross took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Even though we haven't been trying for very long yet, if you want me to get tested, I will," he said.

Blake looked at him. "You will?" she asked, surprised. She'd been trying to figure out a way to broach the subject with him, even though she was expecting Dr. Sedwick to tell her it was too soon for fertility tests.

"Yes," Ross said. "Call Dr. Sedwick next week and find out what I have to do, and who I have to see, and we'll go from there."

Blake sat up and leaned over, resting her hand on top of Ross's on the steering wheel. "Thank you," she said.

Meanwhile, Roger and Holly were discussing Blake on their own drive home. "She really wants a baby of her own," Holly said.

"I hate that she's hurting so much over not being able to get pregnant," Roger said.

"They really haven't been trying for very long," Holly said. "She probably just hasn't given it enough time yet. I honestly believe it will happen for her."

"It must be Blake's generation," Roger mused. "I don't remember thinking about trying when we were younger."

"Well, in our case, it just happened, both times," Holly reminded him.

"Did you regret that it just happened with Chrissy?" Roger asked.

Holly looked over at him. His eyes were locked on the road straight ahead, but he had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel.

"I think maybe our timing could have been better," Holly said.

"That's not what I'm asking," Roger said quietly, eyes still on the road.

"I know," Holly replied. "And my answer is no, I don't regret that you're Blake's father. It was complicated, and we made it more complicated than it needed to be…and there are things about those years that I will always regret, but you being Blake's father is not one of them."

Roger looked at Holly briefly then, and she saw the relief in his eyes. "You are the only woman I ever wanted to be the mother of my children," he said emphatically. "I only ever wanted a family with you."

She reached across the console to rest her hand on his arm, feeling a lump in her own throat. "It only took us a few decades, but we made it," she said softly. "And just think: we could be both new parents **and** new grandparents next year."

"I hope we are, for Chrissy's sake," Roger said. "She wants this so much." He looked at Holly again, grinning. "And you'll be the sexiest grandmother in Springfield."

"Yeah, because all the sexy grandmothers leak breast milk and wear clothes stained with spit-up," Holly said dryly.

"I may be surrounded by three gorgeous redheads yet, if Chrissy has a girl," Roger reflected then.

"You and redheads," Holly said. "You must have had a bevy of redheads during your years with the Agency."

"None," Roger said instantly, seriously. "The only redheads ever in my life are you and Blake."

"Seriously?" Holly asked, surprised.

"Seriously," Roger replied. "I've never been able to look at another woman with red hair without comparing her to you, and they all always came up lacking."

"What about Ann-Margret?" Holly asked.

"Her too," Roger said.

"They all came up lacking?" she asked.

"Every single one," he replied.

"Why?" she wanted to know.

"Simple," Roger said. "They weren't you."

She just looked at him, astounded all over again at the depth of his love for her. "Sometimes you just take my breath away," she told him.

He smiled at her, then picked up her hand from his arm and dropped a kiss on the back of it.

* * *

_July 6, 1995, 10:34 AM—Cedars Hospital, Dr. Ed Bauer's Office_

"Holly!" the surprised Ed greeted her warmly as she walked into his office Saturday morning. He rounded his desk to give her a quick hug, which she returned.

"I called your house, and Maureen said you'd been called in because of a patient," Holly replied, sinking into one of Ed's guest chairs.

Ed resumed his seat behind his desk. "I'm waiting on some test results for my patient," he said. "We missed you at the barbecue on the 4th. You even could have brought Roger. You didn't stay away because Alexandra's family was there, did you? Because I know that Hope and Faith wouldn't have wanted that."

"We didn't stay away because of the Spauldings," Holly assured him. "Actually, we stayed away because we were waiting on some test results." She gave him a wry smile. "We were both so tense and anxious about them that we just wanted a quiet 4th alone together."

"Test results?" Ed asked. He was right; something **was** going on with Holly. Blake's mood on the 4th had been a dead giveaway. "Holly, are you all right? Who's your doctor?"

Holly beamed at Ed then. "I'm fine, Ed. And so is the baby."

Ed just stared at her for a long, silent moment. "Baby?" he asked finally.

"I'm pregnant," she said, her beaming smile growing wider. "Just starting my fourth month. He's due in January. It's a boy."

Ed just continued to look at Holly until he finally said, "So the test results—"

"Something called a CVS test," Holly said. "It showed there are no genetic abnormalities with the baby. Of course, I still have to have a blood test in a few weeks to rule out spina bifida…"

"The quadruple screen," Ed said.

"Yes," Holly said. "But I'm really not worried. Dr. Sedwick said there's only a 1-in-800 chance he'll have that anyway, and I've never been a gambler, but I like those odds."

"You're having a baby," Ed said. He remembered the last time he'd gotten that news from Holly, decades ago. As far as Ed could see, the only similarity between the two situations was that both babies had the same father. The differences were almost too numerous to count. Holly was clearly much more self-assured, much more serene, and much less uncertain this time around.

As surreal as it was to him, Ed could also see that Holly was happy about this baby, and wanted this baby very much. It wasn't that she wasn't happy about Blake or didn't want Blake, because she was, and she did. But her pregnancy with Blake was shrouded in dishonesty and insecurity and fear. This pregnancy wasn't like that.

And as happy as Holly plainly was, Ed had to be happy for her.

"It's a shock, I know," Holly was saying. "It took us by surprise too, but it's a wonderful, and very welcome, surprise."

"You're really happy," Ed said. He got up from his desk to hug her again. "I'm happy for you, Holly."

"Really?" Holly asked, unable to disguise the hope in her voice.

"Really," Ed said, leaning a hip against the corner of his desk. "Have you had an ultrasound yet?"

"A couple of them," Holly said. "We heard the heartbeat. That was amazing." She became animated as she described that day. "It sounds like galloping horses, and it's so fast! But Dr. Sedwick said that's normal."

"So Margaret Sedwick is your OB," Ed said. "She's the best."

"She really is," Holly said. "She said that hearing the heartbeat when we did is a major sign that everything is progressing as it should."

Ed smiled. "I'm glad the baby's doing so well," he said. "What about you? Any morning sickness, cravings, fatigue, heartburn?"

"Minimal morning sickness, thankfully," she replied. "And I'm just about past that stage, I think. Cravings? Oh yes. The main one has been sauerkraut with Tabasco sauce. But it turns out that boysenberry syrup makes a delicious topping for ice cream and cheesecake, and black olives taste pretty good dipped in it too."

"I'll take your word for that," Ed said. "Have you been more tired than usual?"

"Not that I've noticed," Holly said. "I'm not really a night owl anyway, and I still hate getting up in the mornings as much as I ever did. But I'm sure the fatigue will catch up with me near the end of the pregnancy, when I'm so ungainly that I'll have a hard time finding a comfortable position to sleep in."

"Something tells me you won't mind the fatigue very much," Ed said.

"You know something? I really don't think I will," Holly replied with a laugh. "I know it's going to be a huge change, and I do have my fears—"

"Every new parent does," Ed said. "But you're clearly very happy and excited about this. So, a boy. Does Blake know yet? Do you have any names picked out?"

"Yes, Blake knows, we told her and Ross yesterday," Holly replied. "They were very surprised. And no, we haven't even discussed names yet."

"Roger must be over the moon," Ed said.

"Very much so," Holly replied.

"And you're getting plenty of iron, and taking your prenatal vitamins?" Ed asked.

"Yes, I am," Holly assured him.

She was waiting for Ed to pursue the Roger angle further, but he didn't, instead sticking to questions and suggestions about her diet and exercise ("Some light walking, but no heavy lifting! Have you ever considered yoga? That's supposed to be very good for expectant mothers."). Then she realized why he didn't: Ed assumed that things were okay with her and Roger. Given Ed's initial reaction to her and Roger's marriage, and his blaming Roger when Alexandra had kidnapped her back in April, this meant the world to Holly. Ed knew that if Holly needed to talk to him regarding anything having to do with Roger, his reaction or his feelings or even if he was driving her crazy (which she was sure was coming, convinced as she was that Roger's overprotective instincts would kick into overdrive and not be squelched by the reminder that she was pregnant and not an invalid once she started showing), then she would. He wasn't looking for or suggesting or expecting trouble between her and Roger, and this tacit understanding of her marriage and her and Roger's relationship both relieved Holly and made her happy that Ed was managing to stay around the corner he had turned that night at the hospital after her kidnapping.

Ed got a page then; his patient's test results were in. "I'll let you get back to work," she said. "I just wanted to tell you about the baby…and to ask that you not say anything to Maureen and Michelle yet. I thought that Roger and I could both tell them in a few more days or a couple of weeks, when I'm showing."

Ed took Holly's suggestion in stride. "I won't say a word to anyone," he promised. "You, and Roger, can tell them in your own way and your own time."

Ed walked Holly out on his way to get his patient's test results. Before she left, she looked at him and said, "Thank you, Ed."

He knew that she wasn't just thanking him for being happy for her. She was also thanking him for not insulting Roger or giving her a hard time about him. But all that truly mattered to Ed was Holly's happiness, and even though he would always have misgivings about Roger Thorpe, he couldn't deny that Holly loved the man and was happier with him than she'd ever been in all the time Ed had known her, and as long as Roger behaved himself—and this new baby would give him even more motivation than he already had to do so—Ed could tolerate him, for Holly's and Blake's sakes, and now for the sake of the baby boy Holly was carrying.

But Ed did hope that this little boy took after Holly personality-wise.

"You're welcome," Ed said. He kissed her cheek. "You take care of yourself and the little one, and if you need anything…"

Holly smiled at Ed, kissing his cheek in return. "I know," she said. "'Bye."

"Goodbye," Ed replied, smiling back at her, then going to get his patient's test results.

* * *

_July 6, 1995, 11:40 AM—Roger and Holly's House_

When Holly got home from seeing Ed at Cedars, Roger wasn't there. He arrived a few minutes later while she was making a spinach salad for lunch, carrying a small shopping bag.

After he kissed her hello, and swiped a strawberry from the cutting board, he asked, "So, how did Ed take the big news?"

"He was happy for me," Holly replied. Roger had no reaction. "And for you by extension. He said you must be over the moon."

"And?" Roger asked.

"And nothing," Holly said, arranging the strawberries atop the spinach. "That was all he had to say about you. He knows that I'm happy with you, and the two of you aren't attacking each other in any way anymore aside from the occasional sarcastic comment. That's enough for me. What's in the bag?"

Roger set the bag on the counter. "Well," he said, "I was thinking about all the things we have to do to get ready for our little guy, and I found myself at the mall."

"Roger Thorpe went to the mall?" Holly asked, surprised. "I can't believe I missed it!"

"You can go with me next time, because the amount of stuff they have to choose from in terms of furniture and clothes and toys is unbelievable," he said. "Baby supplies must be a multimillion-dollar-a-year industry. But in the middle of all of the confusion—and some questionable baby clothes—"

"Questionable baby clothes?" Holly asked.

"I just don't see our son wearing one of those little suits with the snaps at the bottom that has a huge pacifier on the chest, and underneath the pacifier, it says 'Suck it' in block letters with an exclamation point," Roger replied.

Holly made a face. "You're right, he's not wearing anything like that," she said firmly.

"Anyway, in the middle of all the confusion and questionable baby clothes, I saw this," Roger said, pushing the bag across the counter to Holly, "and I thought…well, I thought it was kind of…cute. I could see him wearing it…if you like it."

Holly peeked inside the bag and then removed the tiny article of clothing: a sleeper with feet in a striped pattern of white, brown, orange, and tan, with the smiling face of a tan teddy bear on the chest.

She looked from the sleeper to Roger, who was watching her nervously. "The size tag says it's for newborns," he said, "and it's soft and warm, and he's going to be born in winter, so I thought this could mmmfff."

He was cut off when Holly leaned across the counter and kissed him soundly.

"You're right. It **is **cute," Holly said after the kiss, "and soft, and warm, and I can see him wearing it, too. Maybe he can wear it to come home from the hospital."

Roger's eyes lit up at this. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

His reaction made the decision for Holly: their son would be coming home from the hospital wearing the striped sleeper with the teddy bear face on it that his father had bought for him.

"Really," Holly promised. She looked at the tiny sleeper in her hand again. "This is the first thing that's his."

Roger fingered the sleeper's soft material. "I didn't even think about that," he remarked. "I was just trying to get an idea of the specific kinds of baby things there are, and this caught my eye because it didn't have some irreverent or downright tacky saying on it."

"What kinds of irreverent or downright tacky sayings could they have on baby clothes?" Holly wondered.

"'Party, My Crib, 2 AM, BYOB,' for one," Roger said. "We won't get into the sayings having to do with bodily functions or human anatomy."

Holly winced, then said, "Well, it must be the younger generation going in for those kinds of clothes. But at least this sleeper proves that we don't have to dress our son up like some kind of spring break billboard." Seeing the look on Roger's face, she asked, "Roger? What's wrong?"

"I just realized that Blake would probably find that 'Party, My Crib, 2 AM, BYOB' shirt funny," Roger said. He looked at Holly in horror then. "Our future grandchild could be dressed up like some kind of spring break billboard, Holly!"

"Well, that's up to Blake, and Ross," Holly said. "You're right, she would find that shirt funny. If she does put it on our future grandchild, though, we will grin and bear it, because she will be that child's mother."

"Do you think she'll buy one of those shirts for our baby?" Roger asked.

"Well, she would know that wouldn't really be our style," Holly mused. "How about this: if she does buy him a shirt like that, we'll only put him in it when he's spending time with her."

"How long do you think it'll take her to get used to the idea that we're having a baby?" Roger asked.

"I don't know," Holly replied, "but I do think it'll happen before he's born. She'll get there. She just needs a little time."

What neither Holly nor Roger said, but what both of them were thinking, was, _And a baby of her own. _And they also both hoped that if Blake had a long wait for a baby of her own, that she would still come around to the point that she was truly happy about her baby brother.


	7. Bumps Along the Way

_July 31, 1995, 9:46 AM—Cedars Hospital, Dr. Margaret Sedwick's Office_

Over the years, Margaret Sedwick had seen her share of women impatient to get pregnant, but she couldn't recall any woman demanding fertility tests as early in the trying stage as Blake Marler. Blake insisted the tests be done immediately if not sooner, and Margaret went ahead and scheduled both Blake and her husband Ross for fertility tests, thinking that the results might calm Blake down.

And so it was that Blake and Ross were sitting in Dr. Sedwick's office on the last day of July, with Blake still not pregnant (a pregnancy test taken first thing that morning came up negative), as Dr. Sedwick went over the results of both sets of fertility tests, his and hers, with the couple.

"So there's nothing physically wrong with either Ross or me?" Blake asked Dr. Sedwick after she had gone through the test results.

"Nothing at all," Dr. Sedwick replied. "Everything looks great. Ross has a healthy sperm count, good volume, and excellent motility, and you, Blake, are ovulating normally, you have no cysts or fibroids that could impede or prevent conception, and both of your fallopian tubes are healthy—no blockages or scarring."

"Then why can't I get pregnant?" Blake wanted to know. "It's been five months."

Dr. Sedwick gave Blake a kind smile. ""It could take as long as two or three months for your body to regulate its natural hormone levels after you stop taking birth control pills," she said. _"_Getting pregnant takes time, Blake. Every woman is different. However, you should be greatly encouraged that there are no medical reasons preventing you from getting pregnant. There is no reason whatsoever that you and Ross are unable to conceive a child naturally. You just need to give it some time now."

_ That is so much easier said than done,_ Blake thought glumly. _It seems like everywhere I go, I see babies and pregnant women. My own mother is in her fourth month, and she and Dad weren't even trying. Ross and I have been trying our brains out since March, and nothing! _

"Are you sure I don't have some kind of hormonal imbalance?" Blake asked. She was still looking for some reason that she wasn't pregnant yet, and learning that she and Ross were both fine, reproductively speaking, was not the comfort to her that Dr. Sedwick had thought it would be.

"Let's say that it took the full three months for your body to regulate its hormone levels after you went off the Pill," Dr. Sedwick said. "That would mean that you had really only been trying with a high chance of success for two months, and take it from me, very few couples in my experience get pregnant that soon once they start trying."

"Thank you, Dr. Sedwick," Ross interjected then, hoping to head off the possibility that Blake might blow her stack at the doctor.

She nodded. "It's just going to take some time. You need to just relax, and have fun with the trying. It will happen." Blake opened her mouth to speak, so Dr. Sedwick continued, "It's way too soon to worry, especially with these test results. Give it the rest of this year. If you're not pregnant in January, Blake, come back and see me and we will re-evaluate things then."

Ross was encouraged by their test results. They now had medical proof that there was no physical reason they couldn't make a baby. But Blake was silent as they left Dr. Sedwick's office, still brooding over not yet being pregnant and not truly understanding why she wasn't pregnant yet, since she and Ross were both capable of getting her that way.

"Maybe we should take a few days and go on a vacation, get away from everything," Ross suggested.

But Blake shook her head. "I can't," she said.

"Roger would give you some time off if you asked for it, you know he would," Ross pointed out.

"Maureen and I are managing to keep Dad and Ed from going beyond extreme sarcasm with each other since Thorpe and Marler got the Cedars Cardiac Wing project," Blake said. "Thankfully Ed isn't directly involved on a daily basis, but we do have to report to him once a week. I'm not leaving Maureen to deal with the two of them alone."

Ross smothered a sigh before it could escape. He had initially been afraid that the fertility tests might reveal that there was some sort of physical problem with one of them, and he would have felt horrible if it had been him. He did want to have children with Blake. He had missed out completely on Dinah's birth and childhood, and he couldn't think of anything better than to have a little combination of him and Blake running around, shaking things up. He was already convinced that, boy or girl, their future child would have Blake's penchant for mischief and talent for turning the world upside down and inside out, but since her doing that to him and his staid pre-her life had worked out so well, he honestly couldn't wait to see their son or daughter doing the very same thing in his or her own way. Their child would be an incredible gift that would keep them on their toes and enrich their lives.

Now they just had to make that child and then wait the nine months for him or her to be born. And Ross was definitely up for the make-the-child part, no pun intended, but he couldn't shake the feeling that, because the good news about their ability to make a baby together was not the good news to Blake that it was to him, Blake's impatience was about to make their babymaking attempts a lot more difficult than they had already been.

As they parted in the parking lot to head to their respective offices, Blake was burning with a new determination to get pregnant. She was able, and Ross was able, and the Pill should definitely be out of her system by now, so it was time to step it up. Yes, she and Ross were going to be having a lot of sex in the near future.

Unfortunately, Blake was so focused on the 'trying' part that she wasn't even thinking about the 'having fun' part that Dr. Sedwick had mentioned…and though she didn't know it that last morning in July, the truth was that sooner or later, the lack of having fun was going to catch up with her and Ross, which begged two questions: would Blake be pregnant by the time this lack of having fun in the trying caught up with her and Ross? And what would they do if she wasn't pregnant by then?

* * *

_August 4, 1995, 6:42 AM—Roger and Holly's House_

When Roger shut off the alarm clock and then turned to Holly to kiss her awake as he always did in the morning, he saw in the dim light filtering through the blinds that her belly was protruding under the covers. He blinked, then rubbed his eyes, making sure that he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. He was. As she had predicted, she had an obvious baby bump that had not been there yesterday, or even last night.

Roger grinned and lightly caressed her belly through the sheet. He would have to look it up to see how much longer it would be until the baby would start to move so that they could feel it. Holly began to stir then, so he leaned down, his hand still on her brand-new baby bump, and gently covered her mouth with his. When he pulled back, she opened her eyes and looked up at him groggily. Before she could say a word, he exclaimed, "You were right, Hol. You popped!"

She looked down at her stomach but his hand was covering it, so she picked his hand up to move it aside, and sure enough, she was now sporting an obvious baby bump. It was official: now everyone who saw her would know that she was pregnant.

She threw off the covers to get a better look, then lightly stroked the nightgown-covered bump. "Wow," Roger said, truly amazed. He looked at Holly questioningly and after she nodded, he rested his palm on the swell of her abdomen. "He's getting bigger."

"And so am I," Holly said dryly. "I'm telling you, I will look like a whale by Halloween. It's a good thing tomorrow is Saturday. It's time to go shopping for the dreaded maternity clothes."

"You will not look like a whale by Halloween," Roger replied. "And I don't know what maternity clothes were like when you were pregnant with Chrissy, but they really don't look so awful now. Lots of stretchy fabrics, some blouses and pants for work that you would look great in, even jeans."

"Have you been looking at maternity clothes?" Holly asked. The way Roger ducked his head let her know the answer to that question was yes. "Please tell me you haven't actually bought anything."

"I haven't," he assured her, his head snapping up. "But really, Holly, they're not that bad. I saw a few things that looked a lot like your regular clothes."

She pinned him with a look. "And you're sure you didn't buy anything?" she asked again.

He crumbled. "I may have put a few things on hold for your consideration," he said, "but no, I did not actually buy anything, I swear."

Holly sighed. "Roger…" she began as she got out of bed. He was watching her now, his eyes glued to her baby bump as she stood beside the bed. "Okay, you're gonna have to look at my eyes instead of my stomach for at least the next two minutes," she ordered.

Roger wrenched his gaze from the baby bump to Holly's face. "I'm sorry," he said penitently.

She took a deep breath. He wasn't **trying** to drive her crazy with his enthusiasm, she reminded herself. He was just doing it. "I love how excited you are about all of this," she said. "I do. But I am certainly capable of shopping for my own maternity clothes. It's not like I'm going to be getting a whole new wardrobe. We're not gonna be doing this again in a year or two."

"I know," he assured her. "I really don't mean to drive you crazy. I'm just trying to be helpful."

"I understand that, and I appreciate it, and you have been great so far, you really have," she assured him. "But getting a couple of maternity outfits is something for me to do by myself. I'm not planning to spend a lot of time on it, because I'm not going to get that much. A couple of outfits for work, and one or two things to wear around the house, and that's all."

"So should I call and tell them to put back the things they're holding?" he asked.

"How many things are we talking about?" she wanted to know.

"A few…dozen," he said.

"A few **dozen**?" Holly exclaimed. "What—"

"Just a pair of jeans, and a couple of pairs of pants, and a few skirts, a dress, and a few maternity nightgowns, and four, maybe five blouses, and some sweaters, and a couple of pairs of shoes—"

"Pairs of shoes?" Holly asked.

"For when your ankles swell," Roger said. "That's likely to happen the further along you get."

"Yes, I remember," she said, "but I **don't** remember going up in shoe size with Blake. In bra size, yes, but not shoes."

At the words "bra size," Roger looked down, suddenly fascinated by the unmade bed he was still sitting on. "I haven't gone up in bra size yet!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "I don't even know what size bra I'll eventually need! It's one thing for you to buy me a nightgown, or a peignoir set, maternity or otherwise, because you've done that before, but bras and underwear—and if any of those few dozen things you put on hold for my consideration are maternity panties, I don't want to know—I pick out on my own!"

"I went too far," Roger realized.

"You think?" Holly asked sarcastically.

"I'll have them put it all back," he said.

"You do that," she said before stomping into the bathroom. She slammed the door behind herself, pushed her hands through her hair, then stood in front of the full-length mirror, looking at herself in profile. "I love your dad so much, but he's going to drive me up the wall and through the roof for the next five months, I just know it," she said, looking down at her stomach and resting a palm on it as she addressed the baby.

She was feeling calmer by the time she was finished showering and dressing. Roger had made the bed and had breakfast waiting on the table: scrambled eggs, toast and marmalade, orange juice, and decaf coffee. "Peace offering?" he asked.

She put her arms around his neck. "I really am glad that you're so excited, but can you try not to go quite so far overboard?" she asked.

"I'll try," he promised.

"I'm sorry I got so bent out of shape," she said.

But Roger waved off her apology. "It's to be expected, honey. You were having a mood swing."

He didn't see the throw pillow from the couch until it bounced off his head.

"I was **not** having a mood swing!" Holly insisted. "I was exasperated at you for picking out a maternity wardrobe I do not need!"

"And I will call the store and tell them to put everything back," Roger said. He thought, but was smart enough not to say aloud, _And yes, my love, you __**were**__ having a mood swing, even though I __**did**__ go too far with picking out all those maternity clothes. And now I know not to tell you __**when **__you're having one, and not to put anything for you or our son on hold without consulting you first, so it's been a productive morning already, and it isn't even 8 AM. _

They ate breakfast mostly silently, and then they headed outside to their respective cars to go to work. "My appointment with Dr. Sedwick is at 11:30, but it's just a blood draw for the quadruple screen," Holly said.

"I'll be there," Roger said. "I'll be at Cedars all day anyway today."

"Will Blake?" Holly asked.

"Yes," Roger replied.

Blake was still processing the news of her brother-to-be, and Roger and Holly were both determined to give her as much time as she needed, but they also both hated seeing her so upset about not being pregnant herself. Holly was worried that Blake would get upset all over again once she saw that Holly was showing now.

"Maybe I'll see if Blake wants to go to lunch," Holly mused. "My appointment with Dr. Sedwick is at 11:30, and I'm just having blood drawn for the quadruple screen, so I'll be done before noon."

"Am I forgiven for earlier?" Roger asked.

"I realize the saying is 'Never go to bed angry with your spouse,' not 'Never go to work angry with your spouse,' but yes, you're forgiven for earlier," Holly said. "Why?"

"Well, I want to be there for your appointment with Dr. Sedwick," Roger began.

"If ever there was an appointment you could miss, it would be this one. I know how you are about needles," Holly said. "It's just a quick blood draw so they can run the quadruple screen. We'll have the results by the end of the day."

"If you don't want me to come, I won't come, but if you don't mind having me there, I would like to be there," Roger said.

"All right," Holly said. "11:30 at Dr. Sedwick's."

"I'll see you then," Roger said. He kissed her goodbye, then bent his head to kiss her baby bump. "Have a good morning," he said.

"You too," she said. "And don't forget to call and—"

"First thing when I get to the office," Roger promised, putting one hand over his heart and holding his other hand, with his briefcase in it, up in the air.

Holly reflected on her drive to work that since Roger was now playing the mood swings card, she would have to find a way to set him straight. She knew he wasn't being difficult or obtuse on purpose. He really did put all those maternity clothes on hold for her because he was trying to be helpful. But he never would have done anything like that if she wasn't pregnant, and she was going to have to find a way to make him understand that she would not stand for this kind of condescending behavior from him, even though he didn't intend for it to come off that way. She made a mental note to bring it up at their next session with Dr. Janssen.

* * *

_August 4, 1995, 5:48 PM—Roger and Holly's House_

Blake had declined her mother's lunch invitation, and Holly had the feeling it was because Holly was now visibly pregnant. The appointment with Dr. Sedwick was short, almost on the fly, as Dr. Sedwick had two mothers in labor that she was monitoring. The nurse drew Holly's blood, Dr. Sedwick performed a cursory check of Holly's blood pressure and pulse and encouraged her to continue walking thirty minutes a day, and then she got paged because one of the two mothers in labor was now ready to deliver.

The nurse assured Holly and Roger that the results of the quadruple screen would be in by the end of the day that day, and after Blake declined her mother's lunch invitation, Holly, in turn, declined Roger's lunch invitation, deciding she'd better launch a pre-emptive strike against Roger getting it into his head to go looking for more maternity clothes for her. She wouldn't put it past him to come home with a pair of pants or a blouse and swear that he just wanted her to see what's out there now in terms of maternity clothes. And to his mind, that's all it would be, but not to her mind, so it was best to just go and get the few things she would need to prevent another incident like this morning.

After a quick lunch of roasted vegetable soup and decaf iced tea at her favorite deli, Holly found three maternity outfits (two for work, and one pair of jeans and an oversized-even-with-it-being-for-a-pregnant-woman button-down shirt in royal blue for around the house), all of which, to her relief, were nowhere near as hideous as the maternity clothes she'd had to wear when she was expecting Blake. She skipped the shoes entirely, and decided to wait on pajamas, bras, and panties until she was big enough to need the next couple of sizes up from what she wore regularly.

As she was headed to the cash register, she passed the baby department, and stopped when she saw a table of bodysuits…no, they didn't call them bodysuits anymore, did they? They called them onesies now.

They were getting in the fall and winter clothes all over the store now, and her eyes were drawn to a bright green long-sleeved onesie with a picture of a knight's helmet in white on the right side of the chest, while on the left side were block letters proclaiming SPRINGFIELD LATIN CLASS OF 2014.

She and Roger hadn't discussed schools yet, but she liked the idea of their son attending Springfield Latin School. It was a private school, but educationally it was ranked in the top 3% in the state. She looked through some of the folded onesies; the smallest size they had was 3 months. The baby would be three months old in April—she smiled then, realizing their son would be there for Roger's next birthday—and it was still cool in April, usually, but cool enough to get enough wear out of a long-sleeved onesie? Probably not. So she chose the size 12 months onesie and would save it until he could fit in it. She paid for the clothes and left them in the trunk of her car while she worked all afternoon.

When she arrived home, Roger wasn't there yet, and the phone was ringing, so she hurried inside, dropped her purse and bags on the couch, and snatched up the phone. "Hello?" she said.

"Holly, it's Dr. Sedwick," said the voice on the other end. "I just got your quadruple screen results back."

Roger walked in the front door at that exact moment. "Yes, Dr. Sedwick," Holly said, meeting Roger's gaze. As soon as he heard Holly address the doctor, he knew what it was about, and he rushed to her side

"As I explained this morning, the quadruple screen measures the levels of four pregnancy hormones," Dr. Sedwick said. "AFP, hCG, uE3, and inhibin A. All four of them are within normal range."

"Then…" Holly began.

"Congratulations, you're having a perfectly healthy son," Dr. Sedwick replied. "And I'm sure you'll also be pleased to know that you won't need any more tests for the remainder of your pregnancy."

Holly let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. "Thank you so much, Dr. Sedwick," she said.

"Just keep doing what you're doing, because you're doing everything right," Dr. Sedwick said. "I'll see you for your next appointment at the end of the month."

"Yes," Holly said. "Goodbye." She hung up the phone, then flung her arms around Roger.

"What did she say?" Roger asked anxiously. "Is it good news?"

Holly drew back to stand in the circle of his embrace. "The best," she said. "Everything is fine. We are having a perfectly healthy son."

Now it was Roger who breathed a sigh of relief, pulling Holly to him again. "A perfectly healthy son," he repeated happily. He touched his forehead to Holly's, and they just stood there silently for a moment.

"Not only is he perfectly healthy, Dr. Sedwick said I don't need any more tests for the remainder of the pregnancy," Holly said.

"Well, all of this calls for a celebration!" Roger exclaimed. "How about The Towers Club?"

"Great idea!" Holly agreed. "I'll just go and get changed while you call for a reservation."

She picked up her bags from the couch and headed back to their bedroom to change while Roger called and got them a reservation at Towers for 7:00, after which he too headed back to their bedroom to change as well. When he got there, Holly was in the bathroom, and after he had changed his clothes, he saw that she had left one small shopping bag lying on their bed. A green piece of clothing was falling out of the bag, and when Roger picked it up to put it back in the bag, he caught sight of some numbers on it: 014. Puzzled, he unfolded the garment and couldn't stop himself from grinning when he saw what it was: a tiny green suit with snaps at the bottom that said SPRINGFIELD LATIN CLASS OF 2014 in white block letters and had a picture of a knight's helmet—apparently the school's mascot—in white next to the words.

Holly emerged from the bathroom and returned to the bedroom to find Roger standing there holding the Springfield Latin onesie with a big grin on his face. "I couldn't resist it," she confessed.

He looked from the onesie to Holly, resplendent in a pair of gray slacks and a lightweight, long-sleeved yellow blouse, her baby bump clearly visible. He had a feeling those were maternity clothes she was wearing, but he decided not to say anything, lest he revive her ire over the subject from that morning. "He'll look great in it," Roger said as he put the onesie back in the shopping bag.

"He'll have to grow into it. I got a size 12 months, since it's long-sleeved," Holly said as she put on her favorite black flats.

Roger was floored at Holly's casual mention of their son growing into clothes. He hadn't really thought about what it would mean to get to watch their son grow day by day, year by year, but for the first time, it occurred to him that he would see all the little changes at each stage of their son's life. He swallowed hard in an effort to rid himself of the lump of emotion that lodged itself in his throat as this realization gradually began to sink in.

Holly was talking again, and Roger tuned back in just in time to hear her say, "…play for the Knights someday, if he goes to Springfield Latin. Although I don't know, neither you nor I were very athletic, although you did play tennis in college."

"Athlete, artist, class brain, class clown," Roger said as he crossed the room to Holly's side. "Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief…tinker, tailor, soldier, spy…" He rested his hand on the baby bump and continued, "Whoever and whatever he turns out to be, as long as he's happy and healthy, that's all that matters to me." He looked into her eyes then. "I'm crazy about him already…and I'm crazy about his beautiful mother."

Holly smiled at him. "His beautiful mother is crazy about you too," she said, "even when you drive her crazy." She stretched up to kiss him, then said, "Now, the baby and I are getting hungry, so let's go to the Towers and have a celebration dinner."

And so they headed to the Towers.

* * *

_August 4, 1995, 7:21 PM—Towers Club_

After the waiter had taken Roger and Holly's dinner orders, he inquired as to what they would like to drink. Holly ordered ice water, but Roger said, "Could you bring us a bottle of ginger ale in an ice bucket and two champagne flutes?"

"Right away, sir," the waiter replied, then turned on his heel and headed back to the kitchen.

After the waiter had departed, Roger looked at Holly with a smile. "So," he said, "when are we going to start debating names for our son?"

"Do you have anything in mind? Because I don't," she admitted. "Not yet."

"Actually, yes, I do have a name in mind," he replied. "And it would work as either a first or a middle name, though I'm kind of leaning towards having it for his middle name, so you'll just have to find a good first name to go with it. That is the deal, right? One of us picks his first name, and one of us picks his middle name?"

"Yes," Holly said. "What is this middle name you have in mind?"

"Robert," Roger said.

Holly knew instantly where he'd gotten it. "After Browning," she said.

"'Ah, Love, but a day,'" Roger quoted.

"'And the world has changed,'" they said in unison, sharing a smile.

"I like it," she said. "I'll agree to Robert for his middle name. Now we just have to agree on a first name."

"I know you'll come up with exactly the right name," he said, reaching across the table for her hand.

It was at that moment that the elevator doors opened, and a horde of Spauldings, Reades, and Bauers stepped off. The group was at the Towers for a celebration dinner of their own, since Alexandra had been out of Roycedale for almost a month and was doing well, Faith and Patrick Cutter had gone public with their relationship at the Bauer 4th of July Barbecue, and Alan-Michael and Lucy Cooper had gotten back together, though they were taking things very slowly in the wake of the revelations that Brent Lawrence had raped Lucy, and then Brent had been killed in June.

Roger and Holly were so focused on each other that they didn't notice the group heading to several tables pushed together at the back of the restaurant. Michelle spotted Roger and Holly and announced their presence to the others, which pulled nearly everyone else up short.

Maureen stepped in as the voice of reason. "We're in public," she pointed out to the others, "and Roger and Holly seem like they're off in their own little world. They didn't even see us when we came in. It will be fine."

"But the restraining order," Alan started to say.

"I have to agree with Maureen on this one," Fletcher said. "Roger the Dodger only has eyes for Holly. With any luck, they just stopped in for a drink on their way to somewhere else. Even if they didn't, I for one don't intend to let Roger Thorpe rain on our parade tonight."

"Fletcher is right," Alexandra remarked then. "We have too much to celebrate tonight to let Roger spoil anything. The Towers Club is certainly big enough for all of us."

"You sounded just like John Wayne there," Ben said.

"My mom is certainly as tough as John Wayne," Nick told Ben.

"And don't you forget it," Alex said, looking from Nick to Ben with a mock-stern face before breaking into a big smile. "Let's all sit down. Alan, relax. We're here to enjoy ourselves."

Alan glared over at Roger, who was still gazing at Holly. "If he says one word to any of us…" Alan murmured.

"He's probably out for a romantic evening with Holly, in which case he wouldn't want his evening wrecked any more than we want ours wrecked," Hope observed. "I agree with Alexandra. Let's just enjoy ourselves. This is a celebration, after all."

They were very busy for the next few minutes, placing their orders, and then Alan insisted on making a toast after they all had drinks in hand. "We do have a great deal to celebrate this evening," he began, holding his glass aloft. "We as a family have been through a series of crucibles this year, but we have come through the tests stronger for the trial. Tonight we come together once more as a united clan in celebration of the fact that we passed all of those tests, and I would like to propose a toast to the twin pillars that sustain us through all of our joys and sorrows: to love and family."

"To love and family," everyone echoed before clinking their glasses together.

While Alan had been giving his toast, everyone in their group had given him their undivided attention, so even those who were seated facing Roger and Holly's table across the restaurant hadn't noticed that Holly had excused herself to the ladies' room.

After Alan's toast, Alexandra excused herself to the ladies' room.

Roger had just finished pouring ginger ale into both his and Holly's champagne flutes, intent on giving a toast to their son's health when she returned to the table, and he stiffened when he saw Alexandra walk by. He looked in the direction from which she had come and saw all of the Spauldings, Fletcher Reade and his son, Detective Cutter, Lucy Cooper, and Ed, Maureen and Michelle Bauer seated in a large group across the restaurant. _It wasn't intentional, _he told himself. _You didn't know they were going to be here, and they didn't know you and Holly were going to be here, so Alexandra isn't violating the restraining order on purpose, and Ross will undoubtedly tell you that if you call him. _

As Alexandra entered the ladies' room, the door of the only stall that had been in use opened…and out stepped Holly!

The two women froze when they saw each other, staring at each other, recalling the last time they had been face to face…in the old, unused wine cellar at the Spaulding Mansion almost four months ago.

Holly critically, intently studied Alexandra's eyes, but she saw no signs of the insanity that had been so clearly present the last time she had looked in Alex's eyes, that night in the wine cellar.

As Holly was studying Alexandra's eyes, Alexandra noticed that Holly looked markedly different from the last time she had seen her months ago, and although Alexandra's eyes were not crazed, they did widen with shock as she realized exactly what the difference in Holly was.

"Forgive me for being so blunt, Holly," Alexandra said, finally breaking the tense silence as she gestured at Holly's stomach, "but are you pregnant?"

Alexandra, despite her shock, was prepared for Holly's confirming answer, but she was not prepared for the beatific expression on Holly's face when she replied with a smile the likes of which Alexandra hadn't seen since the first time she saw Alan holding Faith as a newborn and gazing down at her in his arms, "Yes, I am. He's due in January. It's a boy."

_Dear God in Heaven, Roger Thorpe is going to have a son terrorizing Springfield for the next several decades,_ Alex thought. Blake had certainly done her share of putting Alex's family through the wringer, especially Phillip and Alan-Michael, but at least she had finally ceased and desisted, and Blake hadn't even been raised by Roger. Alex cringed at the thought of what a son actually raised by Roger would turn out to be like.

Then she thought that maybe that wasn't entirely fair. Maybe this boy would turn out to be tolerable. He would have half of Holly's DNA, after all. All of Springfield had better start hoping that Holly's genes were the dominant ones. She had her faults—everyone did—but she didn't wreak the havoc, or perpetrate the kinds of evils, that Roger did as a matter of routine. Of course, he had been keeping on the right side of the law for the most part since marrying Holly, and the one time he didn't, Alexandra herself had provoked him by taking Holly away from him.

Holly looked so happy. Alex would never understand why or how Holly could love Roger, but she obviously did, and she was obviously happy to be having this baby. And Alex knew the importance and the joy of second chances. She was thankful every day that she had gotten a second chance with Nick, and even a second chance with Ben. Though Ben and Fletcher had not moved back into the mansion, things were going well for Alex and Fletcher, and Ben approved of their relationship and looked on Alex as a mother figure. Alex certainly couldn't have loved Ben more if he was her son biologically. Ben and Nick had even struck up a friendship, which warmed Alex's heart considerably.

The decent thing to do was to be happy for Holly. This child was a second chance for her, too. Not a replacement for Blake, just as neither Nick nor Ben could ever replace Alexandra's beloved Brandon, but a second chance all the same. The tumultuousness of Holly and Blake's relationship in years past was well known throughout Springfield. Perhaps Holly would have a less rocky relationship with her son in the future than she'd had with Blake in the past.

Holly was a bit unsettled by the way Alexandra was staring at her baby bump. Yes, she was visibly pregnant now, but she wasn't in that huge, ungainly, look-like-a-whale stage yet. Of course, Holly reasoned, Alexandra was no doubt thinking all kinds of things about the pregnancy, none of them flattering, but Holly had no problem defending Roger and their marriage even after all these months, and if need be, she would gladly defend their unborn son in the same way.

She was surprised, though, when Alexandra gave her a genuine smile and said, "Congratulations, Holly."

"Thank you, Alexandra," Holly replied after a moment.

"Ah, I also want to apologize for what happened in April," Alexandra continued, looking chastened. "I was not myself at that time, and if I had been, it never would have happened, because I certainly would not have wished you any harm."

Before Holly could reply, the door to the ladies' room flew open with such force that it bounced off the opposite wall, and Roger burst into the ladies' room and exclaimed, "Get away from Holly, Alex!"

"Roger, this is the ladies' room," Holly said calmly. "Get out."

"I'm not about to leave you alone with her, especially in your condition!" Roger exclaimed as he raced to stand between Holly and Alexandra.

"'My condition'?" Holly repeated. "The last time I checked, it's nineteen **ninety**-five, Roger, not nineteen **fifty**-five. Alexandra knows I'm pregnant. And what do you think she's going to do to me in a public ladies' room with you, and I'm guessing Fletcher, waiting outside?"

"Honestly, Roger, if I had known that Holly was in here when I came in, I would have waited until she had returned to your table," Alexandra said in the slightly sarcastic tone Roger had come to know all too well during their marriage. He did notice, as did Holly, that Alex was not hostile, though, because no matter how much Alex might resent it, she knew that she had earned this reaction from Roger.

"You didn't call Ross or the police, did you?" Holly asked, half dreading the answer.

"I brought the police with me," Alexandra replied. "Faith and Detective Cutter are right outside. I certainly wouldn't do anything with them here."

"That didn't stop you at Company on Valentine's Day!" Roger exclaimed.

"Roger!" Holly exclaimed. She was starting to get annoyed, and it had nothing to do with hormones or mood swings. Alexandra had congratulated her on the baby and apologized for kidnapping her, and her treatment was plainly helping her because she was no longer off the rails as she had been back in April. If Roger kept this up, Alexandra was liable to dunk his head in a toilet, and none of them needed that.

"Holly, I'm just trying to take care of you and the baby," Roger replied.

"We're fine," Holly said in a clipped tone.

Roger knew that tone of voice. Holly was getting annoyed at him again, and it wasn't far from annoyed to angry. He didn't want to ruin their evening, but dammit, Alexandra had kidnapped Holly and bricked her up in an old wine cellar just a few months ago! There was no way Roger was going to leave Holly alone with Alexandra, three months in a mental hospital and ongoing outpatient treatment or not.

"I am not a threat to Holly," Alexandra said then. "Not anymore."

"Forgive me for not believing that," Roger replied snidely.

Holly took hold of Roger's arm then. "Come on, Roger," she said. She looked at Alexandra again. "Alexandra, thank you," Holly said, and Alexandra knew somehow that Holly was thanking her for both the congratulations on the baby and her apology.

"I meant every word," Alexandra replied sincerely.

"I know you did," Holly said. She propelled Roger out of the ladies' room ahead of her then. When they had returned to the restaurant proper, Holly frowned at Roger and said, "Seriously? What did you think she was going to do to me in there?"

"She could have dunked your head in a toilet," Roger said as they returned to their table.

"You were in more danger of that than I was!" Holly exclaimed.

"I don't trust her!" Roger insisted. "I wasn't going to take any chances with you or our son. She could have killed you four months ago, Holly! I don't want you anywhere near her!"

Holly threw her hands up in the air. "You are impossible!" she said. "I was not in any danger from Alexandra!"

"How can you be so certain of that?" Roger wanted to know.

"Because I saw her eyes," Holly replied. "When I woke up in that wine cellar and looked into her eyes, I knew instantly that she had gone off the rails, before she ever said a word. And I looked into her eyes in that ladies' room tonight, and there was no trace of lunacy there. She is not going to come after me again."

"Damn right she's not," Roger said emphatically.

Holly made a frustrated sound and said, "I need a minute," and then she stalked across the restaurant and outside to the balcony.

Roger sighed and loosened his tie. He had managed to push Holly from annoyed to frustrated and angry, but he still didn't think he was wrong about Alexandra. Just the thought of Alex doing anything to even try and hurt Holly again made Roger's blood run cold. Was he being overprotective? Possibly, but he would rather be safe than sorry. As far as he was concerned, Alexandra Spaulding was something Holly needed to avoid, along with cigarette smoke, caffeine, alcohol, sushi, and paint fumes.

He took a sip of ginger ale, which had gone flat by now, before he'd had the chance to toast to the baby's health, not that Holly wanted to hear anything else from him at the moment. He had two choices here: try to dig himself out of this hole, or leave her alone to stew over his behavior, at least until the drive home, at which point he would probably be in for an earful.

He checked his watch. It had been three minutes since she had stormed out to the balcony. He might end up only digging himself deeper, but he strode across the restaurant, determined to try and get back on her good side.

Meanwhile, Alexandra's family and friends were discussing Holly and Roger—specifically, what had made Holly storm out to the balcony and made Roger not follow her immediately. The angle of their seats was such, and Holly had stormed outside so quickly, that no one got a look at her stomach, so the only person at that table who knew she was pregnant was Ed Bauer, and he still hadn't told anyone, per Holly's wishes.

"Well, well, well, maybe the honeymoon is finally over," Fletcher remarked after Holly had stormed outside.

"I'm surprised it lasted this long," Nick put in. "What do you think he did or said to make her so mad?"

"That was my fault, I'm afraid," Alexandra said. Everyone turned to look at her as she took her seat between Fletcher and Nick. "Holly and I saw each other in the ladies' room."

Faith and Cutter exchanged a look that said they fervently hoped they would not have to arrest anyone on this, their night off. "What happened, Aunt Alex?" Faith asked.

"I did not intentionally violate the restraining order," Alexandra insisted. "And as far as I know, Roger isn't going to call the police. Everything was fine until he came bursting in there like the Vice squad on a raid." She sighed as she said, "But I suppose I can't really blame him for reacting that way after what I did back in April, especially with Holly being pregnant."

Everyone at the table stared at Alexandra except Ed. "Holly is what?" Alan-Michael asked.

"She's pregnant," Alexandra replied.

"You must be mistaken, Alexandra," Alan said. "She couldn't be pregnant."

"I know what a pregnant woman looks like, Alan," Alex retorted. "And she told me herself that she's having a boy, and she's due in January."

"No way," Nick said, shaking his head.

"If Holly's pregnant, then that means—" Fletcher trailed off, unable to give voice to the indisputable truth.

"Yes, Fletch, Roger is the father," Alexandra finished for him. "God help the town of Springfield, I swear it's true. Holly is pregnant with Roger's baby."

Meanwhile, Holly was standing on the balcony, staring out at the city lights. When she heard the balcony doors open, she knew it was Roger even before he spoke. "It's been four minutes," he said.

Holly turned around to look at him. "I don't want to be mad at you," she said. "We just found out that our baby is perfectly healthy. We're supposed to be in there celebrating that fact right now."

Roger took a step closer to Holly. "This is my day for messing up," he said ruefully. "It's just that the thought of you anywhere near Alexandra makes my blood run cold. I couldn't handle it if she did anything to you, or to him."

"I understand how you feel," Holly said, taking a step closer to Roger herself, which still left about five feet between them. "But I can't barricade myself in the house just because Alexandra is back in town. Her treatment is working. I know it is."

"Because her eyes aren't crazy anymore," Roger said.

"I will never forget the way she looked at me in that wine cellar," Holly said. "So yes, seeing that she doesn't have that look in her eyes anymore is proof enough for me that she's not around the bend anymore. She is not going to come after me again."

"She's always going to hate me," Roger said.

"Probably," Holly agreed. "But that hate is not consuming her anymore. It's not the driving force in her life anymore. She knows about the restraining order. It was an accident that we ended up in the ladies' room at the same time, and at first, we both froze and just stared at each other. She was not going to hurt me, Roger. She especially wasn't going to hurt me after she realized I'm pregnant."

"Maybe bursting into the ladies' room like that was a bit of an overreaction," Roger admitted.

Holly softened a bit. "Just a bit," she said.

"Alexandra walked by our table after you had left," he said. "That's how I knew she was here in the first place. Then when you didn't come back right away, and neither did she, I realized she must have gone to the ladies' room instead of to use the phone, and I just, I panicked at the thought of you alone with her."

"I'm all right," Holly said. She rested a hand on her bump. "And he's all right. And you can't panic every time I'm out of your sight from now on. Springfield is not that big a place. Even with the restraining order, Alex and I might very well cross paths from time to time. It won't be intentional, but it will probably happen sometimes. But she is not going to come after me or little First-Name-Yet-to-Be-Determined Robert here, and I don't want you panicking yourself into a heart attack over this." She closed the distance between them then and took his hands in hers. "I'm not gonna let anything or anybody take me or this baby away from you," she said.

Roger bowed his head for a moment, then looked up to meet Holly's gaze. "I've been a jerk today, haven't I?" he asked.

"Yeah, but you're my jerk," Holly said affectionately. "You have good intentions, but the way you try to carry them out leaves something to be desired."

He nodded. "I will work on that, I promise," he said firmly.

"That's all I'm asking," Holly said. She cupped the back of his head in her palm, and he put his arms around her, and they kissed. "Now," she said after the kiss, "let's go back inside, ignore the Spauldings, and have dinner."

"All right," Roger agreed.

They did, indeed, ignore the Spauldings, but no one at the Spaulding table ignored them, and the jaws of everyone at the table except Alexandra, Ed, and Michelle, who gasped to show her surprise, dropped when they saw Roger and Holly come inside from the balcony and saw Holly's baby bump plain as day.

Alan spoke first, exclaiming, "Good lord, this means another spawn of Roger Thorpe is going to be running around Springfield!"

"You said it's a boy?" Fletcher asked. At Alexandra's affirmative answer, he cracked, "Maybe they'll name him 'Damien.'"

"What was the name of _Rosemary's Baby_?" Nick inquired.

"What do you think the chances are the kid's head will rotate three hundred and sixty degrees and vomit pea soup?" Alan-Michael asked.

"Alan-Michael!" Lucy scolded.

"Vomiting is not an appropriate dinner table topic, Alan-Michael," Hope lightly chided her son.

"Sorry, Mom," Alan-Michael said, but he was grinning, which made Hope smile and shake her head in reply.

"I'd say it's far more likely the boy will be a playground bully," Alan chimed in. "If he wants a swing or a toy or something another child has, if he's anything like his father, he'll just rip it right out of their hands without the slightest bit of remorse. I pity his future classmates already."

"Holly would never stand for her son being a bully," Ed said.

"Genetics may very well work against her there, Ed," Alan replied.

Maureen was surprised at her own feelings. She was happy for Holly and Roger, of course. (She correctly figured that she and Michelle were the only ones who were happy for Roger.) But a part of her was slightly jealous that Holly and Roger were getting to experience what she and Ed never would. Michelle was her and Ed's daughter; the fact that Maureen had not given birth to her made no difference at all. And Maureen also loved Rick like her own. But having been one of six children herself, she had always envisioned herself with a large family of her own, and not being able to get pregnant, or to hold onto the pregnancy the one time she and Ed did conceive, had been a blow to her. Even the surgery she'd had a few years ago ultimately hadn't made a difference. She loved her family, and she was happy for Holly and Roger, but there was a part of her that would always regret not being able to carry Ed's baby.

Faith wasn't surprised at the reactions around the table, but she spoke up then. "And I'm sure while we'll be getting our share of entertainment out of this surprise for a while, we all do wish Holly well and hope everything goes well for her, yes?" she asked.

"Yes, of course," Alan said.

"Hell, babies are always happy occasions, even if this one does have Roger's DNA," Nick said.

"I should send her a gift basket," Fletcher mused. "I can think of a few people at the _Journal_ who'd like to get in on something like that."

Alan-Michael looked at his little sister, sitting across the table from him, and smiled at her fondly. "Do you ever get tired of being the voice of reason, Faith?" he asked.

Cutter had been quiet thus far, but, remembering a little argument he and Faith had had a few days ago regarding bedsheets, he said, "When she does, she takes it out on me."

"Aw, but you're strong-minded, honey," Faith said, squeezing his hand under the table. "These guys, I can crack like coconuts. Except Dad, of course."

Maureen was brought out of her thoughts by Michelle, who was practically bouncing up and down in her seat with excitement over the news of Holly and Roger's baby. "Mom, could I just go over and quickly say congratulations to Holly and Mr. Thorpe?" she pleaded. "It'll just take two minutes, and I'll come right back to the table, I promise."

"I'll go with you, Michelle," Faith said. "I'd like to congratulate Holly myself."

"So would I," Hope chimed in.

"We'll all go," Maureen said as they got to their feet. "Ed, are you coming?"

Ed set down his glass of iced tea. "Sure," he said.

As the five of them walked across the restaurant to Roger and Holly's table, Maureen said to Ed in an undertone, "You knew about this already, didn't you?"

"Holly asked me not to say anything," Ed replied. "She wanted to tell you and Michelle herself…although I don't think this is the way she intended to do it."

Holly looked up at the group approaching the table, and before she could say anything, Michelle was squealing, "Oh, my gosh, Holly, you're gonna have a baby! This is so exciting! Congratulations!" She threw her arms around Holly and hugged her, and Holly smiled and hugged her back.

"Thank you, Michelle," she said.

"That's why we're all here," Hope said as Michelle released Holly and rounded the table to hug Roger. "To congratulate you and wish you all the best, Holly."

"Thank you, Hope," Holly replied.

"Congratulations, Mr. Thorpe!" Michelle exclaimed as she hugged him.

Roger hugged her back, then squeezed her shoulder after she released him. "Thanks, Michelle," he said. After Michelle stepped back, Maureen stepped forward. Roger detected a bit of a shadow in her eyes for a fleeting second, and then she was smiling and hugging him and telling him, "I'm really happy for you, Roger. He's a lucky little boy to have you and Holly for parents."

"Thank you, Maureen," Roger said.

"Does Blake know yet?" Michelle asked.

"Yes, Blake knows," Holly replied.

"Is she excited?" Michelle asked.

At Holly's hesitation, Faith, Hope, and Maureen exchanged looks. Blake had always been her parents' biggest fan, the one person who had always believed they belonged together no matter how far apart they were at any given time, so the women all wondered what possible reason Blake could have for not being over the moon that her parents were having another child together.

"She was very surprised," Roger answered.

"Can I come to your baby shower?" Michelle asked.

"Oh, uh, I don't know if I'm having a baby shower, honey," Holly said.

"Well, if you do have one, let us know when and where it is," Faith said. "We'd all like to come. Congratulations on the baby. It's a boy?"

"Yes," Holly said. "He's due in January."

"Maybe he'll be the first baby born in Springfield in 1996," Ed said.

"Oh, wouldn't that be something?" Hope said.

"Well, that's up to him," Holly said with a laugh. "We just don't want him to come too early."

"Of course not," Maureen said. "How are you feeling, Holly?"

"I'm feeling well, Maureen," Holly replied. "The morning sickness has passed, I just went into maternity clothes—"

"That's a lovely outfit," Hope said. "They didn't have anything that fashionable when I was pregnant with Alan-Michael or Faith."

"They definitely didn't have anything this fashionable when I was pregnant with Blake," Holly said.

"Nola still has boxes of old clothes in her basement labeled simply, 'It Came From the '70s,'" Maureen said. "She probably has a few maternity clothes from the early '80s in there somewhere too."

Hope laughed. "Only Nola," she said fondly before turning her attention back to Holly to ask, "And how is the baby? Everything's good?"

Holly looked at the smiling Roger, who had just been watching and listening to the conversation, and said with a smile, "Everything is great. He's perfectly healthy."

As Michelle and the women all congratulated Holly again on the baby's health, Ed made his way to Roger's chair. "She's very happy," Ed said without preamble.

"She is," Roger agreed, not taking his eyes off Holly. "So am I."

"Keep it that way," Ed said.

Roger finally looked up and met Ed's gaze. "Her happiness is my goal in life," he said. "Hers and our son's."

The Spauldings' dinners were brought to their table then, so they headed back to their own table to eat, but before they did, Michelle got in the last word: "Let us know about your baby shower, Holly! And I'll be available to baby-sit after he's born!"

When they were alone together again, Holly looked at Roger, who was just watching her with a smile on his face. "I wasn't planning on having a baby shower," she said, "but I think I'm going to have to now. I'd hate to disappoint Michelle."

"I read that they're starting to have baby showers that include the dad now," Roger said.

Holly raised an eyebrow. "You really want to sit around with a bunch of women, including Faith and Hope Spaulding, and talk about breast pumps and cracked nipples and hemorrhoids and labor pains for an entire afternoon?" she asked.

"Cracked nipples?" Roger asked, making a face. "I saw something about that in one of the books I got, but I thought it was about nipples on bottles, like when the baby starts teething and bites down on it and cracks it."

"No," Holly said, shaking her head.

Roger winced. "That sounds painful," he said.

"It's not pleasant," she replied.

"That's the kind of stuff you talk about at a baby shower?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Holly said.

"You know, you could just say you'd rather I didn't attend instead of getting gross about it to dissuade me," he said.

"I could," she agreed with a smirk, "but where's the fun in that?"


	8. This Time, All I Want Is You

_**Before we begin, I have a few notes on this chapter. First, Dr. Eileen Janssen, Roger and Holly's therapist, makes an appearance here. I picture Dr. Janssen as Stockard Channing during her years as First Lady Dr. Abigail Bartlet on The West Wing. **  
_

_**Secondly, we go very much into M territory in this chapter with Roger and Holly. I hope you enjoy reading that part as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
**_

* * *

_August 10, 1995, 3:24 PM—Office of Dr. Eileen Janssen, Bay City_

Of the handful of patients that Dr. Eileen Janssen, psychologist, genuinely liked as people, her standing 3:30 PM Thursday afternoon appointment topped the short list. Were they not her patients, Roger and Holly Thorpe would have been friends of hers, if they had met in some other way. They were both smart, funny, if somewhat guarded individuals (though they were much less guarded after a year-and-a-half as her patients than they had been when they had first started coming to her office), and fiercely, deeply devoted to one another as a couple and to their marriage. Her years of study and training had taught her not to be shocked at what any patient of hers ever had to say, and that had stood her in good stead when Roger and Holly had, not without difficulty, opened up to her about their past history together when they had begun seeing her. They explained everything that had happened in their lives together and apart from the time they first met, how they had felt about the toxic aspects of their history for so long and how they felt about those toxic aspects of their history now, when things between them had started to change after they had both returned to Springfield, where they had lived when they were young and married for the first time and where they lived now, what they had addressed just the two of them, and what they felt they still needed to work on.

It was very rewarding, and, given a lot of what she saw in her practice, also refreshing, to Dr. Janssen to see two people who were both intelligent enough and emotionally healthy enough to honestly say, "We have a boatload of baggage together and as individuals, and we want you to help us work through our issues so that we do not almost destroy each other, because we already did that once, and we will do whatever it takes to insure that that never happens again." Dr. Janssen was as dedicated to helping Roger and Holly make sure that it never happened again as they were themselves to making sure that it never happened again.

Her train of thought was interrupted when the Thorpes arrived for their weekly appointment, obviously in the middle of an argument. Holly's mouth was set in a thin line, her eyes telegraphing her exasperation and annoyance, and Roger's face was a mix of confusion and contrition. They had confided in her a month ago about the baby boy they were expecting in January, a big but very much wanted surprise, and she had been helping them deal with their feelings about their grown, married daughter's unhappiness over her new baby brother because she and her husband were trying to have a baby themselves and she wasn't pregnant yet, and about Holly's determination to not lose herself or have her entire identity revolve around being a mother to this new baby and therefore to not be as miserable as she was when their daughter was a child and motherhood was her only identity. Now that Holly was in her second trimester, and plainly showing, Dr. Janssen wondered if Roger had inadvertently said or done something to aggravate her. As much as these two obviously loved each other, that didn't mean they were immune to arguing and disagreements and even occasionally making each other angry. It was fighting fairly that was important, and Roger and Holly had both learned how to do that with help from her.

When they were seated on the couch facing her, but at opposite ends of the couch instead of in their customary positions—side by side, close enough that their knees touched, Roger's arm stretched across the back of the couch behind Holly—Dr. Janssen asked without preamble, "So, what's with the silent entrance this week?"

Holly had been stewing over this for the entire drive from Springfield to Bay City, and she exclaimed, "My husband thinks that everything I say, think, feel, and do is caused by a mood swing!"

_Ah, so **that** was it,_ Dr. Janssen thought.

Roger looked at Dr. Janssen helplessly. "I'm just trying to be there for you and help you out as much as I can," he said, looking from Dr. Janssen to Holly. "And mood swings are common at this stage."

"If you say one more word about mood swings, I'm gonna hit you with a pillow again," Holly threatened, picking up one of the throw pillows from the end of the couch she was sitting on and hugging it to her chest.

"What did I do that was so awful? Really?" Roger wanted to know.

"You mean aside from putting enough clothes for two pregnant women for the duration on hold at the store without even consulting me first? Oh, gee, I don't know, Roger, what else could I possibly be so annoyed about?" Holly challenged.

Roger cringed. "This morning," he said.

"This morning!" Holly exclaimed.

"What happened this morning?" Dr. Janssen asked.

"There was a strange woman in our living room, vacuuming under the couch at 8:00 AM!" Holly shouted. She then focused on Dr. Janssen. "He hired a cleaning woman without even discussing it with me first!" Then she glowered at Roger. "Look, I've never claimed to be the world's greatest housekeeper, but we don't live in squalor, and we also don't live in a mansion! I neither wanted nor expected you to go out and hire Butterfly McQueen to clean up after us! I've never been a big fan of vacuuming under the couch, so yes, there are probably several dust bunnies under there, but dust bunnies do not pose a risk to me or the baby, and right now, they're only posing a risk to you because you not only had the audacity to hire a cleaning woman without even mentioning to me that you were even thinking about it, but then when I told her, nicely, that her services were not required, **you** told her to ignore me because I was having a mood swing!"

Roger looked miserable. "I really didn't think it would bother you this much, Holly."

"I agree with the first half of that statement: you didn't think!" she said.

"Roger," Dr. Janssen interjected then, and he turned to look at her, "you do understand what you did wrong here, don't you?"

"I should have discussed hiring a cleaning woman with Holly before I actually did it," he said.

"Yes, that's a big part of it, but that's not all of it," Dr. Janssen replied.

"I shouldn't have told the cleaning woman that she was having a m—" He caught himself when Holly held up the throw pillow. "Having that thing I'm not mentioning by name, because that was embarrassing to her."

"Yes," Dr. Janssen and Holly said in unison.

"What's this about putting clothes on hold?" Dr. Janssen asked.

"Last week, I popped," Holly said, resting a hand on her swollen belly. "I started showing, and I've gained enough weight that I need maternity clothes now. When I said that I was going to go shopping for maternity clothes the next day, I found out that Roger had put a bunch of maternity clothes on hold for me, once again without consulting me first."

"You had mentioned before that you were afraid that maternity clothes nowadays would be as ugly as they were when you were pregnant with Chrissy. So yes, I went looking to see what maternity clothes were like now, and when I saw some that looked like what you usually wear, I put them on hold. I didn't buy anything, and after you got upset about it, I called the store and had them put everything back," Roger replied. He looked to Dr. Janssen then. "I was just trying to be helpful, really."

"Did Holly say to you at any point that she didn't want to go shopping for her own maternity clothes?" Dr. Janssen asked Roger.

"Well, no," Roger admitted.

"And you didn't ask her if you could put some maternity clothes on hold for her, nor did you discuss hiring a cleaning woman with her, you just went ahead and did these things and then told her about them after you had already done them," Dr. Janssen said, wanting to be sure.

"Yes," Roger said.

"And then when she didn't react favorably to what you had done, you chalked her reaction up entirely to mood swings?" Dr. Janssen asked.

Roger squirmed a bit under Dr. Janssen's penetrating gaze. "Yes," he said.

"Holly," Dr. Janssen said then, and Holly turned her attention to the doctor. "Suppose you had thrown your back out and couldn't leave the house, couldn't even get up and move around without help. Would you have minded if Roger had hired a cleaning woman in that case?"

"If he didn't discuss it with me first, yes," Holly said.

"And if he had gone clothes shopping for you while you were laid up with a bad back?" Dr. Janssen continued.

"Yes, that would bother me, because we don't buy clothes for each other as a matter of routine. Maybe once in a while, I'll buy him a tie, and he did bring me back a peignoir set from L.A. once when he had business there, but generally, we don't pick out clothes for each other, and I would certainly never, even if he was in a full body cast, walk into Brooks Brothers and buy him five new suits."

Dr. Janssen nodded. "Roger, the fact that you are trying to help Holly as much as you can and in every way that you can is wonderful," she said. "But do you understand now why Holly is so upset about the maternity clothes and the cleaning woman?"

"Because I overstepped," Roger said. He looked at Holly then. "I didn't consult you first on the clothes or the cleaning woman, and those are the kinds of decisions that either you make yourself, like your clothes, or that we should make together, like the cleaning woman." He looked guilty and uncertain then. "It's not that I don't think you can do these things, Holly. I know you can. But I want you to have the option not to **have** to do them if you don't want to."

"But I want to," Holly said. "If I didn't want to, I would tell you. Or if you want to give me the option, Roger, then **_give me the option_**, because what you did with the maternity clothes and the cleaning woman was not giving me the option to decide if I wanted to pick out my clothes or do my own cleaning. It was you singlehandedly deciding that we needed somebody else to clean the house, or that I couldn't or shouldn't be bothered with picking out my own maternity clothes, never mind the fact that you picked out practically a whole new wardrobe which I do not need. Just because I am pregnant with our son does not mean that I am suddenly unable to make my own decisions or do the things I've been doing for my entire adult life."

Holly moved over on the couch so that she was sitting next to Roger now and took one of his hands in hers, tipping his chin up with her other hand so that he was looking in her eyes. "I don't want to crush you and I don't want to hurt your feelings, honey, because I know, I understand, that you have the best of intentions. You're not trying to take over or stifle me. But that's how it feels. And maybe, just maybe, my getting upset as fast as I do when you do these things is the result of my hormones fluctuating the way they are and the **occasional** mood swing, but that is not the only reason I get upset. It's not even the main reason." She squeezed his hand. "I love that you're so involved, and that you're so proactive about being involved, but I don't want you to make decisions for me that you know I make for myself, or that we should be making together."

Roger nodded. "What about the sleeper I brought home with the teddy bear on it? The one that you said maybe he can wear home from the hospital?" he asked.

"I really do love it," she said. "And he will wear it home from the hospital. And we'll pick out the rest of the things he needs both separately and together. That's our prerogative as his mom and dad." She brushed her hand down the back of his head to rest at the nape of his neck. "But having a baby does not change anything about the things I did for myself long before I was pregnant, nor does it change anything about the things we should make decisions on together, like whether or not to hire a cleaning woman. And every time you play off the things I say and do and feel as just a mood swing, it's insulting and condescending, like you think you need to handle me because I'm pregnant, and because of the big, bad, unpredictable hormones, and it has to stop, Roger."

"I'm sorry," Roger said. "I really wasn't trying to handle you. I just wanted to make things easier for you. But before I even think about doing anything that involves you, or involves us as a couple, from now on, I will talk to you about it first."

"Good," Holly said with a smile.

"Very good," Dr. Janssen said, and they both turned to look at her. "Now, what else would you like to discuss this week?" She noted with satisfaction that as Roger and Holly settled themselves on the couch facing her, they were sitting in their usual positions now, side by side, their knees touching, and Roger's arm was stretched across the back of the couch behind Holly. They would be all right, she knew. Their son was going to be one lucky little boy.

* * *

_August 23, 1995, 7:19 AM—Roger and Holly's House_

When Holly stepped into the bathroom that morning, Roger was just getting out of the shower, so she got a head-to-toe view of her husband naked and dripping wet as he reached for a towel.

Now, of course, Holly had seen Roger naked, and even seen him naked and dripping wet fresh from the shower, countless times before. But never before had she had such a deeply primal reaction to seeing him naked. Forget the caffeine she was limiting her intake of right now; every cell in her body was wide awake and thrumming at the sight of him, and watching him towel off was making it hard for her to catch her breath.

Since she had a big meeting at work with some prospective sponsors for the 6 and 11 o'clock newscasts, she tried to push aside her reaction until there was time to deal with it properly, but her eyes had a mind of their own, refusing to stop looking at Roger as he finished toweling off, then wrapped the towel around his waist before heading to the bedroom to get dressed, pausing on the way to kiss her cheek.

The rest of Holly's morning was an exercise in frustration. She could barely get a word in edgewise in the sponsors' meeting because the sponsors were so busy arguing over each other about the price of advertising and which of them would get the 6:00 newscast and which would get the 11:00 newscast, and after a half hour of that, she was disgusted with the whole meeting.

But the main source of her frustration was that her mind kept wandering to Roger, naked and fresh from the shower that morning, which gave her all kinds of wicked thoughts about all of the very enjoyable things they could do if they were naked together.

The meeting finally ended a few minutes after 11 AM, with absolutely nothing accomplished, but Holly didn't care about that. She was out the door five minutes after the bickering sponsors. Work was work, and right now, it could wait, but there was no way she could wait until tonight to satisfy the surging need she was feeling for her husband.

* * *

_August 23, 1995, 11:18 AM—Thorpe and Marler Consulting, Roger Thorpe's Office_

Roger saved the file on his computer and rolled his desk chair from the credenza back to his desk just as his office door opened. "Holly," he said, surprised to see her. She had mentioned last night that she had a sponsors' meeting at the station this morning, and he remembered how interminable (and how boring) those meetings usually were.

She closed the door behind her, stepped out of her shoes, and said, "I didn't see Blake in her office. Is she here?"

"No," Roger said, initialing a report he wanted Blake to read before putting it in a manila folder and then putting the folder in his out basket. He looked up at his wife and gave her his full attention as he said, "She's out of the office all afternoon. Client meeting in Oakdale."

"Good," Holly murmured as she let her eyes roam over her husband. His jacket was hanging on the back of his desk chair, his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, his collar was unbuttoned and his tie loosened. The mere sight of him sent another powerful surge of yearning rushing through her.

Roger frowned slightly when he really looked at Holly. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were glued to him and blazing with intensity. As she crossed to his desk, he got up and met her in front of the desk. "Are you all right?" he asked anxiously. "You look overheated."

"I am," she said, resting her palms on his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin through the lightweight material of his white dress shirt, "but not in the way you think." She stepped into him, backing him up to the desk and then fusing her mouth to his with such fervor that if he hadn't been leaning against the desk, he would have been knocked off balance.

When Holly broke the kiss, she pulled back just enough so that she could rest her forehead against his. "Ever since I saw you getting out of the shower this morning, all I've been able to think about is stripping you naked and making love to you," she said breathlessly. She stroked up his chest to put her arms around him, then lowered her face to his neck, breathing in his familiar masculine scent. She exhaled a groan and lifted her head to meet his surprised eyes. "I can't wait any longer," she whispered. She pulled his loosened tie off over his head and then went to work on his shirt buttons. "I want you so very much," she said huskily as she pulled his shirt off after finally getting the shirt unbuttoned and tossed it aside, "right here, right now." She nuzzled his bare chest before raining kisses all over his throat, chest, and shoulders, and then lifted her head to follow the strong line of his jaw to his ear with her tongue, gently nipping his earlobe. Her breath was so close, so sensual, he couldn't hold back a gasp, not that he would have wanted to.

Making love on the desk at either his office or hers had become a bit of a running joke with them. Roger would suggest it every once in a while, and Holly would firmly say, "We are not having sex on my desk, or yours," and that would be that.

But this was no joke. Her desire for him was palpable in the way she was looking at him, kissing him, and touching him, and it was fueling his own desire for her.

She fumbled with the buttons of her own blouse then, which snapped Roger out of his surprised daze. He covered her fingers with his and helped her undo the buttons, meeting her heated gaze as together, they removed her blouse. She unbuckled his belt, lowering his pants and boxers to his calves and nudged him back to the desk again. "Lie down," she said. She shed her skirt and panties as he eased back onto the desk, and then she straddled him, lowering herself onto him with a moan of pleasure.

Moving on top of him, her eyes closed, her back arched, she looked like a goddess, and every thought left his head but her. He raised up enough that he could get her bra off, and then his mouth was lavishing loving attention on her breasts, eliciting a very vocal response from her. She threw her head back as she moaned, "Oh, yes," and then he fell back onto the desk, taking her with him, the back of her head cradled in one palm. He followed her rhythm, wrapping his other arm around her and thrusting into her from below.

They rocked together slowly, and her only thought was that his kisses and caresses felt so very good, and feeling him inside her was so incredible, so right. This was exactly what she had needed, what she had wanted. The magnitude of both her searing need and her overwhelming desire to make love to him right here and now was primal. She wanted and needed to be with him in this way because he was her mate, the only one who could satisfy the need and the desire pulsing through every fiber of her being, and he was satisfying her more every second.

He arched up, his hand still cradling the back of her head, and gently pulled her head down to his, demanding her lips and then kissing her in a way that matched their rhythm. Her mouth opened to his seeking tongue as their bodies continued their dance of love, and every one of his senses was flooded with her—the scent of her desire, the taste of her kiss, the sight and feel of her on top of him and sheathing him, the touch of her hands as they caressed him, the sounds of delight she made at the pleasure they were giving to and receiving from one another. He was happily consumed by her and with her. She and making love with her were all that existed now.

Slowly, so very slowly, she felt the tension building, pulsating low in her belly. Their kiss deepened, and then he wrapped both arms around her back before thrusting into her hard and fast, once, twice, and then she shattered, breaking the kiss to cry out as the waves of ecstasy rolled through her, carrying her away, and when he felt her clench around him, he shouted her name as he followed her over the edge.

Panting, she collapsed on his chest, her limbs enveloping him, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as his own pounding heart and ragged breath gradually returned to normal. They just lay there in each other's arms for awhile, coming down from the high.

"I can't believe we just did that," Holly said after several minutes, lifting her head from Roger's chest.

"It was your idea," Roger reminded her happily. "And it was one of the best ideas you've ever had." He grinned. "All those times you said we would never make love on my desk, and not only did we, but it was so much more amazing than my fantasies."

"You're right, it was amazing," Holly agreed. "I just… There have been times that we've just had to have each other right now, but I've never felt an urgency that was that…that…"

"Powerful?" Roger suggested, trailing a hand lightly down her arm.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I was hot and bothered from the second I walked in on you getting out of the shower this morning, and I couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't stop thinking about being with you, and I just got more hot and bothered as the morning went on. All I accomplished all morning was thinking of all the things I wanted to do when I got you alone and naked under me. I've never felt so primal about you before." She ducked her head as her cheeks colored slightly, this time from embarrassment, which he found endearing.

"Hey," he said softly, tipping her chin up so she met his gaze. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about here. I got to feeling pretty primal there myself." He leaned up and kissed her gently.

"I noticed," Holly replied, stroking a hand down his chest. "Every feeling was so intense and vivid, every sensation was heightened."

"For me too," Roger replied. Then he grinned mischievously. "Hello, second trimester."

"What about the second trimester?" Holly asked, sitting up and moving off of Roger to retrieve her clothes and begin getting dressed again.

"Expectant mothers often experience an increase in libido during the second trimester," he replied, sitting up himself and sliding off the desk, noting that both his in basket and out basket, the phone, the file folders on his blotter, and his pen-and-pencil holder and its contents had all been knocked to the floor, but they hadn't knocked over their wedding picture, which was still sitting on the far corner of the desk by the lamp.

"And how do you know that?" she asked as she tucked her blouse into her skirt and tried to remember where she'd left her shoes.

"Pages 255 through 261," he replied as he buttoned his shirt before tucking it into his pants.

"Really?" Holly asked, somewhat skeptical as she spotted her shoes and went to put them on. She didn't remember sex during her first pregnancy feeling anything like what she and Roger had just felt together on his desk. Of course, pretty much everything about her pregnancy with Blake was very different from everything about her pregnancy with this baby, she mused.

"I swear," he said, completely serious now, all traces of his grin vanishing as he buckled his belt. "I'll show you the book tonight."

Fully dressed again, Holly snagged Roger's tie from where it hung from the handle of one of his desk drawers, stepped up to him, and draped it over his head and then over his collar. He cinched the knot to the top of his collar then, and she reached out to straighten the retied tie as she said, "Oh, I believe you, considering you've memorized about 95% of that book. I don't need to see it."

Roger gently pulled Holly into his arms and said, "So, now that we've made love on my desk," they both knew that that was definitely not mere sex, it was truly making love, "which by the way, I will never look at the same way again, thank you—"

"We are not making love on **my** desk, Roger," she interrupted him dryly.

"That's what you always said about my desk," he reminded her, "and yet…"

She shook her head at him, but she was smiling. "What am I going to do with you?" she asked, putting her arms around his neck.

"Anything you want," he replied, wrapping his arms around her waist. She took a step closer, and they both looked down at her protruding belly between them. "You're really starting to show," he said. "Has he started kicking yet? I mean, that you can feel?"

"Not yet," Holly replied. She touched a fingertip to his lips, and he kissed it. "I promise, the second he does, you'll be the first to know." They just looked at each other for a minute, and then Holly said, "So, it's common for expectant mothers to get carried away by their libido in the second trimester."

"Any time you feel like getting carried away, you can carry me away right along with you," Roger said before kissing the top of her head.

* * *

_August 17, 1995, 10:37 PM—Roger and Holly's House_

They were lying in bed, spooned together after having made love again with just as much passion, if not more, than they had spent on Roger's desk earlier. Roger's arm was wrapped around Holly's waist under the covers, holding her back against him, his hand splayed across her growing abdomen, and he pushed her hair out of the way with his other hand so that he had clear access to the side of her neck, which he was gently kissing and nuzzling. She snuggled back against him, her cheek pillowed on one hand as she lazily stroked his forearm beneath the sheet with her other hand. She closed her eyes and gave a soft, contented "Mmmm…" as he kissed and nuzzled her neck.

Then she felt it…a rippling movement fluttering in her belly.

Her eyes snapped open, and she realized that Roger was no longer kissing and nuzzling the side of her neck. His hand was still resting on her abdomen, and then she felt the rippling sensation again.

"Holly?" Roger asked quietly.

"Yes?" she replied just as quietly.

"Was that…" He trailed off, but she heard the hope clearly in those two words.

She turned over to face him, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yes," she said. "The baby just kicked."

Roger inhaled sharply and gently stroked her belly. She covered his hand with her own, and they lay there in the dim light, gazing at each other in silent wonder at feeling their child move for the first time…and then it happened again.

"We just felt him move," Roger said, his voice cracking. Holly saw the sheen of tears in his eyes, and then he reached out the hand not feeling their son kick inside her and caught a tear at the corner of her eye on his index finger.

She threw her arms around him, and his arms went around her. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek against hers, swallowing hard, and they stayed like that for a long moment before kissing gently, sweetly. After Roger broke the kiss, he then moved the sheet aside and caressed Holly's stomach before showering it with soft kisses. Then, shifting so that he was lying on his side with his head near her stomach, focusing on the bump that was their growing son, he addressed the baby emotionally, the wonder at feeling him kicking shining in his still-moist eyes. "We felt you move. Your mom and I are both right here, and we felt you move, and we love you so much."

The baby moved again, whether by coincidence or because he was responding to the sound of his father's voice. "He's moving again," Holly said excitedly.

Roger beamed and rested his hand on Holly's belly once more. Then he looked up at her, and his smile faded. "Does it hurt?" he asked, concerned.

"Not at all," she assured him, stroking his cheek. "It's just a ripple…a fluttering."

Assured that it wasn't painful for her, his smile returned. He lay down so that his cheek was resting lightly against her swollen midsection. She ran her fingers through his hair, gently stroking his scalp, as he talked to the baby again. "Your mom and I are getting ready to go to sleep," he said, "so maybe you could go easy on her with the kicking and the stretching and the somersaults that you're doing in there for the next eight hours or so? She needs her rest. Okay?" He kissed the baby bump once more before moving back up to his pillow. "That's magnificent," he said.

"It is," she agreed, stroking his cheek before snuggling into his arms, resting her head on his chest and her hand on his opposite shoulder.

"We felt him move," Roger said softly, happily.

"Mmm, I guess soon we'll find out if he's restless like you or calm like me," Holly mused. "Well, I'm calm when compared to your restlessness," she added.

"If it turns out that he is restless like me, just the sound of your voice will soothe him and calm him," Roger said.

"How do you figure that?" Holly asked, shifting so she could look up at him.

"Because just the sound of your voice soothes and calms me when I get restless," he replied with a smile.

"The first instance of like father, like son?" she asked. She smiled back at him. "That could be. We'll find out. We'll definitely find out, and soon."

* * *

_August 28, 1995, 7:19 AM—Ross and Blake's House_

When the timer dinged, Blake vaulted off the edge of the bed like she'd been fired out of a cannon and bolted into the bathroom. Ross remained seated on the edge of the bed, his stomach in knots, and only a few seconds later, Blake's frustrated, angry "Damn it!" and the sound of something being slammed down on the bathroom counter confirmed his suspicions: another negative pregnancy test.

Blake returned to the bedroom still looking frustrated and angry. "Negative again!" she exclaimed disgustedly. "Maybe the fertility test results were wrong. At least, maybe mine were. We know that you can do it, so the problem must be with me."

And that was the moment that Ross finally snapped. The past almost six months had taken a toll on him and Blake, and on their relationship, that was starting to worry him, and he could keep silent about his true feelings no longer.

"Blake, the problem is stress!" Ross exclaimed, surprising her. Her jaw dropped as she stared at him as he stood up and crossed the room to her. "You are putting way too much pressure on us to get pregnant! You're consumed with wanting a baby!"

Blake recovered from her shock and now she got angry at Ross. "We both agreed we wanted a baby!" she reminded him. "Are you saying that you've changed your mind?"

"No!" Ross shouted. "But it's all you think about anymore, it's all you talk about. You can't even be in the same room with Holly for more than five minutes now that she's showing, and you didn't mention to me that she's showing. I had to find out when I ran into her at Company the other day. And she knows, Blake. She and Roger both know you're avoiding them, and they both know that you still aren't happy about their baby, but Holly being pregnant and you not being pregnant is just the way it is right now. It doesn't mean it's never going to happen for us. You've always been Holly and Roger's greatest advocate, and they could really use your support and your enthusiasm now. I can't even fathom how much it has to be hurting both of them that you're not able to muster up any shred of happiness about their baby."

"Since when have you cared about my parents' feelings, especially my father's feelings, over mine?" Blake wanted to know.

"This is not about their feelings. It's about you," Ross insisted. He grabbed hold of Blake's upper arms and looked deep into her eyes, and Blake's heart skipped a beat when she saw the fear and desperation in Ross's gaze. "Any other time, you would be as far over the moon about Holly having Roger's baby as Roger is, but honey, you're not. You haven't been you for months now! I can't even remember the last time I saw you smile. You want a baby so badly, you can't see or feel or think about anything else. I miss you!"

"I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere," Blake said, but her heart and stomach had both turned to ice because she knew what Ross was really saying, and she understood how he was feeling because she was feeling it too, but she believed that if she took her eyes off the prize, then it really would never happen.

"Yes, you have," he said bleakly, the desperation still clear in his eyes. "You've gone to a place that I can't reach you. You're drowning in your obsession to get pregnant, and it feels like you only want me for one thing anymore, and that's sex. And that's all it's been for quite a while now, Blake: sex, as opposed to making love, and not just sex as opposed to making love, but sex solely for the purpose of procreation. Frantic, mindless sex that is all about positioning, and timing with regard to when you're ovulating instead of making love, instead of feeling the connection we have. It's like getting pregnant is a goal to be reached, or a prize to be won, and I don't want it to feel like that. It means more to me than that. **You **mean more to me that."

Blake was taken aback at both the way Ross phrased what their sex life had been like for the past few months and at her own realization that he was right, and that she had been feeling the same way but had denied it to herself. She pushed out of his arms, and gave him a hard look, her arms folded across her chest. "You said you would do whatever it took to have a baby with me," she said.

"Not if it means losing you, Blake. Not if it means losing us," Ross said, his face and voice both taking on a pleading tone.

"So, what, you just want to quit? Give up?" she challenged.

"I didn't say that!" Ross exclaimed frustratedly. "But I think we need to take a step back. We need to stop trying so hard. We need to find us again. I miss you, Blake. I miss my best friend, I miss my lover, I miss my wife. And I want and I need **you **above everything else."

"Including a baby," Blake said.

"I want our child to be conceived in love, not under a cloud of anguish over whether this is the time it finally happens!" Ross shouted.

Blake's response to this was to stalk into the bathroom, slam the door shut, and lock it. Thirty seconds later, Ross heard the shower start running full blast.

Feeling drained and defeated, Ross slowly left the bedroom. With the day off to this bad a start, he was going to need coffee and lots of it to get through it.

What he didn't know was that in the bathroom, Blake was sitting on the floor by the tub with the shower running full blast to hide the sounds of her wracking sobs.

She knew that Ross was right. She had seen the change in herself these past almost six months since they had started trying to have a baby: her lack of smiles and laughter, her fixation in thought, word, and deed all three on getting pregnant, and she too had felt the lack of connection between them lately. Every time she and Ross had sex, she was so certain that **_this_** time, it finally happened, they finally made a baby…and every month, she was bitterly disappointed by the negative pregnancy tests, which, frankly, were starting to feel now like they were mocking her.

She was so focused on getting pregnant that she truly hadn't been paying attention to Ross as anything but a stud for the past few months, at least. She couldn't get pregnant without him, and, she conceded to herself through her tears, she **had **been very bossy about exactly when they had sex, in what positions they had sex, and how often they had sex, always with the ultimate goal of creating life in mind. There had been no just fooling around, no spontaneity, very little foreplay, and yet, Ross hadn't complained. He hadn't said one word about her rigid, demanding bossiness regarding sex...until today.

Blake loved Ross more than she had known she was capable of loving any man, and she realized then how much Ross must love her, to put up with her rigid, demanding bossiness about their sex life, and her crazed fever to conceive, almost like baby rabies, for almost six months before blowing his stack. She had seen the fear and worry and desperation in his eyes just now. He was truly afraid and concerned about what this was doing to her, to them, and to their relationship. So was she.

Yes, she wanted his baby, a little Blake-and-Ross combination that was living proof of their love, as sappy or clichéd as that might sound to others.

But instead of creating a baby, her approach to doing that was creating a disconnection between her and Ross that was worrying and scaring both of them. And she didn't want to have a baby or raise a baby without him. She couldn't lose him over this. She saw a baby as the ultimate bond between her and Ross, not as something that would break them.

They weren't broken, she knew. They were messed up right now, but they were **not** broken. And she couldn't let them get any **more **messed up, she couldn't let them get broken. She could not, would not, lose the only man she had ever truly loved, the only man who had ever truly loved her.

And if that meant postponing, or even giving up on, having a baby, then that's what she would have to do, because if it was a choice between not driving Ross away or having his baby, she would choose not driving Ross away every single time.

She wondered briefly if that made her a bad mother, choosing her husband and their marriage over a hypothetical, potential, can't-be-conceived-anyway-no-matter-what-we-do child.

Then she wiped the steam from the mirror over the sink away, stared at her slightly distorted reflection as the shower's steamy haze swirled in the air around her, and, wiping her red, swollen eyes, wondered aloud, "How do I fix this?"

* * *

_**Updates will be slower in coming and probably not as regular for the next few weeks with the holidays and all, but there will be updates, because there's a lot of this story still left to be told. Thanks for reading, and happy holidays!**_


	9. Making Amends and Choosing a Name

_August 28, 1995, 9:02 AM—Cedars Hospital, Maureen Bauer's Office_

"Good morning, Blake," Maureen greeted Blake when she arrived at Maureen's office for their meeting.

"Hello," Blake replied, setting her briefcase down.

And that was all Blake said, just that one word: "Hello."

Maureen stopped what she was doing, regarded Blake, and asked, "What's wrong?"

One thing that loving Ross, and fostering good relationships with both her mother and her father, had done for Blake was to open her up emotionally, and therefore make her more easily able to be read by the people who knew her best, and Maureen knew Blake very well.

Blake decided not to even try to hide it. She had spoken with Maureen before about her relationship with Ross, when they were in the bumpy early stages of realizing that it was love and not just a physical attraction. Maureen's help had been invaluable to her then. Maybe she would have more words of wisdom for Blake now.

"I want to have a baby," Blake began.

Ross and Blake had been married for over a year, so this news wasn't a surprise to Maureen. "And is Ross on board with the two of you having a baby?" Maureen asked.

"Oh yes," Blake replied. "We've been trying since March. Almost six months. And nothing's happened yet."

"Six months isn't that long," Maureen said. "If nothing's happened in another six months, then you can go in for fertility tests and see if there's something medical that's keeping you from getting pregnant."

"We already had the fertility tests," Blake told her.

"You already had the fertility tests," Maureen repeated. This did surprise her, since fertility testing usually didn't occur until at least a year had gone by without the couple getting pregnant.

"Yes. I couldn't wait," Blake said. "I didn't **want** to wait. So Dr. Sedwick did the tests on both Ross and me."

"Did you get the results?" Maureen asked.

"The tests say everything is normal and fine, and there's no reason Ross and I can't have a baby," Blake replied.

"That's good," Maureen said.

"Not to me," Blake said. She laughed without any humor. "I wanted to get pregnant right away. And I became so obsessed with getting pregnant that I have taken all the romance and all the fun and all the…feeling connected out of trying. Ross and I had a big fight about that this morning after the latest negative pregnancy test, and the things he said made me realize that I've really messed this up big time." She looked at Maureen then. "Do you think I'm selfish? In general, I mean."

"Yes," Maureen replied.

"You could have at least pretended to think about your answer," Blake said dryly.

"I love you, Blake," Maureen said. "And Ed loves you, and Michelle loves you, and Holly and Roger love you, and Ross loves you. But yes, you do have the tendency to be selfish. When you want something, you want it right away, no matter what you have to do to get it. And sometimes you carry that too far."

"I certainly did that this time," Blake said glumly.

"Which is understandable," Maureen said. "It's a very common mistake. I made it."

"Yeah, right," Blake scoffed lightly.

"Don't fit me for a halo," Maureen warned. "I make my share of mistakes, just like everybody else." She looked at Blake intently. "I was one of six kids. I always envisioned myself with a houseful of kids of my own. Once I fell in love with Ed, I knew he was going to be the father of my children, and after we got married, I was sure it was just a matter of time before we had several little ones running around." A wistful look came into Maureen's eyes then. "But I couldn't get pregnant. When I did, I miscarried. I even had surgery a few years ago, and after the surgery I only had a one in three chance of conceiving and carrying a baby to term. Ultimately the surgery failed. I can't get pregnant, Blake, for medical, physical reasons. But until I knew that for absolute certain, I tried. Ed and I tried for years. I've done it: the whole scheduling sex, and obsessing over ovulating and positions, with no time or foreplay wasted and nothing romantic or spontaneous involved… You get to a point where it isn't about love or closeness or feeling connected to the man you love. Then you get to a point where it isn't even about enjoying the sex. Your feelings only enter into it as far as achieving your objective, which is to make a baby. Your sex life becomes about that one thing, and that one thing only, and that definitely makes your sex life suffer, and if you're not careful, it can make your whole relationship suffer too."

Blake looked at Maureen in surprise. "Then you know," she said quietly.

"I know," Maureen replied with a nod. "It's a very slippery slope once you start down it."

"But you recovered. You and Ed recovered, right?" Blake asked anxiously.

"Yes, we recovered," Maureen replied.

"I don't want to lose Ross over this." Blake toyed with the hem of her skirt. "The truth is, I've been feeling a lot of what he was saying he feels, but every time I started to feel it, I just shut it down, because all I could think about, all I was focused on, was getting pregnant, and I wouldn't let myself think about anything that distracted from that."

"So what Ross said when you argued this morning…" Maureen began.

"It was a wake-up call," Blake replied. "I love him, Maureen. More than I ever thought I was capable of loving anyone. And having a baby is supposed to bring you and your husband closer together instead of driving you further apart. At least, I thought it was."

"It is," Maureen said.

"I just really messed up this whole thing," Blake said.

"So you fix it. You sit down with Ross and talk, calmly. Explain your feelings...ALL of your feelings. Listen to each other. You will make it through this. And I'm certain that you will eventually have a baby. Dr. Sedwick said there's no medical reason you can't, and what they say is usually true: when you stop trying so hard and stop obsessing over it, that's when it happens," Maureen said.

"Yeah, well, Ross isn't the only one I've really messed things up with," Blake continued with a sigh. "I haven't exactly handled the news of my mother's pregnancy very well."

"Oh," Maureen said, drawing out the lone syllable. "That explains it."

"Explains what?" Blake asked.

"Michelle asked Holly if you were excited about the new baby, and when Holly hesitated in answering, Roger said that you were surprised," Maureen replied.

Blake's face twisted. Of course her father would react that way. He always defended her, even at her worst, and now that she was coming out of her baby-obsessed fog, she was realizing just how awful her attitude toward her mother's pregnancy had truly been. And according to Maureen, her mother hadn't said anything at all. There was a time when Holly would have attacked Blake for her attitude, blasted her the way she deserved to be blasted for acting the way she had. This baby was her brother. Any other time, she would have been thrilled that her parents were having a baby together.

But there was nothing that said she couldn't start behaving the way a loving daughter and doting big sister should behave from now on.

Maureen was still talking. "Michelle also asked if she could attend Holly's baby shower, and Holly said she wasn't sure if she was going to have one. If she does, though, Michelle does want to come. So do Faith and Hope. And me."

Blake nodded. "Listen, if I promise to come in early tomorrow, do you think we could have today's meeting tomorrow? There are a few things I really need to take care of right away," she said.

"Go," Maureen said, making a shooing motion with her hand toward her office door. "And good luck."

Blake hugged Maureen then, and Maureen hugged her back. "Thank you," Blake said as she drew back from the hug. "Thank you for helping me to get my head on straight again."

"Anytime," Maureen said with a smile, which Blake returned...and for the first time in months, it was a real smile, not one pasted on for the benefit of someone else.

* * *

_August 28, 1995, 11:14 AM-WSPR, Holly Lindsey-Thorpe's Office_

Blake stuck her head around the corner of her mother's open office door. "Are you busy?" she asked nervously.

Holly looked up from the advertising sales reports she was perusing and was surprised to see her daughter standing there, looking nervous. "I'm never too busy for you, Blake," she said. "Come on in." She started to rise from her chair but thought better of it, knowing how sensitive Blake was about Holly's pregnancy.

Blake entered her mother's office, closing the door behind her, and Holly noticed that she was carrying two shopping bags, one small and one medium-sized, along with her purse. "Stand up," Blake directed her mother. "I mean, unless you're too tired and need to stay seated."

"No, I'm in the sweet spot right now. Lots of energy, and feeling really good," Holly said as she rose from her chair, resolving not to think about the way she and Roger had expended some of that energy shortly after the sun came up and how incredibly good it felt to do so, since she knew that those thoughts would shoot any chance of productivity at work straight to hell.

Blake hadn't seen her mother in person in almost three weeks, and the change in Holly was monumental. Holly was now visibly pregnant, and she looked amazing. She was glowing even more now than she had when Blake had first learned of her mother's pregnancy, and she was clearly healthy and happy. Blake could only wish that she looked half as amazing as Holly when and if she got pregnant. Then Blake scolded herself, _You're concentrating on Mom and your brother now, not yourself. _

"You look really great, Mom," Blake said honestly.

"Thank you. Now, what brings you by?" Holly asked, regaining her seat as Blake sank down in one of her visitor's chairs. "Not that I'm not glad to see you, honey, because I am, but...well..." Holly trailed off.

"This is a surprise, I know," Blake said. "I haven't been behaving the way I should. I've been really selfish, Mom, and you and Dad and my new brother deserve better than that from me. I've been so obsessed with getting pregnant myself that I haven't been paying attention to much of anything unrelated to getting pregnant, and I've been wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with you wanting to have a baby," Holly said.

"No, there isn't," Blake replied. "But the way I've been going about it...I couldn't have messed up more if I was trying to, and I really wasn't trying to, but I did anyway, with everybody." She pushed a hand through her hair before continuing. "But I want to change things, starting now." Blake held out the larger of the two shopping bags she had brought in with her to Holly.

"What's this?" Holly asked.

"The baby's first present from his big sister," Blake said. She bit her lip as Holly pushed aside the tissue paper and pulled out the teddy bear with light brown fur, a sewn-on smile in red matching the red bow tie he was wearing, his big brown eyes having an inquisitive look in them. "Every kid needs a teddy bear," Blake said, now nervously rambling. "Remember mine?"

"Mortimer," Holly replied. "He had that little blue-and-white-striped vest, and he was a darker brown than this bear, and you carried him everywhere until you were 7."

"You do remember," Blake marveled.

Holly looked from the teddy bear's face to Blake's and smiled. "Of course I remember," Holly said. "And you and Mortimer used to love it when I would read to you from A.A. Milne's _Winnie the Pooh_ at bedtime." She thought for a moment, and then recalled one of the quotes from the stories she used to read to Blake when Blake was a little girl. "'Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem-'"

"'-and smarter than you think.'" Blake finished the quote in unison with her mother and found herself with tears welling up in her eyes. "I haven't been so smart lately," she said. She looked at Holly then. "I am so sorry, Mom, for the way I've acted since you told me you were pregnant."

"It's all right, Blake," Holly soothed. She got up again and went to Blake and hugged her, and Blake sagged against her mother, closing her eyes in relief. "And this is wonderful. He'll love it."

"I hope he does," Blake said as Holly released her and then leaned against the edge of her desk.

"He will," Holly assured her.

"So you forgive me for being so awful?" Blake asked.

"I don't know that I'd say you were awful, exactly," Holly hedged.

"Don't cut me any slack, Mom. I really don't deserve it," Blake said. "I've been awful. I've been selfish. All I could see was that I wanted a baby more than anything...and when I didn't get pregnant, and I found out that you were already headed into your second trimester, I got angry and jealous, but I was looking at it all wrong. You didn't get pregnant because you were trying to show me up or as some weird cosmic punishment against me. But I was so selfish and short-sighted that that was how I looked at it, and I'm ashamed of myself now for ever having felt that way, Mom." She looked at her mother earnestly and touched her arm. "You're really lucky. This baby is you and Dad. He's an extension of your love for each other, in a sense, you know? You having this baby, this is about you and Daddy, how much you love each other, and if my behavior, if my selfishness, ever made you feel like it was less than that, that he is less then that," she inclined her head toward her mother's belly then, "I am so very sorry."

"You're forgiven," Holly said. She wasn't entirely certain about pursuing the line of conversation that Blake had left open with what she had just said, given her own history with Ross, but Blake was obviously very shaken up, and something had happened to prompt her to extend this olive branch and make this clearly genuine and heartfelt apology at this moment, so Holly took a deep breath and forged ahead. "You said that you wanted a baby more than anything. Past tense. Has something happened? Are you not... I mean... Can you have a baby? Are you medically able to?"

"According to Dr. Sedwick and the results of the fertility tests, yes, Ross and I are both able to," Blake said. She gave her mother a wry smile then. "But you know me, Mom. I want what I want when I want it, and I'm not good at waiting. And Ross finally hit his limit this morning. We had a big fight. I've really made a mess of things. I've been so obsessed with getting pregnant that it's pushing Ross and me apart instead of bringing us closer together."

"Oh, honey," Holly said sympathetically.

"I won't lose him over this, Mom," Blake said determinedly. "He's the love of my life. He's my future. And I'm not going to let trying to have a baby drive us any farther apart than we already are." At the look on Holly's face, Blake asked, "What?"

"Well..." Holly hesitated.

"Go ahead," Blake urged her.

"Don't you think you're going too far in the opposite direction now?" Holly asked. "You aren't pregnant yet, but you're able to get pregnant. Maybe...maybe you don't put so much emphasis on trying for a little while, huh? Just let what's going to happen, happen. And if, in another six months or a year, you still aren't pregnant, then revisit the fertility tests, or look at your other options if it turns out biology isn't going to follow through for you. Don't give up on it completely. Ross didn't give you an ultimatum that it's him or a baby, did he?"

"Ross would never do that," Blake said firmly.

"Of course he wouldn't," Holly agreed. "I agree with you, you need to dial down the tunnel vision and the obsession with getting pregnant. And as difficult as it is, because you are your father's daughter, you also need to try to cultivate a little bit of patience. But this is not an either-or proposition. Ross is not going to leave you if you two never have kids, but he's also not going to leave you if you want to keep trying. It sounds like he just wants there to be less stress about the whole thing, and the two of you can find a way to make this less stressful. I mean, I'm no expert, but the trying part is definitely the part that's the most fun for both of you."

"That's part of the problem. It hasn't been fun for a long time now," Blake said.

"Well, you remember how to make it fun, don't you?" Holly asked.

"Yeah," Blake said. "I do." Not that she would tell her mother this, but Blake was thinking of taking a break from sex entirely, not doing anything until she and Ross could truly make love again, without the memories of the past few months of encounters and the way they had been carried out hanging over them. A few days to get some distance from the stressful, pressure-filled memories after they talked everything out sounded like a good idea to her. She would suggest that to Ross after they had cleared the air, and see if he agreed with her. But she recognized that Holly was right: she didn't want to go too far in the other direction now. She just wanted things to go back to normal between her and Ross, and she wanted getting pregnant to cease being the main focus of their lives.

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about," Blake said then, ready to get off the subject of her and Ross now that she was resolved to work everything out with him and fix everything that she had so badly messed up between them. She pulled some papers out of the smaller shopping bag then and gave them to Holly. "Samples of baby shower invitations," she said. "Pick one, and we'll nail down a date, and then I'll send them out. I already have a guest list."

Now Holly really was surprised. "You really don't have to throw me a baby shower, Blake," she said.

"I want to," Blake insisted, "and not just as a way to make up for my atrocious behavior these past few months. You deserve it. He deserves it." She nodded at Holly's belly again, then wondered at the strange look on her mother's face. "Mom?" she asked.

Holly just grinned. "Give me your hand," she instructed. Blake held out her hand, and Holly placed it on the mound of her belly, and they were both silent as several seconds ticked by.

Then Blake felt it. She felt her baby brother move within their mother. "Wow," she said. "He's really going to town!"

"I think he just woke up," Holly mused. "He tends to do that around this time almost every day. I think he's stretching after he wakes up from his morning nap." She looked at Blake then. "Either that, or he heard his big sister's voice and decided to say hello."

"He can hear us now?" Blake asked.

"Oh yes," Holly said, thinking with fond amusement of Roger and his now-dog-eared copy of _What to Expect When You're Expecting_. "Your father and I talk to him all the time."

Blake smiled. "I can see Dad with his head against your stomach, talking about his day at work," she said.

"You've just described pretty much every evening for the last month," Holly replied, but she was smiling when she said it. And work wasn't all Roger talked to their son about.

Blake looked at her mother's swollen belly. "Hi there," she said. "I'm Blake. I'm your big sister. I'm really sorry I haven't been around before now, but I promise I'll be there from now on." She still had her hand resting on Holly's abdomen, and she was rewarded with more movement from the baby.

Holly took in the look of awe on her daughter's face, and felt the movements of her son within her, and couldn't stop her rioting hormones from making a few tears slide down her cheeks. But, she thought as Blake told the baby that he could always come to her when Mom and Dad were driving him crazy because she had a few pointers for him on handling that, she didn't want to squelch her emotional reaction to this first moment with both of her children.

* * *

_August 28, 1995, 7:20 PM-Ross and Blake's house_

When Ross arrived home from work, he really wasn't sure if Blake would still be angry at him, or if she would be willing to talk.

But he wasn't expecting her to be lighting two long, thin candles on the coffee table to illuminate several cartons of Chinese take-out with the most nervous look he'd seen on her face in years. "Hi," she said as he dropped his briefcase by the door and removed his jacket.

"Hello," he said. After draping his jacket over a chair, he loosened his tie, unbuttoned his collar and cuffs, and rolled up his sleeves.

"Can we talk?" Blake asked, biting her lip.

"I'd like that," Ross replied honestly. So they sat on the couch, ignored the Chinese food, focused their undivided attention on one another and talked.

"I am so sorry, Ross," Blake began. "You're right. I've been so obsessed with getting pregnant that I've completely taken all the fun and romance out of making love. It hasn't felt like making love for a long time now. It's been so...so..." She groped for the right word.

"Clinical?" Ross suggested, reaching for her hand and threading his fingers through hers.

"Yes," Blake agreed. "I've been making you miserable, and I've been making myself miserable too, only I was too stubborn to admit it until you said what you did this morning. We haven't really connected as us in far too long. I've made it all about getting pregnant, and I was wrong."

Ross was relieved. This was the Blake he knew and loved. This was his wife. "Blake, I want a baby with you," Ross said fervently. "I want a baby with you with every fiber of my being. But I want it to happen out of love, not out of some frantic race for conception. I meant what I said this morning about missing you, honey."

"I miss you too," Blake whispered. "I feel so disconnected from you, and I don't like that feeling, Ross. It scares me. I don't want to lose you over this."

"You're not going to lose me," Ross promised. "Not over this, not over anything. It's just all been too much these past few months, too much stress, too much pressure."

"I know," Blake replied. "I know that now. And I promise, I'm going to try to relax and just let things happen. Part of it is that we're not really doing this together. I've been trying to take charge of everything...hell, I** did** take charge of everything, and you went along-"

"Because I was trying to make you happy," Ross said. "I was trying to get you pregnant."

"I'm not blaming you," Blake said urgently. "And I'm not angry at you. I'm admitting how wrong I was to do what I did, to put all this pressure and stress on both of us, and to take all the fun and all the feeling connected and all the love out of it. We have to both be in this together, Ross. For all of it, the good and the bad. Not just the disappointment of the negative pregnancy tests, but the hoping and the praying and the worrying. I want our baby to be born out of love, too, not out of pressure and stress and...and..."

Ross gathered Blake in his embrace, and they just held each other silently for a few long moments. "You know," Ross said as they sat there holding each other, "I've been thinking about giving you a baby, and you've been thinking about giving me a baby, and that's not the way we should be looking at it. A baby is not something I give you, or you give me. It's both of us together, always, in the person of our child." He drew back, still holding her, and brushing her hair off her forehead with one hand.

"I love the way that sounds," Blake said, cupping his cheek in her palm. "And I want that...but not to the exclusion of everything else, and not at the expense of us."

"I completely agree," Ross replied.

"I want us to be us again, Ross," Blake said. "I want us to get back to being us, without trying to get pregnant overshadowing everything."

"I want that too," Ross said. He paused, then said, "Could I make a small suggestion without you reading anything into it and just taking what I'm saying at face value?"

"Yes," Blake promised.

Ross swallowed hard, then said, "I think we should take a few days and get some distance from all of the pressure and the stressful memories surrounding our sex life of late," he said. "And it's not because I don't want to make love with you, because I do. But you're right about us needing to get back to being us, and not just in the way we make love. It's been an eternity since we've just talked, or just had a date night, or just cuddled up here or in bed and watched TV."

Blake looked relieved. "I was going to suggest that we wait a few days before making love again for those exact same reasons," she said. She smiled then, and Ross felt his own surge of relief, because it was a genuine Blake smile. It wasn't full wattage yet, but it was a real smile, the first one he'd seen in he couldn't even remember exactly how long. "We're thinking along the same lines. That's good, don't you think?"

"Very good," Ross agreed. "But we don't have to avoid everything physical, do we?"

"I hope not," Blake replied, sliding her arms around Ross's waist. "I was just thinking that I'd like to do some serious kissing after we open a bottle of wine and eat our now-cold Chinese food."

"I like cold Chinese food," Ross said, pulling Blake onto his lap. "And some wine would be good. And that serious kissing will be even better."

"And I'll tell you something else," Blake said with a smile, rubbing Ross's back. "I'll let you cop a feel if you want."

"A sure thing, I like that too," Ross said, returning Blake's smile. Then he grew serious. "The surest thing in my life. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Blake. I wasn't really living until you came into my life. You shook up my staid, stagnant life, turning everything upside-down and inside-out and brought me to life in a way I never dreamed and that I can't...I** won't** even begin to fathom doing without now. And together, **we **are a sure thing. And I don't know exactly when, but you and I are going to have a family, Blake, an amazing, beautiful family."

"I never wanted kids until you," Blake confessed. "I never even thought about them. And I know I've gone way overboard these past few months, but I want our kids, Ross. I want our babies. I want you and me, together always, in the persons of our children, and I want them to be conceived in love."

"They will be," Ross promised. "When the time is right, they will be."

"I love you so much," Blake said, getting choked up.

"And I love you," Ross replied, his own voice husky with emotion. Then they indulged in some serious kissing before getting to their cold Chinese food and wine and then cuddling up in bed and talking until 2 in the morning, getting a start on rebuilding their connection and on putting their world back on its axis.

* * *

_September 2, 1995, 2:21 PM—Little Wonders Baby Store, Springfield_

Roger and Holly were wandering the aisles of Springfield's premier baby store, Little Wonders, the Saturday before Labor Day, having picked up several paint sample chips at the hardware store that morning, with Holly registering at Blake's insistence (Blake and Holly had agreed on September 16 for Holly's baby shower), and Holly and Roger deciding to choose their nursery furniture and look at car seats, high chairs, swings, and strollers.

After picking out a crib in a light walnut, with a bassinet and changing table to match, and going ahead and ordering those, Roger was looking around while Holly finished up with their salesclerk and he saw something that caught his eye and went to take a closer look. When he saw what it was, he grinned and began inspecting several of them until he found the right size, and then he hurried back to Holly. "What did you find?" she asked, taking in the eager look on his face and the fact that his hands were behind his back.

"I know that we agree in principle that we don't want any shirts with writing on them," Roger said, "but this won't make him look like a spring break billboard. Holly, we have to get this one."

Roger then brought his hands out from behind his back and snapped open a long-sleeved light blue onesie with a flourish. One green star and one yellow star with swirls of blue and purple around them was on the front, and the following quote was written on top of the stars and swirls: _"There was a star danced, and under that was I born. –William Shakespeare"_

Holly smiled. "You're right," she said, "we have to get that." Roger smiled back at her and placed the onesie in their shopping cart.

As they meandered down the aisle, inspecting car seats, Roger looked up from a navy-blue-and-dark-gray model good for babies up to 25 pounds and was about to ask Holly to take a closer look at it when he noticed that she was standing frozen in the middle of the aisle with an indecipherable look on her face. "Holly?" he asked. "What is it?"

"That song," Holly said softly. Roger honestly hadn't been paying any attention to the music piped in over the store's P.A. system, but he began paying attention now, catching a quiet piano melody and a woman's voice singing about little blue shoes walking across the sky.

"'May your path be your own,'' the singer sang, "but I'm with you. And each day you grow, he'll be there too. And someday you'll go, we'll follow you, as you go, as you go..."

Holly looked at Roger. "This was the song," she said, taking his hand. "The day we found out I'm pregnant, when I saw our son in my dreams that night all grown up, remember I told you he was playing the piano when I walked into the living room, and singing? This is what he was playing, and this is what he was singing, that part just then about 'may your path be your own' and we'll follow you as you go. This song...There's something about this song, Roger."

A saleswoman happened to overhear the last thing Holly said as she was passing by and said, "Yeah, this is a great song, isn't it? You wouldn't think a punk rocker like Patti Smith would write and sing something like this, but she wrote it for her son when he was 2 years old."

"Patti Smith. That's the singer?" Holly asked.

"Yes," the saleswoman replied.

"Do you know the title of the song?" Holly asked.

"'The Jackson Song,'" the saleswoman replied. "She wrote it for her son, and her son's name is Jackson. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, thank you," Roger said, hoping to hurry the woman on her way so that she didn't notice that Holly was zoning out again, listening to the song's conclusion. After the saleswoman had moved along, and the song had ended, Holly looked at Roger. "Jackson," she said. "Jack. Jack Thorpe. Jackson Robert Thorpe." She smiled. "I like that," she said. "I like it a lot."

"I do too," Roger said. "Jackson. Jack."

"Definitely Jack," Holly said. "Do we agree?"

"We agree," Roger said, squeezing Holly's hand. "Jackson Robert Thorpe it is." He placed his hand on the swell of Holly's belly then. "What do you think, Jack? Do you like your name?"

Jack obviously liked his name, because he gave a mighty kick in response to his father's question. "I think he approves," Holly said, her eyes dancing.

"Yeah," Roger agreed somewhat breathlessly. Feeling the baby moving and kicking inside Holly never failed to astonish him.

They stood there, reveling in the moment, for they weren't sure how long before continuing their shopping trip, finding more of the things they would need for Jack when he made his entrance in another five months.

_**Given my ongoing computer issues and several other things going on that, frankly, I would rather not have to deal with, it's getting increasingly challenging to be as timely with this story as I truly want to be, but I'll be hard at work every chance I get and posting at every opportunity. Thanks for sticking with me. There's much more to come. **_

_**Also, I suggest going to YouTube and putting in "The Jackson Song Patti Smith." It's a really beautiful song.  
**_


	10. Living in the Moment

_**We make another foray into M territory in this chapter, but with Ross and Blake this time. In fact, this chapter is all Ross and Blake, and it's an important chapter.  
**_

* * *

_September 14, 1995, 6:07 AM-Ross and Blake's House_

Of the people closest to Christina Blake Thorpe Marler, the one that knew her the best was her husband Ross Marler.

And because he knew Blake better than anyone else in the world, he knew that the real reason they hadn't made love in almost three weeks was because Blake was afraid of putting any kind of pressure on them to conceive.

Since their last negative pregnancy test at the end of August and the resulting argument, they had been talking almost nonstop, they had had a few date nights, and they were reaffirming their bond. There had also been plenty of kissing, and, to use the baseball vernacular, Ross had gotten to second base several times...but they hadn't had any kind of sex in almost three weeks. Now it wasn't that Ross was a sex maniac (although until Blake's raging case of baby fever, they had had a very, **_very_** satisfying sex life), but he knew that their sex life was the last part of their relationship that needed to be repaired. They were back to normal in every respect but the bedroom.

But Blake kept finding reasons to put off resuming lovemaking. And Ross certainly didn't want to go back to Blake worrying about ovulating and obsessing over optimal positions to aid in conception. But Ross feared that the lack of lovemaking would soon become the next elephant in the room for them to deal with.

He wasn't afraid to make love with Blake again. Whether they made a baby or not, he truly believed that she would not put undue pressure on them to do so. But he knew Blake well enough to know that she was terrified of pressuring him in any way. Ross certainly didn't want to pressure her either, but he wanted to find a way to get Blake past her fear of being intimate with him again.

He also wanted a genuine, full-wattage Blake smile, the kind that lit up her entire face and his heart at the same time. She still hadn't let one of those grace her face, and he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd heard her laugh a real laugh, either.

So he wanted to make her smile and laugh for real, and get her past her fear of being intimate again. The question was, how to accomplish those things...and when?

Tonight was probably out, he thought, since they had that Bar Association dinner to go to. Ross hated those things. They always served rubber chicken and overcooked Brussels sprouts, he always heard "What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A damn good start" at least eight times, and this year, Arthur Hedges was being honored. Arthur Hedges was 89 years old, in perfect health, still had all his own teeth and no hearing aid, still kept office hours three days a week and heard cases in municipal court, and was the biggest windbag Ross had ever known in his entire legal career. Arthur Hedges could have talked Strom Thurmond, the filibuster record holder after talking for 24 hours and 18 minutes straight in the Senate in 1957, under the table. But the dinner was being held at the country club, and with Ross being a member in good standing of the Bar Association, and having clerked for Arthur Hedges when he was in law school, he was expected to attend.

The alarm rang then, and Ross's day officially began with a good morning kiss from Blake, negotiating shower rights, and then they were off to their respective offices after Blake double-checked the time that the Bar Association dinner began-7:30.

* * *

_September 14, 1995, 8:57 PM-Lakeland Country Club_

The dinner was even more boring than Ross had originally thought it was going to be. Arthur Hedges was in rare form from the start of the evening, and he hadn't even begun his speech yet.

Ross thought longingly of the country club's swimming pool, which wouldn't be drained until October 1, per the usual custom. The warm Indian summer night, with the full moon high in the inky black sky and surrounded by seemingly millions of stars, was tailor made for a swim, and he would much rather be out there in the pool with Blake than in here listening to Arthur Hedges holding court at their table, not allowing anyone else to get a word in edgewise, and continually, erroneously referring to Blake as Blair. (Blake didn't have the heart to correct the old codger, not that she was able to get out more than one word at a time before he started talking again, plus she knew that Ross had clerked for the man when he was in law school, so despite the fact that Hedges droned on incessantly, Blake sat there with her most convincing interested smile pasted on her face while inwardly cursing the man for being such a boring windbag.)

As the waiters were clearing away the dinner plates, and the head of the Bar Association was preparing to give his tribute speech as an introduction for Arthur Hedges' speech, Ross decided that enough was enough. He leaned over and whispered in Blake's ear, "Meet me by the restrooms in five minutes."

Blake thought they were sneaking out early to go home, which was more than fine with her. This evening had been even more exceedingly boring that she had expected it to be, given that it was a room full of lawyers and judges, half of whom were over 60. When she reached the hall, no one was there, and a few minutes went by before Ross appeared, no longer wearing his glasses. He took Blake's hand, threaded his fingers through hers, and led her out the nearest door. She was puzzled when they didn't go to the parking lot. "We're not going home?" she asked.

"No," Ross replied cheerfully.

"Where are your glasses?" Blake asked.

"In the car with my watch and cuff links," Ross replied. "I won't be needing them for awhile." He stopped and looked at Blake consideringly. "Give me your earrings," he said.

"Huh?" Blake asked. Now she really confused. "Why do you want my earrings? What are you going to do with them?"

"Wrap them up in my pocket square," Ross replied. "I don't think you want to lose those. Your parents gave you those for your birthday." He took off again, and Blake followed after him, inwardly cursing her high heels.

"Ross, where are we going?" Blake asked. He seemed to be walking around the country club building. If this was just a breath of fresh air before the sure-to-be-godawful-boring, neverending speech from Justice Windbag, Ross wouldn't want her earrings, and he wouldn't have locked his own glasses, watch, and cuff links in the car, but it didn't dawn on Blake what Ross had in mind until they reached the pool area.

Ross knelt at the pool's edge and tested the water with one hand, then nodded in satisfaction before getting to his feet again. "It's the perfect night for a swim, don't you think?" he asked.

"We don't have bathing suits," Blake pointed out.

Ross scoffed at this. "Like that ever stopped you," he said. "I recall two separate occasions at this very pool when I saw you skinny dipping. I'm merely taking a page from your book."

"That was years ago," Blake reminded him.

"Three," Ross said. "It was three years ago, shortly before we got together. Your earrings?" he said as he held out his hand. Blake gave them to him but didn't remove anything else she was wearing. After wrapping her earrings in his pocket square, he carefully replaced it in his breast pocket, then headed into the nearby cabana. He returned two minutes later wearing only a big, fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist and carrying another big, fluffy white towel folded in his right hand.

"You wouldn't," Blake said.

"Why not?" Ross asked. He handed her the folded towel he was carrying.

"You really want to go skinny dipping in the middle of the Bar Association dinner?" she asked.

"What better time?" Ross asked. "Right now, Arthur Hedges is putting everyone in that ballroom to sleep with his reminiscences about when the original courthouse was built and how he scratched his initials in one of the sidewalk squares as an 8-year-old boy before the wet cement dried." He gestured to the sky above them. "There's a full moon, about a million stars, and this is probably the last warm night for months. I've been thinking all night that I'd rather be out here swimming with you than in there taking the world's only proven cure for insomnia." He then whipped off his towel, tossed it far enough away so that it wouldn't get wet, and dove naked into the pool, breaking the surface a moment later to find Blake standing on the pool deck staring at him, her jaw somewhere around her ankles.

"You're actually doing it!" Blake exclaimed, surprised.

"And it's fun," Ross said. Then he looked at Blake mischievously as he asked, "You remember fun, don't you, Blake?"

Blake had a strong sense of déjà vu then, and it hit her that she had said those same words to Ross the second time he had found her skinny dipping in the country club pool three years ago, the night she'd been drinking and had purposely flirted like crazy with Ross and tried to entice him, flustering him instead. He had been concerned that she had had too much to drink so he had driven her back to her mother's house, where he had refused to leave until he knew that she would be all right, surprising her with how well he was taking care of her despite him having just said at the country club when she was making him flustered that they didn't even like each other. She remembered asking him if he was sure about that. After that night, Blake had known she liked Ross. He was the first person in her life that had treated her with respect as her own person and shown concern for her well-being, since neither of her relationships with her parents at that point had been what would be considered healthy by any standards.

For the first time in a long time, Blake remembered that time, remembered that she hadn't initially pursued Ross because she was in love with him, but had pursued him as a way to get back at her mother. It was the kind of thing that could only happen to Blake. She had truly regretted hurting Holly the way she did then, but she could never regret going after Ross, because despite initially going after him for all the wrong reasons, he had ended up being the only man she loved, and the only man who loved her, for all the right reasons. Blake had started falling in love with Ross before she could stop herself, and then she realized that she didn't **want** to stop herself, and then, wonder of wonders, not only did he fall in love with her too, but seeing the real her didn't send him screaming for the hills.

Blake was jolted out of her reverie when Ross splashed her, soaking her dress and giving her an unrepentant smirk. "You're flirting with danger," she warned him in a low voice as the memory of that night three years ago slowly faded to the back of her mind.

"So far, you're all talk. Why don't you try proving it?" Ross goaded.

"Oh, I intend to," Blake replied as she dropped the towel Ross had handed her and quickly undressed, scattering her clothes, stockings, and shoes haphazardly around her. When she was naked, she dove into the pool and swam underwater until she came up behind Ross, and then she surfaced and dunked him. When he came up spluttering and his eyes cleared, she was right there, looking at him with dancing eyes and laughing. Blake was finally, genuinely laughing for the first time in Ross didn't even know how long. Not wanting the moment to end, he splashed her again, so she splashed him back, still laughing, and then he dunked her, and after he dunked her, she took off swimming underwater again, headed for the deep end of the pool. When he realized that's what she was doing, he followed her. She surfaced at the edge of the deep end and waited there for him, treading water.

When he reached her side, she was watching him, her laughter having subsided and been replaced by the beautiful, dazzling, full-wattage smile he knew and loved so well, and had waited so long to see again. They just looked at each other for a moment, treading water, neither of them saying anything.

Then Blake swam to Ross and put her arms around his neck, stretching up to kiss him deeply. She pressed herself against him and his arms went around her to hold her as they kissed, their bodies responding to the feel of one another as their tongues dueled and danced.

Blake broke the kiss panting, and Ross was also breathing hard. It had been so long, she thought, far **too** long, since they had been completely in the moment, as they were now. She had been holding back these past few weeks, scared to make love again because she didn't trust herself not to put even unconscious pressure on them, but babies were nowhere in her thoughts now. Her only thought right now was Ross, and how much she wanted to be with him. She rested her forehead against his for a moment before wrapping her legs around his hips and pressing her chest to his. "I want to love you, Ross," she said huskily, "and I want you to love me."

"I always love you," Ross replied breathlessly as he tightened his arms around her, feeling every inch of her that was pressed so tantalyzingly against him.

"You know what I mean," Blake continued, looking up at him with sparkling eyes. "I need you, Ross."

"I need you too, Blake," he replied. Slowly, gently, he maneuvered her towards the edge of the pool, grateful that it had been refinished in ceramic tile before opening for the year. Blake gasped aloud at the sensation of the cold tiles at her back as Ross pressed her up against the side, one arm across her shoulders, the other gripping the edge of the pool next to her head.

And then he was inside her, and she gasped aloud again, throwing her head back as she tightened her grip on his shoulders. Ross dipped his head to kiss and suck the tender flesh of Blake's throat as he began moving inside her in earnest, and she moved with him now, meeting him each time he pushed into her, their movements actually creating waves in the pool.

With every stroke Blake's inner walls were squeezing Ross, and her hands came around his back to pull him even deeper inside her body, making him moan, and bringing an answering moan out of her as she felt him so deep inside her. He lifted his head to look into her eyes, and then she kissed him, plunging her tongue into his mouth and mimicking with her tongue his movements inside of her until the need to breathe forced them to break the kiss. Their eyes locked, and Ross rasped out, "So amazing," as Blake met his next thrust.

"**So** amazing," Blake panted in agreement as they continued moving together, the peak fast approaching. A few more thrusts, and then Ross hit the perfect spot inside Blake with a particularly strong stroke, and she was soaring, shattering in his arms with a hoarse cry of, "Oh, Ross!" Then she muffled Ross's own cry of pleasure with a kiss as he emptied himself into her before he collapsed against her so they were both pressed up against the side of the pool.

He framed her face in his hands and kissed her softly, quickly. She looked at him tenderly as they rested against the side of the pool, wrapped in each other's arms. She laid her cheek against his shoulder, and he rested his chin lightly on the crown of her head. A few minutes went by like that, and then Blake lifted her head, kissed Ross, and said, "We should probably get out of here."

"Yes," Ross agreed. "I want to take you home, and I'd really rather the collection of old geezers in there didn't get a look at us like this."

"If Arthur Hedges saw us like this, though, maybe it would render him speechless," Blake said, clearly teasing.

"Nothing can render Arthur Hedges speechless," Ross retorted. "He was there the night Marilyn Monroe serenaded President John F. Kennedy at Madison Square Garden, and he talked through the whole thing."

"He talked through _**that**_?" Blake asked incredulously. "Are you sure he's human?"

"Not entirely, no," Ross said. He let go of Blake to climb out of the pool then, and after he had grabbed the nearer of the towels he had brought out for them earlier, Blake climbed out of the pool, and Ross wrapped her up in the towel, drying her off before picking up the other towel and drying himself. Blake then picked up her clothes and followed Ross into the cabana, where they got dressed again.

After they exited the cabana, still more wet than dry but dressed again, Blake threaded her arm through Ross's and said, "Take me home."

"Your carriage awaits," Ross replied as he threaded his fingers through hers, and then they made their way to the car and went home.

* * *

_September 14, 1995, 11:18 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

After washing the chlorine from the pool off each other in a long, hot shower, Ross and Blake dried off and then got into bed, snuggling together. Her head was resting on his shoulder, and he was slowly rubbing up and down her back. "Do you remember when you told me that when I don't push, I'm absolutely irresistable?" Blake asked.

"Yes, I do," Ross replied. He had said that to her after the first time they had made love. "But for the record, I find you absolutely irresistable all the time."

She shifted so that they could see each other's faces. "I guess I still haven't really learned not to push," she said ruefully. "And then I got scared. I was afraid that I'd push you again unconsciously somehow, and that's why I kept putting off making love after that fight we had."

Ross gave her a tender smile. "I know," he said. "I know that you were afraid. And I wasn't thinking that we would make love in the pool when I got the idea to go skinny dipping. I just wanted to do something that would make you smile a real smile again, something fun and a little bit crazy. But I'm not sorry we made love in the pool." He paused for a beat, then asked, "Are you?"

She heard the undercurrent of fear in his voice. "Not at all," she replied firmly. "We were completely in the moment, and it was beautiful and perfect and right and-"

"Amazing," he said in unison with her.

She smiled at him again, and there were no shadows in her eyes or smile now. The fear and the anxiety and the stress were all gone. "It's been too long since we had fun like we had tonight," she said. "When you get a great idea, Counselor, you get a **great** idea."

"The part of my brain that came up with this was not alive before I met you," Ross said earnestly. He pushed Blake's damp hair off her forehead and let his hand fall to her cheek, and she leaned into his touch.

"You're the best surprise of my life," Blake said fervently. "You are everything I dreamed of and never thought I'd find." She framed his face in her hands. "And the miracle of it all is that this sweet, kind, loving, sexy, amazing man that I am so completely, madly in love with loves me too, even when I'm pushy and even when I mess up and even when I'm at my absolute worst."

"You want to talk miracles?" Ross inquired, pulling Blake against his side and gazing intently at her. "I was sleepwalking through life, thinking that I'd missed all my chances, and that I would just go on like that forever...and then out of the blue, this bold, sassy, smart, passionate, beautiful woman knocks me off my feet and brings joy and light and love into my life like I've never known. She woke me up to all of life's possibilities, and she not only loves me, she trusts me enough to let me in, to let me see her at her most vulnerable, to let me see the real her, which was not an easy thing for her to do, but she trusts me enough to do it, and I will never take that trust, or her love, or her for granted." He kissed her forehead before pulling back to look at her once more. "You are the miracle of my life, Blake. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the best surprise of **my** life. Whatever I did or said to make fate decree that you are the woman who loves me, the woman I get to spend my life with, I don't know what it was, but I will be forever grateful for it, and for you, because I love you with all that I am, and I always will."

Teary-eyed, Blake leaned in and kissed him, and Ross kissed her back. Then she snuggled into his arms once more, resting her head in the crook of his neck. She was asleep in a few minutes, and the warm, solid weight of her in his arms, one arm stretched across his chest, and her deep, even breathing lulled Ross to sleep soon after.

And as Blake and Ross slept peacefully in each other's arms, they had no idea that love was not the only thing they made in the country club pool, for as they slept, tiny cells were rapidly dividing deep in Blake's womb, and the very beginnings of new life were starting to grow.


	11. Parties and Pals

_September 16, 1995, 1:17 PM-Faith Spaulding's Apartment_

"You can't be serious!" Stacey exclaimed. "You're actually going to this morbid event?"

"It's a baby shower," Faith replied as she wrapped her shower gift. "What's morbid about that?"

"It's Roger Thorpe's baby!" Stacey nearly shouted.

"So, what, then? Holly will be opening baby's first gun, and onesies that say 'Future Criminal' and 'Murder, Incorporated'?" Faith asked. "Come on, Stace."

"This is Roger Thorpe Junior we're talking about, Faith. It wouldn't exactly be inappropriate," Stacey replied.

Faith just shook her head. "Okay, I'm not defending Roger, but he does love his kids and he's a good father," Faith said. "Could you press down right there?"

Stacey looked at her skeptically as she pressed the ribbon down on top of the box where Faith had indicated. "Oh, sure," she said, "that's why Hart skipped town and hasn't even called Roger since, and those pictures of Blake and Ross wound up splattered all over the news when Ross made his bid for the Senate."

"He's a good father **now,**" Faith amended as she tied the ribbon. "Besides, I'm going to this for Holly. She's this baby's mother. Her genes will balance out Roger's."

"We can only hope," Stacey said. Then she shook her head. "I haven't figured out yet if Holly is brave or crazy to be having Roger's baby."

"Blake turned out all right," Faith reminded her. When Stacey opened her mouth to remind Faith of the emotional meat grinder Blake had put both of Faith's brothers through, Faith hastily added, "Eventually."

"Which is Ross's influence, no doubt," Stacey said. "What even happens at a baby shower?"

"We eat, talk, probably play some games, and Holly opens gifts for the baby," Faith replied. She picked up the blue bow to affix it to the top of the ribbon. "What do you think?" she asked Stacey.

"I think I need my finger back," Stacey replied dryly.

"Oh. Sorry," Faith replied as she loosened the ribbon. Once Stacey's finger was free, Faith attached the bow, then checked her watch. "Oh, I have to get going. I'm picking my mom up on the way."

"Well, have a good time, I guess," Stacey said. "Is Bridget going to this thing?"

"No," Faith replied. "She's wedding planning with Vanessa and Aunt Maureen and Aunt Alex this afternoon. She and Dylan are getting married in a month, you know."

Stacey made a face. "That is today, isn't it?" she mused. "My mom's there too." She sighed. "I guess I might as well put in an appearance, since I'm a bridesmaid."

"Bridget's not going to budge on her 'no-stripper-at-the-bachelorette-party' edict," Faith said. "Michelle's going to be there, not to mention your mother, my mother, Aunt Maureen, my Aunt Alex. That is not the kind of crowd you want to have a stripper for."

"You're a regular ray of sunshine today, you know that?" Stacey asked as they exited the apartment.

Faith just smirked at her friend. "Maybe you could convince Bridget to pop out of the cake at Dylan's bachelor party," she said. "AJ and David would help you set that up."

"Now you're talking!" Stacey said enthusiastically. "I don't trust the guys not to get a stripper for Dylan, even though he says he doesn't want one either."

"Do you really think they'd have some girl shaking her tassels in front of your grandfather and H.B. Lewis, among others?" Faith asked.

Stacey grimaced. "You just had to put the image of my grandfather and lap dances in my head, didn't you?" she said.

"What are friends for?" Faith asked rhetorically.

* * *

_September 16, 1995, 1:42 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger looked around his and Holly's living room in amazement. Half a dozen paper lanterns-two each in blue, green, and white with blue polka dots-hung from the ceiling. An 8-foot-tall plastic stork carrying a bundle of joy in its beak sat next to the kitchen table, which was laden with an assortment of trays of finger foods, a punch bowl ready to be filled, paper plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, and in the middle of the table, a shiny royal blue centerpiece proclaiming "IT'S A BOY!" Two bunches of foil balloons-one bunch with diaper pins, the other with a sleeping crescent moon wearing a blue nightcap-floated from the ceiling on either side of the fireplace, and above the mantel hung a banner made of pennants spelling out OH BOY IT'S A BOY! Two giant blue glitter rattles flanked the banner above the mantel, and what seemed to be yards of blue crepe paper streamers criss-crossed the room.

"I don't think Chrissy was cranked this high for our wedding," Roger remarked.

"She had less time to prepare for our wedding," Holly, who was seated on the couch, reminded him. "And she wasn't carrying around almost three months' worth of guilt feelings then. This means so much to her, I didn't have the heart to say no, or even to tell her to tone it down."

Roger peeled back the plastic wrap covering the tray of mini pizzas and took one, taking a bite as he joined Holly on the couch. "How long do I have to be out of the house?" Roger asked.

"I would think three hours would be enough," Holly said. "That looks really good."

Roger swallowed. "It is," he replied. Recognizing the look on her face, he had just held the remaining bite of pizza to her lips, and she was just biting into it, when Blake returned from picking up the cake.

"Daddy! Mom!" Blake exclaimed. "Those are for the party!"

"A party at which your mother is the guest of honor," Roger pointed out.

"I just want everything to be perfect," Blake said for about the five hundredth time since she had started planning the baby shower for her mother. She set the box with the cake on the kitchen counter, then turned to look at her father pointedly as she said, "The guests will be arriving soon."

"All right, I'll go," Roger said.

"I'd better take a trip through the bathroom before the party starts," Holly said. "I think he's sitting on my bladder again." She got up, not without some difficulty but still by herself, and walked Roger to the front door as Blake began mixing the punch. "So you're going to that fathers' class at Cedars?"

"Yeah," Roger said. "It'll be good to get in some actual practice at things like changing diapers. Have fun."

"You too," Holly said. "I'll save you some cake." She kissed him goodbye, and then he headed to Cedars while Holly made a trip through the bathroom before the party started.

* * *

_September 16, 1995, 2:22 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

The guests had all arrived, and were filling their plates from the assortment of foods Blake had provided, including cucumber sandwiches, the mini pizzas, meatballs, shrimp, fruit salad, and a vegetable tray with ranch dressing, while Blake filled cups with the citrus punch she had mixed up.

Holly had just finished telling Hope, Faith, and Tangie about the baseball fanatic doctor who had delivered Blake. "I would have welcomed a sports fan," Hope said. "My obstetrician when I was pregnant with Faith kept me waiting one day for almost two hours. When he finally arrived for our appointment, he apologized and said he had just come from a tough delivery of triplets, and then he said it was like pulling three pot roasts out of a Pringles can. That was much more information than I needed."

The looks on Faith's and Tangie's faces at this were comical. "Well, that makes **me** want to run right out and have children," Tangie said dryly.

"Pulling three pot roasts out of a Pringles can?" Faith said with a grimace.

"That's why I was glad you were in such a hurry that you were born at home," Hope told her daughter. "I didn't even want to think about the kind of analogy he would have come up with to describe your birth. Thankfully, the paramedics did arrive in time to deliver you."

"Well, this little guy is going to be born at the hospital," Holly said, placing her hand on her rounded stomach. "Not that I don't think Roger could handle it if he absolutely had to, but I am going to be at Cedars for this."

"They do have all the good drugs," Tangie pointed out. "Unless you're going for natural childbirth."

Holly laughed at that. "Definitely not," she said. "I'm not that heroic." Tangie and Faith went to fill their plates then after Maureen and Michelle had sat down, leaving Hope and Holly alone.

"I have to ask," Holly said when they were alone. "What was Alan like when you were pregnant?"

"You mean did he try to handle me?" Hope asked. "Oh, yes. He bought so many things when I was pregnant with Faith, I really didn't need a baby shower. He kept hiring more staff, and by the time I was in my third trimester, he didn't even want me going into the office. He was constantly asking me if I couldn't work from home. In effect, he was trying to control every aspect of the pregnancy without actually trying to control me. We finally had a big fight, but it cleared the air, and he managed to lighten up considerably-not completely, but considerably-for the last couple of months." Hope gave Holly a wry smile. "I'm guessing Roger has behaved in a similar manner? They'd both deny it if anyone ever said it to them, but in some ways, Alan and Roger are a lot alike."

"Roger hired a housekeeper without even consulting me," Holly said.

"I've been there, although it wasn't a housekeeper, it was a personal assistant for my decorating business," Hope replied.

"He didn't," Holly said.

"Of course he did. He didn't want me overtaxing myself in my delicate condition," Hope said.

"I've felt a lot of things with this pregnancy, but delicate is not one of them, and yet Roger refers to my condition too," Holly said.

"I never felt delicate when I was pregnant either," Hope said.

"And there were the clothes. Roger put an entire maternity wardrobe on hold for me," Holly said. "And when I got upset about that, and about the housekeeper, he chalked it all up to mood swings. He did everything but pat me on the head, which only made me angrier. I lobbed a throw pillow at his head after the maternity clothes incident when he actually said I was just having a mood swing. I will admit that my hormones contributed to me getting hot under the collar so quickly, but hormones and a mood swing are not the only reason I was upset and angry."

"I understand exactly what you're talking about, feeling like Roger's indulging you," Hope said. "Alan seemed to think he'd lost the ability to do **anything** wrong, and any time I was upset with him, it was my hormones or mood swings overreacting to a situation. Like I was a spoiled child having a tantrum who needed to be indulged."

"Oh, I'm so glad you understand!" Holly said, relieved that someone truly got it. "It's not that I don't know that Roger has all the best of intentions. He really is trying to help. But he'd never pick out clothes for me, except maybe a scarf or a nightgown for a gift or something, if I wasn't pregnant."

Hope nodded. "And he'd understand if you got angry with him in that case. But now he probably thinks you're just being unreasonable, when it's hardly unreasonable to expect certain lines to remain uncrossed, even though you happen to be pregnant right now." She took a sip of her punch before continuing. "Alan may never have been what anyone would call a liberal feminist, and if I'm correct in my assumptions, neither is Roger-"

"You're correct," Holly interjected. "Go on."

"But what is it about these round little tummies-"

"Thanks for throwing the word 'little' in there, by the way," Holly said.

"You're welcome," Hope replied. "What is it about them that turns our for-the-most-part reasonable, understanding husbands into such condescending good old boys that we wish we had something more solid than throw pillows to throw at them?"

"I'm just glad that the further along I get in this pregnancy, the more...I guess evolved Roger gets," Holly reflected. "He's not trying to make my decisions for me anymore."

"That's great," Hope said. "I only got about seven weeks of Alan not trying to micromanage every aspect of my life. You get almost four months."

Meanwhile, as Faith and Tangie were filling their plates, Blake told Faith, "Mom said that Alexandra congratulated her on the baby and really meant it."

"Yeah, she did," Faith replied as she dished up some fruit salad.

"She also said that Alex apologized for what happened back in April," Blake said. She bit her lip then. "Maybe it's time for me to admit that my father did some really rotten things to Alex. He did."

"Blake, why don't we leave it in the past where it belongs?" Faith asked. "I know why you defend your father so much. It's the same reason I defend my father, despite some of the rotten things he's done. But we're all getting on with our lives. Aunt Alex is still in therapy and she's got Nick and Fletcher and Ben and all of us. Your mom and dad are having a baby. Our families are actually managing to peacefully coexist and stay out of each other's way as much as possible."

"You're right," Blake said. "And speaking of getting on with our lives, you and Cutter sound like you're getting pretty serious."

"Oh, you left the Bauers' on the 4th of July before the big surprise, Blake," Tangie said.

"What big surprise?" Blake asked.

"Well, Faith and Patrick had gone missing from the crowd, and they were found by the garage apartment having a heated makeout session," Tangie said.

"Patrick Cutter was involved in a heated makeout session and I missed it?" Blake asked.

Faith looked at Tangie. "Thanks," she said sarcastically.

"You're welcome," Tangie replied with a laugh. "Seriously, though, I think it's terrific. You two look like you're very happy together, and you both deserve that."

Faith gave Tangie an evil grin. "Now we just have to find someone for you, Tangie."

"Faith's right," Blake said. "Now that Cutter is officially off the market, we have to find a guy for you, Tangie. I have a few guys I can set you up with."

Tangie just looked at Faith. "Thank YOU, Faith," she replied.

Now it was Faith who laughed. "Anytime," she said as Blake started listing the merits of various male acquaintances of hers that she thought Tangie might like.

* * *

_September 16, 1995, 3:21 PM-Cedars Hospital, Conference Room A_

Roger hadn't done too badly with diapering the doll at his class for fathers; it only took him three tries to get the diaper on right and securely fastened. He was better with testing the temperature of both the bottle and the bath water. But swaddling the doll completely flummoxed him.

The man next to him, a blond man in his early twenties wearing a University of Michigan Law School sweatshirt and faded blue jeans, was admiring his own swaddling handiwork when he looked over at Roger struggling with his own doll. "Tuck it under the opposite arm," the man said.

Roger looked at the man. "The opposite arm?" he asked.

"Yeah," the man said. "May I?" He gestured to Roger's doll and the crumpled blanket it was half lying on. At Roger's nod, he stepped up and refolded the blanket in a diamond shape, folded the top corner down, then placed the doll on top. Then he pulled the left side of the blanket across the doll's chest and tucked it under the doll's right arm, folded the bottom of the blanket up and over the doll's feet, and finally pulled the right side of the blanket across the doll's chest and tucked it under the doll's left arm. "Voilà!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

"Thank you," Roger said.

"No problem," the man replied with a smile. "This is my first kid, but I have seven nieces and nephews from my sisters, and old Uncle Ryan learned a lot when they were babies. It's just that it's been a while, since my youngest niece is three now, so I thought I could use the refresher course. Well, that, and my in-laws are in town and my father-in-law still doesn't like me very much, so I figured it'd be less stressful all the way around if I found something else to do this afternoon."

"My wife's baby shower is going on right now," Roger replied.

"Smart man," the man named Ryan said. "My wife hasn't had hers yet, but I don't plan to be there. I was still a teenager when my sisters started having kids, and they had their baby showers at our house, and I heard way more about the physical problems of pregnant women than I ever wanted to know while they pressed me into service to assemble the swings, strollers, bassinets, all that good stuff. The perils of being an only son. I'm Ryan Greenberg, by the way." He stuck out his hand.

"Roger Thorpe," Roger replied, shaking hands with Ryan. "So, you said this is your first child?"

"Yup. It's a boy," Ryan said. "Is this your first?"

"No," Roger said, "but it's been a long, long time. Almost thirty years, in fact."

"Boy or girl?" Ryan asked.

"My first child is a girl, this one's a boy," Roger said.

"Does your daughter get along with your wife?" Ryan asked. "Maybe that's too personal," he hastily added. "I blame it on the Jewish side of my family. My grandmother is such a yenta." At Roger's blank look, Ryan explained, "That's Yiddish for an older woman who's a gossip or a busybody. Actually, she still doesn't entirely approve of the fact that I married an Irish Catholic girl, even though my dad did the same thing when he married my mom. My Gramps adored Colleen, my wife, though." His amiable smile faded slightly then. "He died six months after our wedding. Heart attack. We're naming the baby after him. Samuel. Sam. Middle name Connor for the Irish Catholic side of the family. And I tend to ramble when I feel awkward. I'll just shut up now, and you don't have to answer that question."

Roger liked this kid. "It's all right," he assured Ryan. "My wife is my daughter's mother. And no, they didn't always get along, but they're close now."

"Wow, so you've been married a long time," Ryan said.

"It'll be a year in December," Roger said. "We were divorced a lifetime ago and apart for decades, but then we found each other again and got back together and got remarried, and our son is due in January."

"There's a story there," Ryan said. "I bet it would make a great movie, one of the kind that Colleen is always making me sit through. I got her to like_ The Quiet Man_, though, the closest thing to a romantic movie John Wayne ever made. My Pops, my Irish grandpa, is a big John Wayne fan, so I grew up watching John Wayne movies with him, and he had some great ones."

The class leader broke up the class then, and Ryan said, "I can't go home for a couple more hours yet. You want to get a cup of coffee or something?" He smiled somewhat sheepishly. "I don't have any friends who are gonna be dads. I don't even have any friends who are married. It'd be kinda cool to talk to another old married man who's gonna be a dad. Colleen and I have been together since the eighth grade. We got married in my second year of law school." He gestured to his sweatshirt. "Even though I ramble when I feel awkward, I've never felt awkward about the law. It can be frustrating, but I know this is what I want to do. I just passed the bar. I'm still looking for a job. My wife works here at Cedars, in the IT department. Information Technology. She's a computer wizard. If I don't find something before March, when Sam comes, I'll be doing the Mr. Mom thing for a while."

"Yeah, let's get that cup of coffee," Roger replied, the wheels turning in his head. "I might be able to help you out on the job front, actually."

"Really?" Ryan asked, hoping he didn't sound too eager.

"Really," Roger said as they headed out of Cedars together.

* * *

_Septem__ber 16, 1995, 3:59 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

After the women had eaten everything but the cake, it was time for the games. Maureen and Holly tied in the Complete the Nursery Rhyme Challenge, and Tangie correctly matched up the highest number of the guests' names with their meanings. Then Blake announced that it was time for Holly to open her gifts.

Holly eyed the stack of gifts with their ribbons and bows. "You all aren't going to make a hat out of all the bows and ribbons and then make me wear it and take my picture, are you?" she asked.

"Why would we do that, Mom?" Blake asked, puzzled.

"Because I was made to do that at the shower I had when I was pregnant with you," Holly replied.

"I remember that," Hope piped up. "That was Grandma's idea."

"That's right, you were there," Holly said. "And yes, Bert insisted."

"Why didn't you just politely explain that you didn't want to do that?" Tangie asked.

Holly, Hope and Maureen exchanged looks and smiles then. "Bert Bauer was not an easy woman to say 'no' to," Maureen said.

"She was wonderful,though," Holly said fondly. She looked at Blake then. "My shower gift from her was your bassinet."

"Which Uncle Ed could not get put together right, despite spending an entire weekend trying," Hope recalled, laughing.

Maureen was laughing too. "For a surgeon, he is all thumbs when it comes to working with tools. Luckily, Tony and Jim taught me well. I put together all of Michelle's nursery furniture. I also helped Nola put the furniture together for Stacey and AJ, and when Jim swore that Jamie's swing was defective, Hillary called me over, and I got it put together in ten minutes. So if you need any help putting together the crib or the changing table or the bassinet, Holly, I'm available."

"That's good to know, thank you, Maureen," Holly replied. "I may take you up on that."

Blake picked up the top gift on the stack, which was from Faith. "All right, then, let's start opening these, Mom!"

Faith's gift was a set of three bibs that said, "Who's Cuter Than Me?", "I Wasn't Born Yesterday," and "The Boss."

Maureen gave Holly a bright yellow duck bath wrap, and Michelle's gift was a set of plastic keys in bright, primary colors.

Tangie's gift was a diaper bag in blue and white.

Blake had stashed her gifts in the basement when she had first arrived at her parents' house that morning and Roger had let her in, so she excused herself to bring up first a black stroller with a black-and-white plaid seat with multi-position reclining and a solid black canopy, with a big red bow on it, and then a dark wood high chair that had a black-and-white plaid cushion and a storage compartment for the bib and utensils. Holly had expected to Blake to go all out with her gifts, so she just hugged her and thanked her. "Only the best for my baby brother," Blake said with a smile.

Hope had brought two gifts: a nursery monitor, and then a smaller gift that made Holly gasp when she opened it. "Oh, Hope," she said.

"What is it, Holly?" Michelle asked eagerly.

Holly lifted a baby quilt in an alphabet block design done in white, blue, red, yellow, and green from the box Hope had wrapped it in. "Where did you find this?" Holly asked.

Hope smiled. "After I found out you were pregnant, I remembered that quilt," she said. "I found it in Uncle Ed and Maureen's attic and had it cleaned, and I thought you might like it for this new baby."

Holly looked at Blake then. "Bert made this when I was pregnant with you," she said, "and you used it."

Blake's face softened. "I did?" she asked, feeling the quilt, which was soft and warm. "Wow."

Everyone admired Bert Bauer's handmade baby quilt then. "She was very talented," Tangie remarked.

"She sure was," Holly agreed. She looked to Hope. "Thank you," she said. She looked around at all of the women then. "Thank you, everyone. All of the gifts are wonderful."

"We're all really happy for you, Holly," Maureen said, and the others all agreed with her.

"Do you think the baby will have red hair, like you and Blake?" Michelle asked Holly then.

Holly smiled at Michelle. "No," she said, "I think he'll have dark hair, like Roger."

"I can see that," Blake said. "Why don't we cut the cake now?" The cake was a sheet cake, white with buttercream frosting in blue, white frosting letters spelling out IT'S A BOY!, with three fluffy white frosting clouds, two of which had tiny plastic rattles on them and one of which had tiny blocks in pastel blue, purple, yellow, and green spelling out BABY. As the others gathered around the cake, Blake gently nudged Holly. "If he's Dad's mini-me, you're really going to have your hands full."

"I sure will," Holly agreed, "but I'm looking forward to it."

"But you survived me, and I got you and Dad all broken in with all of my antics, so he'll have an easier time with you," Blake said.

Holly hugged Blake again then. "You're going to be an incredible big sister," she said.

Blake hugged her mother back. "And you're going to be an amazing mom to him, just like you are to me," Blake replied. She pulled back and said, "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Blake," Holly said. "Now, before we start crying all over each other, let's have some of that cake. I promised your father I'd save him a piece."

They joined the others for cake then.

* * *

_September 16, 1995, 4:08 PM-Java the Hut Coffee Shop, Springfield_

Roger and Ryan really hit it off. It was a new experience for Roger to talk to someone that didn't know the sordid parts of his past and had no axe to grind with him because of wrongs committed by him either real or perceived. Ryan was earnest, eager, detail-oriented, and as devoted to his wife and unborn son as Roger was to Holly, their unborn son, and Blake. Ryan proudly showed Roger the picture of his wife Colleen, a beautiful blue-eyed brunette, and the sonogram picture of baby Sam he carried in his wallet, so Roger showed off the pictures of Holly and Blake that he carried in his wallet and wondered why it hadn't occurred to him to carry a sonogram picture of Jack in his wallet.

Ryan was floored when Roger offered him a job as retainer for Thorpe and Marler Consulting, after explaining that he ran his own management consulting firm and worked with his daughter. "I don't have any working experience in mergers and acquisitions," Ryan said. "I clerked for a judge in the Court of Appeals when I was in law school."

"You passed the bar in this state, right?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Ryan said. "And my score was in the top five percent."

"You've got what it takes, then," Roger said. "Look, I don't need an answer right now. Think it over, talk it over with your wife. I'd like to hire you if you're interested. I think we'd work well together, and frankly, it would be to my company's benefit to have a newly minted lawyer who's up to date on all the current laws and procedures, not to mention another new father who'll understand things like late nights walking the floor with the baby firsthand. In fact, I have a file on a corporation in Pittsburgh that I'm working with right now that I'd like you to give a once-over. It's at my house. What do you say?"

"Okay, sure," Ryan agreed before swallowing the last of his coffee. "I insist on meeting your daughter, though, since I'll be working for her too."

"How about Monday afternoon at 3?" Roger asked. "Is that enough time?"

"I can see why you have your own business," Ryan remarked. "You don't let any grass grow under your feet."

"Not if I can help it," Roger replied. "If you'd like a few more days, though..."

"Monday's good," Ryan agreed. "Listen, I need to stop off at the mall quickly. I ordered a CD that's in at Sam Goody, and it'll kill a few more minutes. Do you mind following me to the mall, and then I'll follow you back to your house to pick up that file?"

"Not at all," Roger said, looking at his watch. "I have a few more minutes to kill too."

* * *

_September 16, 1995, 5:18 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger, carrying a small plastic shopping bag, stuck his head in the front door. "Is it safe to come in?" he asked.

Holly looked up from her seat on the couch and Blake looked up from where she was wiping down the now-cleared table. "Yes," Holly said. "The shower's over."

Roger looked over his shoulder. "Come on in, Ryan," he said. Holly and Blake were surprised when a young blond man in a University of Michigan Law School sweatshirt and jeans followed Roger into the house. "Ryan Greenberg, meet my wife Holly, and our daughter Blake Marler. Holly, Blake, this is Ryan Greenberg. We met at the fathers' class at Cedars."

Ryan shook hands with first Holly, then Blake. "It's nice to meet you both," he said. "Roger hasn't stopped talking about the two of you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Ryan," Holly said.

"Nice to meet you," Blake echoed. "What do you do, Ryan?"

"I just passed the bar exam," Ryan said.

"Speaking of that, I'll go and get that file for you," Roger said. "It's in my briefcase."

After Roger had left the room, Ryan smiled at Holly and Blake. "I'll be seeing you on Monday, Mrs. Marler," he addressed Blake. "Roger wants me to look over this file on Kelleher, and maybe come to work at Thorpe and Marler. I'm coming in Monday to discuss the file and the job offer." Then he looked to Holly. "Roger said your son is due in January. Congratulations. Ours is due in March."

"Your first?" Holly asked.

"Yeah," Ryan said with a grin.

"Dad offered you a job?" Blake asked, surprised.

"It surprised me, too," Ryan told her. "I told him it had to be okay with you, though, since I'd be working for you too. I'm sure we'll discuss it on Monday."

Roger returned with the file then and handed it to Ryan. "Here it is," Roger said. "Kelleher Electronics of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Sony is interested in buying them out. Look it over, and we'll talk about it on Monday, and if you need more time, let me know and we'll push it back to later in the week."

Ryan then shook Roger's hand. "I will," he said. He looked to Holly and Blake again. "It was great meeting you, Mrs. Thorpe, Mrs. Marler."

"I put one of my cards in the file," Roger said, "with the address of our offices on it."

Ryan nodded. "Got it. Now I'd better get home. I do have to go to dinner with my in-laws. Don't want to be late for that."

"Hang in there," Roger encouraged him. "He'll come around eventually. Even if he doesn't, you at least have her mother in your corner."

"This is true," Ryan agreed. "I better take off. See you Monday, Roger."

"I'll see you Monday, Ryan," Roger replied, closing the door behind Ryan after he had departed.

"You really hit it off with this guy," Blake said when it was just the three of them.

"I did," Roger replied.

"Dad, are you making friends with this guy?" Blake asked.

"You know, Chrissy, I really think I am," Roger said. "That's a new experience for me. Ryan doesn't have any friends who are fathers, or even any friends who are married."

"Well, I think it's great," Holly said.

Blake had never thought of her father as being a friend, or even really having a friend, because except for Maureen Bauer, Roger Thorpe didn't have friends, but he and this Ryan Greenberg had obviously found some common ground, and so for her father's sake, she would give this guy a fair chance on Monday when he came in. Maybe he'd turn out to be a decent lawyer.

The smaller baby shower gifts had been put away, but the nursery monitor was still in its box on the coffee table, and the stroller and high chair, both still adorned with their bright red bows, were by the kitchen table. "This is nice," Roger said, inspecting the stroller. "Wow, I didn't know they still made wooden high chairs. I thought they were all plastic. From you, I take it, Chrissy?"

Blake nodded. "I'm glad you like them," she replied with a smile. She finished wiping off the table, then came over and kissed first her mother's cheek, and then her father's. "I'm gonna get going," she said. "Everything's cleaned up and put away, except for the nursery monitor, the stroller, and the high chair."

"We'll take care of those," Roger said.

"Thank you for a great baby shower, honey," Holly said.

Blake beamed. "It was my pleasure," she said. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Roger and Holly called their goodbyes after Blake, and when they were alone together, Roger asked, "Are there any of those mini-pizzas left?"

"No, but there's some shrimp left, and half a vegetable tray, and I saved you a big piece of cake," Holly replied. "What was in that bag you brought in?"

Roger's eyes lit up. "Ah, you noticed that," he said.

"I notice everything about you," she told him. "What was it?"

"That was my present, or part of it anyway," Roger said.

"Where is it?" Holly asked.

"I left it in our bedroom," Roger replied. "Did you want me to go and get it?"

"Yes, I did," Holly said. "Do you want that cake, or some shrimp or vegetables?"

"Not right now," Roger said. He disappeared down the hall and returned a minute later carrying the plastic bag he had brought home earlier, which Holly now saw was from Sam Goody, and a scroll tied with a blue ribbon. He sat down beside Holly on the couch and handed her the bag and the scroll.

Holly pulled a CD out of the Sam Goody bag. When she saw that it was by Patti Smith she looked at Roger. "The song?" she asked. "'The Jackson Song'?"

"Yes," Roger replied, stretching his arm across the back of the couch with a smile.

"Then this must be..." Holly said as she unrolled the scroll. Sure enough, it was the piano sheet music for "The Jackson Song."

"I got that first," Roger said, nodding at the sheet music. "But they had this at Sam Goody today, so I picked up a copy."

Holly set the CD and the sheet music in her lap and then threw her arms around Roger. "I love it," she said.

Roger put his arms around her. "We have a lot of Robert Browning's books around here, and I thought he should have the song that his first name came from too," he said.

Holly pulled back, remaining in Roger's arms. "He should," she agreed. "Why don't you put it on the stereo?"

Roger took the CD, opened it, put it on, and as the opening piano notes of "The Jackson Song" filled the room, he returned to the couch and sat beside Holly once more. She laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her, and they just sat there, listening to the song that had given them their son's first name. During the first chorus, Holly took Roger's hand and placed it on her stomach, and Roger felt Jack kicking, responding to the song, even more vigorously than he had when the song came over the P.A. system at the baby store and they agreed on Jackson for his first name, after this song.

"I think he likes this song," Roger said quietly, awed as always at feeling their son move inside Holly.

"Yeah," Holly said just as quietly as the baby moved again. "I think he does. And it will make a wonderful lullaby...especially when his daddy is playing it for us on the piano."

Roger met Holly's smiling gaze with a smile of his own as they sat there together, letting the song wash over them and feeling Jack move.

* * *

_**I picture Billy Miller, who plays Billy Abbott on The Young and the Restless, as Ryan Greenberg. Jamie Reardon is the daughter of Maureen's brother Dr. Jim Reardon and his wife, Ed's half-sister Hillary Bauer Reardon, so in my Springfield, Hillary didn't die, and she and Jim got married and had a family. **_


	12. October Surprise

_October 10, 1995, 4:28 PM-Thorpe and Marler Consulting_

September rolled into October, and life continued along fairly peacefully for Blake and Ross, and for Holly and Roger. Ryan Greenberg hired on as the attorney for Thorpe and Marler, and not only were Ryan and Roger getting to be true friends, but Blake liked Ryan too. Being innately honest, Ryan was a vast improvement over the kinds of attorneys her father usually hired, and his sense of humor, dogged determination to be the best attorney he could be, and personality in general made him one of the most likable people Blake had ever met.

It was an ordinary Tuesday afternoon. From her office, Blake could hear Roger on the phone, arguing with someone on the other end of the line. Then she heard him slam down the phone with a frustrated growl and a moment later, he appeared in her office doorway. "Charles Kelleher is impossible!" he exclaimed, throwing himself in one of Blake's visitor's chairs.

"Still putting off the face-to-face meeting?" Blake asked sympathetically.

"The way he keeps stalling, I'm going to end up having to go to Pittsburgh right before Thanksgiving," Roger said, "and I refuse to miss Thanksgiving. Besides, the closer it gets to your mother's due date, I'm not going to want to travel at all. I don't even want to have to go out of town within driving distance, like to Bay City or Oakdale, from Thanksgiving onward."

Then she and Roger both heard Ryan calling them. "Roger? Blake?"

"In here!" Blake called.

Ryan practically ran into Blake's office. "I can't believe it," he said, "but I think I got Thorpe and Marler a job! At least, they want to meet with you, Roger."

"What?" Roger asked, jumping up from his chair. "Who?"

"Rachel Cory," Ryan replied.

"As in Cory Publishing? **_That _**Rachel Cory?" Roger asked eagerly.

"The same," Ryan said. "I was in Bay City earlier because Colleen ordered something from a baby store and it came in, so I went to pick it up, and I ran into a guy I went to law school with. He's one of Cory Publishing's lawyers, and we got to talking, and Cory Publishing wants to buy this magazine called _Tempo_ that's based in a town called Pine Valley, Pennsylvania, and bring it under the Cory umbrella. The editor-in-chief of _Tempo_, a woman named Brooke English, has already been in touch with Rachel Cory, but they need someone to help them close the deal, and as soon as Travis found out I work for you, he said he was hightailing it back to the office to tell Mrs. Cory about you. In fact, he said that you should expect a call-" The ringing of Blake's desk phone interrupted Ryan. "-this afternoon if he could get in to see Mrs. Cory right away."

Roger looked at Blake, who nodded at him, and he answered the phone. "Thorpe and Marler Consulting, Roger Thorpe," he said. Pause. "Hello, Mrs. Cory," he said. Ryan grinned and pumped his fist in the air. "Yes, Mr. Greenberg apprised me of your interest in bringing _Tempo _magazine under the Cory Publishing umbrella. I'm certain we can work something out with Ms. English that is agreeable to all parties involved….This Friday? Certainly I can be there….1 PM, at TOPS…I'll see you and Ms. English then, Mrs. Cory….Yes….Thank you….Goodbye." Roger hung up and looked at Blake and Ryan with a big smile. "Brooke English is flying in on Thursday for a face-to-face meeting with Rachel Cory at a restaurant called TOPS, and I'm going to be there too!" he announced. He looked at Ryan then. "Cory Publishing! They have offices all over the world!"

Ryan smiled. "Right place at the right time, I guess," he replied.

"Serendipity, luck, right place at the right time, this is incredible!" Blake exclaimed. "This is an international company! Dad, you close this deal, and more international doors could open for us!"

Roger was beaming, and Blake knew what he was thinking: this was Thorpe and Marler's first shot at the international business arena. Cory Publishing had offices on six of the seven continents-everywhere but Antarctica. Facilitating the deal that brought _Tempo _magazine under the Cory Publishing umbrella would be not only Thorpe and Marler's entrée into the publishing world, but it would be their first job on an international scale. This was the kind of deal that Spaulding Enterprises would get involved in, but this was so much better, because it didn't involve the Spauldings at all.

"I have to call Holly," Roger said. He clapped Ryan on the back. "Tomorrow morning, you and me, 9 AM, we're going to start compiling dossiers on both Cory Publishing and _Tempo _magazine."

"I can get started on that tonight," Ryan said. "I'll have some preliminary information on both operations by 9 tomorrow morning."

"How?" Blake asked.

"Never underestimate the growth of the Internet, or my wife the computer wizard," Ryan replied. He looked at Roger. "So, I did good?"

"You did great!" Roger exclaimed. "I'm gonna go call Holly." Then he hurried to his office to do that just that.

"I better take off too and get going on that research," Ryan said. "See you later, Blake."

"Good going, Ryan!" Blake called after Ryan's retreating figure.

"Right place at the right time," he called back, a grin in his voice.

Blake reached for her phone, planning to call Ross, but her eyes fell on her day planner before she could pick up the receiver, and it stopped her in her tracks.

Today was October 10.

Blake was late.

And Blake wasn't just a little bit late. She was a **_lot _**late. Ten days late. And Blake was **_never_** ten days late.

She hadn't taken a pregnancy test since the end of August. She and Ross were back to normal. They weren't actively trying to get pregnant, there was no pressure, but they weren't preventing anything from happening either.

Ten days late.

Dare she hope…

She grabbed her purse and coat and rushed into her father's office. Roger was still on the phone with Holly, so Blake said quietly, "I have to take care of something, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow." Roger nodded and raised a hand in farewell, and Blake left work to head to the store. She needed to buy some pregnancy tests, since she didn't have any left at home. All the way to the store, she kept telling herself that whatever the results were, she would not get all crazy and obsessive about getting pregnant again.

* * *

_October 10, 1995, 6:23 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Ross had had one of the worst days of his entire career. Alan and Alexandra Spaulding were arguing over the CEO position of Spaulding Enterprises-Alex wanted to be CEO again, insisting that she was far enough along in her recovery and was making enough progress in therapy that she could be trusted to take over the CEO position again, and Alan, naturally, didn't want to relinquish the CEO's chair to Alex-and he had to be in court in the morning on a difficult case involving a lawsuit against a chemical company. He was stressed, tired, and had about five hours' worth of work to do before he could even go to sleep.

Blake's car was in the driveway, so she was already home. Ross wearily inserted his key in the front door with a heavy sigh and then entered, shedding his jacket and loosened tie and setting his briefcase on the coffee table. "Ross?" Blake called then.

"Yes," he called back. "I'm home."

Blake ran into the room then and launched herself at Ross, throwing her arms around his neck and showering his entire face with kisses. Too tired and startled to respond physically, Ross steadied Blake with one arm across the small of her back and when she stopped kissing him, he said, "Blake, honey, I'm really not in the mood. I have had an absolutely horrid day with Alan and Alexandra, and I have that big case against Essex Chemical starting tomorrow and I'm not done preparing my opening statement yet."

Blake stood there with her arms around Ross's neck, his arm still at the small of her back, and just smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. "I'm not trying to seduce you," she said. "I just really, really love you, and there's something I want to show you." She released him, grabbed one of his hands, and began pulling him after her, towards their bedroom.

"Yes, clearly this isn't a seduction," Ross replied sardonically as he stumbled after Blake, trying to keep up with her.

Ross tried to stop walking when they got to their bedroom, but Blake pulled him past their bed and into the bathroom.

And that's when Ross saw them: several pregnancy tests lined up in a row on the bathroom counter like toy soldiers. He felt his heart skip a beat as he counted twelve of them. He swallowed hard, then looked at Blake, who just looked back at him with a big smile and sparkling eyes that reminded him of the look on her face when he was saying his vows to her at their wedding.

He stepped up to the counter and looked at the first test. After all the tests Blake had taken this year so far, Ross had become an expert at reading them. But this test was different from every other pregnancy test Blake had taken before…because this test was positive!

Ross moved down the line of pregnancy tests. Positive…positive…positive…positive… His head began to spin and his heart began to pound as he kept going. Positive…positive…positive…positive…positive…positive…

When Ross stepped up to the last pregnancy test on the bathroom counter, he felt Blake's arms come around him from behind, wrapping around his chest, her palm splayed over his pounding heart. He looked at the last test. Positive.

Twelve positive pregnancy tests.

He turned in Blake's arms with a look of pure joy on his face, reminding Blake of the expression on his face when he saw her walking down the aisle at their wedding on her father's arm. "Blake," he said.

"I'm late. **_Really_** late," she replied. "When I realized how late, I went to the store and bought a dozen pregnancy tests and a gallon of orange juice, and then I came home and took them, and they all came up positive, and-"

Blake was cut off when Ross crushed his mouth to hers and kissed her breathless.

When the need for oxygen forced them to stop kissing, Blake, out of breath, said, "It was too late for me to get an appointment with Dr. Sedwick today, but I got the first appointment in the morning to confirm it. I can't believe twelve pregnancy tests could all be wrong, but I'm not taking any chances."

Ross's face fell then. "I have to be in court at 9," he said. "There's no way I can get a continuance. There have already been three continuances in this case, and Judge Bartley isn't going to tolerate another one. I couldn't get a continuance for something like this anyway."

"It's not like you'll really be missing anything," Blake assured Ross. "A blood test, a urine test, and a pap smear is all they'll do tomorrow, and Dr. Sedwick will prescribe some pre-natal vitamins for me and calculate my due date. It's just confirming what all of those little sticks on the counter there are already saying."

"Will you come and find me at the courthouse as soon as you know?" Ross asked. "I can't wait until lunch, or worse, until tomorrow night to know."

"The second I know, I'm coming to find you," Blake promised. She laid her head on his shoulder.

They were both quiet for a moment, and then Blake lifted her head and looked at Ross. "No matter what, I promise that I'm not going to get all crazy and obsessed about getting pregnant again," she vowed.

Ross tucked her hair behind her ears. "Maybe I shouldn't say anything," he began, "but I really think you-"

Now it was Blake who cut Ross off with a finger to his lips. "Don't," she said. "I just…I don't want to tempt fate. The minute one of us says it before Dr. Sedwick confirms it, that's just asking for all these positive pregnancy tests to be some weird fluke instead of being true. And this is_** not** _me getting all crazy and obsessed. This is me getting all superstitious. There's a difference."

Ross nodded and spoke around Blake's finger against his lips. "All right, I won't say it," he agreed. Blake removed her finger from his lips and he framed her face in his hands. "But the second you know, as soon as Dr. Sedwick has confirmed this one way or the other and you're absolutely, no-doubt-about-it, 100 percent sure, you'll come and find me and tell me."

"Yes," Blake promised, "I will."

* * *

_October 11, 1995, 9:59 AM-Springfield Municipal Courthouse, Courtroom A_

His years of professionalism allowed Ross to get through his opening statement, but as soon as his opposing counsel rose to begin his opening statement, Ross's mind went where he had been fighting to keep it from going all morning: to Blake, who was at Dr. Sedwick's office right now.

Ross had dreamed of babies last night; a little boy with his brown hair and blue eyes, a little girl with Blake's red hair and blue eyes, and he had even dreamed of twins, of Blake sitting up in their bed, holding two tiny bundles wrapped in white blankets as he sat beside her, looking from her shining face to the sleeping infants in her arms, but he woke up from that dream before learning if the babies were boys, girls, or one of each. He didn't think the babies had looked alike, but he couldn't be sure.

Opposing counsel's opening statement seemed to drag on forever. Ross really didn't want to be in court this morning. He wanted to be with Blake. He wanted to know if he was going to be a father, if he and Blake were finally going to have a child. He forced himself to listen to his opposing counsel, and he was able to figure out most of what he had missed while he was thinking about Blake and their potential child-to-be. He checked his watch: a few minutes after 10. Surely Blake's appointment was over by now. It didn't take that long to run a blood test and a urine test, did it? Of course, Ross had no idea how long an exam by a gynecologist would take, but he didn't think it was the sort of thing that would take half the morning. Or was it?

Ross was never so grateful for the judge to call a 10-minute recess in his life. He stood up, turned around, and that's when he saw Blake, standing in the back row of the courtroom, watching him with a look on her face that Ross had never seen before. He studied her face carefully as he made his way through the crowd to her side, and he was certain that he saw profound joy in her eyes, along with a sheen of moisture, as well as excitement, love, and even a little relief.

When Ross reached Blake's side, she grabbed his hand and pulled him after her, the same way she had last night when she pulled him into the bathroom to look at all of those positive pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter. Ross didn't stumble as much this time as he followed her into an empty anteroom, where Blake closed the door and then drew the shade on the window.

Alone together in the room, Blake placed her hands on Ross's biceps. Ross rested his hands at her sides and said, "Tell me."

The moisture in Blake's eyes spilled over, and her smile grew brighter than the sun as, laughing and crying at the same, she said, "I'm pregnant, Ross. We're having a baby."

The world stopped for a few seconds as those seven words truly registered in Ross's brain. Then he pulled Blake into his arms and held her more tightly than he had ever held her before as his heart took a dizzying jolt before it started to soar. He felt her arms go around him, heard her emotional, elated laugh, and then he felt tears forming in his own eyes as he captured her lips in a sweet, loving kiss. He was going to be a father! Blake was carrying his baby!

He pulled back a few seconds, minutes, hours later, he wasn't sure, to look into her eyes and tenderly touch her face, and the look on Ross's face made Blake's breath catch in her throat. He swallowed hard, and Blake felt Ross trembling in her arms. "Are you happy?" she asked softly.

"So happy," Ross rasped in a loud, hoarse whisper. "We're having a baby." He splayed one shaking hand over Blake's still-flat stomach. "There's a little you-and-me combination in there right now!" he exclaimed.

Blake sniffled and then laughed again, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "There is," she replied. "And Dr. Sedwick calculated that I'm about a month along."

Ross quickly counted in his head. "June!" he exclaimed. "Our wedding anniversary is in June, and our child's birthday will be too. That's wonderful!"

"Yes, I'm due the middle of June," Blake replied, "and Dr. Sedwick was also able to approximate when we conceived based on my cycle. She said that conception occurred between September 12 and 14...and we only made love once during that time."

"Between September 12 and 14," Ross said. Then it hit him. "The night of the Bar Association dinner?" he asked.

Blake nodded. "I'll never look at the country club pool the same way again," she said happily.

Ross laughed. "Neither will I," he said, pulling her close.

"I think that we should send Arthur Hedges a gift basket, to thank him for being such a boring windbag," Blake said.

Before Ross could reply to that, the bailiff knocked on the door, then opened it. "Court is about to resume, Mr. Marler," he said.

"Thank you," Ross replied. After the bailiff left, Ross said, "I have to go. I have to work. We've got a baby to start getting ready for." Then he thought of something. "We can't tell anybody yet, can we?"

"We shouldn't," Blake said. "You're supposed to wait until you're through the first trimester, because there's less chance of miscarriage then."

"You won't miscarry," Ross said firmly. "We've been waiting a long time for this moment, and nothing is going to go wrong, I know it. Our baby is going to be healthy and happy and smart and beautiful."

"Or handsome," Blake replied.

"Or handsome," Ross agreed. "And yes, I want to shout it from the rooftops that the woman I love is having our baby. But if we have to wait-I mean, if it's better to wait, then we'll wait."

"Christmas," Blake said. "I'll be safely into my second trimester by Christmas, and there's something very appealing to me about telling my parents and Ed and Maureen and everybody at Christmas. We'll even have pictures to show off."

"Pictures?" Ross asked.

"The sonogram," Blake replied. "They're doing the first one at my next appointment, in three weeks. The seven-week scan. Of course, our baby will just be a blob then-"

"Our baby will be the most beautiful, or most handsome, blob that ever was," Ross asserted. "I get to come along for this sonogram, right?"

"You'd better!" Blake exclaimed. "I want you at every appointment from here on out."

"Then I'll be there," Ross pledged.

The bailiff stuck his head in the door again, not bothering to knock this time. "Mr. Marler, they're waiting," he said.

Ross kissed Blake. "Tonight, we celebrate," he said.

"I'll be counting the hours," she said. "Go. Be brilliant. I'll be waiting for you at home."

Ross let her go and walked to the door, then turned back and looked at her, the magnitude of his elation plain on his face. "I love you," he said fervently.

"I love you too," Blake replied. After Ross had returned to court, Blake stroked her still-flat stomach and said, "You are going to have the most wonderful daddy in the world, and I will do my very best to be a great mommy. And you're going to have a terrific grandpa and grandma, and an uncle who's not much older than you…" She trailed off as she realized that her pregnancy and her mother's pregnancy would overlap for Blake's first trimester and Holly's last trimester. As worried as she had been about getting pregnant, it turned out that her mother and Maureen were right: relax, don't obsess, don't put so much emphasis on trying, and that's when it happens.

It was going to happen for her and Ross. They were going to have a baby. Her parents were going to have a baby about six months before she and Ross welcomed their baby.

She wondered how Roger and Holly would feel about becoming new grandparents the same year they became new parents. She looked forward to finding out.

* * *

_October 26, 1995, 2:24 PM-WSPR, Holly Lindsey-Thorpe's Office_

Holly leaned back in her desk chair, both palms splayed over her baby bump, and tried to calm herself with a few deep breaths. These strange pulsing sensations had been happening on and off since 9:30 this morning. They didn't feel like contractions, at least not the way she remembered contractions feeling, and it was way too early for Jack to be born, since he wasn't due until the middle of January and today was only October 26, but she was starting to worry about this because it wasn't going away. "You still have a few months to go, Jack," she said. "It's not time for you to be born yet. You have to stay where you are for at least the rest of the calendar year, okay?" Jack's response was another twitch, and the twitches were not like his usual kicks, which felt more like he was stretching or rolling or actually kicking with one of his feet or knocking against her stomach with an elbow.

She stroked her belly, hoping that it might calm Jack, and stop the twitchy, pulsing sensations. A few seconds later, it happened again.

She didn't feel any actual pain. That was what made her certain these weren't contractions.

But what if she was wrong? What if these were contractions? Given her age, she was at risk for pre-term labor.

Then she felt a particularly strong muscle spasm in her lower abdomen. "Oh god," she breathed. "No, no, no, no, no. Not now. It's too soon."

She was hunched over in her desk chair, praying that this awful feeling would stop, wondering if she should call an ambulance or see if Roger was back from Bay City yet-today was his second meeting with Rachel Cory and Brooke English regarding the sale of _Tempo _magazine to Cory Publishing-when the decision was taken out of her hands by a perfunctory knock on her office door and, a few seconds later, the appearance of AJ Chamberlain in the doorway.

AJ had just scored an interview with the head coach of the football team at Northwestern University, whose Homecoming game was tomorrow against the University of Michigan, and was coming to tell Holly about it, but the second he saw her hunched over in her desk chair clutching her pregnant belly, everything flew out of his head as he rushed to his boss's side. "What's wrong?" he asked anxiously. "Did your water break? Are you in pain?"

"My water didn't break," Holly said. She looked pale to AJ. "But I think something is wrong. I feel…strange. I'm having these odd sensations, and muscle spasms…" She trailed off. "Oh no, there's another one," she said.

"I'll call an ambulance," AJ said, grabbing Holly's desk phone. He quickly called for an ambulance, then said, "They're on their way. Do you want me to call your husband, or your daughter?"

"Give me the phone," Holly said. AJ handed her the receiver and she hurriedly called Roger's direct office line.

"Thorpe and Marler Consulting, Roger Thorpe," Roger answered cheerfully.

"Roger, thank God," Holly said breathlessly, relieved just to hear his voice.

"Holly? What's wrong?" Roger asked.

"I don't know, exactly, but I think something is," Holly said. "I'm having muscle spasms in my abdomen. It just…it doesn't feel right."

"I'm on my way," Roger said.

"No!" Holly exclaimed. "No, go to Cedars. Meet me there. AJ called an ambulance, and they should be here any minute."

"Is AJ still there?" Roger asked.

"Y-yes," Holly said, her voice catching as another strong muscle spasm gripped her belly.

"Put him on," Roger said.

AJ was looking out the window of Holly's office, ready to flag down the paramedics as soon as they emerged from the ambulance when it arrived, but when Holly called his name, he looked away from the window to see if something had happened. He hoped her baby was going to be all right. She was really happy about this baby. AJ knew the twisted, tortured history of Holly and Roger Thorpe, and about everything Roger had done to Springfield in general and to AJ's family in particular (his grandfather Henry, his Aunt Jenna, his Uncle Billy, and his cousins Mindy and Dylan), but no one deserved to have to bury a child. "What do you need?" he asked, hurrying back to Holly's side.

"Roger wants to talk to you," Holly said, holding the receiver out to AJ.

AJ took the phone from his boss to talk to her husband. "Yes, Mr. Thorpe?" he asked.

"AJ, I'm leaving for Cedars now. I don't want Holly going to the hospital alone. Will you ride with her in the ambulance?" Roger asked.

"Of course," AJ said. "I was planning to do that anyway, Mr. Thorpe." AJ heard the sirens then. "The paramedics are here, Mr. Thorpe."

"Put Holly back on," Roger said.

AJ handed the phone back to Holly and then rushed outside to direct the paramedics to Holly's office. "Roger?" Holly asked.

"I'm walking out the door right now," Roger replied. "AJ's going to ride with you in the ambulance so you won't be alone, and I will meet you in the ER."

"I'm scared," Holly whispered. Roger was scared too, but hearing Holly's whispered admission ramped up his own fears. His knotted stomach made itself into a fist and punched him in the heart.

"I am too," he admitted. There was nothing to be gained by lying to Holly about his feelings now. He was worried about her and scared for Jack, but that didn't mean that he couldn't and wouldn't be strong for her too. "But we're going to the hospital, and whatever is going on, Dr. Sedwick will make it okay."

AJ returned with the paramedics then, and Holly said, "They're here. I have to go."

"I'll meet you there," Roger repeated. "I love you."

"I love you too," Holly whispered before hanging up and letting AJ and the paramedics bundle her onto the gurney and rush her to Cedars. She prayed all the while that Jack was okay, and that Roger was right when he said that whatever was going on, Dr. Sedwick would make it okay.

* * *

_October 26, 1995, 2:40 PM-Cedars Hospital, Emergency Room_

Roger rushed into the ER and saw AJ Chamberlain pacing back and forth in the waiting area. "Where's Holly?" he demanded as he hurried to AJ's side.

"In there," AJ said, gesturing to a cubicle with the curtain drawn.

Roger burst through the curtain, and there was Holly, lying on a gurney with a fetal monitor attached to her baby bump as Dr. Sedwick took her blood pressure. He hurried to her side, and she sagged against his torso, relieved that he was there with her. He put his arm around her shoulders and took hold of her hand with his other hand. Dr. Sedwick told the nurse in the corner to get the portable sonogram machine, and the nurse hurried out of the curtain to retrieve it.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Holly. "What's going on?"

"Holly's blood pressure is a little high," Dr. Sedwick began, "but I'm certain that's merely a result of the stress she's feeling, worrying about the baby. His heartbeat is strong, and Holly, your water hasn't broken, and you're not having contractions."

"Then what are these muscle spasms, and these pulsing sensations I'm feeling?" Holly asked. "I never felt them before, and I know he's not kicking, because this doesn't feel anything like that."

The nurse returned with the portable sonogram machine then, and Dr. Sedwick removed the fetal monitor and performed a sonogram. Roger and Holly breathed twin sighs of relief when they saw their son on the monitor. Dr. Sedwick moved the transducer around Holly's abdomen and turned up the volume so they could hear his heart beating strong and steadily. "Everything looks good," she said. "The placenta hasn't separated, you're not bleeding, his heartbeat is normal, and he looks healthy."

Then Jack appeared to jump on the monitor, startling both Roger and Holly. "I felt it!" Holly exclaimed. "I felt the pulsing sensation again when he jumped." She looked at Dr. Sedwick pleadingly. "Do you know what it is? Is he all right?"

Dr. Sedwick smiled at Holly and Roger. "Your son is fine," she assured them. "He just has the hiccups."

Roger and Holly were both silent for a long moment. Then Holly said, "Hiccups? That's what the pulsing sensations and the muscle spasms are? Our son has the hiccups?"

"Yes," Dr. Sedwick replied.

"Hiccups," Roger repeated.

"Hiccups," Dr. Sedwick confirmed. "They're quite common. Hiccups in the womb are a sign of growth."

"Then he's all right?" Holly asked.

"He's perfectly healthy," Dr. Sedwick replied. "I would like to keep you here for a little while, though, Holly, until your blood pressure returns to normal." Dr. Sedwick was paged then. "Excuse me," she said, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

After Dr. Sedwick had left, and Roger and Holly were alone, Roger enveloped Holly in his embrace. "Thank God," he breathed, kissing the top of her head.

"I had no idea," she said, her voice slightly muffled by Roger's shoulder. "I had no idea babies could get hiccups in the womb. Blake didn't, at least not that I ever felt." She looked up at Roger then. "I was terrified that something was wrong. It didn't feel like contractions, but all I could think was, what if it's pre-term labor? I couldn't...I...I..." She couldn't find the words to explain the sheer terror she felt at the smallest possibility that something could go wrong with their precious baby boy.

Roger tightened his hold on her. "He's all right," he said. "And you're all right. Everything's all right."

Holly felt the baby move then, but it wasn't hiccups, it was just normal kicking, nothing she hadn't felt dozens of times before. Seeing the look on her face, Roger asked, "What? Is he hiccuping again?"

"No," Holly said, "just kicking." She reached for Roger's hand then and put it on her belly, and the tight set of his shoulders eased when he felt Jack kicking.

"He's all right," Roger said again.

Holly cupped his cheek in her palm. "I had forgotten about this part," she confessed.

"What part?" Roger asked.

"The part where something happens that makes you feel sheer terror, the likes of which you've never known before," Holly replied.

"So this is normal, then?" Roger asked.

"Every once in a while, but hopefully not too often," Holly replied. "When you love someone as much as we love this little guy, the smallest chance that something could go wrong or make him less than okay plunges you headfirst into an abyss of gut-wrenching fear. And then it turns out to just be hiccups, and you're so relieved that you don't even bother with feeling stupid."

"My heart was in my throat the whole way here," Roger confessed. He looked down at his hand still on Holly's baby bump and said, "I'm so attached to him already, I just...the thought that he might not...or that **you**..." Now Roger was the one who couldn't find the words to express the depths of his fears for Holly and Jack the second Holly had called to tell him something didn't feel right.

"Could we just stay home and be together this weekend?" Holly asked. "I want to ask Dr. Sedwick when she comes back how often hiccups can happen, and I'm probably going to need to adjust to what they feel like."

"Just staying home and being together sounds great," Roger replied.

Dr. Sedwick returned then and checked Holly's blood pressure again, pronouncing her blood pressure returned to normal, so she was free to leave whenever she was ready. "Dr. Sedwick, how often do these fetal hiccups happen? Is this going to be a several-hours-a-day kind of thing for the rest of my pregnancy?" Holly asked.

"It usually isn't," Dr. Sedwick replied. "You were so aware of them today because you'd never felt them before. Usually the baby gets the hiccups two to three times a day in the womb, and they usually don't last for more than 20 to 30 minutes at a time. Is he still having them?"

"No," Holly said, realizing that she hadn't felt any muscle spasms or weird pulsing sensations for a while now.

"I know it was frightening for you both since you'd never experienced it before, but it's a sign that your baby is thriving," Dr. Sedwick assured Holly and Roger. "You have an appointment with me next week, correct?"

"Yes, Wednesday morning," Holly replied.

"I'll see you both then," Dr. Sedwick said.

After Holly was dressed again, she and Roger emerged from the cubicle to find AJ Chamberlain still pacing in the ER waiting area. "Is everything all right?" AJ asked them anxiously.

"Everything is fine, AJ," Holly replied. "Thank you for all your help."

Roger pulled out his wallet, prepared to offer AJ cab fare back to work, but AJ waved him off. "That's not necessary, Mr. Thorpe," he said. "I'm just glad everything's okay." AJ looked at Holly then. "Are you taking the rest of the day off?" he asked.

"Yes," Holly said.

AJ nodded. "I'll let them know back at the station. Don't worry about anything. Galliano can handle anything that comes up regarding the news tonight," he said, referring to Tony Galliano, the director for the evening newscasts. "You just take care of yourself and the baby."

"I will," Holly said. "Thanks again, AJ."

"You're welcome," AJ replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd better get back to the station."

After AJ left, Roger looked at Holly. "Home?" he asked.

"Home," she replied, linking her arm with his, and then they left too.

* * *

_**Rachel Cory, Cory Publishing, and TOPS restaurant were part of Another World (literally-the soap opera Another World), while Brooke English and Tempo magazine of Pine Valley, Pennsylvania were part of All My Children, so I guess this qualifies as a slight crossover since I mention the characters and companies but don't actually devote any scenes or dialogue to them.  
**_


	13. Double-Edged Swords

_November 2, 1995, 3:22 PM-Cedars Hospital, Dr. Margaret Sedwick's Office_

Blake was lying on the exam table, her gown open over her belly. Ross was standing beside her, holding her hand. Dr. Sedwick had applied the gel and was now running the sensor over Blake's belly and peering at the monitor as she performed the sonogram.

Then Dr. Sedwick's eyebrows shot up. "Well, well," she murmured.

Blake and Ross exchanged an anxious look. "What? What is it?" Blake asked worriedly.

"Nothing's wrong, Dr. Sedwick, is it?" Ross asked anxiously.

Dr. Sedwick looked at them then with a big smile. "Everything is fine," she assured them, and Blake and Ross exchanged another look, this one filled with relief. Ross lifted his and Blake's joined hands to his lips, but before he could kiss Blake's hand, Dr. Sedwick froze both him and Blake in their tracks with her next words: "...with both of your babies."

Ross finally broke the protracted silence that followed this pronouncement with one word in the form of a question: "Both?"

Dr. Sedwick turned the monitor so that Blake and Ross could see it. "Both," she confirmed, pointing to the screen. "More commonly known as twins. Here's Marler Baby A, and here's Marler Baby B." She pointed out the two separate little blobs.

"Twins," Blake said, trying to wrap around her head around as she stared at the two tiny beings on the screen in a daze.

"Twins," Dr. Sedwick replied brightly, "and since there are two separate yolk sacs here, they're fraternal."

"Fraternal?" Blake asked blankly.

"That just means they're not identical, honey," Ross said, having found his voice. "If they're both boys or both girls, they won't look alike. Or they could be one boy and one girl." He looked at Dr. Sedwick hopefully then. "Can you tell the gender or genders?" he asked.

"Not yet. I'm afraid it's still too early for that," Dr. Sedwick replied. "But I **can** tell you that everything looks good, and that Mom, Baby A, and Baby B are all very healthy."

Ross looked at the screen again now, gazing raptly at Baby A and Baby B, the two most beautiful...handsome? one handsome and one beautiful?...the two most wonderful little blobs of humanity in the known universe. Then, his blue eyes bright, he shifted his gaze to Blake and looked at her with a mix of delighted wonder, boundless joy, and boyish enthusiasm.

Blake looked back at Ross dazedly. Twins. **Two** babies. Baby A and Baby B. "How-" Blake began, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat and tried again. "How did this happen?" At Ross's smirk, and Dr. Sedwick's amused smile, she said, "I **know _how_** it happened, but twins don't run in either of our families."

"Genetics as far as twins running in either family have nothing to do with it in your case," Dr. Sedwick told Blake. "You released two eggs when you ovulated, and both eggs were fertilized by separate sperm cells, so you're having fraternal twins."

"You've always been an overachiever!" Ross exclaimed proudly as he grinned at Blake happily. "Twins! This is incredible!" Then he bent his head and kissed Blake full on the mouth right in front of Dr. Sedwick, breaking the kiss to ask, "Can we have pictures of the sonogram? And a videotape?"

"Of course," Dr. Sedwick replied. "And congratulations."

"Thank you," Ross said.

They left Dr. Sedwick's office a few minutes later, Ross carrying the pictures and the videotape and exulting over the fact that they were having two babies. "They really **are **the most beautiful...or handsome, as the case may be...blobs I've ever seen!" he exclaimed.

When they got in the car, Blake said, "Ross?"

"Yes?" he inquired, looking at her lovingly.

"We're having twins," Blake said.

"Yes, we are," Ross replied. His grin would have powered the entire Midwest for a week.

"That means there's two of them," Blake continued.

"I know," Ross said. His grin got impossibly wider then. "You were afraid we'd never have **one** child, and we're having **two**! This is amazing!" He really looked at Blake then, and his brow furrowed as he realized that the look on her face didn't match the look on his. "What is it?" he asked.

Blake opened her mouth, then closed it. She swallowed hard and then finally spoke. "It's just that, as much as I want children, and I really do, I was thinking one at a time. And I've been so focused on getting pregnant that it's only just now hitting me that I really don't know anything about being a mother, and now there are two babies, and...and..." Her eyes began to water. "I don't know if I'll be a good mother to one baby, let alone two."

Ross's expression softened and he leaned across the console, put his arms around Blake, and kissed her forehead. She looked up at him anxiously, and he gently brushed her hair off her face. "Dinah didn't come into my life until she was almost grown," he said, "and while I was responsible for Sam when she lived with me, also as a teenager, she was my niece, not my daughter, so I don't know anything about being a father to a baby or a child, especially if one or both of our babies are boys. And yes, you have a lot to learn about being a parent, but you will be a wonderful mother, Blake."

"How do you know?" she asked.

"Because you have a good heart that is full of so much love, and because you are smart and patient-"

Blake interrupted him with a snort. "Me, patient?" she scoffed.

"You waited for me to get my head out of the sand and realize that I love you and **tell** you that I love you, so yes, you, Blake, are capable of being patient," he replied. "And you are a natural mother lion protector. Look at how you fought for me, even when it meant going against your parents. And besides, neither of us is doing this alone. It's two of them and two of us. That just makes it even, right?"

Blake smiled, sniffled, and put her arms around Ross's neck. "We're going to be parents, Ross," she said. "I didn't know it was possible to be so happy and so terrified at the same time."

"Neither did I," Ross said. He touched his forehead to hers for a moment, then drew back to look into her eyes. "And I am going to be the best husband a pregnant woman ever had. Dishes, laundry, cooking, shopping, you name it and I'll do it. Cravings in the middle of the night, no matter what it is, I'll go out and get it without complaint. I'll even get fat with you."

Blake gave a watery laugh then. "You may reconsider that since I'm going to get so huge I'll need a CAUTION: WIDE LOAD sign on my back, and eventually I'll waddle instead of walk," she said.

"Never," Ross said firmly, shaking his head.

"I love you so much," Blake said.

"I love you too," Ross replied. "Correction: I love you** three**."

Blake smiled, and then she and Ross kissed.

* * *

_November 14, 1995, 11:48 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger and Holly were both awakened by the insistent ringing of the phone. Holly groaned and mumbled, "Make them go away," covering her head with her pillow.

Roger carefully reached over Holly to answer the phone. "This is Tony Galliano at WSPR. I need to speak to Mrs. Thorpe right away," the caller said before Roger had the word "hello" completely out.

"It's almost midnight," Roger said archly. "She's asleep, and she's seven months' pregnant. Call back in the morning!"

"This can't wait," Galliano insisted. "Detective Cutter was stabbed tonight, and he's at Cedars in critical condition. He might not make it through the night. And there was blood evidence at the scene besides Cutter's, so there may be a second victim out there somewhere. Mrs. Thorpe is the station manager. She needs to know what's happened and I need to check our plan for getting this on the air in the morning with her. I know it's almost midnight, and I know she's seven months' pregnant, and I'm sorry to disturb her at this hour, but I need to talk to her immediately."

Roger was stunned. Detective Cutter had been stabbed and might not last the night? And there was a possible second victim who was still missing? Who coud that be? And who had done this? Roger reluctantly woke Holly then. "Holly, it's Tony Galliano at the station. He has to talk to you right away."

Holly removed the pillow from her head, sat up with another groan, and took the phone from Roger. "Yes, Tony?" she asked sleepily, pushing her hair off her forehead with her other hand. Roger, sitting beside her, saw the moment the news registered with Holly as she came fully awake, her eyes snapping open and showing her shock. "What?...Oh my god...Do they have a suspect in custody yet?...Well, do they have any leads?...Yes, tell our people at Cedars and at the police station to stay put." She looked at the glowing green numbers of the alarm clock then. "We have about six hours before the sunrise newscast. Wait as long as you can for definite news on both Cutter's condition and the investigation and any suspects so that the most accurate, up-to-date information goes on the air...Yes, keep updating at every news break during the network morning show, and if something major happens, break in on the morning show to report it...I'll be in at 8 in the morning, and if there's an arrest made or an APB put out on a suspect or if-if there's a significant change in Cutter's condition before then, call me back, I don't care what time it is...Right. I'll see you at 8."

Holly hung up the phone and looked at Roger then. "This is horrible. They have no idea who tried to kill Detective Cutter, he's in very bad shape, and someone else may be badly hurt too. Oh god, and poor Faith! She must be frantic right now." It was common knowledge around town that Faith Spaulding and Patrick Cutter were a couple, and Holly knew firsthand the terror you feel when the man you love is near death.

"Chrissy won't take this well either," Roger reflected, "or Tangie. They're both good friends of Cutter's."

"And Blake is so close to Faith," Holly added. She sighed, resting one hand on her belly beneath the covers. "Tangie will know as soon as she walks into the _Journal_ in the morning, if not before, and Blake will find out probably when Ross does, so she might know already, or they might not know until tomorrow. I'm sure that Hope and Alan are there for Faith, and Ed will do everything medically possible to save Cutter's life." She shook her head. "If there's a second victim as the police believe there is, I hope they find them soon and are able to save them, and I hope that Cutter makes it through this, and that whoever did this is caught and locked up soon."

"So do I," Roger said. He and Holly settled themselves back on their pillows, Roger spooning Holly, one arm draped across her bulging belly, each of them with one hand resting on their unborn son. "It's a dangerous world out there," Roger said.

"I don't know how Hope stands it, knowing what Faith faces every time she goes to work," Holly said.

"I wish that we could raise Jack in some kind of protective bubble, away from all danger," Roger said.

"That's a nice thought, but we can't," Holly said. "But we can keep him safe, teach him how to take care of himself, and we will." She paused. "If he ever wants to be a cop, though, I don't know how I would stand that."

"If he's interested in upholding the law, he can be a lawyer," Roger said. "Ryan and Ross can help us talk him into it."

"Well, we have a long time before we have to worry about that, thankfully," Holly replied. "Right now, let's just go back to sleep." She turned her head for a kiss, and then they lay there together in the dark, Roger spooned behind Holly, their hands covering Holly's baby bump, and it took them almost an hour to fall asleep again.

* * *

_November 15, 1995, 10:31 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Cutter's condition was upgraded from critical to serious by the following afternoon, but he remained unconscious in Cedars' ICU.

Faith Spaulding had been identified as the other victim. Testing proved that it was her blood found at the scene, and the police confirmed that she had called in a report of an officer down to the station, Cutter being the officer down, and that that was the last time anyone had heard from her. Also, Cutter had received first aid before the paramedics arrived to transport him to Cedars, and that first aid had kept him from bleeding out on the street and enabled him to make it to the hospital alive. Faith had saved Patrick's life and gotten help for him before having been injured herself and then taken. Forensics found no bullets or spent casings at the scene after spending hours going over it with a fine-tooth comb, leading to conjecture that Faith had also been stabbed, and the police were still canvassing the entire area looking for her, and trying to find out who could have done this to her and Cutter.

Tangie spent most of the day at the hospital after the 6 AM phone call from Blake telling her what had happened to Cutter and to Faith. Fletcher had his hands full between running the _Journal_, chasing the story, and supporting Alexandra as she supported Alan, Hope, and Alan-Michael, but he let Tangie stay at Cedars without requiring her to gather any information. She sat with Cutter in the ICU, as his sister and grandfather had not yet arrived from Chicago to be with him, but Cutter didn't so much as stir.

Blake was so upset at the news about Cutter and Faith that she threw up for the first time since learning she was pregnant. Ross let Alexandra know that if her family needed anything from him, they had only to ask, and spent most of the rest of his time taking care of Blake and getting updates by phone from Maureen.

The Spauldings were living a nightmare, not knowing what had happened to Faith or where she was. Frank Cooper and Detective Levy were the ones who spoke to the family, making sure that they were kept apprised of everything that was being done to find Faith, and to find whoever had taken her and tried to kill Cutter. Alan-Michael and Lucy, who had been staying on the yacht, went to stay at the mansion with the rest of the family, and most of Faith's closest friends, including AJ and Stacey Chamberlain, David Grant, and the just-returned-from-their-honeymoon-four-days-ago Bridget and Dylan Lewis, went to the mansion to be together and to be with Faith's family. Phillip and Amanda Spaulding, and Meta, Mike and Elizabeth Bauer, were all called and informed of Faith's disappearance. Phillip and Meta vowed to drop everything and come to Springfield as soon as they could get flights, and Meta would not be deterred, although Phillip acquiesced when Hope and Alexandra both spoke to him and learned that Lizzie was at the tail end of a bout of bronchitis and insisted that Phillip wait until his little girl was well before coming to Springfield, because Faith certainly wouldn't want to take her oldest brother away from her beloved niece when Lizzie was sick. Phillip agreed reluctantly but vowed to catch the first available flight to Springfield as soon as Faith was found, even if Lizzie wasn't all better yet. AJ, Stacey, David, Bridget and Dylan, relieved to be of some actual help, met Meta Bauer at the airport as a group and took her to Ed and Maureen's house, where she would be staying while she was in town. While all this was happening, Nick chased down sources, tips, and leads like a man possessed, with the help of a new _Journal_ employee named Susan Bates, as he searched for answers about Faith's location and the identity of the person who had hurt and taken her and nearly killed Cutter.

Meanwhile, Charles Kelleher was finally ready to meet with Roger in person, requesting that Roger fly into Pittsburgh the Monday of Thanksgiving week and promising that he would return home the night before the holiday.

But given what had happened to Cutter and Faith, and that whoever was responsible was still on the loose, Roger was worried about leaving Holly alone.

"I'll have AJ Chamberlain or Tony Galliano or one of the security guards walk me to my car every night, and I'll double-check all the doors and windows to make sure they're locked. I'll be fine," Holly said when Roger expressed his concerns. "I'll miss you, but it's only three days. You'll be home Wednesday night, we'll have the whole evening together, and then Blake and Ross and Tangie will be here for Thanksgiving."

"Chrissy's not cooking again this year, is she?" Roger asked, recalling the frozen turkey disaster the year before.

"No, and neither am I," Holly replied. "We're leaving the cooking to those who know what they're doing. We're buying all the food ready-made, heating it up-because that, we know how to do-and eating it."

Roger sighed. "If I could send Chrissy, or Ryan, I would, but Kelleher insists it has to be me."

"That's because you're the big boss, the boardroom swashbuckler," Holly said with a smile, putting her arms around him, "so you'll go, you'll close the deal, we'll miss each other, and then we'll make up for missing each other Wednesday night. Blake and Ross and Tangie won't be here until 1:00 Thanksgiving afternoon, so we can even sleep late."

"This will be my last trip out of town until after Jack is born," Roger pledged. "I never like being away from you for days at a time, but I especially don't like it now."

"It's three days," Holly reminded him, "with your homecoming and Thanksgiving and the long weekend finishing the nursery to look forward to." She rested her hands on his shoulders and looked deeply into his eyes. "Nothing bad is going to happen, Roger, I promise."

But despite Holly's reassurances, Roger couldn't shake the feeling that he was about to be thrown for a loop somehow.

* * *

_November 22, 1995, 7:10 PM-Springfield Airport_

Roger's flight was due in at 7:30 the night before Thanksgiving. Holly arrived at the terminal a few minutes after 7, checked the board and saw that Roger's flight was on time, and was debating whether to sit down in one of the molded plastic chairs since she was not at all certain she'd be able to get up again without assistance when she spotted an older man with white hair in a black suit with a matching overcoat folded over one arm checking the board from a few feet away. She recognized this man. "Adam?" she asked.

Adam Thorpe looked over when he heard his name being called and smiled when he saw who had called him. "Holly!" he exclaimed delightedly. His gaze encompassed her from head to toe, taking in her rounded stomach and the rings on her left hand. "Look at you!" he exclaimed. "You look well, and very happy. How is everything?"

"Everything is wonderful," Holly replied, returning Adam's smile.

"When are you due?" Adam asked, gesturing to her belly.

"He's due in mid-January," Holly said.

"It's a boy? That's great," Adam said.

"Yes," Holly said, still smiling. "He's your grandson."

Adam's smile abruptly died as his face twisted in shock. "Roger is the father of your child?" he asked, dismayed.

"Yes, he is," Holly said. She held up her left hand to show off the wedding and engagement rings that Adam had seen earlier. "He's also my husband."

Adam shook his head in disbelief. "Oh, Holly."

"He's a changed man, Adam," Holly insisted.

"I can't let myself believe that," Adam replied. "The cost of being wrong is too high, and I've never recovered from the last time I was so terribly wrong about him."

"Don't you think it's about time you did?" Holly asked.

"Well, you obviously have if you married him again and you're having another child with him," Adam said. "I just hope that for your sake and the sake of this child, you aren't making a terrible mistake that you will live to regret."

"Yes, I forgave Roger. I forgave him a long time ago," Holly said. "And do you know something, Adam? It is amazing what a difference it makes when your life is not consumed by bitterness and hatred about the past. It's downright freeing, and a lot healthier emotionally, if you are not constantly focused on the wrong and the bad, especially when it's so far in the past." She peered at Adam intently. "It was a lifetime ago, Adam. Roger and I have both grown and changed so much. We have a good life now. Roger has started his own consulting firm with Blake, and they're starting to get international accounts now. They're a success. That's why I'm here, to pick Roger up. He's coming home from a business trip to Pittsburgh in just a few minutes."

Adam looked uncomfortable upon hearing that Roger would be arriving soon. "I had heard that he started his own company," Adam admitted. He looked at Holly critically then, seeming to somehow take her measure. "You really do love him."

"Yes, I do," Holly confirmed. "I think I always did. The love just got buried under a lot of anger and hate for a long time."

"And now it's not anymore."

"No." She shifted slightly as she felt Jack kicking. "Can't you give him a chance, Adam? That's all he wants: a chance to prove to you that he is not the man he was when he was young."

"That's too big a risk for me to take," Adam said. "Look at what he did to you, to Rita Stapleton, to Alan Spaulding when he got him sent to prison."

"Alan was far from innocent," Holly pointed out. "Roger made some big mistakes then, but Alan did too. And Alan's family stood by him and waited for him while he was in prison. Roger was away from his family a lot longer than Alan was away from his, but Roger had no one."

"Alan Spaulding never raped anyone," Adam asserted. "He didn't shoot people like Bill Bauer, nor did he drag anyone through a jungle in the Dominican Republic trying to kill them."

"No, but Alan tried to shoot Blake, and would have if Roger hadn't deflected the gun," Holly said. Adam's eyes widened; he hadn't known that.

"Be that as it may, perhaps you can forgive Roger for those things, but I can't," Adam said.

"So that's just it? You won't even try?" Holly wanted to know. "You won't give him a chance, now or ever?"

"He was my responsibility!" Adam exclaimed. "He was my son, and he committed these crimes, these heinous acts, against innocent people."

"**He** did those things. **You** didn't," Holly said.

"But he was my son, so ultimately he was my responsibility," Adam insisted. "And I feel guilty for letting him loose on the world, and horrified and disappointed that my son was capable of such things."

Before Holly could formulate a response to this, Roger walked into the terminal and saw Holly standing in the waiting area talking to his father. His surprise gave way to a powerful feeling of hope as he hurried over to them. "I'm home," he announced. Holly and Adam both turned to look at Roger. Holly greeted Roger with a kiss, then slid her arm around his shoulders as he looked at Adam, unable to disguise the hope in his eyes. "Dad, this is a very pleasant surprise."

"I didn't come here to see you," Adam replied bluntly. "I'm on my way to spend Thanksgiving with someone, and I'm catching my connecting flight here."

Holly ached for Roger as his face fell, the hope disappearing like a lamp going out when the switch is flipped, replaced by sadness and resignation. "Oh," he said quietly. "Who are you spending Thanksgiving with?"

Adam paused, looking very uncomfortable, but finally answered Roger. "Hart."

Roger reared back as if Adam had slapped him. "Hart?" he asked, stunned. He felt Holly squeeze his shoulder then and looked over at her, grateful for the reminder that she was right there beside him, and seeing the shock he felt mirrored on her face.

Adam's gaze darted all around the terminal before finally, reluctantly, landing on Roger again. "He sought me out last year, and we've been getting closer ever since," Adam replied. "He's a good boy, a good young man, despite the difficult life he's had."

The dig pierced Roger's soul, bringing all of the mistakes he had ever made with Hart, and all of the pain of their lack of relationship, flooding to the front of his mind.

"Where is he living now?" Roger asked.

"He doesn't want you to know," Adam informed him. "I'm not going to betray his trust by telling you." Adam braced himself for Roger's reaction then, waiting for, and fully expecting, Roger to explode, to start raging and ranting at him and demanding that he reveal Hart's whereabouts immediately.

But it was Adam's turn to be shocked when Roger just nodded sadly and asked, "Can you at least tell me if he's all right?"

Adam just looked at Roger for a long moment, trying to make sense of this reaction from Roger when he was prepared for anger and sarcasm, and finally he said, "He's doing very well."

"I'm glad to hear that," Roger said, and he was. As much as it hurt that his father was spending Thanksgiving with Hart, and neither of them wanted anything to do with him, Roger honestly was glad to hear that Hart was doing well, wherever he was and whatever he was doing.

An awkward silence descended then as Roger and Adam just stared at each other, and Holly stood there beside Roger, her arm around him, her gaze darting back and forth between her husband and her father-in-law. Finally Roger spoke again. "Holly and I are married, Dad, and we're having a baby in January, a little boy. And I have my own company now, a consulting firm. I work with Chrissy, and we just signed on to handle the sale of Kelleher Electronics of Pittsburgh to Sony, and a few weeks ago, we got the ball rolling for Cory Publishing to buy _Tempo_ magazine. We're going international, Dad."

"It sounds like you're keeping busy," Adam said. The loudspeaker crackled to life then, and Adam listened carefully, then said, "They're calling my flight. I have to go."

"Take care of yourself," Roger said, "and..." He trailed off, then said, "And tell Hart to do the same, if you would."

Adam ignored Roger and looked at Holly. "Holly, I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do," Holly replied simply, firmly, squeezing Roger's shoulder again.

"Be careful," Adam warned her. Then he turned and walked away.

Adam had deprived Roger of the chance to at least say goodbye when he had attended Blake and Ross's wedding. This time Roger was going to say it, even if, as he suspected, Adam didn't respond. "Goodbye, Dad," Roger called after Adam's retreating figure.

Roger was right; Adam didn't stop, didn't turn around, didn't acknowledge Roger's farewell in any way.

Roger and Holly stood there watching Adam walk away, and when he had disappeared from their sight, Holly looked at Roger, his shoulders slumping in dejection and said, "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes," Roger replied. He mustered up a wan smile for Holly, but couldn't make it stay on his face for more than a few seconds. They collected Roger's suitcase from the baggage claim and then headed home. As soon as they got in the car, Roger turned on the radio, and he and Holly were both silent for the ride home.

As he stared glumly out the car window, the lyrics of the song on the radio reached him.

_Did I ask too much? More than a lot_

_You gave me nothin' now it's all I got_

_We're one but we're not the same_

_Well we hurt each other and we do it again_

_You say love is a temple, love a higher law_

_Love is a temple, love the higher law_

_You ask me to enter but then you make me crawl_

_And I can't be holdin' on to what you got_

_When all you got is hurt_

Holly knew that Roger was hurting at yet another rejection from his father, emotionally hemorrhaging because Adam remained disappointed in him, unable to forgive him for the past, unwilling to even give him a chance to prove to Adam just how much he had changed. That song on the radio summed up the way Roger and Adam related to each other, the way Adam forced them to relate to each other because of his unyielding grip on the past, and on his own guilt and disappointment.

When they got home, Holly said, "Do you want something to eat? I ate already, but I could fix you something."

"No," Roger replied. "I ate on the plane. I'm not hungry anyway. Could we just go to bed and talk?"

"Sure," Holly agreed, relieved that Roger wasn't going to internalize his pain and hold it all inside.

As they got ready for bed, Holly told Roger, "Cutter's awake. He's gonna make it, but he's still in ICU and he has quite a recovery ahead of him. He identified Marian Crane as his assailant, but they haven't found her yet. And Faith is still missing too."

"Do they think Marian Crane is holed up somewhere with Faith?" Roger asked.

"That seems to be the consensus," Holly replied. "If they find one of them, they'll find both of them, but so far, they haven't found either Faith or Marian." She turned down the bed and got in, and Roger climbed in beside her.

Roger leaned back against the headboard, so Holly turned over on her side, the only comfortable position when she was lying in bed as her pregnancy progressed increasingly further, and rested her hand on Roger's chest. "I don't remember a time when my father wasn't disappointed in me," he began. "When I was six years old, my father bought me my first suit with a long pair of pants, which was a big deal in those days, since until you got to be five or six years old, any suit that you wore had short pants, and the older you got, the more babyish you thought short pants were. So that navy blue serge suit with the long pants, that was a huge deal.

"We were going somewhere, I don't remember where, and I went to wait in the backyard, and while I was waiting, I played with a tennis ball, tossing it up against the house and catching it when it bounced back to me. Well, I threw it too hard, I guess, because it bounced off the side of the house and flew over my head, over the chain-link fence, and into the neighbor's yard. So I climbed over the fence to get the ball back, and when I climbed back over the fence into my own yard, I snagged my pants on the top of the fence and ripped a big hole in them. My father yelled at me so loudly and for so long, and he finished up his lecture by telling me that he was disappointed in me."

"You were just a little boy," Holly said. "Little boys tear their pants on chain-link fences going after balls that go into the neighbor's yard. That was an overreaction."

"That's how it always was between my father and me," Roger replied. "At least, since I was old enough to remember and really be aware of what he meant, and how he felt. I just...I could never please him. And I have spent a lifetime knocking myself out trying. But nothing about me was ever good enough for my father. Well, almost nothing." He looked at Holly wryly. "He was thrilled when I married Peggy Fletcher. That was the closest I ever came to having his approval. And I did have feelings for her, I did love her in my own way. But I loved you more. I couldn't stay away from you. I didn't **want** to stay away from you. And when it all came out, about you and me and our affair, and about Chrissy being our daughter, my father sided with Peggy. It was wrong to cheat on her, yes. And I knew that. I knew it then, and I know it now. But as wrong as it was morally, it was right emotionally, because I loved you, and because we got Chrissy out of it. It's not that he didn't like you," he added, "he just didn't think I was good enough for you. For anybody, I guess."

"He's wrong," Holly said. "And I couldn't stay away from you any more than you could stay away from me, nor did I want to. But he's wrong, especially now, because you **are** good enough for me, Roger. And for Blake, and for Jack. You **are**. Adam's inability to forgive you, and Adam's sense of disappointment in you, are his problem, not yours. Before you got home, he told me that he feels some measure of responsibility for you, and he can't let go of that, or of the guilt it makes him feel."

Roger looked at Holly, surprised at this disclosure about his father. Then his features morphed into a look of sadness and resignation. "Frankenstein's Monster," he said glumly, employing the metaphor that Holly had used when she was taking care of him after Billy Lewis shot him and she was telling him how everyone else in town was reacting to his shooting and disappearance. "He unleashed me on an unsuspecting world and never meant for me to cause so much chaos and pain, so he feels guilty. Well, **I** feel guilty too."

"I know you do," Holly replied.

"My father doesn't," Roger said. "He talks about **his** guilt, **his** sense of responsibility, **his** disappointment in his disgrace of a son...but what about me?" He looked at Holly plaintively. "**I** did all of those horrible things. They were **my** crimes. I wasn't doing his or anyone else's bidding. I made my own choices, as wrong and as bad as nearly every single one of them was back then. But I have truly changed. I have made amends, or tried to, as much as I possibly could, at least to the people who would let me at least try to do so. I take full responsibility for what I did, for all of it. But he doesn't see that, because he doesn't see **me**. He can still barely look at me. He still won't listen to me and really hear me. He still won't give me the opportunity to really show him that I am so vastly different from the monster I was when I was a young man. He's still disappointed in me." Tears welled in Roger's eyes then as he whispered, "And it still hurts so damn much."

Holly felt tears pricking her own eyes. "I know it does," she said softly, her voice breaking. She started to try to move closer to Roger, but he moved closer to her instead so that she didn't have to move.

"Great," Roger said, his own voice breaking now, "now I've made you cry."

She touched his face tenderly, sniffled, and cleared her throat. "Don't you know by now that when you're hurting, I'm hurting?" she asked. She rested her hand on his cheek, her other hand now resting on his chest. "I want to make you feel better, to take this pain away, and I know that I can't, because only Adam can, and only Hart can, and neither of them will give you another chance, and you deserve one."

"I really don't think my father was trying to rub my face in the fact that he has a relationship with Hart and I don't," Roger reflected, "but knowing that Hart is close enough to my father now that they're spending Thanksgiving together and he still wants nothing to do with me..." Roger swallowed hard and looked at Holly fearfully then. "I made so many mistakes with Hart, I hurt him so much. And Chrissy...I've hurt her badly too, like with those pictures of her and Ross."

"I was involved with those pictures too," Holly reminded him. "That was both of us."

"I have hurt them, though," Roger persisted. "And the thought of ever hurting Jack like that..." His voice broke again and he bowed his head.

Holly gently lifted Roger's chin so that he had to meet her eyes. "You and I both did a lot of things wrong with Blake over the years," she began, "but she survived it all, and both of our relationships with her are better than they've ever been. And yes, we will both make mistakes with Jack, but we both know so much better now than we did when Blake was little." She looked at Roger intently. "You won't do to Jack anything that you did to Blake or to Hart because you have learned from the past. And we're raising Jack together, both of us fully committed to him and to each other. There's no going it alone this time, and all of the turmoil and the crippling insecurities and the deep misery that plagued us both when Blake was little, we have put all of that behind us, and we're doing everything we can to make sure that we never fall into those destructive patterns of behavior again, with each other or with our kids. We are strong and we are solid, and Jack is going to have all of the love and support and security we can give him, and the mistakes that we make with him will be made out of love, not out of anger or insecurity or misery or disappointment."

"I don't think there's anything that Jack could ever do that could make me disappointed in him," Roger said. "He might do things or take actions that are disappointing to me, but him as a person, he could never be a disappointment to me. Neither could Chrissy now, or Hart. I can differentiate between the person and the action now."

"And we will also make certain that Jack knows that, I promise you," Holly vowed. "Blake already knows it. As for Hart..." She trailed off.

"My lack of a relationship with him hurts, but I can't make him want to build a relationship with me any more than I can make my father want the same. It has to be up to them...and they've both done everything they can to make it abundantly clear to me that they don't want me to be a part of either of their lives," Roger replied.

"So where does that leave you?" Holly asked.

Roger took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Focusing on everything and everyone I **do** have instead of what and who I **don't** have," he replied, cradling her face in his palms, "starting with you." He looked at her with his heart in his eyes. "I am so thankful for you every single day, Holly, and I thank you. Thank you for forgiving me...for loving me...for marrying me...for our remarkable daughter and the incredible son that we'll be meeting in two months..." He stroked her cheek. "Thank you for my life."

She touched her forehead to his and kissed him softly. Pulling back just enough so that they could look into each other's eyes, she replied, "Our love and marriage, our remarkable daughter, and our incredible son are all joint efforts, and I'm thankful for you every day, too. I'm thankful for your part in making Blake and Jack, and I'm thankful for your love and for our life and family, and I'm thankful that I can truly be myself with you." She ran one hand down the back of his head and then rested it at the top of his spine, her other hand still resting over his heart. "Do you have any idea the gift that is, knowing that who I am, faults and all, is all I ever have to be? I spent years trying to be everyone else's ideal version of the perfect woman, and you're the only one who ever said, and meant it when you said it, 'Just be who you are. That's who I love, and that's who I want.' You talked before about being enough. You let me know every day that I am enough for you, that I don't have to twist myself up in knots trying to be someone I'm not for you to love me, and that is something no one else has ever given me, or ever could." She rubbed his chest gently. "And you, exactly as you are, **all** of you, the light and the dark...that's who **I** love, and that's who **I** want. You. You're enough, Roger."

Roger kissed Holly again, then said softly, "I treasure you."

"I treasure you too," she replied.

Then he laid his head in the crook of her neck and closed his eyes, relaxing into her as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head. The twin rejections of Adam and Hart hurt Roger, yes, but it was impossible for him to hurt when he was in Holly's arms. All he could do regarding Adam and Hart was wait for them and leave the door open for both of them, and in the meantime, he had the love and support of Holly and Blake, and Jack's pending arrival to look forward to, and he was finally smart enough to know that even if Adam and Hart never came around, he still had a family that loved him and wanted him in Holly, Blake, and Jack, and they were what he was most thankful for not just at Thanksgiving, but every day of his life.

Holly watched Roger sleeping in her arms, and lightly kissed his forehead. Even if neither Adam nor Hart ever gave Roger the chance to show them how much he had changed and how much he truly wanted and would work at healthy relationships with both of them, she would never regret giving him that chance herself. Holly knew Roger better than anyone else in the world. She knew how much he had changed and how hard he worked to never again fall back into his old, destructive behaviors. He **was **enough for her, all of him, the good and the bad, the appealing and the not-so-appealing, and he was enough for Blake, and he would be enough for Jack. And no matter what ultimately happened with Adam and Hart, Holly would always be by Roger's side, loving him and being there for him and sharing with him this life and this family that they had built together.

She reached over and turned out the lamp on her nightstand, then settled down for a good night's sleep with Roger in her arms.

* * *

_November 22, 1995, 8:19 PM Local Time-Barbara Norris's Apartment, La Mesa, California_

Barbara Norris listened with growing horror as Adam Thorpe, on the other end of the telephone, recounted every detail of his unexpected encounter with her daughter Holly and Roger Thorpe at the Springfield Airport just a few hours earlier. "Are you sure, Adam? Are you really sure?" she asked when he had finished his story.

"Holly and Roger both said that she's having a boy and she's due in the middle of January," Adam replied.

"It's bad enough that she married him again. **Why** she married him again, I'll never understand, after what he did to her," Barbara said, "but to have another child with him, and at her age! And to not even bother to tell me about it. I swear, I don't know what is wrong with that girl! She has absolutely no sense when it comes to Roger. She never did, and obviously she never will."

"She told me that he's a changed man," Adam said in an odd tone of voice that Barbara didn't pick up on because she was so busy stewing over her daughter's eternal and blatant stupidity when it came to Roger Thorpe.

Barbara scoffed. "She's always been blind to who he really is, except for those few months after the rape," she replied.

"I've been turning it over and over in my mind since I boarded the plane," Adam continued, not acknowledging Barbara's comment. "The Roger I know would have ranted and raged at me when I refused to tell him Hart's whereabouts. "He would have insisted...no, **demanded** that I tell him where Hart is immediately, and he would have done whatever it took to get me to give him that information. But he didn't. He just...nodded his head sadly and asked if I could at least tell him if Hart was all right. He didn't push me or pressure me in any way."

"Did you search your luggage for bugs or listening devices?" Barbara asked.

"I had already checked my luggage before I ran into Holly, and before Roger arrived," Adam said.

"Then did you check your coat and your pockets for bugs or listening devices?" Barbara asked.

Adam wedged the receiver between his ear and shoulder and performed a cursory check of his pants pockets, his shirt pocket, then picked up his overcoat from the back of the chair and checked its pockets. "I did," he reported to Barbara, "and there's nothing there. It's not like I knew I was going to be running into Roger tonight, or Holly, or that they knew they'd be seeing me. I haven't seen or spoken to either of them in almost a year-and-a-half, not since Blake's wedding to Ross Marler."

"Blake doesn't have any more sense than Holly!" Barbara exclaimed disgustedly. "To not only take up with the man who defended Roger at the trial, but to marry him! And he's got to be twice her age besides."

"Blake really is happy with Ross, Barbara," Adam told her. "And Holly really is happy with Roger, from what I saw tonight."

"Until she finds out he's cheating on her, or he attacks her again," Barbara said, "and then what?"

"Maybe..." Adam began. "Maybe Holly isn't as blind as you think. Maybe Roger really **has** changed...somewhat."

"Believing that will only make you a fool, Adam," Barbara retorted.

"And there's no fool like an old fool, right?" Adam replied sarcastically. "I didn't call to argue with you about Roger. We did enough of that when we were married. I just thought you would want to know that Holly is pregnant, if you didn't already."

"I didn't," Barbara replied, "and thank you for at least possessing a decency my daughter obviously doesn't, since you did take the time to tell me that she's pregnant, something that she couldn't be bothered to do sometime in the last seven months." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's too late to call her tonight with the time difference, and I have to have dinner tomorrow with my son Andrew and his girlfriend, but tomorrow night, I'm going to call Holly up and we're going to have a little chat."

* * *

_**The song lyrics are from "One" by U2, and what I know of Adam Thorpe and Barbara Norris comes mostly from their 1994-96 appearances on GL, and what Roger told Holly about his father in 1994, most notably that he was secretive as a child because his father automatically disapproved of everything he did and his father was always disappointed in him. Also, remember that my versions of Holly and Roger are vastly different than the Holly and Roger on the show in that they have actually grown and evolved and are going on two years in therapy at this point. The parents are here to cause conflict and angst, but the key in this story is how Holly and Roger deal with the conflict and angst that Adam and Barbara bring into their lives. Thanks for reading!  
**_


	14. Revelations

_November 23, 1995, 8:53 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly watched Roger sleeping beside her, his arm draped protectively across her rounded stomach, his face relaxed in slumber. Seeing his father the night before had been a big surprise to both of them, and Adam was still as cold toward Roger as he had been at Blake and Ross's wedding nearly a year-and-a-half ago. At least Adam had offered an explanation for his behavior last night. But how long was Adam going to go on punishing both himself and Roger for the past...forever?

She lightly brushed a hand through Roger's hair, not wishing to wake him up, and his lips curved upward in a slight smile. She wasn't sure if it was because he felt her touch, or because of whatever he was dreaming. If it was his dream, though, she was glad that whatever he was dreaming about was enough to make him smile.

She shifted slightly then; Jack was sitting on her bladder, an increasingly frequent occurrence as she neared the home stretch of her pregnancy, and she carefully moved Roger's arm so that she could slide out of bed and go to the bathroom.

Roger had felt Holly's touch both in reality and in his dream, but it was the dream that put that smile on his face...

_**{{**A high-pitched squeal of laughter split the air, and Roger turned his head in the direction of the sound. He realized he was back in the airport, and when he looked in the direction of the laughter, he saw Holly standing there with a dark-haired, dark-eyed baby in her arms. The baby squealed again, then exclaimed, "Dada!" and flailed his little arms as he looked happily in Roger's direction. _

_ Holly smiled and pressed a kiss to the baby's head. "Yes, there's Daddy!" she exclaimed happily. _

_"Dada!" the baby exclaimed again, practically bouncing up and down in his mother's arms._

_Roger hurried to Holly and the baby, and the baby practically flung himself out of Holly's arms at Roger. "Dada, Dada, Dada!" he shrieked happily._

_Roger dropped his briefcase and accepted the baby from Holly, who stepped into Roger and greeted him with a kiss that held the promise of things to come once their son was peacefully asleep. "Welcome home," she said when she drew back, one hand on the baby's back and the other on Roger's shoulder. "We missed you."_

_"I missed you both too," Roger said, looking from the baby to Holly. The baby got his attention then by saying again, "Dada!" and then patting one of Roger's cheeks with his little hand. Roger looked at Holly in amazement. "When did this start?" he asked. _

_"Last night," Holly replied proudly. "I told Jack that Daddy was coming home today, and he said 'Dada,' and every time I've mentioned you since, he says it. Then when he saw you walk into the terminal just now, he squealed and said 'Dada,' and here we are." _

_"So this is his first word? I'm his first word?" Roger asked, now looking at Jack with amazement, love, and pride._

_"Yes," Holly said, feeling her heart swell at the look on Roger's face as he looked at Jack, who was happily babbling babyspeak to his beloved daddy now. She brushed her hand through Roger's hair as he hung on Jack's every syllable. _

_"And how much have you been coaching him the past week?" Roger asked knowingly, turning his attention to Holly once more._

_"Quite a bit," Holly admitted, "and it was totally worth it to see that look on your face." _

_"Dada!" Jack said again. _

_Roger looked at Jack. "Yes, Jack, Daddy's home with you and Mommy where he belongs," he said. He kissed Jack's little face then, and with Jack securely braced in one arm and his other arm around Holly, who had picked up Roger's briefcase and set it in Jack's stroller with the diaper bag, they headed to the baggage claim to get Roger's suitcase before going home._**}}**

Roger awoke when he felt the mattress dip. Holly was settling herself in bed again. "Did I wake you?" she asked apologetically.

Roger shook his head and moved closer to her. "No," he replied, his voice rough with sleep. He kissed her gently, then rested a hand on her swollen belly. "I was having the best dream."

"Mmm, was I in it?" Holly asked, snuggling as close to Roger as she could.

"Yes," he said, "and so was Jack. He was here with us and healthy and happy and beautiful and amazing, Holly." He was looking at her in wonder.

"It won't be long now," she replied with a smile. "Less than two months to go." She rested her hand on top of Roger's on her belly. "Next Thanksgiving, he'll be sitting in his high chair at the table, banging his spoon on the tray and smearing sweet potatoes everywhere."

Roger grinned at that image. "I can't wait," he said. Then he thought of his father and sighed.

"Your father?" Holly asked.

"Yeah," Roger admitted, ducking his head for a moment. "I swore to myself last night that I wasn't going to let him ruin today for me, for us."

"Just because you were thinking about Adam doesn't mean that today will be ruined," Holly said. "Last night was difficult for you. But we'll get through it. One of these days, I'm going to be facing my mother, speaking of ruining things." Holly was not looking forward to telling Barbara about Jack because she already knew what Barbara's reaction would be, only Barbara wasn't as diplomatic as Adam Thorpe. Adam, at least, didn't make scenes with Roger; he just didn't really speak to him beyond the absolute minimum. Barbara was outspoken, and her disapproval would be vitriolic and burn Holly's ears when it came, and it would come. Holly just planned to forestall Barbara's negative reaction until after Jack was born.

Roger knew that Barbara Norris's feelings about him hadn't changed. She hadn't liked him when he and Holly had first met, even before everything fell apart and became so toxic the first time around. On the one hand, he felt she was entitled to feel that way, being Holly's mother, but on the other hand, Barbara never had a kind word for Holly even when her words had nothing to do with Roger, and Roger was bothered by the fact that Barbara didn't treat Holly better.

"Let's make today about us, and Blake and Ross, and Tangie," Holly said. "If we think about our parents today, then we think about our parents today, but we don't let them take over the day. Deal?"

"Deal," Roger agreed, leaning in to seal the deal with another kiss.

* * *

_November 23, 1995, 1:45 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

"What are those for?" Ross asked as Blake donned a pair of oven mitts.

"I'm heading off a potential argument at the pass," Blake replied. Roger was filling the water glasses while Holly set the cranberry sauce on the table next to the gravy boat and bowl of mashed potatoes, a last-minute substitution after Blake had eaten all of the marshmallows out of the sweet potatoes she and Ross were supposed to bring when she was seized with a powerful craving at 3:00 AM. A trip to the supermarket had revealed no canned yams or marshmallows on the store shelves, so instant mashed potatoes with brown gravy it was. Blake still hoped no one would notice that the green bean casserole was a little light on French fried onions, since she had poured half the can of French fried onions intended to top the green bean casserole on top of the marshmallow topping of the sweet potatoes before going to town.

Ross followed Blake to Roger and Holly's oven. "What potential argument?" he asked.

"Dad will think that the turkey is too heavy for Mom to lift since it's 20 pounds, and I think we can all do without an argument about Mom's capabilities at this stage of her pregnancy," Blake replied.

Ross frowned. "It's 20 pounds?" he asked. He grabbed a pair of oven mitts himself.

"Seriously?" Blake asked him, arching an eyebrow.

"Now, we want to head off any potential arguments at the pass, honey, don't we?" Ross asked with his winningest smile. Blake was not amused. The doorbell rang then.

Blake removed her oven mitts and smacked Ross's shoulder lightly with one of them. "Saved by the bell," she said. "Slide the green bean casserole in the oven after you take the turkey out, Jeeves."

"Yes, dear," Ross replied.

Roger had already opened the door to a harried-looking Tangie. "I'm sorry I'm late," she apologized, carrying a bouquet of flowers and a bakery box containing a pie. "I hate to eat and run, but I promised Patrick I'd come back to the hospital after I had dinner. He needs a buffer between himself and his sister Gwen, and he's climbing the walls worrying about Faith."

Holly approached then. "So there haven't been any new developments?" she asked as Roger took the flowers and the bakery box both from Tangie.

"Nothing yet," Tangie replied, "and since Susan Bates got hurt, things have been more insane than usual at the _Journal, _with Nick spending so much time at her bedside, willing her to wake up."

"I can't even imagine what Hope and Alan-Michael must be going through," Blake said as she took Tangie's coat and hung it up for her.

"The whole family's a wreck, understandably, and Patrick would be out there searching for Faith himself if he could, but he's still in ICU, and his sister is driving him nuts," Tangie said. "Um, about the pie... By the time I got to the bakery, they were out of pumpkin and pecan, and I didn't know if mince would be a good idea, so I had to get apple. I hope that's all right."

"That's just fine," Holly assured her, even as Blake was thinking about how good mince pie sounded. "I think all we have left to do is to heat up the rolls for a minute, and then everything's ready. Blake, is the green bean casserole ready to come out of the oven yet?"

"I'll take care of that right now," Blake replied. While the others were greeting Tangie, Ross had carried the turkey to the table and slid the green bean casserole in the oven to heat. Blake gave Ross a look as she once again donned oven mitts. Ross, realizing that the green bean casserole was considerably lighter than a 20-pound turkey, wisely said nothing as Blake carried the casserole to the table. Roger finished starting a pot of coffee for after dinner, and after the rolls came out of the oven, the five of them settled themselves at the table.

"I think we should all say one thing we're thankful for," Blake said. "I'm thankful that we're not experiencing a repeat of last year with the frozen turkey and unfinished trimmings."

"Hear, hear," Holly said, raising her water glass in a salute.

"But in all seriousness, I'm thankful for my family," Blake continued, looking at Ross, then Holly, then Roger. With a Mona Lisa smile, as she held Ross's hand under the table, she added, "My** whole** family." Only Ross knew that Blake was including their unborn, and as-yet-unknown-about-by-anyone-but-them twins; Roger, Holly, and Tangie all thought that Blake was referring to her baby-brother-on-the-way.

"You took my answer, Chrissy," Roger said then.

"Mine too," Holly said.

"Well, I'm thankful for good friends," Tangie said.

Everyone looked at Ross then. Ross just smiled and, looking at Blake, said, "I'm thankful for my wife." Blake could see what Ross wasn't saying in his eyes: _and our babies. _

"All right, then," Roger said, rising from his chair and picking up the fork and knife to carve the turkey, "who wants white meat and who wants dark meat?"

* * *

_November 23, 1995, 3:57 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

After dinner, Tangie left in a flurry of apologies that she was assured were totally unnecessary to return to the hospital and see Cutter. Blake insisted on fixing a plate for her to take to Cutter, and Holly agreed, including a slice of the apple pie Tangie had brought.

After Tangie's departure, Ross turned on the Cowboys game and settled himself on the couch with a cup of coffee, and Roger insisted on rinsing the dishes and loading the dishwasher, while Holly took Blake into Blake's old bedroom, which had then been Roger's room before he and Holly had started permanently sharing a bedroom, and was now going to be Jack's nursery.

The weekend after Holly's baby shower, Roger and Ryan had stripped off the wallpaper and then painted the walls a shade called Welkin Blue, giving the room the appearance of a brilliant summer sky. Navy blue-and-white-striped curtains now hung at the windows, and the boxes containing the crib, changing table, and baby swing were leaning against the wall opposite the door, waiting for Roger and Ryan to put them together, which they would be doing tomorrow. A four-drawer dresser with a lamp whose plastic shade was in the shape of a bunch of red, blue, yellow, and green balloons on the top of the dresser was on the same wall as the door. A wooden rocking chair whose arms, seat, and back were padded in brown was in the far corner of the room. "After your father and Ryan get the furniture put together tomorrow, we'll move the rocking chair closer to the crib," Holly said.

"It's really starting to come together," Blake said.

"It is," Holly replied. "There is something I saw last week when I was out shopping that I want to pick up when we go shopping tomorrow, for the wall over the crib, but we've just about got his room ready."

"And everything's all right with you and my little brother?" Blake asked. "You're feeling okay, and he's healthy and everything?"

"Yes," Holly assured Blake. "Why do you ask?"

"There's just the slightest bit of a shadow in Dad's eyes," Blake replied, "and as much as I love him, I know it's not because he's worried about Faith or he cares that the Spauldings are having a hard time and an unpleasant Thanksgiving because she's missing and they don't know where she is or what kind of shape she's in. So my next thought was that maybe there was something going on with you or the baby and you weren't saying anything because it's Thanksgiving."

"No, the baby and I are fine," Holly said. "And you're right, Roger's not worried about Faith or the Spauldings." She paused for a moment before continuing. "When I picked your father up at the airport last night, we ran into Adam."

Blake's jaw dropped. "Grandpa? Grandpa was at the airport last night?"

"He was passing through town on his way to spend Thanksgiving with Hart," Holly said.

"No!" Blake exclaimed, totally shocked. "Grandpa and Hart are close enough that they're spending Thanksgiving together?"

"That's what Adam said," Holly replied.

"Where is Hart living now?" Blake wanted to know.

"Your father asked Adam that, but Adam wouldn't say. Hart doesn't want Roger to know where he is, and Adam refused to betray Hart's trust by telling Roger."

"I'm guessing that Grandpa wasn't much friendlier to Dad than he was at my wedding," Blake continued. The look on her mother's face gave her her answer. "Poor Daddy," she said sympathetically. "Grandpa still can't forgive him for the past, and then to find out that Hart is close to Grandpa and still doesn't even want Dad to know where he's living..." Blake made a frustrated sound. "Dad has made a lot of mistakes in the past, and hurt pretty much everybody that he ever came in contact with, including me and especially you, but you were able to forgive him, Mom.** I** was able to forgive him. Is it some stupid man thing? Is that why Hart and Grandpa can't just give Dad a chance? I mean, Dad's not stupid. He knows they have good reasons to not trust him, but all he wants is a chance to prove to them that he's the man that you and I **know** he is now, and they won't even give him that! That's got to hurt him, so much."

"I don't know if it's a man thing or not," Holly mused, "but Adam did tell me last night, before Roger arrived, that he holds himself responsible for Roger's actions, and that he can't let himself believe that Roger has truly changed because the cost of being wrong is too high, and he's disappointed and horrified that his son could do the things that Roger did."

"So, what, he's never going to give Dad a chance to prove himself?" Blake asked.

"Based on last night, I would say it doesn't look encouraging," Holly replied.

"Grandpa knows about the baby, though," Blake said, her voice lifting at the end in just the barest hint of a question.

Holly smoothed a hand over her prominent baby bump. "Kind of hard to miss," she said wryly. "Yes, he knows about the baby, and he knows that it's his grandson, and he knows that Roger and I are married again."

"What was his reaction?" Blake asked.

"About as favorable as his reaction to your father," Holly admitted. "He said he hopes that for my sake and the baby's sake, I'm not making a big mistake."

"You're not!" Blake exclaimed vehemently.

"I know I'm not," Holly replied calmly. "Honey, I accepted a long time ago that I cannot change anyone else's perception of your father. But if I **could** change anyone's perception of him, it would be Adam's, and Hart's, because I know how much it hurts him that they feel the way they do about him. All I can do is love him and comfort him and be there for him, and reassure him that it's different with us now, and it's different with you now, and it will be different with this little guy." She stroked her belly again.

Blake sighed. "I'm glad that Dad has Ryan now," she said. "He's turning out to be a really good friend to Dad, and that's something I don't think he's had much of in his life."

"I don't know him very well yet, but your dad likes him very much," Holly replied. "And I like him too. He's coming over tomorrow to help your dad put all of this furniture together. He says he's practically an expert, between putting together nursery furniture for his sisters when they were having babies, and putting together furniture for his own child."

"Do you think your baby and Ryan's baby will get to be friends?" Blake asked.

"I think your dad and Ryan are already planning future play dates," Holly said, "so I wouldn't be surprised if the boys wind up friends."

Blake chewed the insides of her cheeks to keep from telling her mother about her pregnancy then, from blurting out that she might have a boy or two next summer that could be friends with her brother and Ryan Greenberg's son. Deciding to change the subject before she slipped and told Holly she was going to be a grandmother before she was safely through her first trimester, and before she had sonogram pictures to show both of her parents, she gestured to the room at large and to Holly's prominent baby bump. "Is it starting to feel really real?" she asked Holly.

Holly sat down in the rocking chair and pushed off, slowly rocking back and forth. "It's felt really real for quite a while now," she said. "And I know it's been a long time since I've done this..."

"Gee, thanks, Mom," Blake said dryly.

"Well, it has," Holly said. "That doesn't mean you're old. It means I am. Old**er, **anyway. But that's a good thing." She looked at Blake then. "It took me a long time to become the mother you deserve," she said.

"I was never a candidate for Daughter of the Year," Blake replied. "But we survived it all, Mom. And we have the kind of relationship now that I never even used to dare to dream about." She crossed the room and hunkered down by Holly. "He is so lucky to have you and Daddy for parents." Then she grinned mischievously. "Especially since I got you guys all broken in for him. You have to admit, there's probably not much he could do when he gets older that I haven't done."

Holly laughed. "This is true," she agreed. She reached out and touched Blake's face tenderly then. "I love you, Blake," she said. "I still don't say it to you enough, but I do."

"I love you too, Mom," Blake said, feeling tears well up. She stretched up and hugged Holly, and Holly hugged her back. Then she pulled back, her arms still around her mother, and said, "And you're gonna be a great mom to this baby."

Holly smiled, stroking Blake's hair. "And when your time comes, you're gonna be a great mom too," she said. Blake just smiled back, knowing that her time was coming a lot sooner than Holly realized, and looking forward to the day in about a month that she could tell both of her parents that they were going to be grandparents.

* * *

_November 23, 1995, 7:35 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly and Roger were snuggled on the couch watching a movie when the phone rang. Holly was closer, so she answered it. "Hello?"

"Holly Margaret Norris!" the voice on the other end of the line exclaimed disapprovingly.

"Lindsey-Thorpe, actually," Holly corrected. "Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Mom."

Roger hit the mute button on the remote control then and looked at Holly.

"Don't try to change the subject," Barbara Norris retorted. "Would you care to explain why I had to learn from Adam Thorpe that you're having a baby?"

_Damn you, Adam, this wasn't your news to tell_, Holly thought irritatedly. "Oh, I don't know, Mom, the fact that you're reacting this way?" she replied.

"Don't take that tone with me!" Barbara snapped. "What in the world were you thinking, Holly? Having a baby at your age! Did **he** talk you into this?"

"**He **has a name, Mom," Holly said, gritting her teeth.

Barbara ignored her. "Did he? Is he forcing you to have this baby?"

"No, Mom, Roger is not **forcing** me to have this baby or to do anything else!" Holly exclaimed.

"Well, he's forced you into things before," Barbara sniffed. "I guess I'll just have to trust that you're telling me the truth about him not forcing you into this."

"So now I'm lying to you?" Holly asked. _Why do I keep expecting and wishing that she'll ever actually be happy for me?_

"It wouldn't be the first time you've lied to me where **he's** concerned," Barbara retorted. "Like the time you sneaked out of the house to meet **him **at Laurel Falls and didn't come home until 2:30 in the morning."

"I was 19 years old!" Holly exclaimed exasperatedly. "I'm not 19 anymore, Mom."

"Well, you certainly don't have any more sense now than you did when you were 19," Barbara said. "Do you even know if there's anything wrong with this child?"

"He's perfectly healthy," Holly replied tersely.

"For the sake of the child, I hope he's nothing like his father," Barbara said.

Holly took a deep breath, forcing herself to hold on to some semblance of calm. "How is Andy, Mom?"

"About like you," Barbara said, the disapproval ringing loud and clear in her voice once more. "He's shacking up with some female Mexican felon. Where I went wrong with you kids, I'll never know."

"Andy's a big boy, Mom. I'm sure he knows what he's doing," Holly said, feeling deep sympathy for her brother, given their mother's reaction to his choice of girlfriend.

"No, he doesn't, and neither do you, and I don't want either of you to come crying to me when your lives blow up in your faces!" Barbara informed Holly then.

_My life is not going to blow up in my face, but if it ever did, you would be the **last** person I would come to_, Holly thought.

Roger got an idea then. He set the remote on the coffee table, snagged his jacket from the coat rack, and walked out the front door. A few seconds later, he was knocking on the front door. Holly realized what he was doing. "Mom, there's someone at the door, so I have to go," she said.

"We're not done talking about this!" Barbara said shrilly.

Roger knocked on the front door again. "Mom, the door, I have to go now. Goodbye," Holly said, hanging up the phone. Then she pulled herself to her feet, went to the front door as quickly as she could move, and let Roger inside. "Thank you," she said, pulling him into the house and kissing him. He had only been outside a couple of minutes, but he was freezing cold.

When they were sitting on the couch once more, the movie on TV forgotten and still playing on mute and Holly's arms wrapped around Roger, partly to hold him and partly to warm him up, he said, "I gather that your mother accused you of lying, so I decided to give you a truthful reason to end the phone call with her."

"Your father told my mother about the baby," Holly said.

Roger nodded. "I gathered that, too. And she's obviously not happy about being a grandmother again."

"My mother is incapable of being happy," Holly replied. "I've known her for almost 45 years, and I honestly don't remember one moment where she was happy about anything, ever."

"She's definitely not happy with your choice of husband," Roger remarked. "Not that she ever was. And I will admit that she has good reasons to hate me."

"But it's **my** choice, not hers," Holly said firmly. "And I'm **not** 19 anymore, although she still sees me as that naive girl with stars in her eyes and her head in the clouds. She doesn't comprehend that while I may still have my head in the clouds sometimes, I have my feet firmly planted on the ground at all times now. I know what I'm about now, and I know what **you're** about now."

"I'm sorry my father told her about the baby," Roger said. "It wasn't his place to do that."

"It didn't even occur to me to tell him that he shouldn't tell anyone. Of course, I didn't know that he and my mother were speaking. If I had known, I would have expressly told him not to tell her." She sighed. "So much for waiting until after Jack was born to tell her about him."

"I'm sorry," Roger repeated.

"This was not your fault," Holly said. "She reacted about like I expected she would, maybe with a bit more vitriol than I thought. She's always been outspoken and disapproving, but..." She trailed off. "It's not like it's a surprise. It would be nice if, for once, she could be happy for me, but clearly that's asking too much." She shifted so that she could lay her head on Roger's shoulder, and they were both silent for a moment. Then Holly lifted her head, looked in Roger's eyes, and said, "Promise me that we will never do that to Jack, and we will never again do it to Blake."

"I promise," Roger vowed solemnly, silently cursing Barbara for causing Holly stress on what had been an otherwise great Thanksgiving.

"I think I'm going to screen all my calls for the next few weeks," Holly said then. "I refuse to let her ruin our first holiday season married. We're still going to get the Christmas tree and then decorate it on Saturday, right?"

"Since you and Chrissy are going shopping tomorrow, and Ryan's coming over to help me finish putting together the nursery furniture, then yes, Saturday is Christmas tree day," Roger said. "And, you know, Christmas is not all we have coming up in December."

"I know," Holly said with a smile, pushing all thoughts of her mother out of her mind. "There's New Year's Eve."

"Well, yes, but that's not what I was thinking of," Roger replied.

A spark of mischief flashed in Holly's eyes then. "Ah, yes, my birthday," she said. "I believe you said several months ago that you were going to knock my socks off on my birthday."

"That's still the plan," Roger assured her. "But I wasn't thinking of your birthday right now either."

"Let's see, occasions we have in December," Holly said thoughtfully. "There's my birthday...Christmas...New Year's Eve..." she teased. "And, oh yes, our anniversary." She beamed at him then. "Our first wedding anniversary."

"December 29," Roger replied, beaming back at Holly.

"I remember," Holly said, her whole face softening.

"Maybe we should check with Blake and see if she has something planned for us for our anniversary," Roger mused.

"Good point," Holly replied, sliding her arms around Roger's neck. "I'll ask her tomorrow and make absolutely sure, because I want you all to myself for our anniversary." Jack made his presence known then, moving and stretching in her belly. "Well, me and our little plus one," she amended.

"Our little plus one," Roger echoed, the now-familiar look of amazement taking hold of his entire face as he felt Jack move within Holly. "I can't wait to see you with him," he said softly.

She stroked his cheek lovingly. "I was just thinking that I can't wait to see you with him," she replied just as softly.

* * *

_November 24, 1995, 10:28 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

"Okay, the swing's done," Ryan announced. "Where do you want it?"

"That was fast," Roger said, surprised.

"This is the dozenth swing I've put together in the last decade," Ryan said. "I've got it down to a science. Now the crib and the changing table are going to be a bit more challenging, but between the two of us, we can get them put together and set up in..." Ryan checked his watch. "I'd say an hour, hour-and-a-half. Where do you want the swing?"

"I guess we'll store it in the closet for now," Roger replied. Ryan hefted the swing and Roger opened the closet door so that Ryan could store the swing inside. "You're sure Colleen doesn't mind that you're helping me out with this today? I thought you had family in for Thanksgiving?"

"Her parents," he said. "My parents are with my sister Kelly and her family in Wisconsin. Colleen and her mom went shopping, and her dad went along to hold their purses. Besides, my father-in-law never comes to see me. He just has to put up with me because I'm married to his daughter." He broke open the carton containing the crib and began removing pieces and laying them out on the floor. "You have in-law problems, too?" he asked.

"Mother-in-law problems," Roger replied as he moved to separate the pieces into large ones and smaller ones. "And father problems...and son problems."

Ryan's head snapped up. "Son problems? There's something wrong with the baby?" he asked anxiously.

"No, the baby's fine," Roger replied quickly. "My other son. Holly's not his mother. We were apart for a lot of years after our divorce."

"Yeah, you mentioned that," Ryan remembered. He pulled out the bag containing the nuts, bolts, and screws and handed it to Roger. "Hold onto this for me 'til I need it, okay?" Roger nodded. "So this other son of yours, the one not with Holly, where is he now?"

"I don't know," Roger said. "I didn't even know he existed until a few years ago. I wasn't with his mother for very long, and she never told me about him. She's deceased now. And he and I didn't part on good terms. He came to me about something, and I believed someone else that I shouldn't have believed over him, and he's wanted nothing to do with me since."

"That sucks," Ryan said sympathetically.

"As for my father, he can't forgive me for things I did a long time ago...criminal things that I never should have done and that I will forever regret doing," Roger continued. The time had come to be honest with Ryan about his past, and if Ryan decided to quit his job and never talk to Roger again, then Roger would just have to live with it. Ryan had the right to make his own decision about Roger, and he needed all of the facts to do that.

So Roger took a deep breath in preparation for launching into the sordid story of his criminal past...

...but Ryan stopped him. "Uh, Roger," Ryan said, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. Roger looked at Ryan questioningly. "I have a confession to make," Ryan continued. "I didn't know you had another son, but those criminal things you did a long time ago? I know about all of that."

"You know?" Roger asked, shocked.

Ryan nodded. "Rape, kidnapping, shooting that Bauer guy, what happened in Santo Domingo, and then about fifteen years later, all the trouble with the Spauldings. But they came after your family, too. I mean, what's his name, something with an A, he tried to shoot Blake when she was marrying his son, and then just this year, his sister kidnapped Holly and bricked her up in a wine cellar to get revenge on you for everything you did to her family. So there have been a lot of serious mistakes made on all sides here."

"How?" Roger asked. "When?"

"The day we met," Ryan said. "When I went home and told Colleen about your job offer, she insisted on looking you up on the computer. It turns out the Springfield _Journal_ has a database of past issues online dating from 1970 to June of this year, and you're in there a lot. Well, not in the '80s, until 1989, but..."

"You know," Roger said. "You know what I did, the horrible things I did...to Holly, to Blake, to Bill Bauer, to all of those people."

"Yes," Ryan said with a nod.

"But you still came to work for me, and you still became my friend?" Roger asked. This had never happened to him before. Never in his life had someone known all of the evil, criminal, horrible things he had done and **not **hated him for it and fled in the other direction to get away from him...including Holly and Blake at some point.

"Yes," Ryan said again with another nod.

Roger had to ask. "Why?"

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"Why?" Roger repeated. "Why didn't you turn and run in the other direction when you found out about my past?"

Ryan was silent for a moment as he consulted the instructions for putting together the crib. He picked up a screwdriver from the toolbox he had brought with him and asked Roger, "Could you hand me the bag of screws and nuts and bolts and hold these two pieces for me?" He touched first one piece, then another. Roger wordlessly handed Ryan the bag of hardware and then picked up the two pieces he had indicated and held them together while Ryan put them together.

As Ryan assembled the crib and Roger held the pieces for him, Ryan spoke again. "When I was in high school, I played lacrosse, and I was a superstar. I was the only freshman in school history to make the varsity. I was varsity co-captain my sophomore, junior and senior years. I got a full ride scholarship to Syracuse to play lacrosse for them, and they have an excellent program.

"Three weeks into my freshman season at Syracuse, I got hurt...badly. Wrecked my right knee. I mean, I totally blew it out. Lacrosse was over for me for good. I had to have multiple surgeries to reconstruct my knee, a whole year of physical therapy to learn how to walk without a limp. I lost my scholarship since I couldn't play anymore, but I was able to stay at school anyway.

"But I couldn't handle the pain. Lacrosse is not for the weak, but I never knew pain like that could exist. It was chronic, it was excruciating, it was debilitating. So the doctor prescribed OxyContin for me. And it worked...way too well." Ryan met Roger's gaze, his own blue eyes unflinching as he said, "I got addicted to it. OxyContin is a very powerful opiate, very addictive, and I became an addict.

"My grades went into free fall. I swiped one of my doctor's prescription pads to keep myself supplied after he cut me off, telling me I didn't need it anymore, and I got caught forging a prescription for OxyContin and got in big trouble. But I was so hooked, I didn't care. All I cared about was finding another source. I lied to my folks, to Colleen and her folks, to my whole family and all my friends that I was off it. I lied right to their faces for six months after I got caught and busted for forging that script. And they believed me. I lied that I was going to rehab. I got kicked out of school, but I was already on academic probation because I was making straight D minuses by that point, and still I didn't care. I had this buddy who was hooked on Oxy too, and his father owned a pharmacy, so I moved into this dive of an apartment with him and we stole his father blind to keep ourselves supplied."

Roger was stunned. Ryan had been addicted to prescription painkillers, had lied to everyone he cared about, had gotten kicked out of Syracuse University...but today he was a lawyer, he was happily married with a baby on the way, and he always spoke in glowing terms about his family, except for his father-in-law.

Ryan continued. "OxyContin depresses your system. It gets you high and gives you a feeling of euphoria, but it also makes you sluggish and makes you lose your reflexes. One day I got in the car and I shouldn't have been driving, as high as I was, but I did. I crashed into a car driven by a 16-year-old girl. I had cuts and bruises. She had permanent damage to her spinal cord...paralyzed from the waist down. I put that girl in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.** I** did that. **I** caused that. I was completely out of control, and I hurt an innocent person who didn't deserve it and forever altered her life in a way that can never be undone.

"Colleen's parents went ballistic, especially her dad. My family was shocked and angry and ashamed. I was ashamed of myself. I hated myself for what I'd done, and I didn't think I'd ever be able to face any of them again. And Colleen...God, I just knew she was gonna hate me forever. Her parents wanted her to dump me. Her dad said that I was a good-for-nothing, pill-popping junkie who only cared about his next fix, and it would be a cold day in Hell before his only daughter spent one more second with a drug-addicted punk like me who had already ruined one innocent girl's life and basically destroyed my own.

"It took a long time for me to get straightened out. I went to rehab for real, and I did everything I could to get my life back on track and to make amends to everyone. And the girl I paralyzed...She and her parents came to see me, and she forgave me. She forgave me, Roger. Do you know what that does, when someone whose life you ruined looks you in the eye and says, 'I forgive you for what you did,' and you know that they mean it?"

"Yes, I do," Roger murmured, remembering Holly and Acapulco for a brief second before focusing his attention on Ryan again.

"I told Colleen I didn't want to see her while I was in rehab," Ryan went on. "The day I got out, I thought my parents were coming to take me home with them. They came to get me...but Colleen was with them, and she had talked them into letting her drive me home. They followed us.

"We sat in Colleen's car in front of my house for hours crying together and arguing, because as much as I loved her, I thought she'd be better off without me. Finally she spelled it all out for me in no uncertain terms. She informed me that I was not getting rid of her that easily. She said that leaving me was not what I wanted or needed, and she didn't want or need to leave me. I had promised her a future and a life, and she still wanted that, no matter what, and she knew that I did too, that I was telling her to go because of a combination of guilt and nobility, but she didn't need or want my guilt or my nobility. She just needed, she just wanted, **me**. She just wanted to be with me and help me put my life back together.

"And she was right. I didn't want to let her go, and I was guilt-stricken over the girl I had paralyzed in the accident and I was trying to be noble by telling her to leave me, and she just wouldn't do it. She loved me enough to stand by me, and to forgive me for what I did long before I forgave myself. And it was not easy to get myself together again, but I did it. I worked everything out with my family, and when Colleen's mom saw that Colleen was serious about standing by me and staying with me and loving me, she accepted that we were going to be together. Her dad is always gonna hate that I'm married to his daughter, but I can understand that. You have a daughter. Would you honestly want Blake married to a guy like me? You don't have to answer that, by the way." The crib was put together by now, complete with the mattress inside it, and Ryan asked, "You got a sheet for this thing? A bumper?"

"Holly has them put away, I'm not sure exactly where," Roger replied. He was still floored by Ryan's story. "So you** know**," he said, looking at Ryan in amazement.

"I know that we all make mistakes in life," Ryan said, "and some of those mistakes are a lot worse than others. I know what it's like to despise yourself for what you've done, to hate yourself for hurting innocent people who didn't deserve it. And I know that it** is** possible to battle your way back, to find where you went wrong and correct your course and change your life so that you can look at yourself in the mirror while you're shaving without being repulsed by your own reflection. It's not easy, but nothing truly worth having or doing in life ever is.

"I also know what a blessing it is to have the love and forgiveness and support of a remarkable woman who lets the whole world know that her place is by your side because that's where she wants to be. I don't know Holly real well yet, but I know her well enough to know that she loves you very much, Roger, and that she has forgiven you for what happened in the past. I've seen the way she looks at you. She looks at you the way Colleen looks at me. And that is a gift, my friend."

"It is," Roger agreed fervently. "But what do you do about the people in your life who can't forgive you for the past and who still believe you're that man, like your father-in-law and my father and my mother-in-law and my other son?"

"You can't make somebody forgive you if they don't want to," Ryan said. "And my father-in-law is always waiting for me to mess up again. There's a distance between us that I don't think anything will ever bridge, even though he and I would both lay down our lives for Colleen without even having to think about it. But she's worth it, so whatever I have to take from her father, whatever disapproval or dirty looks or barbed comments, I will. For Colleen, I would take anything.

"Your father and Holly's mother and your other son, they may never be able to forgive you. They may never be able to let go of the past and see you for who you are now instead of still seeing you as who you were then. But it's what you have now and who you are now that really matters. You never forget, but all you can do, Roger, is live your life in the present and be the man that you know you are, and that Holly and Blake know you are," Ryan said.

"Focus on what and who I** do** have instead of what and who I **don't** have," Roger said, just as he had said it to Holly after they saw his father at the airport.

"Exactly," Ryan replied.

"Do you ever worry about how Sam will react when he finds out about your past, about what you did?" Roger asked then.

"Absolutely," Ryan said. "But Sam is going to know the man I am now, and when he finds out about my past, I want him to understand that mistakes, no matter how big or how awful they are, they're not the end, that you can come back from them and have a life and a future that you never thought you would. I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did, but I want him to know that there is nothing he could ever do that would make me stop loving him or turn me against him. There's nothing I could never forgive him for, no matter what it was."

"I want Holly's and my son to know that about me too," Roger said.

"He will," Ryan said confidently. "You and Holly and Blake will see to that. And if you ever need backup, or you want him to have another example besides yours, just send him to his Uncle Ryan, and I'll gladly tell him what I just told you."

"'Uncle Ryan'?" Roger asked with a smile.

"Yeah," Ryan said, smiling back. "Sam's gonna be calling you 'Uncle Roger,' so that makes me 'Uncle Ryan' to yours and Holly's boy."

Roger shook his head in amazement. "You're a good man, Ryan Greenberg, and I'm glad you're my friend."

"So are you, and back atcha, Roger Thorpe," Ryan replied. "Now, let's get the changing table put together so we can have lunch."

And so Roger and Ryan set to work on the changing table, and Roger changed the subject as they worked on assembling it, explaining to Ryan his plans for Holly's anniversary present, and Ryan agreed to help Roger secure this very special gift for her.

* * *

_November 24, 1995, 8:10 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

"A little to the left," Holly directed. "That's too far. Now you need to move it to the right...There! That's perfect!"

Roger stepped back to stand beside her and they admired the skinny, stuffed white half moon and bright yellow star that were now hanging on the wall over Jack's crib, which was made up with a white sheet with dancing teddy bears on it, and the teddy bear that Blake had given Holly for the baby was propped against the far railing of the crib. A mobile of five brightly painted carousel horses that played music hung over the crib. The changing table, crib, dresser, and rocking chair were in their proper positions in the room.

"It's exactly how I pictured it," Holly pronounced then, looking at Roger with a big smile and shining eyes.

Roger smiled and turned, putting his arms around her and she put her arms around him too. "Our son is going to be living in this room, Holly," he said. "Our son." They were standing so close together that her protruding stomach was lightly touching his torso. "I can't wait to meet him, to hold him...to hold both of you at the same time."

"Neither can I," Holly replied. "Although I have to admit, I'll be glad when this big belly isn't between us anymore, and when my feet and ankles stop hurting so much."

"Could I interest you in a foot rub?" Roger asked.

"Oh yes," Holly said with a decisive nod, "I would be very interested in a foot rub."

They left Jack's nursery together and headed across the hall to their own bedroom then, where Roger rubbed Holly's aching feet until she fell asleep, and then he lay there beside her and watched her sleep until sleep claimed him as well.

* * *

_December 7, 1995, 6:08 AM-Ross and Blake's House_

When Ross was awakened by Blake's ear-piercing scream, he bolted upright in bed and, seeing that she wasn't beside him and deducing that the scream came from the bathroom, he stumbled out of bed and rushed into the bathroom, terrified that she was screaming like that because she was having a miscarriage.

Blake's back was to Ross because she was facing the mirror over the sink, her hands braced on her belly, causing his heart rate to kick up several more notches than it already had. Ross hurried to Blake's side, worriedly asking, "Are you bleeding?"

Blake turned to face Ross then and removed her hands from her belly, revealing a small but definite baby bump. "No! I'm showing!" she exclaimed. "I didn't think it was supposed to happen this early! I'm not quite three months along yet! We haven't had the sonogram that will tell us what we're having yet, and I was going to surprise Mom and Dad with this at Christmas, and now I can't, because as soon as they see me, they'll know! And what if I can't fit into my clothes? I don't have any maternity clothes yet, Ross. I won't have anything to wear if I can't fit into any of my clothes!"

Ross was relieved that nothing was wrong, and thrilled that Blake was showing already. He lightly stroked his hand over her pajama-covered bump and then looked at her with a grin. "You're showing!" he exclaimed happily.

"Ross, focus! My parents, Ed and Maureen, the big Christmas surprise, that's all out the window now!" Blake said. "What are we going to do?"

"Well, the kids obviously have other ideas," Ross replied, his grin getting bigger when he said "the kids." "We'll just have to start telling people today."

"Wait, is today the seventh?" Blake asked.

"Yes," Ross replied, "why?"

"It's Mom's birthday!" Blake said. "Okay, I can work with this. It's not Christmas, but it's Mom's birthday, so it's still going to be an occasion." She looked down at her baby bump, which Ross's hand was resting on. "I hope this isn't a sign that the two of you are going to gang up on me for the rest of your lives," she addressed her unborn children. Ross successfully stifled a chuckle and kissed Blake's forehead.


	15. The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**_Major fluff alert! Lots of Roger and Holly in this chapter, including another foray into M territory. _**

**_Also, I picture Cobie Smulders, best known for playing Robin Scherbatsky on How I Met Your Mother, as Colleen Greenberg._**

* * *

_December 7, 1995, 7:21 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger carefully set the breakfast tray at the foot of the bed and then climbed back into bed beside Holly. He leaned in and kissed her awake as usual, and when she stirred and opened her eyes, he smiled and softly said, "Happy birthday."

She smiled at him as she sat up, pushing her hair off her forehead. "Thank you," she said. She moved to the edge of the bed. "Baby's sitting on my bladder," she said. "I'll be right back." When she returned, Roger had straightened the covers and had the breakfast tray standing by. "Breakfast in bed?" she asked as she got back in the bed.

"I wanted to start off the most important day of my life right," Roger explained as he handed Holly a glass of orange juice.

"The most important day of your life?" she asked after taking a sip as she reached for a piece of toast covered in marmalade.

"Yes," Roger replied, looking at her earnestly. "The day you were born is the most important day of my life. You're my heart. You, and Chrissy, and Jack. And Chrissy wouldn't be here, and Jack wouldn't be arriving next month, without you. I'd be lost and alone if you'd never been born. Worse than that, because I've been lost and alone without you, but if you'd never been born, then I wouldn't have even had dreams of you, and memories, during those lost, lonely years, because I would never have known you. So there's no question: your birthday is the most important day of my life."

Holly moved the tray aside and slowly moved forward until she could put her arms around Roger. "You never cease to amaze me," she said.

He put his arms around her. "That's my ultimate goal for today," he said. He leaned in to kiss her, but before they could kiss, the phone rang. Roger made a frustrated sound before letting go of Holly to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Daddy?"

"Chrissy?"

"Is it okay if Ross and I come over before work? I have a very special birthday present for Mom, and I really can't wait any longer to give it to her," Blake replied.

"Ah, sure," Roger agreed.

"Great!" Blake exclaimed. "We'll be there in half an hour. See you then!" Then she hung up.

Roger pulled the receiver away from his ear, looked at it, and then replaced it in its cradle. "That was Blake," he reported. "She said that she can't wait any longer to give you your birthday present, so she'll be here in half an hour."

"Mmm, then I'd better finish eating and get dressed," Holly said before digging in to her waffles.

* * *

_December 7, 1995, 8:04 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly answered the door to find Blake and Ross standing there. "Happy birthday, Mom!" Blake exclaimed. Ross was beaming as he wished Holly a happy birthday. "Is Daddy still here?"

"Yes," Holly said as she stood aside to let Blake and Ross enter the house. Roger was back in their bedroom, finishing getting dressed for the day.

"Well, this is really for both of you," Blake said, "so he needs to be here too."

Roger emerged from his and Holly's bedroom then. "Hello, Chrissy, Ross," he said. Then he looked at Holly. None of them was holding a wrapped present. "So where's this very special birthday present that you couldn't wait any longer to give your mother?" he asked Blake.

"It's really for both of you," Blake said again.

"Well, what is it? And **where** is it?" Roger asked eagerly.

Holly just shook her head, but she was smiling. She had the feeling that Jack would be like Roger and Blake, impatient about birthday and Christmas presents, snooping around looking for them, trying to guess what they were.

Blake and Ross exchanged a look. Then, with a big grin, Blake unbuttoned her overcoat and whipped it off.

It took a few seconds for the change in Blake's physical appearance to register with Holly and Roger. Holly realized it first, and she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Then she lowered her hand and said softly, "Blake. Oh, honey..."

Then Roger really saw the bump in Blake's abdomen, and his jaw dropped. As Holly moved to hug Blake, both of them teary-eyed, Roger closed his mouth, swallowed hard, and said, "Chrissy?"

Holly let go of Blake and stood beside her, her arm around her daughter's waist. Blake put her arm around Holly's shoulders and nodded. "Yes, Daddy. I'm pregnant."

Roger swallowed hard again. Then he moved forward and gave Blake a big hug. "A baby," he breathed. He drew back and looked at Blake, then at Holly. "Holly, our baby girl is having a baby," he said.

"I know," Holly said with a watery smile.

"Actually I'm not," Blake said. Holly and Roger both turned to look at her, puzzled. Blake reached for Ross's hand then, and he stepped up next to her, since he'd been standing behind and to the right of her since their arrival, and she looked at Ross for a second before looking at her parents with a trembling smile and said, "We're having twins."

"Twins?" Roger asked when he found his voice.

"Twins?" Holly echoed, surprised.

Blake nodded. "Twins," she said. "Fraternal, so they're not going to look exactly alike. But it's too early to tell what they are, boys or girls or one of each, although Dr. Sedwick said we should be able to find out at our next appointment at the end of this month. And I'm due in June, so you're going to be both new parents and new grandparents next year." She smoothed one hand over her baby bump and looked at her parents with a rueful smile. "The plan was to tell you at Christmas, but I woke up this morning looking like this, so I had to change my plan."

"Welcome to parenthood," Holly said, drawing Blake against her side. "Things rarely go as you plan. You learn to expect the unexpected."

"Twins," Roger said again, staring at Blake's stomach.

Holly looked at Roger fondly, then looked back at Blake. "Give him half an hour or so, and he'll catch up," she said.

"Everything's okay?" Roger asked. "You're okay? They're okay?"

"Everything is perfect," Blake assured her father. Then she addressed her mother again. "You'll get the rest of your present tonight," she said.

"You're happy," Holly said. It wasn't a question.

"A little overwhelmed, but yes, I'm very happy," Blake replied.

"And the babies are healthy," Holly continued.

"Yes," Blake said.

"Then I don't need anything else," Holly said. She touched Blake's face. "You have everything I ever wished for you: happiness, health, and love."

Now Blake started to cry. "Okay, it's not fair of you to make me cry when I'm so susceptible to it anyway."

Holly started to reach out to touch Blake's baby bump but stopped herself. "May I?" she asked.

"Of course!" Blake exclaimed, wiping at her eyes. "Gigi doesn't have to ask." She looked at Roger. "Neither do you, Grandpa."

"Gigi?" Holly asked.

"You just don't look like a 'Grandma,'" Blake said. "And 'Grandma' sort of has a negative connotation for me, but I thought 'Gigi' would be fun, and kind of droll, like you, Mom. Unless you don't like that."

Holly thought about it for a moment. "I **do** like it," she said.

"Then Gigi it is," Blake declared.

Roger approached then and slowly, almost shyly extended his hand toward Blake's slightly rounded stomach. Blake rolled her eyes, grabbed his hand, and put it on her bump. He looked at Blake with his heart in his eyes, and that got her crying again. "I know, Daddy," she said, smiling and crying at the same time.

Holly placed her hand next to Roger's, their hands almost completely covering Blake's baby bump. "Jack gets to grow up with Blake's kids," she said, looking at Roger.

Blake's ears pricked up at her mother's words. "Jack?" she asked. She grinned. "I've been trying to figure out how to ask if you had named him yet. Jack. Jack Thorpe. That's terrific. I love it! And I love that my kids get to grow up with my baby brother." Then Blake saw the time. "Ross and I should go. Dad, I'll see you at work later, and Mom, I'll see you tonight. Happy birthday!"

Roger and Holly both hugged Blake again, and then Holly hugged Ross. "Congratulations," she said.

"Thank you," Ross replied.

Then Roger approached Ross. They regarded each other for a moment, and then Roger stuck out his hand. Ross shook Roger's hand. "Congratulations, Ross," he said.

"And thank God I'm not a Spaulding, right?" Ross asked.

"You said it, I didn't," Roger replied, "but yes, thank God my grandchildren won't be part Spaulding."

* * *

_December 7, 1995, 11:18 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

"Okay, you're all set." Colleen Greenberg spun around in the wheeled desk chair and looked at Ryan and Roger. "Holly will need to get an e-mail address, but if WSPR doesn't have an e-mail system in place, then it's simple enough to get one at AOL or Yahoo, and she can use that one. She'll want to set that up herself, though, since it will require a password and she'll need to decide if she's using her real name or coming up with a screen name."

"Is setting up an e-mail address difficult?" Roger asked.

Colleen shook her head. "It's very simple," she said. "Whichever carrier Holly uses will walk her through the process." She stood up then. "Sam says I've been sitting too long," she said, gently stroking her pregnant belly, "so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do a few laps around your coffee table."

The desk with the computer had been set up in front of the window to the left of the front door. Roger had been able to get the fax machine hooked up himself, and since Ryan had stashed the computer in his and Colleen's basement after they had helped him pick it out, they had brought it over to the house after Holly had left for work, and then Ryan and Roger had unpacked all of the components. They had managed to connect the monitor and keyboard and tower and mouse and speakers and printer to each other, but getting the computer to work and getting the software loaded was something else again. Ryan had called Colleen after 90 minutes, and it had taken her less than half an hour to get everything installed and then up and running.

A muffled ringing sound floated through the air then. "Your pants are ringing," Roger told Ryan.

"New cellular phone," Ryan said. He pulled it out of his pocket and said, "Excuse me," heading down the hall as he put the flip phone to his ear and answered it.

Colleen was now standing in front of the fireplace, looking at the wedding picture of Roger and Holly that was on display there. "Colleen, thank you very much for helping me get everything up and running with the new computer for Holly," Roger said. "I can honestly say that I wouldn't have been able to figure it out without your help."

Colleen turned to face Roger. "You're welcome," she said. "Ryan thinks very highly of you. You're one of his best friends, if not the best friend he's ever had. Well, after me."

"I think very highly of him too," Roger replied. "He's definitely the best friend I've ever had."

"You seem to be a good guy," Colleen continued. "You clearly love your wife very much, and your daughter, and you've been a good friend to Ryan. But I know that you weren't always...well, like this." She gestured at Roger with one hand. "But I also know that true change is possible. I trust my husband's judgment, and I have no problem giving you the benefit of the doubt. But if you ever turn on Ryan the way you turned on those other people, if you ever do anything to hurt him in any way, you'll answer to me, and you won't like **how** I make you answer to me. I grew up with seven Irish brothers and male cousins, so I know how to fight, and when the chips are down and the ones I love are getting hurt, the first thing that goes out the window is fighting fair, do you get me?"

"I **have** changed, Colleen," Roger assured her, "and I would never do anything to hurt Ryan. I like and respect him very much. There haven't been very many people in my life who have accepted me for who I am now and forgiven me for who I was before. Ryan does. That means more to me than I can say."

"Your wife has accepted who you are now and forgiven you for who you were before," Colleen pointed out. "So has your daughter."

"That puts Ryan in the very best company, believe me," Roger replied. "Ryan has nothing to fear from me, Colleen, not now, not ever. Neither do you."

"I'm just looking out for him," Colleen said.

"That's what you do when you love someone with everything in you," Roger agreed. "I understand."

Ryan returned then. "You're one signature away from finalizing everything for Holly's anniversary present," he informed Roger with a big grin. "They're ready to meet us right now. If we hurry, we can get there before lunch."

"I'm ready when you are," Roger said. "Colleen, thanks again."

"She's the greatest, isn't she?" Ryan asked proudly. He picked up his coat from where he had slung it over the arm of the couch, and after putting it on, he kissed Colleen, then bent his head and kissed her belly. "I'll see you at home tonight," he said.

"I'll see you at home tonight," Colleen replied. "And we have my work Christmas party tonight, don't forget."

"I won't," Ryan promised. "Is there a reason they're having it on a Thursday night? I mean, it's not like the IT department is going to get wild and crazy and need the deterrent of a workday to keep them from doing Jell-o shots."

"No, we wouldn't," Colleen agreed. "Payroll, on the other hand..."

"Just so payroll doesn't try to drag me into a conga line. 7:00, right?" Ryan double-checked as they and Roger left Roger and Holly's house.

"7:00," she confirmed. They had reached their cars, all of which were parked on the street, by now. "Roger, if you and Holly need any more help, just call."

"Thanks, Colleen," Roger said. Ryan walked his wife to her car and kissed her again, then watched her drive away before walking back to his own car. "You ready to close the deal?" he called to Roger.

"Definitely," Roger said. "I know all of this might seem a bit excessive-"

Ryan made a dismissive sound and gesture. "December is the ultimate month for celebrating," he said. "Colleen and I have Hanukkah and Christmas and New Year's Eve. You and Holly have Christmas and New Year's Eve and your anniversary and her birthday. And excessive is in the eye of the beholder. You're giving Holly presents with a lot of meaning. That's not excessive, it's thoughtful. Now, let's close the deal so we can go to lunch."

And that's what they did.

* * *

_December 29, 1995, 5:02 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly awoke a couple of minutes after 5 AM on the morning of December 29 to use the bathroom, and that was also when she discovered it was snowing so heavily that there was at least a foot of snow on the ground, with more thick, fat flakes falling heavily. They were snowed in!

She returned to bed with a smile on her face. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been snowed in, and she had never been snowed in with Roger. The weather guaranteed that they would get to spend their entire anniversary alone. Well, them and their little plus one, she amended silently. Their final appointment with Dr. Sedwick had been the day before, and she estimated that Jack wouldn't make his grand entrance before January 15 at the earliest. Everything was progressing normally, and Holly and Jack were both healthy. Dr. Sedwick had told Holly and Roger that the next time she saw them, Holly would be in labor.

As she settled herself back in bed, Roger moved closer to her, probably having noticed her brief absence even in his sleep. He was lying on his stomach, his head turned toward her, his arm across her torso beneath the covers. Holly turned her head and, as had become her habit since the night before Thanksgiving when they had run into Adam at the airport, she watched him sleeping.

He looked so relaxed and peaceful in sleep, yet another manifestation of the depth of the changes in him. When they had been together long ago, Roger was a restless sleeper, always tossing and turning, even waking up and getting out of bed in the middle of the night sometimes to roam aimlessly through the house. Now he was a relatively sound sleeper-though he always awoke instantly if she elbowed him in the ribs or shook his shoulder-and once he snuggled up next to her or spooned himself behind her, curling himself around her, or rested his head in the crook of her neck or on her chest and wrapped his arms around her to hold her through the night, he stayed there with her in their bed, and no matter how many times she woke up to use the bathroom or shift position in the middle of the night, he was right there. It wasn't until they had gotten back together and started regularly sharing a bed last year that Holly had noticed the change, and she had also noticed a change in her own sleeping habits. She had never been one to snuggle or spoon with a man in her sleep, not even the first time she had Roger had been married. She was strictly an I'll-stay-on-my-side-and-you-stay-on-your-side kind of sleeper, without any part of her touching any part of the man who was sharing her bed. Then she and Roger had reunited and what had begun as the two of them falling asleep in each other's arms after making love gradually became the two of them falling asleep in each other's arms, or spooned together, every night, whether or not they had made love before falling asleep, and as time went on, Holly had discovered that not only did she sleep better in Roger's arms, but she liked sleeping in his arms. She liked maintaining that physical connection with him as they slept, and the warmth and security of his embrace in sleep gave her a sense of peace she hadn't known she was capable of feeling. It was one more way she opened herself up to him, and one more way that he proved she had no reason to fear reprisal for her vulnerability.

They were both so different now, so much better...and so solidly, happily together.

Holly watched Roger sleeping beside her and let her mind drift back over the past few weeks. Her birthday had been wonderful. First came the unexpected but joyous news that Blake was pregnant with twins, and then she had come home from work to find Roger waiting for her in his navy blue pinstripe suit with a bouquet of roses in half the colors of the rainbow. She wondered why there were only eleven roses instead of a dozen. "I had a little chat with the florist," Roger replied. "Eleven roses assure the recipient that they are truly and deeply loved. And all of the colors of roses mean different things." He handed her the bouquet of fragrant blooms. "The red roses-"

"Romantic love," Holly said, looking from the bouquet in her hands to Roger. "That one, I know. The others, I don't."

Roger fingered a delicate yellow rose. "The yellow roses symbolize joy," he said, "and the orange is for desire. The pink rose is for Chrissy, and pink roses symbolize thankfulness. I'm thankful for her, and for you. And the blue rose is for Jack. Blue roses say 'You are extraordinarily wonderful,' which you are. You definitely are. And Jack will be too."

She had cradled the bouquet of roses in one arm so that she could put her other arm around him and kiss him, and after the kiss, he had told her, "Close your eyes." Once her eyes were closed, he had gently turned her around and then when he said, "Open them," she found herself looking at a desk by the window with a computer and a fax machine on it. She had looked at him in surprise, and he said, "You haven't said anything about it in a while, but I know it's still on your mind...your career, and taking the next two or three months away from it. With this computer and fax machine, you don't have to be away from it completely. You can still keep one oar in the water, so to speak, without having to be in your office all the time." At the emotional look on her face, he said, "I just wanted to do something that would let you know that you don't have to entirely give up on work for even a little while. It never has to be an either-or situation, Hol, and I never want you think it does. I-"

Whatever else he had been about to say was lost when she grabbed him and kissed him again, deeper this time.

He was right: she hadn't mentioned work or her rapidly approaching maternity leave in quite a while, but it was starting to creep back into the forefront of her mind. She was managing, for the moment at least, to keep the old fears of losing herself again at bay, and having a way to stay in touch with the station during her absence would go a long way toward helping her banish those fears for good...or, she thought, wryly, at least replace the fear of losing herself again with the fear of not being able to adequately balance new motherhood and her career.

Then she and Roger had met Blake and Ross for dinner, at which Blake presented her with a copy of _Dared and Done: The Marriage of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning_.

And then had come Christmas. Holly and Roger exchanged their gifts on Christmas Eve. Roger's gift to Holly was a gold pendant in the shape of a star. In the center of the star was a bright turquoise stone, Holly's birthstone. Surrounding the turquoise stone were a diamond (Roger's birthstone), a ruby (Blake's birthstone), and a garnet (the January birthstone, for Jack). "It's all of our birthstones," Roger said as he fastened the necklace for Holly. "The turquoise stone is you; the diamond is me; the ruby is Chrissy; and the garnet is Jack. And you're in the center because you're the center of our family...the center of our world."

After kissing him breathless and drying her eyes, Holly gave Roger her gift: a new video camera. "But that thing is not getting anywhere **near** the delivery room!" she insisted.

"Okay," Roger agreed.

"Really?" Holly asked, surprised that she didn't have to insist harder that there would be no videos of Jack's birth.

"Really," Roger promised. "I still have to learn how to use it, and when Jack is being born, I want to be fully in the moment with you, not trying to film it." He smirked. "Besides, if I did, you'd grab the camera out of my hands and threaten to shove it someplace very uncomfortable."

"Darn straight I would," Holly replied.

Sitting on the couch together in the glow of the fire and the white lights of the Christmas tree, they recalled the previous Christmas Eve, when Holly had moved her engagement ring to her left hand and told Roger that she was ready to get married. Then Roger said, "This will be our last peaceful Christmas Eve."

"I think that'll be next year," Holly said. "Although now that you mention it, I'm sure you'll be so excited next year that you'll go in and wake Jack up Christmas morning so that we can help him open his presents." She looked around the living room. "Just keep in mind that we don't have enough space to become an annex for Toys 'R' Us."

"You'll be there to remind me," Roger pointed out with a smile. "But I can't promise I won't go a little bit overboard." He held up a thumb and forefinger half an inch apart.

"You mean a lot overboard," Holly corrected, moving his hand so that there were several inches of space between his thumb and forefinger now, "between Jack and Blake's babies."

"Twins," Roger said. He smiled. "I never thought we'd have so much family. All the time we were apart, I never expected that all of this would happen...that Jack would happen, or that Chrissy would have twins."

"You're picturing a redheaded little girl," Holly said knowingly. "Or two. But they could both be boys."

"Boys would be fine," Roger assured her. "Boys would be great. Jack would have two built-in friends in his nephews. But I won't deny it: a little girl with red hair, as beautiful as her mother and grandmother...or rather, her Gigi...would be wonderful."

"You and your three gorgeous redheaded women," Holly said fondly. "Well, it might happen. But it might not."

"As long as everybody is healthy and happy, that's all that matters to me," Roger replied.

"A granddaughter would be your little princess, just like Blake was," Holly said knowingly. "But you'll spoil our potential future grandson or grandsons too."

"Says the woman who swears our unborn son is going to have my smile, and I know how you react to my smile, so I have a pretty good idea of how you'll react to Jack if he has my smile," Roger said.

"The smile doesn't always work on me," Holly retorted.

"Most of the time it does," Roger said.

"Uh huh. **Most** of the time, not **all** of the time," Holly replied. "And Jack's smile won't work on me **all** of the time either."

Roger tucked Holly's hair behind her ear. "It's going to be so amazing," he said softly. "You and me and Jack...grandchildren from Chrissy next summer..."

"Three generations of Thorpes," Holly mused. "That in itself is amazing."

Blake and Ross had come over for Christmas Day (Tangie was with Patrick Cutter; Faith was still missing, and Phillip and Amanda Spaulding had both come home for the holidays, while Mike and Elizabeth Bauer had returned to their home just outside Washington, D.C. after Thanksgiving and then had returned for an extended stay until Faith was finally found) and they had exchanged gifts.

Blake's Christmas gift to Holly was a complete set of A.A. Milne's _Winnie the Pooh _stories. "You read them to me," she said, "and I thought that you could read them to Jack, and to your grandchildren when they get here."

Roger's Christmas gift from Blake had been a shirt that said 'Grandpa: The Man, the Myth, the Legend,' which Holly said was very appropriate, to which Blake had replied, "That's why I got it." Roger loved it.

Holly and Roger gave Ross a set of pearl cufflinks and Blake a necklace with two pearls on it, because pearls are the June birthstone, and their children would be born in June.

And now it was Holly and Roger's first wedding anniversary. They'd been married for a whole year.

Holly looked at the alarm clock. A little after 6:30. She rolled onto her side and snuggled closer to Roger, who had shifted from his stomach to his side, still facing her, and she draped her arm across him, the way his arm was still draped across her.

Lying there in bed with Roger, watching him sleep, feeling Jack stretching and kicking within her after he had awakened, Holly's only thought was, _So, this is what total contentment feels like._

* * *

_December 29, 1995, 7:28 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger opened his eyes to find Holly lying on her side next to him, her eyes closed, her arm across his chest. He watched her for several seconds, a smile slowly growing on his face. He would never cease to be thankful, amazed and happy that he got to wake up with her every morning. And today was even more special than usual because today was their first wedding anniversary. One year ago, they were married; Roger's greatest, most long-held, at most times most impossible dream had come true: Holly was his wife.

His life was so vastly different now than it had ever been before. Chasing after business empires that belonged to someone else no longer held any allure for him. Holly, their children, their grandchildren-to-be, that was what mattered now. The energy he used to devote to trying to steal Spaulding Enterprises from the Spauldings, and to sticking it to the Bauers and Lewises and Chamberlains at the first hint of any opportunity was now put to much better use, being a husband and a father, getting ready to be a grandfather to Blake's children, the occasional visit with Peter (Bridget, to her credit, never tried to block Roger's access to Peter, even now that she was married to Dylan Lewis, but Vanessa and the rest of the Lewises and Chamberlains would always hate that Roger was Peter's paternal grandfather and made no secret of their feelings), and building his own company, his own legacy for his family, not a stolen legacy. Holly, Chrissy, and Jack deserved the best of him, and made him strive to be the best version of himself, the best husband and father, the best man he could be.

For the first time, he knew what true happiness was, and he also knew that he would never do anything to jeopardize losing this happiness.

Gently, carefully, he moved Holly's arm off his chest and slipped out of bed to relieve himself. Then he returned to his place beside Holly, adjusting the comforter over both of them to ward off the morning chill. He had just settled himself on his side again when Holly began to stir. She opened her eyes to find him looking at her tenderly. She smiled at him as she blinked sleepily and said softly, "Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary," he replied just as softly. He moved closer to her and they kissed gently, sweetly.

Holly touched her forehead to Roger's and said, "One year ago, we were married."

"The best year of my life," Roger replied fervently.

"Mine too," she said. She pulled back enough to look into his eyes. "Has it been what you thought it would be?"

"No," he said honestly. "It's been better...so much better." He took her left hand in his. "What about you? Has it been what **you** thought it would be?"

She laced her fingers with his, flattening her palm against his so that their hands were clasped, their wedding rings lined up. "I had no idea," she said, "none at all, that you would make me feel so much."

"What do I make you feel?" Roger asked, mesmerized by the look in Holly's eyes, by the feel of her hand clasped with his, by her warm breath tickling his face.

"I was so empty inside for so long," Holly said, her gaze focused intently on Roger's, "I wasn't sure if I could feel anything anymore. And then we got back together and we started really building a healthy relationship...and since we got married and made this commitment not just to each other but to our life together, I'm not empty inside anymore, and that's because of you."

She rested her other hand on Roger's chest, over his heart. "You make me feel an emotional security that I didn't know I was capable of feeling, and honestly, that I didn't know you were capable of making me feel, but you do, and I do. You make me feel like I come first with you, and no one has ever made me feel that before in my life, ever. You make me believe that I can balance my career and motherhood this time around because I won't be doing it alone this time around. You make me feel beautiful even though I look like a whale, and have for the past almost three months."

"You do **not** look like a whale," Roger said, stroking her hair with his other hand, "and you **are** beautiful. You're the most beautiful woman in the world to me, Holly, inside and out."

She brushed her lips across the back of his hand before continuing, "You make me feel so loved and so cherished that it takes my breath away. The only thing that takes my breath away more is how much** I** love **you**. I know it's a cliché, but I really **do** love you more now than I did the day we got married. My love for you just keeps growing. There's no end to it, there's no limit to it." She brought her hand up from his chest to stroke his cheek, and he leaned into her touch. "I've never felt so close or so connected to anyone in my life. I've never been so content. And that's because of you, Roger, because of** us**...what we have together...what we are together. Loving you and being loved by you and raising Jack with you and living this life with you... That is all I want, and all that I'll ever need."

Roger swallowed the lump of emotion lodged in his throat, bringing his and Holly's joined hands to his lips to kiss her hand. "So many lost, lonely years," he said softly. "I spent so many lost, lonely years thinking about what I felt for you...what we could have had...what I lost when I drove you away. If you only knew how many nights in those years I would reach for you in the middle of the night. And dreams...I had so many dreams of what we could have been.

"I was completely broken in every way when I fell at your feet two years ago with that bullet in my chest...and if anyone had good reason to turn me away then, it was you. But you didn't do that. You took care of me. You stood by me." He took hold of her other hand then and pressed his palm to hers, lacing his fingers with hers, so that they were lying there facing each other, clasping each other's hands. "You held me in your hands and put all of my broken pieces together again with your love and your acceptance. I had lost everything that I thought I cared about, all those things I tried to take and to hold onto that were never really mine in the first place, trying to find one shred of happiness and fulfillment, and when I lost all of that, before the dust had even settled, you were there, Holly. And I realized that none of it made me the least bit happy or gave me the least bit of fulfillment. But I finally found it. I finally found happiness and fulfillment, here with you.

"I used to imagine a life for us, long before I thought we had any chance at all, but I had no concept of how incredible our life would truly be. The reality of our life together is so much better, so much more full, than anything I ever imagined or dreamed of. It was always you, Hol. You're my heart. You're my other half. You were the first person that loved me for myself. I vowed to myself a long time ago that if, by some fabulous miracle, I ever got another chance with you, I would do everything it takes to get it right this time. I would do everything I could to let you know every day how precious you are to me, and to love you and support you the way that you deserve, and to hold nothing back anymore and let nothing come between us ever again, because I know what it's like to live without you, and it isn't living. It's just existing."

He looked at their joined left hands, their wedding rings lined up, and then looked into her eyes once more. "I love you so much," he said fervently, "and I just want to wake up with you every morning and come home to you every night and raise our son with you and watch our grandchildren grow up with you and just be with you for the rest of my life."

"You will," Holly replied firmly. "**We** will." She kissed Roger then, and he kissed her back, letting go of her hands to slide his arms around her and hold her. The kiss started out sweet and gradually grew more passionate.

Roger broke the kiss, breathing heavily. Holly's hands were resting on his chest, and as she held his gaze and caught her own breath, she unbuttoned his pajama top and slipped her hands inside to caress his bare chest.

He, in turn, slid his hands under her nightgown, tenderly stroking the soft skin of her lower back, then letting his hands slowly drift up either side of her spine. She closed her eyes at his touch, then opened them when his hands stopped to rest on her shoulders.

They looked at each other for the space of a few heartbeats, everything they were thinking and feeling so clear in their eyes.

Then they slowly undressed each other, their bodies eagerly responding to the kisses and caresses they shared in the process.

Lying side by side beneath the covers and facing each other, Roger entered Holly gently as they maneuvered their legs around one another.

He nuzzled her neck, one hand caressing her rear. She unconsciously arched back into that hand as her own hands roamed, enjoying the feel of his back muscles beneath her fingertips and his belly against hers. They were surrounding each other and it was blissful. Then his mouth covered hers gently, tracing the shape of her lips without entrance, pressing lightly against them. She responded in kind, and then he was moving inside her, a slight, barely there motion that gently rocked them.

Holly mirrored Roger, reciprocating with soft kisses and gentle caresses. She buried her face against his shoulder, then kissed her way up the side of his neck to his jaw. Before she could kiss his lips, he cupped her face in his hand and their eyes met in a shared gaze of deep love and reverent adoration. He continued slowly stroking her back and rear, his other hand moving from her face into her hair. She caressed his shoulders and chest as he moved inside her again, and her body followed his subtle withdrawal, clinging to him. He kissed her deeper now, his tongue sliding into her eager mouth. They kissed for a while, neither of them sure how long, sweet and slow, gaining in intensity.

She was soft and warm and very curvy because of her advanced pregnancy, and he happily lost himself in her as they moved together gently and slowly, both of them savoring this most intimate physical connection to each other.

The tiny spark grew into a white-hot flame burning fiercely. Holly felt herself rising toward her climax slowly, slowly, and then the tremors of pleasure rolled through her, breaking over her like waves on a beach. Roger felt Holly convulse around him and an instant later, he joined her, moaning her name as he poured himself into her.

* * *

_December 29, 1995, 11:14 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

After a leisurely breakfast and a shared bubble bath, Roger built a fire in the fireplace and he and Holly retreated to the couch, but before they had settled themselves, the phone rang. Holly answered, and it was Blake.

"Happy first anniversary!" she exclaimed. "Can you believe this weather?"

"Believe it? We're thrilled with it," Holly replied.

"Being snowed in is very romantic," Blake agreed. "However, it means that I can't give you your anniversary present in person, and I'm just too impatient to wait, so you're going to get the biggest part of it over the phone right now. Daddy, are you there, can you hear me too?"

"I'm right here," Roger said. Holly was holding the receiver so they could both hear Blake.

"Ross and I had an appointment with Dr. Sedwick yesterday," Blake said. "The babies were very cooperative, so we know what we're having now."

"And?" Holly asked.

"It's a boy!" Blake exclaimed happily. "And another boy! You're having two grandsons!"

"That's wonderful!" Holly exclaimed. "They and Jack will have each other to grow up with."

"I bet Jack is going to be great friends with-" Blake began.

"Abbott and Costello!" Ross called in the background.

"Ross!" Blake exclaimed, exasperated. "Ever since we found out they're both boys, he keeps referring to them as 'Abbott and Costello,' 'Lerner and Loewe,' and 'Martin and Lewis.' As soon as the roads are cleared, we're going out and buying a baby name book!" she informed Ross. He just laughed happily.

"Your father and I each picked a name," Holly said then, getting Blake's attention once more.

"Just don't name either of them after me," Roger added, speaking for the first time since Blake's announcement that she and Ross were having two boys. He thought he heard Ross say, "Don't worry," but he couldn't be sure.

"Daddy?" Blake asked then. "You're not disappointed that I'm not having a girl, are you?"

"Of course not, Chrissy," Roger assured her, and he honestly wasn't. Yes, a little redheaded girl would have been nice, but Roger was thrilled that his beloved daughter was making him a grandfather twice over, and he would love her sons as fiercely as he had always loved her. "I just want you and my grandsons to be healthy and happy. I can't wait to meet them. And given our family's reputation, it can only be a good thing that your boys and Jack will all have each other to grow up with. They'll always be able to count on one another. They'll always have a friend."

"Yes, they will," Blake replied. "And I want that for all of them." Ross said something then, but neither Roger nor Holly could make out what it was. "I'll let you get back to your anniversary celebration," Blake said a moment later. "Ross is just finishing cooking lunch. Since I'm eating for three, I'm hungry almost all the time now. I'm going to be as big as a house by the time these boys are born, I just know it."

"You're going to be as beautiful as your mother is," Roger told her.

"You're biased," Blake informed him lovingly. "But I'll take it. Happy anniversary again. I love you both."

"We love you too, honey," Holly said.

After they had gotten off the phone with Blake, Roger saw that Holly was smiling. "What?" he asked her.

"I was just picturing Jack and Blake's boys in a treehouse in Blake and Ross's backyard with a 'No Girls Allowed' sign on it," she said. "Andy and Ken had one of those, and they would never let me in there. Of course, I climbed up there one day when neither of them was home, and it wasn't as great as they made it out to be. It was all camping equipment and comic books."

"They'll let you in. They won't think you and Blake are yucky. 'No Girls Allowed' will be for all the yucky girls their own age," Roger replied, putting his arm around her shoulders.

She laid her head on his shoulder. "I can't quite remember how old boys are when they stop thinking girls are yucky," she said.

"Between the ages of ten and twelve," Roger replied. They were both quiet for a moment, and then he said, "If we had known each other when we were kids, I mean younger kids than we were when we met, and I had had a treehouse, I would have let you into it."

She lifted her head and looked at him. "I would have just ignored your 'No Girls Allowed' sign and climbed right up there," she told him.

"And you would have been welcome," Roger said, "even if you did hate comic books."

* * *

_December 29, 1995, 8:18 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

They made dinner together, spaghetti and garlic bread, and after dinner, they retreated to the couch once more to exchange gifts.

Holly was surprised when Roger handed her a scroll tied with a ribbon. "You wrote something for me?" she asked.

"No," Roger said, fighting his smile.

Holly untied the ribbon and unrolled the scroll to find some official-looking papers. She read the papers, then looked up at Roger in shock. "You bought Cliff House?" she exclaimed. Roger's only answer was a big grin. "You bought Cliff House," she said.

"It's so much a part of us," he replied. "And now, it's all ours. If we weren't snowed in, and you weren't so far along in your pregnancy, I would have taken you there for our anniversary. But now we can go there whenever we want."

"We can take Jack there for the 4th of July!" Holly said excitedly. "And when he's older, the two of you can set off fireworks while I watch." She set the papers aside. "My center of gravity being what it is at the moment, I can't launch myself at you the way I want to, so come here." When Roger moved closer, she grabbed him and kissed him. Then she went over to her new desk and removed a flat, wrapped package. "This is for you."

Roger opened his anniversary gift to reveal a camera. "I know we're not exactly the most traditional people, but the first anniversary is supposed to be paper," Holly said, "and between Jack and our grandsons-to-be, we're going to have a lot of reasons to take pictures."

"Is it already loaded?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Holly replied.

Roger grabbed a stack of books and put the camera on top of them, facing the couch where Holly was now sitting. "A picture of the bride and groom on their first wedding anniversary," he said, pushing a few buttons, then hurrying back to sit beside her.

"Every year on our anniversary, we'll take a picture," she said.

They faced the camera, Holly's bulging stomach clearly visible in the shot, arms around each other, Roger's cheek resting against Holly, both of them smiling happily.

CLICK! The moment was captured.

* * *

_December 31, 1995, 11:53 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

The only lights came from the Christmas tree and the dim glow of the television, which was tuned to _Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 1996_. Roger and Holly were cuddled on the couch in their pajamas, Holly wearing Roger's bathrobe since her own robe didn't currently fit her, Roger stretched out with Holly sitting in the vee of his legs and leaning forward enough so that Roger could rub her achy lower back.

"Good evening, I am Dale Bender, filling in for an ailing Dick Clark," the announcer's voice said on the television. "Beautiful night here in Times Square. The police estimate the crowd to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 500,000 people, all gathered here tonight to ring in the New Year 1996 together!"

"I wonder if Dick Clark is really sick, or if he's playing hooky," Roger mused as he rubbed Holly's back.

"Why would Dick Clark play hooky?" Holly asked.

"He's spent the last how many New Year's Eves freezing in the middle of a huge crowd of rowdy, drunken revelers, sometimes getting rained or snowed on, and he gets to see his wife for, what, two minutes the whole night? Maybe this year, he finally decided to stay home and ring in the New Year in peace, privacy and warmth," Roger said.

Holly chuckled as she sat up and then eased back against Roger, her back resting against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her middle, his hands resting protectively over Jack. "Well, that's what you would do," she said.

"You bet I would," Roger said.

The camera panned over the Times Squares crowd then. "If ever there was a sea of people, that's it," Holly said. "I'm surprised any of them can move." She shifted slightly, making herself as comfortable as she could be. Closing her eyes, she said, "If I doze off, wake me up at midnight for your kiss."

"If you're tired, we can go to bed," he said. He stretched one arm toward the table behind the couch to grab the remote and shut off the TV, but Holly took hold of his arm and put it back where it was, on her stomach.

"No, I'm just resting my eyes for a few minutes before zero hour," she said.

"Okay," Roger said.

"We're a little over a minute away," Dale Bender announced from New York. "The ball should start moving any second...and there it goes! In 58 seconds, we will be celebrating the beginning of 1996. It won't be long now."

The countdown from ten began, but the ball stopped moving at three. "Something seems to be amiss," Dale Bender said. "Something is wrong. The ball has stopped at three. The ball is frozen at three. The crowd is chanting three, listen." Indeed, the vast sea of humanity crammed into Times Square was chanting, "Three, three, three, three" over and over again as the ball remained stuck.

"You are witnessing the most memorable moment in television history," Dale Bender said. "It's not the New Year yet. There seems to be some malfunction. The ball seems to be malfunctioning. We don't know what's happening. The crowd, confused and excited, are at once continuing to chant 'Three, three, three.' Time has apparently stopped. Time is standing still. I have never seen anything like this!"

Roger watched as the ball started moving again. The Times Square crowd finished their countdown, and the "1996" lit up when the ball reached the bottom of its track. As a pre-recorded instrumental version of "Auld Lang Syne" began to play, and a blizzard of confetti fell on the Times Square crowd, Dale Bender intoned, "Finally, we're got ourselves a Happy New Year 1996...a little late, but 1996 has begun! Happy New Year!"

Holly stirred in Roger's arms then, having been silent during the whole ball-dropping drama on TV. "Is it 1996 yet?" she asked sleepily.

"Just now," Roger said.

She turned her head and brushed her lips across his in a sleepy kiss. "Happy..." She yawned, then continued, "...New Year." She snuggled back against him more securely, sighed softly, and was asleep.

Since Holly was obviously so comfortable, and it was getting increasingly difficult for her to sleep soundly the closer she got to giving birth, Roger decided to stay where they were. He shut off the TV, grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and covered Holly and himself with it, then gently kissed her cheek and whispered, "Happy New Year, Holly." He stroked her belly and felt an answering kick from within, and with a smile, he whispered, "Happy New Year to you too, Jack. This is the year you'll be born. Your mom and I are so excited to meet you. It won't be long now." Then he rested his cheek lightly on the crown of Holly's head, closed his eyes, and in a few minutes, he too was asleep.

* * *

_**The ball getting stuck in Times Square, and Dick Clark not being there for New Year's Rockin' Eve, is a plotline that I borrowed from the New Year's Eve episode of Mad About You, which originally aired December 17, 1995. (And Dick Clark was playing hooky: he made a memorable cameo in that episode, sitting in front of his TV at home watching the ball-dropping drama and exclaimed, "Oh, sure! The one year I decide to stay home!") **_

_**I'm taking a brief hiatus for the next couple of weekends, since I'm going to be moving the weekend after next, so next weekend I'll be packing and the weekend after that I'll be moving to a new house. But I'll be back and continuing the story the first weekend in March. **_


	16. The Start of a Brand New Life

_January 18, 1996, 8:44 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Depending on which family you belonged to, the first few weeks of 1996 in Springfield were either a time of eager anticipation, a time of neverending hell, a time of fear and sympathy for others, or in the case of Blake and Ross Marler, a combination of these things.

Lucy Cooper was kidnapped from the big New Year's Eve masquerade party at the country club, and once Susan Bates had awakened and confirmed that Marian Crane was actually Brent Lawrence, all of the signs immediately pointed to Brent having kidnapped Lucy. The Spauldings were still in the hellish limbo of not knowing anything regarding Faith's whereabouts or condition, and Lucy's disappearance sent all of the Coopers and Spauldings, especially Alan-Michael and Buzz, reeling more than they already were over Faith. The situation then worsened when Alan-Michael disappeared less than a week later. Clearly Brent had taken Lucy and Alan-Michael, but where?

The Coopers had another nightmare to deal with on top of Lucy's disappearance when Nadine's dead body was pulled from the river. Between grieving for Nadine, searching for Lucy and Alan-Michael, and wondering what had happened to Faith, the Coopers were in a living hell.

The Spauldings closed ranks. Susan went to stay at the mansion with Nick after she was released from the hospital. Phillip and Amanda were there with Hope and Alan, Alexandra, Fletcher, and Ben, as were Mike and Elizabeth Bauer. The night after Alan-Michael went missing, Hope fell off the wagon, desperate to have some temporary respite from the pain and fear she felt at both of her biological children and her future daughter-in-law being missing, even if she had to numb herself with alcohol to do it. Only Alan knew about Hope's fall off the wagon because he was the one who found her drinking. Hope felt even worse the next day than she had the night before-not so much from being hung over, since she didn't drink enough to get a hangover, but because she had taken a drink at all.

The Bauers, Chamberlains, and Lewises, given their friendships and family relationships to the Spauldings and Coopers, were also affected by Faith, Lucy, and Alan-Michael being missing, and the news of Nadine's death sent more shockwaves through the community.

Brent Lawrence was now wanted for the attempted murders of Patrick Cutter and Susan Bates, and for questioning in the disappearances of Faith Spaulding, Alan-Michael Spaulding, and Lucy Cooper, and the murder of Nadine Cooper. Cutter was still recovering from the attack on him two months prior, and his fear, worry, and frustration over Faith being missing and having no further leads to follow, with the added stress of Faith's beloved brother and future sister-in-law now being missing, and knowing that Brent Lawrence was obviously behind their disappearances but not knowing where he had taken them, and not yet being able to prove that he had taken them, was not helping him at all.

And in the middle of the search for Brent Lawrence, Alan-Michael and Lucy, and answers about what had happened to Faith the night Cutter was almost killed, Blake entered her second trimester, while Holly neared the conclusion of her pregnancy.

Roger mapped out the fastest route to Cedars and drove it four times (Holly was only in the car one of those times), timing himself until he got it down to seven minutes from the driveway to the ER entrance at Cedars. Holly's bag was packed and waiting by the front door, and since her due date was January 15, Dr. Sedwick insisted that her maternity leave start the week before, so her last day at work was Friday, January 5.

One week later, on January 12, Jack had not yet been born, and the nesting instinct hit Holly hard. She spent that entire day cleaning the house from top to bottom. She even vacuumed all of the blinds, using the hose attachment.

She spent January 15 and 16 reorganizing everything that could be reorganized in the nursery: clothes, toys, and she stocked the changing table with diapers, wipes, and made sure that brand-new tubes and bottles of diaper rash cream, baby lotion, and baby powder were at the ready, waiting to be opened and used.

After all of that intensive cleaning and organizing, Holly rested on January 17.

Now it was January 18, a cold, gray Thursday. The snow from the week before had melted, and there wasn't any more snow in the forecast.

"Nothing yet?" Roger asked Holly at breakfast, as he had every day that week.

"Nothing yet," Holly replied. "It's only been three days, though. Blake was born eight days after her due date. A due date is just an estimate anyway."

Roger set his coffee cup down with a sigh. He hadn't mentioned it to Holly, but he'd been getting these pictures in his head the past several nights while he was asleep. He felt like they had deeper meaning than mere dreams, almost like they were visions of the future. But where Holly had seen their son all grown up in her dreams the night after they learned she was pregnant, Roger was seeing their son as a baby and a child, just for fleeting moments deep in the night as he slept: a sturdy baby pulling himself up on the couch; a toddler covered head to toe in dirt, running around the yard with two redheaded toddler boys that could only be Chrissy and Ross's sons; a little boy in a bicycle helmet shakily peddling away from Roger on a 20-inch bike whose training wheels had only recently been removed; and that same little boy sitting beside Roger on the piano bench, Roger watching in awe as his nimble little fingers expertly flew over the piano keys, bringing Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" to life.

It had been seven months and one week since they had learned Jack was on his way, and Roger was eager to meet his and Holly's baby boy in person. He was getting tired of waiting, but Jack seemed to be in no hurry to make his debut. "And there's no way to know when he's going to be born?" Roger asked.

"That's what the contractions are for," Holly said wryly. "Those will be his way of letting us know that he's ready to get out of here." She rested a hand on her swollen abdomen.

Roger nodded. "And you really haven't felt any twinges or anything?" he asked.

Holly shook her head before finishing her orange juice. "I guess he takes after me. Clearly he's not too impatient to be born."

"It's probably because you've made him a nice little home in there," Roger replied. "If I could be inside you all the time, I'd certainly never want to leave." Then he grinned mischievously.

Holly playfully smacked at Roger's arm. "He'll be born when he's ready to be born," she said. "Just promise me you're not going to turn into some sitcom husband when I **do** go into labor."

Roger grew serious then. "You can count on me, Holly," he said resolutely. "I'm not going to fall apart or faint or get nervous or forget you or your bag or anything. Whatever you need, I'll be right there for."

"Good," Holly replied, "because I'm not doing this without you." She noticed the time then. "It's almost nine. You'd better get going."

"If you feel anything, even if you think it's just Braxton-Hicks, call me," Roger said as he put on his coat.

"I will," Holly promised. "Have a good day."

"You too," Roger said. They kissed goodbye, and then Roger headed to his office.

* * *

_January 18, 1996, 11:57 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Blake brought lunch over and ate with Holly. "Mom, can I ask you something? It's kind of a...weird pregnancy question," Blake said as they sat on opposite ends of the couch eating their soup and sandwiches from Company.

"There's no such thing as a weird pregnancy question," Holly replied. "Ask away."

Blake ducked her head, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Well, the past few weeks, ever since I entered my second trimester, I've been..." She trailed off. She wasn't even certain this had anything to do with being pregnant, but if it did, surely Holly would know. Maureen and Tangie had never been pregnant, Faith was still missing, and she didn't feel comfortable going to Hope with this, especially with everything Hope was currently going through.

"What?" Holly prodded gently.

"I'm turned on. Like, all the time!" Blake blurted. "And I can be...turned off, but just the sound of Ross's voice, the scent of his aftershave...Heck, he just has to walk into the room, and all of a sudden I want to jump his bones right there on the spot!"

"Ah," Holly said, nodding. "I remember it well."

"Then this is normal?" Blake asked.

"Completely," Holly assured her daughter. "Some expectant mothers experience an increase in libido in the second trimester."

"Did you?" Blake asked.

"Oh yes," Holly said.

"So you were almost constantly in the mood?" Blake asked.

"It was like flipping a switch," Holly said, nodding. "When I was on, I was totally on, and there was only one thing that would..." Now Holly trailed off, pondering how to phrase it. "...satisfy me," she finally finished.

"Then I haven't turned into some out-of-control nymphomaniac for no reason?" Blake asked, relieved.

"Of course not," Holly said. "It's the hormones."

"That's a relief," Blake said, settling herself more comfortably on the couch. "I was starting to wonder. Thanks for setting my mind at ease."

"Anytime," Holly replied. "I meant it when I said I'll be there for you during this pregnancy."

"Even with a newborn to take care of?" Blake asked.

"Even with a newborn to take care of," Holly replied. "Any questions you have, anything you're wondering about, anything you need, you can come to me, anytime."

"I'm glad," Blake said. "But the sex thing is the only thing I've been wondering about lately."

"My best advice to you is to enjoy it," Holly said.

"Oh, I am," Blake said, "especially since I know that it'll get to the point sooner rather than later that I'm too ungainly to do much of anything physical, and then after they're born it's, what, six weeks at least before you can do anything?" Holly nodded. Blake looked down at her burgeoning belly. "Right now, I'm enjoying everything about being pregnant," Blake admitted. "I'm sure that'll change when I'm nine months' pregnant, looking and walking like an elephant and I can't see my feet, but right now I have so much energy, and I'm just really enjoying being pregnant. I can't wait to feel them start moving. That's going to be incredible."

"It certainly is," Holly agreed as Jack moved within her. She gently stroked her belly, taking a deep breath as she made certain that she wasn't having contractions, even Braxton-Hicks contractions.

Blake eyed Holly cautiously. "Do we need to go to the hospital?" she asked.

"No, he's just moving, I'm not having contractions," Holly replied.

"I don't care if it's the middle of the night, I expect you and Dad to call me before you head to Cedars," Blake said. "I want to be there. Not in the delivery room, but definitely in the waiting room."

"You will be our second call, right after Dr. Sedwick, no matter what time it is," Holly promised.

* * *

_January 18, 1996, 9:54 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger and Holly were sitting on the couch together. Roger had just turned on WSPR, waiting for the 10:00 news to start in another six minutes. Holly got up and went to the bathroom. Then Roger heard her shout his name. He turned off the TV and hurried back to the bathroom to find her leaning over the sink, her hands braced on either side of the edge. "Holly?" he asked anxiously.

She took a deep breath, slowly exhaled through her nose, and then stood up, turning to face him. "My water just broke," she announced.

Roger's heart took a dizzying jolt as he realized that the baby was coming. "Okay," he said, hurrying to her side and wrapping one arm around her back. "Let's call Dr. Sedwick and then head to Cedars."

"And Blake," Holly said as they headed down the hall to the living room. "I promised Blake we would call her after Dr. Sedwick, no matter what time it was."

Roger nodded. "Okay," he said. "Your bag is all packed and by the front door, our coats are right there... Contractions?"

"Not too bad yet," Holly said. She picked up the phone and punched in Dr. Sedwick's number from memory. "Dr. Sedwick? It's Holly Thorpe," she said. "My water just broke."

"Then it's time," Dr. Sedwick replied. "I'll meet you at Cedars. I'm leaving right now."

"So are we," Holly said. "We'll see you there." She disconnected the call, then called Blake.

"Hello?" Blake answered.

"Your brother is ready to meet us," Holly said.

"Really?" Blake asked excitedly.

"My water just broke, and Dr. Sedwick is meeting us at Cedars," Holly replied.

"We're heading out the door right now," Blake said. "We'll see you and Dad at the hospital." She quickly hung up, then yelled, "Ross! Mom's in labor! Let's go!"

Holly was gripped by a powerful contraction just as she started to hang up the phone. The receiver slipped out of her hand as she doubled over in pain. Roger hurriedly grabbed the phone and hung it up, then gently rubbed Holly's back. "I'm right here," he said, "just breathe."

Holly fumbled for Roger's hand, squeezing it as hard as she could as she breathed through the pain. When the contraction was over, she looked up at him. "**That**, I remember," she said breathlessly. "Let's get to Cedars. I want that epidural as soon as possible!"

Roger helped Holly into her coat, shrugged on his own coat, grabbed her bag, and opened the front door. Just before they walked outside, they paused in the doorway, looking at each other for a moment before looking back at the living room. Neither of them said what they both were thinking: that the next time they walked through that door, Jack would be with them. "You ready?" Roger asked.

Holly nodded. "Let's go have a baby," she said. They walked out the front door, Roger quickly locked it, they stopped walking when another contraction hit, and when the contraction was over, they got in the car and made it to Cedars in seven minutes flat.

* * *

_January 18, 1996, 10:17 PM-Cedars Hospital, Maternity Ward_

Blake and Ross got to Cedars before Holly and Roger did. Once Holly was in her room, hooked up to the machines that monitored both her contractions and Jack's heart rate, they were allowed in to see her. "He's coming!" Blake exclaimed excitedly as she hurried to Holly's side. Roger stood aside so that Blake could hug Holly.

"He sure is," Holly said. Then another contraction hit her. "Ohhh, Roger!" she exclaimed.

Roger grabbed Holly's hand, and she crushed his hand in hers as the pain rolled through her. He rested his forehead against her temple. "That's it," he said. "You're doing great, Hol. You're doing so great."

"It really hurts!" Holly groaned. "Where the hell is my epidural?"

But the epidural ceased to matter when one of the machines started beeping an alarm. "What's that?" Blake asked.

A nurse came hurrying into the room then, followed by Dr. Sedwick.

Holly looked at Roger worriedly. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Something's wrong, Roger."

Dr. Sedwick looked at the machines, one of which was still beeping. Then she addressed the Marlers. "Blake, Ross, I'm going to have to ask you to step out, please. I need to examine Holly."

Blake shot her parents a worried look, but Roger and Holly were so focused on each other that they didn't see the look on Blake's face as she and Ross went to wait in the hall.

The machine that was beeping had stopped now, but Dr. Sedwick looked at it again after finishing her examination. "Dr. Sedwick, what's going on?" Holly asked.

"The baby's heart rate is a little bit lower than it should be," she replied.

"No," Holly whispered frantically.

"What does that mean?" Roger asked anxiously.

"It's back to normal now," Dr. Sedwick assured them, "but if it drops again, we'll have to go in and take the baby."

"Take the baby. You mean a C-section?" Holly asked.

"Yes," Dr. Sedwick replied.

"Whatever is best for him," Holly said. "I just want him to be okay."

"We're going to make certain that you're both okay," Dr. Sedwick promised.

"If you have to do a C-section, I want to be in there," Roger said then.

"Yes," Holly agreed, looking from Dr. Sedwick to Roger and back again. "I don't want to do this without Roger. I need him there with me."

"You can go in," Dr. Sedwick told Roger, "but we'll have to get you gowned and scrubbed up and a mask. And Holly and the baby are my patients, so if you faint or feel sick or anything, you're on your own. You will be left on the floor until after Holly and the baby have been taken care of."

"I'm not going to faint or get sick," Roger said. "Don't worry about me. You just take care of Holly and the baby."

Dr. Sedwick gestured to the nurse then. "Take Mr. Thorpe to get some scrubs and a cap and mask."

"Can Blake come back in to be with Holly while I'm gone? I don't want to leave you alone," he said, looking to Holly.

"Of course," Dr. Sedwick agreed. She then went to the door of Holly's room, opened it, and called Blake and Ross back in.

"What's happening?" Blake asked, rushing to Holly's side once more.

"I have to go get suited up," Roger said. He kissed Holly's forehead. "I'll be back in just a minute." Then he hurried off with the nurse.

Blake brushed Holly's hair off her forehead. "Mom?" she asked anxiously.

"Jack's heart rate was a little lower than it should be," Holly said, trying to stay calm. "Dr. Sedwick said it's back to normal now, but if it drops again, they'll have to do a C-section." Holly grimaced then as another contraction rolled through her, and not two seconds later, the beeping alarm sounded again, seeming to be louder than it was before.

"Get Dr. Sedwick!" Blake shouted to Ross. Ross hurried into the hall as Blake grabbed her mother's hand. Holly squeezed Blake's hand tightly and looked at her daughter with naked fear. "It's gonna be all right, Mom. Everything's gonna be all right," Blake said firmly, ignoring the pain shooting through her hand from Holly's death grip, knowing that the pain she felt in her hand was nothing compared to the physical pain of childbirth and the emotional anguish over the baby's unexplained low heart rate that Holly was feeling right now.

Ross returned then with Dr. Sedwick, who was followed by Roger, now wearing scrubs over his clothes and a cap on his head with a mask dangling over his chest, and a nurse. Dr. Sedwick looked at the monitor measuring the baby's heart rate, which was still beeping, and nodded to the nurse. Then she addressed Holly and Roger. "I just don't like what I'm seeing," she said. "We're going in. Blake, Ross, you'll have to go to the waiting room now. Mr. Thorpe, you come with me and we'll get you scrubbed up."

Holly looked at Roger fearfully. "I'm going to be right by your side," Roger promised, "and everything is going to be fine."

"Something's wrong, Roger," Holly said, beginning to cry. "His heart rate shouldn't be low."

"Dr. Sedwick is going to get him out, and you and Jack are both going to be fine," Roger promised, touching his forehead to Holly's for a few seconds.

"Don't let them knock me out," Holly pleaded. "I want to be awake when they take him out."

Roger kissed her cheek, then looked at Dr. Sedwick. "You heard her," he said. "She wants to be awake."

"That's fine," Dr. Sedwick said. Two orderlies came in then and began preparing to move Holly to the OR.

"We'll be in the waiting room," Blake said, giving Holly another quick hug and then hugging Roger. "Good luck."

"Thanks, honey," Roger said.

Then the orderlies began to wheel Holly out of the room and down the hall. Roger walked alongside, holding her hand, until they got to the OR doors, and then the orderlies wheeled Holly into the OR while Roger went with Dr. Sedwick to get scrubbed up. He mirrored Dr. Sedwick's action of settling his mask over his nose and mouth and then tying it before scrubbing up, and then he followed her into the OR.

* * *

_January 18, 1996, 10:38 PM-Cedars Hospital, Operating Room 1_

Holly was lying on the table in the operating room, surgical drapes covering her midsection and an IV in her hand. She'd had a local anesthetic, so she couldn't feel anything. Two gowned-and-masked figures entered the OR then, and one of them stopped beside her head. She looked up into Roger's eyes, the only part of him visible. "I'm here," he said. One of the nurses rolled a wheeled stool up behind him, and he sat down by Holly's head.

"What if something's wrong with his heart?" Holly asked Roger quietly, fearfully. "What if we lose him?"

Roger took one of Holly's hands in both of his. "We're not going to lose him," he promised.

"There's some reason his heart rate is lower than it should be. It could be a medical problem. You don't know," Holly said anxiously.

"Holly, I need you to stay calm," Dr. Sedwick spoke up then. The surgical drapes blocked Holly's and Roger's view of her, but she was in the process of making the initial incision necessary to get to the baby. "Everything is under control, but it's not good for you or the baby if you get upset right now."

Roger held Holly's hand in both of his and rested his chin on the table right by her head. "You saw him all grown up the day we found out about him," he said so only Holly could hear him. "Well, I've seen him too." Holly looked at Roger, surprised. Roger nodded. "I've been getting all these pictures in my head lately, and I just know that they're visions of the future. And in every single one of them, our son is healthy and strong, Holly. He's pulling himself up on the couch for the first time...he's covered in dirt from head to toe, running around the yard with Chrissy's boys...I'm teaching him to ride a bike...he's playing Beethoven on the piano." He held Holly's gaze as he stroked her hair with one hand. "He's going to be okay. He's going to be amazing, Holly, just like you. And we're going to have a lifetime with him. I **know** that. I believe it."

And it was at that exact moment that a loud cry of outrage filled the air, followed by Dr. Sedwick's triumphant pronouncement of, "Here he is!"

Roger and Holly both turned their heads to look. Dr. Sedwick was holding up a tiny, red-faced scrap of humanity who was loudly advertising his displeasure. Then she handed the baby off to a nurse.

The nurse took the baby and cleaned, weighed and measured him. "Eight pounds, twelve ounces!" the nurse called out. "Twenty-one inches long! Everything looks great!"

"His heart..." Holly said worriedly.

Dr. Sedwick spoke up then. "The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck," she said. "Every time you had a contraction, the contraction squeezed the cord, and that's what made his heart rate drop."

"But he's all right?" Holly asked anxiously. "There was no permanent damage caused by the cord squeezing his neck?"

"No permanent damage," Dr. Sedwick assured her and Roger. "Once I lifted him from your uterus, I immediately cut the cord off, and he's being very thoroughly checked over right now."

"He aced his Apgar tests!" the nurse called. "His breathing and heart rate are normal. You have a perfectly healthy baby boy, Mr. and Mrs. Thorpe."

The nurse brought the baby over to Holly and Roger then and laid him on Holly's chest. Her arms instantly went around the tiny boy, and she gazed down at him as a wave of love welled up inside her. This precious baby boy was hers and Roger's. She had carried him all these months, felt him moving, seen him on ultrasounds, and loved him from the day she had learned he was growing inside of her. But seeing him now, holding him, feeling him lying on her chest, she loved this baby more than she ever had before, and she loved Roger more than she ever had before too. Her heart was overflowing with deep, fierce, intense, pure love for both Jack and Roger in a way she had never before felt, and it was overwhelming in the best possible way.

"Oh, Roger, look at him," she said thickly. The baby's cries of outrage at being pulled into a bright, cold, noisy world had calmed to whimpers. But when Holly gently stroked the baby's dark hair and said, "Welcome to the world, Jackson Robert Thorpe. We love you so much," his whimpers subsided because he knew that warm, familiar voice. He opened his eyes and blinked owlishly as he turned his head in the direction of Holly's voice. "His eyes are open," Holly said softly, wonderingly. "Hi, Jack. I'm your mommy, and this is your daddy."

Holly looked at Roger then, and tears were streaming down his face, soaking his mask. He wiped them away with shaking fingers, then reached out and trailed one shaking fingertip down Jack's tiny arm, his heart hitching when Jack caught hold of his finger, wrapping his tiny hand around it. Roger looked at Jack's hand clutching his finger, then looked into his little face, and his breath caught in his throat. "He has your eyes," Roger rasped out in a whisper.

Holly looked from Roger to Jack in her arms. "You think so?" she asked. Jack had brown eyes, but so did both Holly and Roger.

Roger swallowed hard and nodded. "I would know those eyes anywhere. He has your eyes, Holly," he said firmly.

The nurse interrupted them then. "Does this little guy have a name?" she asked.

"Jackson Robert Thorpe," Holly said proudly. "Jack."

The nurse scribbled the name on her clipboard with a nod, then moved away.

Holly looked up at Roger then. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked.

"Yes," Roger replied. His hands were no longer shaking as he gently lifted Jack from Holly's chest and nestled him in the crook of his arm, the baby's hand still holding Roger's finger. Jack whimpered slightly again at being taken from his mother, but when Roger soothingly said, "Sssh, it's okay, Jack. Daddy's got you," Jack recognized that deep, familiar voice as well, and, knowing that he was safe with his father, his whimpers once again stopped.

Roger looked at the tiny boy cradled in his arms and felt the entire world shift. He had loved Holly with everything in him for so long that he could no longer remember a time when he _didn't_ love her with everything in him, nor did he want to. And he had loved their son from the second Dr. Sedwick had informed him that the rapidly flickering kidney bean shape on the ultrasound monitor was their son's beating heart. But sitting there beside Holly with their son in his arms, Roger felt so much **more** than he had ever known he was capable of feeling. The love he now felt for Holly and for Jack was **more-**it was deeper, it was fiercer, it was more intense than ever before. Holly and Chrissy would forever hold Roger's heart, and Jack had staked his claim on Roger's heart, holding his father's heart as surely as he held Roger's finger. "I love you, Jack," Roger said. "I'm always going to love you, and I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what."

Holly watched Roger sitting beside her, holding Jack, talking to him, looking into his tiny face in absolute wonder, and in addition to all of the love she was feeling for both of them, she felt an untempered joy singing through her veins. "He's so amazing," Roger said in awe. Then he tore his gaze from Jack to look at Holly. "Just like his mother."

The nurse reappeared then. "Would you like to have your son room in with you?" she asked.

"Room in?" Roger asked, puzzled.

"Sleep right in the room with your wife," the nurse explained.

"That's an option?" Holly asked, surprised.

"Yes. Lots of our new moms prefer to have their babies room in with them," the nurse replied, "and since you had a C-section, you're going to be here for a few days. Are you planning to breastfeed?"

"Yes," Holly replied.

"Then it will be further convenient to have him right there, since he'll be wanting to eat every few hours," the nurse said.

Holly looked at Roger, and then at the nurse. "Yes," she said, "if Jack can stay in my room with me, I definitely want to do that."

The nurse nodded, then held up three plastic hospital bracelets, one of which was very tiny. "Let's just get your bracelets on," she said. She wrapped one of the bracelets around Holly's wrist, then wrapped the tiniest bracelet around Jack's wrist. Carefully, working around Jack in his arms, she fastened the last bracelet around Roger's wrist. "Now," she said, "when Dr. Sedwick has finished putting you back together, Mrs. Thorpe, we'll take you and your son to your room. Just a few more minutes."

Roger looked from Jack to Holly now. "I should go and tell Chrissy he's here," he said. He carefully laid Jack in the crook of Holly's arm. "I love you," he whispered, gently brushing Holly's hair off her forehead. "I love you both, so very much."

"We love you too," Holly whispered back with a smile. "Go and tell Blake she's officially a big sister, and we'll see you in the room."

Roger lowered his mask and kissed Jack's forehead, then gently kissed Holly's lips before leaving the OR.

He strode quickly down the hall, untying his mask from the back of his head as he went. When he walked into the waiting room, Blake and Ross were the only ones there, and as soon as Blake saw him, she jumped to her feet. Ross stood up too and put his arm around her shoulders. Blake and Roger just looked at each other for a few seconds, and finally Blake, unable to stand it any longer, anxiously demanded, "Well?"

Roger beamed at his daughter. "You're a big sister," he said. "Jack's here, and he's beautiful and perfect and amazing, and your mother is beautiful and perfect and amazing."

"Thank God!" Blake exclaimed before throwing her arms around her father and giving him a big hug, which he enthusiastically returned. "Why was his heart rate lower than it was supposed to be?"

"The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, and every time your mother had a contraction, it squeezed his neck and caused his heart rate to drop," Roger replied.

"But he's okay, right?" Blake asked anxiously.

"He's perfect," Roger replied. "Eight pounds, twelve ounces, twenty-one inches long, and he has your mother's eyes."

"When can we see him and Mom?" Blake asked.

"In a few minutes, once she and Jack are settled in their room," Roger replied.

Blake hugged her father again. "So, how does it feel to be a father again?" she asked.

Roger just grinned at Blake happily. "There are no words," he said honestly.

Ross clapped Roger on the back then. "Congratulations," he said.

"Thank you, Ross," Roger replied. He pulled his scrub cap off then. "I should see about getting out of these scrubs and then find out where your mother and brother are."

"Okay," Blake said. "We'll see you in a few minutes."

* * *

_January 18, 1996, 11:43 PM-Cedars Hospital Maternity Ward, Holly's Room_

"Since it's getting so late, we won't stay long," Blake said as she and Ross entered Holly's hospital room, "but I just had to see you and meet my baby brother before going home for the night."

Holly was sitting up in bed, holding Jack in her arms. Roger was sitting in the chair by her bed, and there was a couch on the far wall of the room, where Roger would be sleeping. Holly looked from her sleeping son to her smiling daughter as Blake stopped beside Roger's chair and looked down at the baby in her mother's arms. "Blake," Holly said, "meet Jackson Robert Thorpe. Jack, this is your big sister Blake."

"Ohhhhh," Blake breathed. She pressed her fingertips to her lips as tears welled in her eyes. She cleared her throat, then took her fingers from her mouth and quietly asked, "Can I hold him? Just for a minute?"

"Sure," Holly said. Blake leaned over and carefully took Jack from Holly. "Watch his head," Holly cautioned.

Blake looked down at Jack in her arms as he continued to sleep. "Hi, Jack," Blake said softly. "You're a handsome little guy, but then I knew you would be. After all, look at me." She looked at Holly and Roger with a cheeky grin before focusing her attention on the baby again. Jack opened his eyes then, and Blake studied his tiny countenance carefully. "Wow," she said, "He definitely has your eyes, Mom, and your nose too, but Dad, his chin and his cheekbones are you. And I think the shape of his mouth is like mine."

Ross looked down at Jack from over Blake's shoulder. "He's beautiful, Holly," Ross said.

"Isn't he, though?" Holly said proudly.

"The big guy behind me is your brother-in-law Ross," Blake said. "You're gonna be seeing a lot of us, and I'm gonna be the best big sister in the world to you."

A knock at the door got everyone's attention then. Dr. Sedwick entered the room. "Hello, everyone," she said. She plucked Holly's chart from the foot of her bed and looked at it for a couple of minutes before replacing it. "Holly, how are you feeling?"

"I feel wonderful," Holly replied honestly. "Of course, I don't think the drugs have worn off yet."

"If you need more pain meds during the night, call for the nurse. That's what she's here for," Dr. Sedwick said.

"I'm no hero. Believe me, I will," Holly promised.

Jack started to cry then. "Oh, hey, it's all right," Blake said. She gave Holly a panicked look.

"He probably wants to eat," Holly said, holding out her arms.

Blake put Jack in Holly's arms. Sure enough, Jack started rooting at Holly's breast through her hospital gown. "You **are** hungry," Holly said. "Okay, just a second here..."

"We're gonna go," Blake said, referring to herself and Ross, who had his eyes glued to the floor, determined not to even accidentally glimpse anything he really did not want to see. "But we'll be back tomorrow."

"Okay, we'll see you then," Holly said as she tended to Jack.

"Good night," Roger added.

Dr. Sedwick left with Blake and Ross, and Roger, sitting beside Holly on the bed now, watched, spellbound, as Holly nursed Jack for the first time. "Amazing," he said softly. "I know I keep saying that, but that's what he is, and what you are. Everything about both of you is amazing."

When Jack was finished eating, Holly put him up over her shoulder and gently rubbed and patted his back until he burped. "That's better, huh?" she said, taking him down and looking into his tiny face once more with a big smile as she continued speaking to him. "Yes, that's much better," Holly crooned to Jack. "You can't sleep if you're hungry, can you, little man?"

Roger watched Holly crooning to Jack with a big smile of his own. She gently stroked one of Jack's tiny hands with her index finger, and she caught her breath when Jack's little fingers closed around her finger. "Just over an hour old, and you're wrapped around his finger already," Roger said happily.

"Absolutely," Holly replied just as happily. She looked from Jack to Roger and said, "And you're looking every inch the besotted father yourself."

"I **am** a besotted father," Roger said. He got up from his chair and sat on the edge of the bed next to Holly. They both looked down at Jack, who was drifting off in his mother's arms. "We have a son, Holly," Roger said wonderingly.

"We do," Holly said, "and he's going back to sleep. Could you put him in his bassinet?" Roger carefully took the sleeping Jack out of Holly's arms and gently laid him in the plastic bassinet with wheels, then settled the bassinet next to her bed and rejoined her in the bed. They both looked at their sleeping son for a few minutes, then looked at each other, smiling.

Holly settled herself back against the pillows. "We should get some sleep," she said. "It's after midnight, and he's going to want to eat again in a few hours."

"Is it possible to be too happy to sleep?" Roger wondered. "Because I think I am."

Holly reached for Roger's hand and threaded her fingers through his. He bent his head to kiss the back of her hand. "You need to at least try and get some sleep," she said. "I know that you've read enough books to know that you're supposed to sleep when the baby sleeps."

"I'm too wired to sleep right now," Roger said.

"Just promise me that you won't sit up all night, watching Jack and me sleep," Holly said.

"I promise that I won't sit up all night, watching you and Jack sleep," Roger parroted. At Holly's look, he said, "I won't. Really. I'll settle down in a while." He smiled and leaned down to gently kiss her lips. When he pulled back, he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," Holly whispered back, reveling at the look in Roger's eyes and knowing that she had a similar look in her own eyes. She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn then, and a couple of minutes later, she was asleep.

Roger sat in the chair beside Holly's bed, cutting his gaze back and forth between Holly and Jack as they slept. Then he thought of something and quietly took the pad and pen from the drawer of the bedside table. He thought for a moment before he began writing what would be the telegram that he would send to his father the next morning, as long as Holly approved the wording: "Jackson Robert Thorpe. January 18, 1996, 10:52 PM. 8 pounds, 12 ounces. 21 inches long. Everyone is healthy and happy. Please do not tell Barbara about this. Let us do that. Roger."

Then Roger stretched out on the couch, lying on his side, and finally drifted off to sleep as he lay there watching Holly and Jack sleeping.

* * *

_January 23, 1996, 3:41 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly and Jack stayed at Cedars for four days. Word of Jack's birth spread quickly all over town, causing most of the residents of Springfield to shake their heads in disbelief upon learning that Roger and Holly's son had been born. But those same people would have been surprised to learn what a calm baby Jack actually was. He only cried when he was hungry, needed a fresh diaper, or wanted to be held. Otherwise, Jackson Robert Thorpe was a placid little guy, surveying the world around him when he wasn't asleep, and perfectly content to be in either his mother's or father's arms.

Blake was back bright and early the morning after Jack's arrival, bearing breakfast for her parents and more clothes for Holly, since Holly had only packed for an overnight stay at the hospital, not anticipating that she would be there for a few days recovering from a C-section.

Before leaving home, Blake called Ed and Maureen and informed them that Holly had given birth the night before, so Ed and Maureen came to visit before heading to their respective offices to work. They brought a big bouquet of blue carnations, and Jack was awake when the Bauers arrived. Maureen pronounced Jack the handsomest baby boy she'd ever seen, and told Holly and Roger that she'd be bringing Michelle by after school to meet the little guy. Ed agreed with Blake and Roger that Jack had inherited Holly's eyes and privately hoped that wasn't all he got from his mother, since most of the rest of his physical characteristics clearly came from Roger.

Ryan and Colleen Greenberg arrived just as Ed and Maureen headed to their respective offices, bearing freesias, a huge bunch of blue balloons, and a large package wrapped in light blue paper covered in baby rattles which Ryan presented to Roger after asking how much Jack had weighed when he was born. Upon learning the young Thorpe tipped the scales at eight pounds, twelve ounces, Ryan gave the package to Roger. Roger opened it to reveal a Front and Back Snugli, which, as Ryan explained, was a baby carrier that was strapped to either the chest or the back of Mom or Dad. The baby sat in the carrier, and it would hold a baby that weighed between seven and 32 pounds, which meant it would hold Jack.

Tangie came bearing two bouquets of flowers, lilies that were just from her and irises from several staffers at the _Journal, _and bouquets also came from WSPR (a large arrangement of tulips) and from Hope Spaulding (orchids).

The two dozen roses Roger had ordered-one dozen long-stemmed red roses for Holly, and the other dozen blue in honor of Jack's arrival-arrived in the early afternoon at the same time Blake returned with lunch and a blue vase in the shape of a block containing blue and white spray roses and baby's breath. Having already eaten herself, Blake took charge of Jack while Holly and Roger ate. She held her brother and talked to him about the two little boys she would be having in another five months, and how the three of them would all grow up together and since Jack would only be five months older than little yet-to-be-named Marler Baby A and Marler Baby B, Blake wouldn't make her sons call him "Uncle Jack."

"He's so calm," Blake marveled to her parents when Jack fell asleep in her arms, "and he looks so wise, like Yoda or something."

"He's much better looking than Yoda," Roger said.

Blake laughed quietly so as not to wake the baby. "I was referring to his personality, Dad, not his looks," she said. "He's the most beautiful baby I've seen yet. But come summer, he's going to have some serious competition from my boys."

After Blake left, Roger showed Holly the draft of a telegram he had composed to his father. "You should send it," she said. "Don't change a word, and hopefully he'll keep his mouth shut to my mother."

"What are we doing about your mother?" Roger asked after the telegram had been sent. "We asked my father not to tell her about Jack, but that doesn't mean he'll honor that. He told her you were pregnant in the first place."

"You're right," Holly said. Sighing, she picked up the phone. "I might as well get this over with. She was steamed enough at hearing I was pregnant from Adam. If he tells her about Jack, I'll never hear the end of it."

But to Holly's immense relief, she got Barbara's answering machine, so after the beep, she said, "Mom, it's me. You have a beautiful, healthy grandson. Jackson Robert Thorpe. We're calling him Jack. He was born last night at 10:52 at Cedars. He's twenty-one inches long and weighs eight pounds, twelve ounces and has a full head of dark hair and my eyes and nose. I just wanted you to hear it from me."

Michelle gushed over Jack when Maureen brought her by at 4:00 in the afternoon and offered to baby-sit whenever Holly and Roger wanted her to.

Roger spent each of the nights that Holly and Jack were at Cedars sleeping on the couch in Holly's room. He also got peed on by Jack twice when he changed Jack's diapers. After the second time, he realized that he could avoid being baptized in that way by keeping Jack covered with a baby wipe during the diaper-changing process.

On the morning of January 22, Holly and Jack were both thoroughly examined and pronounced fit to go home. Holly dressed Jack in the striped sleeper with the teddy bear on the chest, the first outfit that Roger had bought for him last summer, and Blake, Ross, Maureen and Ed helped Roger carry everything to the car. Holly rode in a wheelchair as per hospital policy, Jack sleeping in her arms, and sat in the backseat with Jack strapped in his car seat for the ride home.

Blake followed her parents and brother home and helped get Holly and Jack settled while Roger made several trips to unload the car.

Bridget Reardon Lewis came by that afternoon with Peter and two gifts. One was from her, Dylan and Peter: a beautiful silver-and-blue picture frame. The other gift was much larger, and Bridget looked slightly uncomfortable as she told Roger and Holly, "Hart sent this with Peter's Christmas present and instructed me to give it to you after you'd had your baby. I have no idea what it is, I'm just the delivery girl."

Hart's gift was a wooden rocking horse with a painted face, a brown yarn mane and tail, and a red leather seat and strap to hold onto. The accompanying card stated simply, "Congratulations. Hart."

After Blake, Bridget and Peter left (Peter being singularly unimpressed by baby Jack and anxious to go to the library), and Roger, Holly, and Jack were alone, Roger kept looking at the rocking horse from Hart like he was afraid it was going to disappear any second. "I can't believe he sent this," Roger said.

Holly lightly squeezed Roger's shoulder. "Maybe it's a start," she said.

"Maybe," Roger agreed.

Another surprise came for Roger and Holly just before they had dinner: a telegram and package from Adam. The gift was a pewter cup engraved with Jack's full name, birth date, weight and length; the telegram read, "Please send a picture of Jackson at your earliest convenience. Congratulations. Adam Thorpe. P.S. I won't say a word to Barbara."

Roger looked from the telegram to Holly, a look of surprised wonder in his eyes. "Am I dreaming?" he asked her. "Did we actually get baby gifts from both Hart and my father, and did my dad actually answer my telegram and ask for a picture of Jack?"

Holly smiled. "Babies have a way of bringing people together," she said. Jack, who had been snoozing in his swing, awoke then, protesting his wet diaper and wanting to be fed.

"Well, even if they're still not too crazy about me, Hart and Dad are at least acknowledging Jack. That's good," Roger said as he watched Holly tend to Jack.

By 9:00 that night, mother, father, and son were all exhausted. Holly tucked Jack into his bassinet at her bedside, and then she snuggled up with Roger, and the three of them all slept peacefully until Jack needed to be fed again shortly after midnight.

Every time Jack woke up in the middle of the night, Roger woke up with Holly. "You really don't have to get up with me every time Jack wakes up," she told him.

"I want to," Roger insisted.

By a quarter to four in the morning, Holly sluggishly roused herself when Jack started wailing again. Jack didn't want to eat, though, and didn't need to be changed. "I'll take him in the nursery for a while, let you get some sleep," Roger said. Holly handed Jack to Roger and laid back down, but as tired as she was, she couldn't sleep. She trusted that Roger would calm their son down, but not knowing why Jack was so fussy kept sleep at bay.

So she laid in bed and listened to Roger talking to Jack. "Okay, sitting is obviously not what you want to do," he said. She heard the rocking chair creak when Roger stood up as he continued talking to the baby. "How about we just move around for a few minutes? I bet you miss that, because you moved around all the time when you were inside your mom." Jack's wails gradually calmed to whimpers. "Ah, that's better, right? A little side-to-side swaying."

Then Holly listened as Roger began to sing quietly to Jack.

"_'When whipporwills call and evening is nigh_

_I hurry to my Blue Heaven_

_A turn to the right, a little white light_

_Will lead me to my Blue Heaven_

_I'll see a smiling face, a fireplace, a cozy room,_

_A little nest that nestles where the roses bloom_

_Just Holly and me, and Jackson makes three_

_We're happy in my Blue Heaven._'"

It took Roger four choruses of "My Blue Heaven," with Jack cradled against his chest so that he could hear Roger's heart beating as Roger slowly swayed from side to side, to get Jack back to sleep. A few minutes later, Roger returned to his and Holly's bedroom, Jack still cradled against his heart. Holly watched from bed as Roger stopped by Jack's bassinet and slowly shifted his weight from side to side a few times before gently laying the sleeping baby in the bassinet. Jack snuffled in his sleep, and Roger fumbled for the pacifier that had been left in the corner of the bassinet and popped it in Jack's mouth. Jack settled down once the pacifier was in place, and Holly watched Roger standing at Jack's bassinet, looking down at their sleeping son. Then Roger bent and brushed a soft kiss to the baby's forehead and whispered, "Sweet dreams, Jack. I love you."

When Roger climbed back into bed beside Holly, she rolled over to face him, dropping a drowsy kiss on the corner of his mouth before laying her head on his chest. "You're so good with him," she mumbled sleepily. She felt Roger kiss her forehead before she fell back to sleep, and the new family slept undisturbed until 5:45 in the morning.


	17. There's a Bad Moon on the Rise

_January 30, 1996, 2:39 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

After bringing Jack home from the hospital, Holly and Roger quickly settled into a routine with him. Roger took the first two weeks of Jack's life off work so that he could be as much help to Holly, who was recovering from the C-section that had brought Jack into the world, as possible. Blake came over several evenings and spent half of Saturday with her parents and baby brother, helping to take care of Jack, and peppering Holly with questions about breastfeeding, sleeping positions, and a million other things relating to the care of a newborn since, as she put it, "I'm growing two of these little guys as we speak, and I've never done this before, so I need to learn as much as I can before my babies are born." When Jack nailed Blake with a stream of urine while she was changing his diaper as he'd done to Roger in the hospital, Blake found it amusing, but not as amusing as Holly and Roger did.

"I get them all broken in for you, and this is the thanks I get?" Blake asked Jack. Holly and Roger were standing on either side of Blake, Roger chuckling, Holly full out laughing. "Okay, Mom, it's not **that** funny!" Blake said.

Holly helplessly waved a hand at Blake, consumed by laughter. "I think it's the sleep deprivation," she said as she fought to get herself under control. "I'm still getting used to waking up three and four times a night with Jack."

"You have to keep him covered when you're changing him, Chrissy," Roger said, demonstrating as he finished cleaning and changing Jack before Blake went off to scrub her blouse. "He got me a few times at the hospital."

"But never Mom?" Blake asked interestedly.

"Not yet," Roger said.

Blake looked at Jack, lying on his changing table looking up at her and Roger and Holly. "Mama's boy," Blake said, but then she laughed and scooped Jack up, rubbing her nose against his.

"He is," Holly agreed, "but he's a daddy's boy too. Aren't you, Jack?" Jack cooed happily in reply.

Jack was a calm, easy baby; he only cried when he was hungry, needed a fresh diaper, or wanted to be held. He usually slept five hours a night, from 7:30 PM to 12:30 AM, woke up for a feeding and a diaper change, went back to sleep between 1:00 and 1:30 AM, then woke again between 4:30 and 5:00 AM for a feeding, and then was awake for the day between 7:30 and 8:00 AM. Roger got up with Holly every time Jack woke up crying in the middle of the night and nearly always handled burping him after he had eaten, and Holly marveled at how often Roger changed diapers.

Jack loved his swing, being given a bath by one or both of his parents, the sounds of his parents' voices, and snuggling with either his mommy or his daddy. His favorite place to snuggle up to Roger was Roger's chest, right over his heart, so that he could hear his father's heart beating. He never balked at nursing, but he also didn't like to rest his head on Holly's chest; his favorite place to snuggle up to his mother was in the crook of her neck. Jack was nearly two weeks old before Roger and Holly figured out why Jack liked to snuggle into the crook of Holly's neck. They were in Jack's nursery, Holly holding him in the rocking chair, having rocked him to sleep, Roger kneeling beside the chair watching them. Jack's head, as usual when he was in his mother's arms, was turned so that his nose was near the hollow of her throat as he breathed in and out. "It's your scent," Roger realized. Holly looked at him, slightly puzzled. "When he snuggles into the crook of your neck, Jack always turns his head like that." He gestured to their sleeping son. "He's breathing in the scent of you there."

"I bet that's it," Holly agreed. She rubbed Jack's back softly. "So, he likes my scent and your heartbeat." She rubbed soft circles on Jack's back for a few minutes before carefully standing up with him, walking across the hall to her and Roger's bedroom, and laying Jack in his bassinet next to her side of the bed. Jack stirred slightly as Holly laid him down before settling back down to sleep.

Holly sat down on the edge of the bed and just looked at the sleeping Jack. Roger sat down beside her and put his arm around her, and she scooted over against him so their thighs were touching. Roger rested his head gently against Holly's as he too watched Jack. Then he broke the silence a moment later to quietly ask her, "Can you believe that we made that beautiful boy?"

"It blows me away every time I think about it," Holly replied.

"He has some of you in him and some of me in him, but I swear he's developing his own personality already," Roger continued. "I could never be as laid-back and easygoing as he is. But for his sake, I'm glad he's that way. It'll make his life easier as he gets older."

"He only cries when he needs something," Holly agreed. "That **is **remarkable." She looked at Roger. "He loves it when you sing to him. I have to admit, I do too." Roger's go-to lullaby for Jack was "My Blue Heaven," and he always put her name and Jack's in the song when he sang it to the baby ("Just Holly and me, and Jackson makes three, we're happy in my Blue Heaven"), but she had also heard Roger softly singing John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)" a couple of times, usually in the wee small hours of the morning when he was either swaying Jack or rocking him to get him back to sleep after an early-morning feeding, burping, and changing. Hearing Roger serenade their tiny son, and seeing him take care of Jack and bond with the baby, made Holly's heart flip-flop in her chest every time.

"He loves it when you read to him," Roger replied with a smile. "I have to admit, I do too." One of Roger's favorite things since they had brought Jack home was walking into the living room or the nursery and finding Holly sitting with Jack nestled in the crook of her arm, reading aloud to him from one of the _Winnie the Pooh_ books Blake had given her for Christmas, or Dr. Seuss, _Goodnight Moon_, or _Pat the Bunny_, Jack listening raptly. Roger didn't care what the books or the so-called experts said; he may not be two weeks old yet, but Jack loved it when his mother read aloud to him, and he followed the sound of her voice and even looked at the book if it was a picture book and Holly pointed out the illustrations, explaining what they were. The way Jack reacted to Holly reading aloud to him was a definite instance of "Like father, like son," since Roger had always enjoyed it when Holly read aloud to him.

"He knows our voices already," Holly said, pulling Roger back into the conversation. "And he watches us. He turns his head when we're talking, whether it's to him or to each other, and he follows us with his eyes." She laid her head on Roger's shoulder. "Do you think he knows who we are yet? I mean, that I'm his mom and you're his dad?"

"He knows that we love him, and that we take care of him," Roger said. "Whether or not he's put it together yet that you're Mommy and I'm Daddy, I don't know. But it wouldn't surprise me. He's a very intelligent boy."

"And you're a very proud father," Holly said fondly, lifting her head to look at Roger.

"Hey, Chrissy was the one who said Jack looks wise, like Yoda. She's not wrong. He does have a distinct look of wisdom about him," Roger said seriously.

"As long as he doesn't speak like Yoda. All that twisted syntax." Holly grimaced.

Roger grinned. "With you for a mother, he'll be speaking the King's English by the time he's in preschool," he said.

"That's my boy," Holly said, grinning back.

"And there's the proud mother," Roger remarked. He stroked Holly's hair then."Being with you and Jack... It's like that old song: 'All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you.'"

She leaned in and kissed him gently. Then she said, "Since Jack's down for his nap, do you want to do some snuggling of our own?"

Roger lay down on his side of the bed and Holly settled herself in his arms, her head on his chest right over his heart, the spot where Jack always snuggled up to his father. "This is my favorite spot too," she said.

Roger smiled as he wrapped his arms around Holly to hold her close as she stretched her arm across his stomach. "Well, there's enough of me to go around," he said.

"It's not surprising that Jack is a snuggler," Holly mused. "He's the product of two people who reach for each other and snuggle up every chance they get." She heard Roger humming quietly then. "What are you humming?" she asked, lifting her head to look at him.

"I was just remembering more of that song," Roger replied. Then he quietly sang to Holly: "'If I could make a wish, I think I'd pass, can't think of anything I need. What more could I ask, there's nothing left to be desired."

She lightly traced his jawline with one fingertip. "I feel the same way," she replied softly. "Just being with you and Jack, and Blake, and looking forward to our grandsons-to-be, loving all of you... We've made an incredible family, Roger."

"Yeah," Roger agreed. "**Our** family." He emphasized the pronoun. "Yours and mine together. **That** is what blows me away." He kissed her temple and whispered, "Thank you," into her hair.

"Thank **_you_**," she whispered back before brushing her lips across his, then laying her head over his heart once more and tightening her arms around him. He tightened his own arms around her, and they just lay there, beside their sleeping son, snuggling together and dozing off themselves after a while.

* * *

_January 30, 1996, 7:35 PM-Ed and Maureen's House_

Ed, Maureen, Michelle, Blake, Ross, and Phillip were sitting around Ed and Maureen's living room after dinner. Rick had been paged to Cedars during dinner because one of his patients had taken a turn for the worse. He had been the one who had insisted Phillip come over for dinner. Maureen had invited Blake and Ross, which gave Ross a chance to observe and catch up with his nephew without the rest of the Spauldings around. The stress was obviously wearing on Phillip. He didn't say much during dinner, didn't smile or laugh at all despite Rick's best efforts before having to leave, and his eyes and the set of his shoulders clearly showed the stress and worry he was feeling.

"So, how are Simon and Garfunkel?" Ed asked Blake after dinner.

Blake rolled her eyes. "I finally get Ross to stop referring to them as famous duos, and now you start," she chided Ed. Then she looked at Ross. "We have **got** to name these boys soon, and then start referring to them by their names."

"But how will you know which baby gets which name?" Michelle asked.

"I guess we'll know when we see them," Blake said. "Or we could just pick out names and designate one name for the firstborn and the other for the second baby. But we have their middle names picked out. We just have to come up with first names for both of them."

"What are these middle names?" Michelle asked eagerly.

"One of the boys will have 'Ross' for a middle name and the other will have 'James' as a middle name, after their daddy," Blake replied, since Ross's full name was Ross James Marler.

"You really don't like 'Christopher'?" Ross asked Blake then.

This wasn't the first time they'd had this discussion. "Christopher is the number-two boy's name in the United States," Blake reminded Ross, "and I don't want any names that finish in the top then, because then he'll be one of a dozen boys with the same name when he starts to school. You or I yell 'Christopher' at the park, twelve boys will come running, and we'll have to pick through the crowd to find ours."

"Well, I don't want any trendy names," Ross retorted. "No 'Cody,' 'Jordan,' 'Austin,' 'Tyler.' None of those sound right with 'Marler' anyway."

"You can see our problem," Blake said, addressing the Bauers and Phillip then. "We have three books of baby names and their meanings, but we haven't found anything we both like for first names yet."

"'Marler' is what, an English name?" Maureen asked. "You could go for a first name of English origin. Don't those baby name books include the origin of the name with the meaning, like English, Irish, German, Hebrew if it's a Biblical name like James, wherever the name came from?"

"Yes, they do," Blake said. She looked at Ross then. "We haven't looked at names based on their origin. We could look for English names, or more Biblical names, like James."

"As soon as we get home, we'll dive back into the books," Ross promised, squeezing Blake's hand. He smiled gratefully at Maureen then. "Maureen, I thank you, Blake thanks you, and your future godsons thank you," he said.

"Future godsons?" Maureen asked, surprised.

"We want you and Ed to be our sons' godparents," Blake added then.

Maureen swallowed hard. Ed cleared his throat, then said, "Godparents."

"We never even considered anyone else," Ross replied.

"So, what do you say?" Blake asked eagerly.

Maureen and Ed exchanged a look then looked at Blake and Ross and exclaimed in unison, "We accept!"

Ross helped Blake up off the couch so she could hug first Maureen, then Ed, and he noticed when Phillip stood up too, said, "Excuse me," and retreated to the kitchen.

Ross watched Phillip depart, then excused himself a few seconds later, but Ed, Maureen, and Michelle all three were fussing over Blake and chattering to each other, so none of them really paid much attention to either Phillip or Ross leaving the room.

Ross found Phillip in the kitchen, pouring himself another cup of coffee.

Before Ross could say anything, Phillip replaced the coffee pot and said, "I was there the night Faith was born."

"I remember," Ross said.

"One of the worst nights of my life," Phillip continued, for Faith had been born the night Bradley Raines had cruelly told Phillip the truth about his parentage at Mindy Lewis's 18th birthday party, "and Faith was born that night. She forestalled one hell of an argument between my father and me, because if Hope hadn't been in labor and about to deliver at any second, we would have been screaming at each other for sure. The paramedics got there in time to deliver her, and they took her and Hope to the hospital, and Dad went with them."

Phillip looked at Ross then, and Ross saw the raw emotions swirling in Phillip's eyes. "And then the next morning, I was the one who went into Alan-Michael's room and woke him up and told him that he had a baby sister, and you know what he said? He said, 'No, **we** have a baby sister, Phillip. She's your baby sister, too.'" Phillip rubbed at the back of his neck idly. "I couldn't tell him no. He was too young to understand, and he didn't deserve to be subjected to that turmoil. Then I drove him down to Cedars, and I was there when he saw Faith for the first time too. And it turns out that Alan-Michael was right: Faith **is** my baby sister, just like Alan-Michael is my little brother."

Phillip took a deep breath before continuing. "I can't fathom that they're going to find what's left of Faith somewhere, the way they pulled poor Nadine Cooper out of the river, or that a similar fate could take Alan-Michael too. This is killing Dad and Hope, and with every passing day with no word, I'm not doing so well myself."

Phillip gave Ross a haunted look then. "I've been in Arizona for the last five years, Ross. I never even came home for Thanksgiving or Christmas or for a week in the summer," he said. "And all that time, Faith and Alan-Michael were here. I could have...I **should** have come home a few times, at least. Now...what if I never get the chance to make up for everything I missed with them these past five years?"

Ross rested a hand on Phillip's shoulder. "I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better," he said.

Phillip bowed his head, then looked at his uncle. "I'm glad that you and Blake are so happy together. I never saw it coming, but you're good together. And you're finally gonna get to be a dad, right from the start. I know you've wanted that for a long time."

"I have," Ross replied, "and I'm glad it's happening with Blake. It really wouldn't have been right with anyone else, not the way it is with her."

"I hope your boys are the best of friends and the worst of enemies," Phillip said, "and that once they're grown, they never go five years without seeing each other."

In that moment, Ross knew that he and Blake would do everything they could to make sure that was exactly how their sons' relationship with one another turned out.

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 5:08 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

The first full week in February ended on a literally exhausting note for Holly and Roger, because the week began on Sunday with Jack's first cold. Thankfully, and much to Holly's and Roger's relief, he had no fever, but he was sneezing and coughing, and his little nose had become what Roger referred to as "a mucus production factory working perpetual 24-hour shifts." When Jack's nose wasn't running like a faucet turned on full blast, it was stuffy, and both conditions made him miserable, although the stuffy nose made him more miserable because it hindered his breathing. Since Jack was clinging to Holly ("When kids are sick, they always want Mommy the most," Holly explained when Roger, in trying to give Holly a break on the third day of the cold, took Jack from her and he immediately started wailing loudly and reaching for her), Roger was the one placing most of the phone calls that week to Jack's pediatrician, Dr. Scott Winfield. Dr. Winfield was young, in his early thirties, and was easygoing when it came to the parents of his patients. Frantic phone calls at all hours never fazed him, and since about half of his phone calls from the Thorpes, since Holly made two or three of the calls herself, came between midnight and 6:00 AM, he was well-acquainted with both of young Jack's parents by Tuesday night.

Seeing their baby boy so miserable made Holly and Roger both miserable. Roger made several treks to the pharmacy: for a vaporizer, then for eucalyptus drops to put in the water in the vaporizer, and his 3:00 AM run Tuesday morning proved unintentionally comical, as neither he nor Holly could remember the name of the instrument Dr. Winfield suggested they get to clear Jack's nose of all that mucus, so Roger leaned heavily on the pharmacy counter and tiredly asked the clerk behind it for a booger remover for a 3-week-old baby.

Jack didn't sleep much that week, so Holly and Roger didn't sleep much that week. He couldn't sleep lying down, so he spent the few hours a night he did sleep either propped up in his swing, or held in his mother's arms, his head resting wearily on her shoulder. Holly walked Jack all through the house, swayed him, talked to him, and even sang to him. Her lullaby for him became "The Jackson Song," just as Roger's lullabies for him were "My Blue Heaven" and "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)," and the exhausted parents sang all three songs to their son several times that week.

By Friday afternoon, Jack was better. He was still sneezing and coughing some, and his nose was running, but his appetite was back to normal, and since his nose wasn't stuffed up anymore, Holly and Roger tried laying him in his bassinet beside their bed for a nap after lunch, but Jack only slept ten minutes before he woke up crying and coughing; sinus drainage was gagging the poor little guy. He was all right once he was upright again, back in Holly's arms, his head on her shoulder, but he didn't go back to sleep until 3:30 PM.

Roger had worked from home all week, using Holly's computer and his own e-mail account, with Blake and Ryan staying in touch with Roger by phone and bringing him necessary files from the office. Roger was sitting on one end of the couch, reading some paperwork, while Holly sat on the other end of the couch, Jack's head resting on her shoulder, as she talked softly to him and rubbed his back. A few minutes later, Holly quietly asked, "Roger, is he asleep?"

Roger carefully, quietly got up and checked, since Jack's head was turned outward, toward the kitchen and away from his sight line. "Yes," he replied quietly. "Do you want to try putting him down again?"

"We'd better not. The poor baby needs some sleep today, since he missed both of his usual naps," she said. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, intending just to rest them, but she fell asleep almost immediately.

Roger set aside his file and carefully got to his feet again. He then gently, carefully removed Holly's shoes and shoved them under the coffee table, then gently, carefully, bracing Jack against Holly's shoulder all the while, laid her down on the couch, her head resting on the throw pillow he had plumped up. Neither Holly nor Jack stirred. Roger went and got a blanket and covered Holly but not Jack with it, not wanting him to get overheated. Then he resumed his seat on the opposite end of the couch, finished his paperwork, and spent the rest of the time watching Holly and Jack sleeping. Though Roger had gotten up with Holly and helped out with Jack as much as he could, Jack mostly wanted his mommy when he was feeling so miserable, so Roger had gotten slightly more sleep than Holly that week. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he could probably count on both his hands and one of Holly's how many hours Holly had slept since Sunday night.

Jack slept for an hour, then awoke. "Hey, little man," Roger said softly when Jack lifted his head from Holly's shoulder, blinking himself awake. "You feeling any better after your nap?" He took Jack from Holly, who neither stirred nor awakened, and carried him to the nursery, where he changed his diaper. "There, fresh, dry pants," Roger said after Jack was changed and dressed again. "Now, how about a very early dinner, and then some Daddy and Jack time, hmm? Mommy's really worn out and needs as much sleep as she can get right now."

Roger warmed one of the bottles of breast milk from the fridge and fed and burped Jack, and then took Jack back to the nursery, where he got down on the floor with Jack and played with him, eliciting joyful squeals from Jack when he tickled the bottoms of Jack's feet while he was lying on his back on his little play mat. Roger was relieved and happy to note that Jack didn't cough, choke, or sneeze once when he was lying on his play mat.

When Roger heard the phone ringing, he bit back a curse, scooped up Jack, and hurried across the hall to his and Holly's bedroom, hoping he had gotten to the phone before it woke Holly on the couch. "Hello?" he asked. Jack regarded the phone curiously. It was the first time he had seen the instrument up close.

"Hello, this is Larry Hayes," said the voice on the other end of the line. "I know she's on maternity leave, but I really need to talk to Mrs. Thorpe."

"Yes, she **is** on maternity leave," Roger informed Mr. Hayes. "That's why you have Tony Galliano acting as interim station manager. Whatever the problem, take it to Galliano."

"I would love to," Hayes said sarcastically, "but he went home with the stomach flu three hours ago. No one else here has the authority to decide whether or not we run this story, so I have to talk to Mrs. Thorpe immediately."

"What story?" Roger asked.

"What, is Mrs. Thorpe not there or something?" Hayes asked impatiently.

"You don't know who I am, do you?" Roger asked.

"I'm guessing Mr. Thorpe," Hayes replied.

"Yes," Roger said. "I'm also the co-owner of WSPR with Mrs. Thorpe."

Dead silence reigned on the other end of the line.

"I've only been here a month, and they told me my first day that the station manager was a woman named Holly Thorpe, and she was out on maternity leave. Nobody told me she also owned the station, or that she co-owns it with her husband," Hayes said defensively.

"I would say that my being co-owner of WSPR gives me the authority to decide whether or not to run this story you've alluded to, wouldn't you, Hayes?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Hayes agreed.

Roger looked at Jack, who reached out to touch the mouthpiece of the phone. "What is this story that's so important?" Roger wanted to know.

"We have a source at the police station who says that Brent Lawrence has been spotted in the vicinity of the lighthouse," Hayes replied. "Do I give this to Gina Jeffers to put on the air? Lawrence is wanted for two attempted murders, and for questioning in another murder. The public should know that he's on the loose and where in town he's been spotted so that they can be on the alert."

"This source from the police station," Roger said, "is it a source or is it a mole? If there's incontrovertible proof that Brent Lawrence is definitely in town, and definitely was seen by at least one reliable witness by the lighthouse, then yes, get it on the air. It's a public service to warn people that there is a homicidal psychopath who has already killed or tried to kill three innocent people out there. But if it isn't definite, if it's just a hunch or a rumor, then no, we're not airing it and starting a panic."

"It's a source," Hayes replied. "It's a uniformed officer."

"You get a name?" Roger asked.

"He was speaking on condition of anonymity," Hayes said.

"Of course he was," Roger said. He stifled a sigh. "If you're absolutely certain, run it. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"All right," Hayes said, relieved to finally have a definite decision and someone higher up to pass ultimately responsibility to for that decision.

Roger disconnected the call, then called Blake, who was at home by now. "How's Jack?" Blake asked after Roger greeted her.

"He's doing much better," Roger replied. "It's been a rough week for all of us, especially your mother. She's sleeping now, and something has come up at the station that I need to take care of for her, so is it all right if I drop Jack off at your house on the way? He's doing much better today."

"Sure!" Blake agreed enthusiastically. "I'll watch him for as long as you and Mom need."

"I'm not sure how long I'll be at WSPR," Roger told her, "and I'm also not sure how long your mother will sleep, but she really needs to catch up on her rest after the week we've had here."

"It's no trouble at all, Dad. You can pick Jack up on your way home, or I'll bring him home if you leave me his car seat," Blake said.

"Thank you, honey," Roger said. "I need to get some things together for Jack, and leave a note for your mother, and then I'll bring him over."

"I'll be waiting," Blake said.

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 6:59 PM-WSPR, Holly's Office_

Roger and Larry Hayes were in the middle of arguing over whether or not to send Gina Jeffers out to the lighthouse with a camera crew-Hayes was for it, Roger was against it, insisting that if Brent Lawrence attacked Gina or anyone on the crew, then the station would be liable-when Buzz Cooper, red-faced and practically vibrating with rage, stormed into Holly's office, stopping short when he saw Roger, but no sign of Holly. Suddenly everything made sense to him. **"YOU BASTARD!"** Buzz roared. Then he lunged at Roger, wrapping his hands around Roger's throat and propelling him backwards, shoving him into Holly's desk chair and backing it all the way up to the wall next to the filing cabinet.

Hayes tried to pull Buzz off of Roger, but he couldn't do it alone. He rushed to the open office door and yelled into the bullpen, "Hey, I need some help in here!"

AJ Chamberlain rushed into Holly's office to find Buzz with his hands around Roger's throat and Roger gasping and choking from the lack of oxygen. Together, AJ and Hayes managed to pull Buzz off of Roger, and AJ grabbed Buzz in a bear hug from behind and dragged him away from Roger until they were standing in front of Holly's desk. Roger fought to catch his breath. "What the hell is the matter with you?" Roger finally managed to rasp out.

"I should have known Holly had nothing to do with this," Buzz spat. "This is vintage Roger Thorpe. You were the one who put that bulletin about Brent Lawrence being seen near the lighthouse on the air, weren't you? **WEREN'T YOU?"**

"Yes," Roger said.

Buzz struggled against AJ, trying to get free to go after Roger again, but AJ wouldn't let him go. "You really did it this time!" Buzz exclaimed. "Brent Lawrence **is **at the lighthouse, but he's not there alone! He's got my daughter and Alan-Michael Spaulding as hostages! Alan is headed to the lighthouse right now to make a ransom drop to get them back, only now you've put that sociopath all over the news, which is going to send a bunch of curiosity seekers and reporters and God knows who else out there!"

Roger paled. "I didn't know, Buzz," he said urgently. "I swear, I had no idea. I figured he'd taken them, but I didn't know he had them there, or that Alan was going there tonight to pay a ransom to get them back. I just... There was a source at the police station that said Brent Lawrence had been spotted around there, and he's dangerous. It was a public service, warning people that he's on the loose."

Buzz was unmoved by Roger's words. "I'm going down to the lighthouse to get my daughter back!" he exclaimed, finally breaking free of AJ's hold and fixing Roger with a glare so fierce that if looks could kill, Roger would have been dead on the spot. "If Lucy and Alan-Michael don't make it out of there alive, there is no place on this earth you can hide that I won't find you and make you suffer for putting my daughter and Alan-Michael in additional danger, and I'm sure I speak for Alan as well. You can count on that." Then he turned on his heel and stormed out.

It was common knowledge all over town that Brent Lawrence had made Lucy and Alan-Michael's lives a living hell for months now. No one doubted that he had murdered poor Nadine Cooper, and Patrick Cutter and Susan Bates had both named him as their attacker, and it was only by the grace of God that they were both still alive. And no one knew what had happened to Faith Spaulding, but it was a lead-pipe cinch that Brent Lawrence was behind her disappearance, and possibly worse, as well.

Despite his contentious history with the Spauldings, to whom everyone Brent Lawrence had gone after in any way was connected, Roger had not put the bulletin about Brent Lawrence on the air to stick it to the Spauldings, or to make them suffer. It was an executive decision, plain and simple; Holly was exhausted after the week they'd had nursing Jack through his first cold, Jack was finally better, Holly was finally getting some much-needed sleep, and Roger was the co-owner of WSPR. He hadn't seen any reason to wake Holly to deal with this situation. He was certainly capable of dealing with it himself.

Or so he'd thought.

He had inadvertently made things worse. Without meaning to, without even thinking in that direction, he had put Lucy and Alan-Michael in further jeopardy, and possibly risked the chance to bring Brent Lawrence to justice for everything he had done to them, to Nadine, to Cutter, to Susan Bates, and to Faith, wherever she was now and whatever had become of her.

He had to fix this somehow. It was his mess, so it was his responsibility to clean it up.

Wordlessly, he grabbed his coat and hurried out of Holly's office, ignoring both Larry Hayes and AJ Chamberlain when they called after him.

After Roger had departed, AJ and Hayes exchanged an uneasy glance. "I've got a bad feeling about this," AJ said.

"You and me both, kid," Hayes said with a sigh. "You and me both."

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 7:24 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly awoke to a quiet house...too quiet. But the note taped to the lampshade allayed the concern that was beginning to unfold in her heart.

_"Holly,_

_Jack is at Blake's. There was a problem at WSPR, so I'm at the station taking care of it because I didn't want to wake you since you were finally getting some uninterrupted sleep. I'll be home as soon as I can. Chrissy has Jack's car seat, and she said she'll drop him off if you don't want to wait for me to pick him up._

_Love,_  
_Roger"_

Holly got a bottle of water from the refrigerator and after a long, cool drink, she called Blake. "Oh, hi, Mom," Blake said. Holly could hear Jack. "Jack, Mommy's on the phone," Blake told her baby brother. Then to Holly she said, "Dad said Jack discovered the phone earlier today. How are you feeling?"

"Much more rested," Holly replied truthfully. "How long have you had Jack?"

"A couple of hours," Blake said. "We've just been hanging out, having fun. He had a bottle, and we've been playing, and I read him a story. He's definitely your son. Three weeks old, and he already likes books. Do you want me to keep him for a while longer, or bring him home? Dad left his car seat for me. I haven't heard from Dad, so I guess he's still at the station. He didn't say what was going on, just that something came up at WSPR that he needed to take care of because you were finally getting some much-needed, uninterrupted sleep."

"He left a note for me so that I would know where he and Jack were, but he didn't say in the note what's going on at WSPR," Holly said. Just then, an insistent knocking came at the front door. "Someone's at the door, honey. Would you go ahead and bring Jack home now? He must not have had much more than an hour's nap this afternoon, so hopefully all three of us can get some sleep tonight."

"Okay," Blake said. "I have to bundle Jack up, I should probably change his diaper first, and pack up his diaper bag, and then we'll be on our way."

The knocking grew even more insistent, and then Holly heard Jenna Bradshaw Cooper shouting in a clipped accent, "Roger, you open this door **THIS INSTANT**! I want to talk to you, you despicable piece of scum!"

"I'll see you when you get here," Holly said. "'Bye." She hung up the phone, sighed, then opened the door.

Before Holly could say a word, Jenna pushed past her into the house. "Don't even **try** to defend him to me, Holly," she said, her English accent more pronounced in her anger. "He has gone entirely too far this time!"

"What are you screaming about, Jenna?" Holly asked patiently.

Jenna frowned at Holly. "I take it you've been here at home all day and evening?" she asked.

"Yes," Holly said. "I did just have a baby three weeks ago, you know, and he's been sick all week with his first cold. He's finally feeling better, and I finally fell asleep when he did, and I just woke up a few minutes ago. The baby is with Blake, and apparently something came up at WSPR while I was sleeping and Roger went in to take care of it so he didn't have to wake me up."

"Oh, he took care of it all right," Jenna thundered, "and true to form, he made a bad situation infinitely worse. But given the involvement of the Spauldings and the Bauers, it doesn't surprise me. He'll take any opportunity to stick it to them, to make them suffer."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Contrary to popular belief, Roger's life doesn't revolve around revenge schemes on the Spauldings and Bauers," she said. "Not anymore. He's too busy being a husband and a father and running his own company."

"My god, and I thought I was naive when I married Roger," Jenna said, shaking her head.

"If you're done with the insults, would you mind telling me what this is all about? What bad situation involving the Spauldings and the Bauers has Roger supposedly made infinitely worse?" Holly wanted to know.

Jenna looked Holly right in the eyes. "Roger authorized a news bulletin to be aired on WSPR, announcing to the entire town that Brent Lawrence was spotted in the vicinity of the lighthouse. What the bulletin neglected to mention was that Brent Lawrence is not at the lighthouse alone. He has Lucy and Alan-Michael held hostage with him, and Alan is supposed to go there and make a ransom drop to get them back. Buzz is headed down there too, as well as Ed Bauer and his brother. Brent Lawrence has put Lucy and Alan-Michael through a living hell for months. He murdered Nadine, and tried to murder Detective Cutter and Susan Bates, and God only knows what he did to Faith Spaulding. Roger poked a sociopathic tiger, Holly. And you'd better hope and pray right now that Brent Lawrence doesn't decide to do to Lucy and Alan-Michael what he did to Nadine, to Cutter, and to Susan Bates, because if one hair is harmed on either of their heads, then their blood will be on Roger's hands as surely as it will be on Brent Lawrence's, and then Buzz and Alan will have retribution against Roger for this, mark my words."

* * *

_**Life is getting in the way a lot more than I'd like these days, but I have more to tell in this story and in future stories about Roger and Holly, so please bear with me. I'll update as soon as I can. Thank you for reading and reviewing. It is a much-needed and greatly appreciated bright spot in an otherwise bleak landscape at the moment.**_


	18. Doing the Right Thing

_February 9, 1996, 7:28 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

As Jenna's words sank in, Holly grabbed the phone and called WSPR. She was grateful that AJ Chamberlain was the one who answered. "AJ, it's Holly Thorpe. Is Roger there?"

The interminable silence on the other end gave Holly her answer. "He **was** here," AJ finally said. "But...well..."

"I know about the bulletin about Brent Lawrence," Holly said.

"He probably would still be here if Buzz hadn't..." AJ trailed off.

"If Buzz hadn't what?" Holly asked. Jenna frowned at the mention of her husband, because the last she knew, Buzz had been headed to the lighthouse to meet Alan and Ed and Mike Bauer.

AJ sighed. "I'm really sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, Mrs. Thorpe, but I think Roger went to the lighthouse," he said. "Buzz came in here breathing fire about the news bulletin and Lucy and Alan-Michael being in additional danger-"

Holly put it together then. "Brent Lawrence is holding Lucy and Alan-Michael hostage at the lighthouse," she said.

"That's what Buzz said," AJ replied. "And Roger tore out of here just a few seconds behind him after telling him that he had no idea Lucy and Alan-Michael were at the lighthouse." He paused. "Not that this will matter to anyone else but you, but I believe Roger was telling the truth. The way he reacted... He went pale and he looked horrified. I have never in my life seen, or even heard of, Roger Thorpe going pale and looking horrified about anything. There's no way he knew about Lucy and Alan-Michael being held hostage at the lighthouse."

Blake walked into the house then, carrying Jack in his car seat. "How long ago did he leave, AJ? Do you have any idea?" Holly asked.

AJ looked at his watch and tried to calculate. "Probably... I'm guessing fifteen or twenty minutes."

"Thank you, AJ. If Roger calls in or comes back to the station, call me right away," Holly said.

"I will," AJ said solemnly.

Holly hung up the phone and pushed her hair off her forehead, trying to stay calm, but the expression on her face betrayed her roiling emotions.

"Mom?" Blake asked. "What's going on?"

"Roger might have gotten Lucy and Alan-Michael killed!" Jenna exclaimed.

"What?!" Blake exclaimed.

"He didn't know, Jenna!" Holly said then.

"You may believe that because you're in love with him," Jenna said. "I don't have to believe it, and I don't."

"Well, Roger is headed to the lighthouse right now," Holly informed Jenna.

"Wait a minute, back up," Blake said, trying to absorb everything. "Brent Lawrence...the same Brent Lawrence that tried to kill Cutter and Susan Bates and almost definitely **did** kill Nadine Cooper...he has Lucy and Alan-Michael at the lighthouse, and Daddy is on his way down there right now?"

"Yes," Holly said. She took Jack's car seat from Blake then, set it on the coffee table, removed Jack's coat, and then picked him up. He whimpered slightly, picking up on the tension in the room. Holly put him up over her shoulder and gently swayed back and forth with him.

"He put them in danger with that news bulletin on WSPR about Brent Lawrence being seen in the vicinity of the lighthouse!" Jenna exclaimed.

"He didn't do that on purpose," Holly said, forcing herself not to grit her teeth or sound angry because she didn't want to upset Jack in her arms.

"Says you," Jenna scoffed.

"Okay, Jenna, you need to leave, because you're not helping," Blake said then. "Thank you for informing us about what was going on-"

"I didn't do it as a courtesy to you, I came here looking for Roger to rip his head off!" Jenna said.

Blake shepherded Jenna to the front door then. "Yeah, well, leave the head-ripping to Mom and me. We can definitely handle it," she said as she opened the front door and pushed Jenna out onto the front porch.

"You haven't heard the last about this!" Jenna screeched as Blake slammed the door in her face.

Blake returned to Holly's side and saw the emotions playing across her mother's face: anger, worry, and fear. Then she called Ryan and asked if he and Colleen could come over. They had seen the bulletin on WSPR, and Ryan said, "We're on our way." Blake figured that she and Holly might need someone to stay with Jack once they found out exactly what was going on with Roger.

Then Blake called Ross, who was headed to the Spaulding Mansion, having been alerted to what was going on by Phillip.

And then there was nothing for Holly and Blake to do but settle in with Jack, wait for Ryan and Colleen to arrive...and wait to hear from or at least about Roger.

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 7:14 PM-Springfield Lighthouse_

Roger saw Alan's Mercedes and Ed's sedan and a third car that he figured to be Buzz Cooper's parked near the lighthouse, so he parked there too and got out, not entirely certain what he was going to do, but knowing that he had to do** something**. As he hurried across the sand, he thought, not for the first time, that he should have woken Holly up after all, because he knew that she was going to be angry that he didn't consult her before authorizing the bulletin on Brent Lawrence to be run on WSPR._ Act first, then think about it afterward really doesn't work so well,_ he reflected as he pulled the collar of his coat higher around his neck against the chilly February wind. _I need to talk to Dr. Janssen about this, because I keep doing it, and every time it blows up in my face...though usually not to this extreme._

Having reached the base of the lighthouse now, Roger saw a lone figure in the shadows, shoulders hunched, hands shoved deep in his coat pockets, looking up. When he got closer, he realized it was Ed Bauer who was staring up at the lighthouse intently, so Roger followed Ed's gaze and saw another figure climbing up the outside of the lighthouse. The figure was nearing the top when a man came out onto the top deck of the lighthouse, dragging a struggling woman behind him. The light pouring from the lighthouse illuminated the struggling figures on the lighthouse's top deck: Brent Lawrence and Lucy Cooper! Brent then shoved Lucy roughly to the deck and raised his hand, in which was clutched a revolver. He took aim at the figure nearing the top of the lighthouse, and Roger shouted at the top of his lungs, so loudly that it echoed through the night, **"GUN! LOOK OUT!" **

A gunshot followed Roger's shouted warning, but the climbing figure ducked his head and hurriedly scrambled around to avoid the gunshot. "Mike," Ed breathed, and Roger realized the figure climbing up the lighthouse was Ed's brother, Mike Bauer. Of course he would be involved; Alan-Michael was his grandson.

Roger and Ed both watched as Mike resumed his climb to the top of the lighthouse, and then Alan-Michael Spaulding came out of the top of the lighthouse, a frayed rope hanging from one wrist, and hurled himself at Brent Lawrence. Lucy's screams pierced the night air as Alan-Michael and Brent struggled over the gun on the lighthouse deck.

When Ed saw movement in his peripheral vision, after making sure his brother was all right and still climbing, he turned to look to his side and he was shocked to see Roger Thorpe standing a few feet away from him. "Roger, what the hell are you doing here?" Ed asked in a voice both surpised and irritated.

Before Roger could answer Ed, another gunshot rang out, followed by a blood-curdling scream from Lucy. Roger saw Alan-Michael fall to the deck and knew he'd been shot, and then Roger charged at the lighthouse and started climbing up the opposite side from Mike Bauer. He had no idea where Alan and Buzz were, and he ignored Ed yelling at him, wanting to know what he was doing, and saying that they had enough trouble on their hands as it was. His only focus was reaching the top of the lighthouse. He didn't know what he would do when he got there, but he **had** to get there.

As Roger climbed, he heard the sounds of another struggle above him, and he was shocked when he saw who was doing the struggling: Brent Lawrence...and Faith Spaulding! Faith looked terrible. She was pale and shaking, her clothes dirty and torn, and she had a section of lead pipe handcuffed to one wrist, which she was using to choke Brent Lawrence, having gotten it around Brent's neck from behind. Brent was trying to either throw or shake her off, but she held on with a strength that belied her haggard and weak appearance.

In the meantime, unbeknownst to Roger, Mike, or Ed, Lucy had reached Alan-Michael, falling to her knees at his side on the lighthouse deck. He had a bullet in his shoulder and was bleeding and in pain but conscious. Hearing Alan's and Buzz's calling to them as they pounded on the locked interior lighthouse door, Alan-Michael, clutching at his wounded shoulder, said, "Let our fathers in, Lucy." Lucy reluctantly left him to hurry to the door, which Brent had locked from the inside before they all wound up on the outer deck of the lighthouse, and open it to their worried fathers.

Roger heard the pounding footsteps and shouts of Alan Spaulding and Buzz Cooper above him, and he paused to look up, where he saw Alan and Buzz standing on the lighthouse's top deck.

Then two things happened almost simultaneously: Mike Bauer reached the top of the lighthouse, climbing over the railing and up onto the top deck...and Faith and Brent Lawrence, locked in their struggle, went over the lighthouse's side!

Brent Lawrence plummeted to the ground below and lay there unmoving, undoubtedly dead from the fall.

The pipe dangling from the handcuffs on Faith's wrist caught on the railing on the larger, lower deck of the lighthouse, near where Roger had paused.

While Buzz removed his coat and wrapped it around Lucy, who was cradling the wounded Alan-Michael in her lap, Alan and Mike peered over the edge of the top deck railing, both men looking stricken when they saw Faith hanging from the second deck, half-conscious, and realized she was out of their reach.

Roger, on the side of the lighthouse, hurriedly moved below where Faith was hanging and managed to get his shoulders under her. He shifted, moving her around so that she was resting on his back with her hands around his neck, that wretched piece of pipe hanging from the handcuff around her wrist bumping against his chest. "I've got her!" he shouted up to Alan and Mike. "I'm going to take her down to Ed, and I hope there's an ambulance on the way because she really needs one!"

Alan scowled, hating that he had to trust Roger Thorpe with the safety of his daughter, who had been missing for three months and who was obviously in a very bad way medically speaking, but at the same time he was exceedingly grateful that she hadn't fallen to her death the way Brent Lawrence had.

"We can't reach her from here," Mike pointed out to Alan then. "Roger can get her down to Ed and we'll meet them down there. It's Faith's only chance, Alan."

Alan nodded, reluctantly agreeing with Mike. Behind them, Lucy and Buzz had Alan-Michael on his feet, braced between them, and Lucy had insisted on putting Buzz's coat around Alan-Michael instead of wearing it herself. "We're going down," Buzz called over to Alan and Mike.

"What about Faith?" Lucy asked fearfully.

"We're going to get her down too," Mike promised.

"Is she hanging from the lighthouse?" Lucy asked, near hysterically.

"Roger has her," Mike said.

"Roger Thorpe?" Alan-Michael asked incredulously.

"What the hell is **he** doing here?" Buzz demanded angrily.

"He's getting ready to carry Faith to the ground," Mike replied. "Buzz, can you make sure that Alan-Michael and Lucy get down safely?"

"Yeah," Buzz said, but he was still angry that Roger was involved here at all.

"Roger, be careful!" Alan shouted as Roger started climbing down the lighthouse with Faith on his back.

"I won't let anything happen to Faith!" Roger shouted back.

As Roger slowly climbed down the lighthouse with Faith on his back, Buzz and Lucy helped Alan-Michael down the stairs while Alan and Mike stayed on the upper lighthouse deck, watching Roger's slow descent to the ground below.

The police arrived then, lights flashing and sirens wailing, with two ambulances pulling in right behind half of the Springfield Police Department, also with lights flashing and sirens wailing. Chaos reigned as cops and paramedics began milling around. Buzz, Lucy, and Alan-Michael reached the ground level first. When they got there, two police officers were covering Brent Lawrence's dead body with a sheet; Ed had already pronounced him dead. When Roger was a little more than halfway to the ground, Alan and Mike hurried down the interior lighthouse steps to wait for him and Faith with Ed.

The disheveled-looking Detective Patrick Cutter pushed his way through the chaos and reached the base of the lighthouse just as Roger's feet touched the ground. Alan and Mike, working together, carefully lifted Faith off Roger's back and laid her on the gurney the paramedics and Ed had waiting. Cutter stood transfixed as he got his first look at Faith in almost three months.

Faith briefly regained consciousness when her father and grandfather laid her on the gurney. She stared up, unseeing, as she said, "He killed Nadine. Brent killed Nadine. He admitted it." She tossed about on the gurney and choked on a sob as she said, "And Patrick. He killed Patrick. I tried to save him, but I couldn't."

Her words brought Cutter forward. "You did save me," he insisted, his gaze locked on Faith. He reached for her hand, but she was thrashing about on the gurney so much that he couldn't catch her hand in his. "I'm right here, Faith," Cutter said urgently. "I'm here, and I'm all right."

Faith lost consciousness again then, and Ed stepped forward to examine Faith. He winced when he saw that the wound in her shoulder, which had been crudely stitched close with what appeared to be fishing line, had opened again and she was bleeding. Faith began thrashing about on the gurney then; she was having a seizure. Alan, Mike, and Cutter were all frozen in place, so when Ed snapped, "Someone hold Faith down for me!", Roger sprang forward and held her as still as he could, getting some of her blood on his coat in the process, while Ed worked on her.

"We have to get her to Cedars immediately!" Ed shouted after he had given Faith something to stop her seizure. The paramedics hurried to load Faith into the ambulance then, and Ed started to climb into the ambulance after them when Alan's voice stopped him.

"Ed, why did she have a seizure?" Alan asked then. "Is she going to be all right?"

"Alan, we're going to do everything we can for her, but I'm not going to lie to you. She's in bad shape," Ed replied, looking over his shoulder at Alan. Then he climbed into the ambulance with Faith, and seconds later, they were roaring away.

Cutter stood there watching the ambulance speed away with Faith in the back, and Roger could see that Cutter was at war with himself over whether to act like a cop or a man in love whose girlfriend who had been missing for three months and just been found in very bad shape was just rushed to the hospital. Frank Cooper and Detective Levy approached Cutter, and the three of them huddled together to talk for a moment. Whatever Frank and Levy said, Cutter must have agreed with, because he nodded, then hurried to a nearby squad car, got behind the wheel, and went racing off with lights and sirens going full blast.

Lucy insisted that Alan-Michael go to Cedars in the second ambulance, and Alan and Mike backed her up, despite Alan-Michael's protests that he wasn't hurt that badly. "You have a bullet in you and you're bleeding! Don't tell me you're not hurt badly!" Lucy insisted.

Seeing how shaken his fiancée was, Alan-Michael agreed to go in the ambulance, and Lucy went with him. Alan, Mike, and Buzz rushed to their cars then (Mike rode with Alan since Ed was with Faith) and followed the ambulances to Cedars.

Roger noticed Brent Lawrence's sheet-covered corpse then. Frank Cooper was the first police officer he saw, so he said, "Do you need someone to stay and guard the body?"

"No, I've got a forensics team on the way," Frank replied. "Could you just ask someone to call me once Lucy and Alan-Michael are settled at Cedars?"

"Sure," Roger agreed.

Roger turned to start walking toward his own car then, but when he heard Frank call, "Roger?" he stopped and turned back to see what Frank wanted. "Thanks," Frank said. "Not only for that, but for your help tonight too."

"It was the least I could do," Roger replied, and he meant that. He didn't know if Brent Lawrence's final rampage had been in any way prompted by the news bulletin about him on WSPR, but Roger knew that despite the mess he had made, and the words he knew he'd be having with Holly about it, he had managed to contain the damage he had caused.

He headed to Cedars, intent on calling Holly and letting her know that he was all right, and on finding out how Faith was doing.

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 8:08 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

When Jack fell asleep, Holly put him in his bassinet in her and Roger's bedroom and then sat in there with him, watching him sleep and worrying about Roger. Blake went back and forth between checking on her mother and sitting in the living room with Ryan and Colleen, talking quietly.

Ryan and Colleen had seen the news bulletin, but didn't know that Roger was the one who authorized it to air until Blake told them. Ryan whistled low. "That's not going to go over well with the Spauldings," he said.

"That's an understatement," Blake said grimly. "I mean, I know they have their reasons for hating my father, but I also know that we're going to hear from them about this, just like Jenna showed up here and Buzz confronted my father at WSPR. And Mom's more worried than anything else right now, but that will give way to anger that he didn't just wake her up to deal with this. His heart was in the right place, but he kicked up a hornet's nest with this. And now he's out there risking his life!"

"He made the mess, and he's taking responsibility for it," Ryan replied. "I get that. I just wish he'd gone in there with some backup. If he'd called me-"

"If he had called you to go with him, there's no way that any of us would have let you go, Ryan," Holly said. Blake, Ryan, and Colleen looked at her in surprise, since they hadn't heard her enter the room. "And Roger wouldn't have wanted you to put yourself at risk, with your son due in less than a month."

"I still would have gone if he'd asked," Ryan said. "I would have gone even if he **hadn't** asked. If I'd known he was going out there, I would have gone with him. I would have followed him if he tried to ditch me. I would have had his back."

The phone rang then, and Holly lunged for it. "Hello?" she exclaimed anxiously.

"Holly."

Holly gripped the back of the couch with one hand to keep herself upright. "Roger, where are you?"

"I'm at Cedars, in the ER, I-"

"I'm on my way! Just hang on!" Holly exclaimed before slamming the phone down. She looked at Blake. "He's in the ER at Cedars."

"What happened?" Blake asked worriedly as she struggled to stand up and Ryan helped her to her feet from his spot next to her.

"We'll find out when we get there," Holly said, rushing for her coat and purse by the front door. "Ryan, Colleen-" she began.

"You don't even have to ask," Colleen said. "We'll stay here with Jack. It's no problem."

"Thank you," Holly said gratefully. "There's a bottle in the fridge, the bottle warmer is on the kitchen counter, diapers and wipes and baby powder are on the changing table, if he needs clean pajamas they're in the second drawer of his dresser..." She felt like she was forgetting something, but she didn't know what it was.

"We've got it, Holly," Ryan assured her. "Go. Roger's waiting."

"I think I'd better drive," Blake said as she and Holly hurried outside.

"Fine, just let's get there!" Holly exclaimed.

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 8:18 PM-Cedars Hospital, Emergency Room_

The ER waiting area at Cedars was wall-to-wall people, as various Spauldings, Bauers, Coopers, Reades, Lewises, and Chamberlains were gathered there waiting for word on Faith and to see Lucy and Alan-Michael. Upon arriving at Cedars, Roger had headed to the first pay phone he could find and called home, but all he got out was that he was at Cedars in the ER before Holly told him to hang on and she was on her way and then hung up. In those few seconds, he could hear the worry and fear in her voice, and he cursed himself for worrying and scaring her on top of the mess he'd made at the station. He knew she would be relieved that he was all right, but he also knew that she would be angry, or at the very least very unhappy, that he had made the decision to air that news bulletin on Brent Lawrence without her agreement or consent.

Ed emerged from behind a curtain then and was swallowed up by a mob of family and friends anxiously asking about Faith. Roger stood in the back of the crowd, unnoticed by everyone else but able to hear as Ed explained to the assemblage that Faith was very ill with sepsis. "Her original knife wound became infected, and the infection spread untreated into her bloodstream," Ed explained. "She's had a couple of seizures since we got her out of the lighthouse, and she's running a high fever. We're pumping her full of antibiotics right now and working on getting her fever down."

"Ed, what **aren't** you saying?" Alexandra asked.

Ed sighed. "Alexandra, we're doing everything medically possible for Faith, but she's weak and in bad shape. Her entire immune system has been compromised by sepsis."

"Then you're saying we could still lose her," Alan said, his voice shaking.

"It's a possibility," Ed admitted, "but Faith is a fighter. She made it through three months chained to a wall in the lighthouse, according to Alan-Michael and Lucy. They're prepping Alan-Michael for surgery right now to remove the bullet from his shoulder."

"We want to see him before they take him to surgery," Hope said, referring to herself and Alan.

"I'll take you back," Ed said.

Hope, Alan, and Ed had just gone back to see Alan-Michael when Holly and Blake arrived in the ER. Blake was looking around for a doctor or nurse, but before she could find one, she heard Holly shout, "Roger!"

Roger whirled around and saw Holly and Blake standing there. Holly flew at him and hugged him tightly, then drew back and paled when she saw the blood on the front of his coat. "Oh my god, you're bleeding!" she exclaimed. "Why haven't you seen a doctor?"

"Holly, Holly, I'm fine! It's not my blood!" Roger exclaimed, catching hold of her arms to keep her still and make sure she heard him. "Where's Jack?"

"He's asleep at home. Ryan and Colleen are with him," Blake said.

Holly was running her hands over Roger's arms, back, and torso, reassuring herself that he wasn't hurt. "Whose blood is this if it's not yours?" she asked.

"Faith's," Roger replied grimly.

"Faith Spaulding?" Blake asked, shocked.

"Yes," Roger replied. "Brent Lawrence had her at the lighthouse all this time, chained to a wall."

"How is she? **Where** is she?" Blake asked.

"She's not in good shape," Roger said. "Lawrence stabbed her the night he stabbed Cutter, but her knife wound went untreated."

Blake blanched. "I remember what you looked like after three weeks with a bullet in your chest," she said.

"And Faith's knife wound went untreated for three months," Roger replied. "Ed said that she has sepsis. Her knife wound got infected and after three months with no treatment..." He ran a hand through his hair before continuing. "She has a high fever, she's had a couple of seizures-I helped hold her still during the first one so that Ed could give her some kind of injection to stop it, which is how I got her blood on my coat-and they're pumping her full of antibiotics and treating her right now, but she's not out of the woods yet."

They were interrupted then by Phillip Spaulding storming up, pushing Holly aside, grabbing Roger by the front of his shirt, and getting right in his face. "You found out about the ransom drop, didn't you?" Phillip demanded. "You son of a bitch! You've had it out for us since I was a kid, and you just couldn't resist!"

Hope and Alan returned then, along with Lucy, since Alan-Michael was now headed into surgery to remove the bullet from his shoulder, just in time to see Phillip attacking Roger.

"Phillip, let him go!" Blake shouted.

"I didn't. I swear I didn't know, and you owe my wife an apology for shoving her aside like that!" Roger insisted.

"The hell you didn't," Phillip sneered, tossing an insincere "Sorry" over his shoulder to Holly.

Ross appeared then, and he and Cutter physically separated Phillip and Roger. "You don't know what he did, Phillip!" Alan said as he and Hope rushed into the fray.

"We **all** know what he did, Dad!" Phillip shouted as he fought against Ross and Cutter.

"He saved your sister's life!" Alan exclaimed, which brought the entire ER waiting area to a silent standstill as everyone looked from Alan to Roger. Only Alan, Hope, Mike, Ed, Buzz, Lucy, and Alan-Michael knew that Roger had saved Faith's life, so this was shocking news to everyone else, including Holly, Blake, and Ross.

"It's true," Mike said then. "If it wasn't for Roger, Faith would have met the same end as Brent Lawrence. And if it hadn't been for Roger shouting a warning to me, I might be having a bullet removed right now too."

Hope looked at her father and caught Mike's barely perceptible nod and knew that it was true: Roger had saved both Hope's daughter and her father.

"When Faith went over the railing of the lighthouse with Lawrence, she got caught on the railing of the lower deck," Mike explained. "Neither Alan or I could reach her, but Roger was there, and he got to Faith and then climbed down with her on his back."

The crowd stared at Roger in varying degrees of shock. "You saved Faith's life?" Nick asked, stunned.

"After putting her, Lucy, and Alan-Michael all three in even more danger!" Jenna screeched then.

"I didn't know any of them were there!" Roger exclaimed.

"I have about had it with you tonight, Jenna," Holly said, glowering at her. "You're acting as if Roger did this on purpose, and he didn't! He was **not** trying to get anyone killed! He went out there himself to try and help and he was at risk just as much as everyone else! And I'll just go ahead and say it, since I'm sure at least half the people in this room are thinking it right now: considering the history between Roger and all of your families, the fact that he did go out there to help really says something. When the chips were down, when he made a mistake that could have cost innocent lives, he put his own life on the line to try and fix it, and his actions at the lighthouses contributed to the only casualty tonight being Brent Lawrence."

"You have to defend him, Holly, because you were stupid enough to marry him," Jenna retorted.

Holly exhaled a frustrated breath before continuing. "I know that you have good reasons to hate Roger!" she exclaimed. "You and your family, the Bauers, the Spauldings, almost everyone here. I'm not trying to change any of your minds about him, I am merely pointing out that he is not the villain this time!"

"Jenna, I screwed up tonight, big time," Roger said then, and his admission shocked everyone at least as much as, if not more than, learning that he had saved Faith and prevented Mike from being shot at the lighthouse.

"What kind of scam are you trying to run now, Roger?" Jenna asked.

"It's not a scam," Roger said. "I screwed up. I was the one who put the news bulletin about Brent Lawrence on the air. Holly didn't know anything about it, and she didn't have anything to do with it. It was all me." He gazed around the room, his eyes moving from Jenna to Buzz to Lucy to Alan to Hope to Mike to Alexandra to Phillip to Nick to Maureen to Cutter among all those assembled. "But I had no idea that Lucy, Alan-Michael and Faith were in the lighthouse. I realize that doesn't diminish the magnitude of my mistake, but I did not put that bulletin on the air as some attempt at sticking it to the Spauldings or the Bauers or the Coopers. And since it was all me, then I'm the one you should be mad at, not Holly, because she wasn't involved in the decision at all."

Jenna and Buzz scoffed at this, as did Stacey Chamberlain, but the Spauldings, Bauers, Cutter, and the just-arrived Bridget and Dylan, and Nola and Quint, remained silent.

"No one is angry at Holly," Alexandra said then. "She's on maternity leave, and at the most, she could have appointed someone to make decisions like this."

"I did," Holly said then. "Tony Galliano."

"He went home with the stomach flu," AJ Chamberlain piped up then.

"Then who called Roger about the Brent Lawrence story?" Holly wanted to know.

"A new hire, Larry Hayes," AJ said. "And he got a call from a source at the police station-"

"Who?" Cutter demanded, the single word a sharp-edged knife. "I want a name, and I want it now!"

Frank, who had arrived with Levy while Alan and Mike were explaining how Roger had saved Faith and Mike at the lighthouse, put a bracing hand on Cutter's shoulder.

"I don't know, Detective Cutter," AJ replied. "Larry Hayes took that call."

"And where is this Hayes now?" Cutter wanted to know.

"Still at WSPR, as far as I know," AJ said.

"Levy," Cutter said.

"I'm on it," Levy said. "Metzger, let's go."

"Get that name," Cutter said through clenched teeth.

"We won't come back until we have it," Levy promised as he and Metzger took their leave.

It was at this point that Holly grabbed Roger's arm. "We need to talk...privately. Right now," she said.

Roger nodded. It was time to face the music. They left the ER waiting area and found an empty corridor. When they were sure they were alone, Holly folded her arms across her chest and said, "All right, start at the beginning."

"Jack woke up about an hour after you both fell asleep," Roger said. "So I took care of him and let you sleep because you haven't gotten much sleep all week with Jack having a cold. We were playing in the nursery when the phone rang. I was afraid it would wake you, so I scooped Jack up and dashed across the hall to our bedroom to take the call. It was someone named Larry Hayes, calling from WSPR, insisting on talking to you. I told him to take whatever it was to Tony Galliano, and he said he couldn't because Galliano had gone home with the stomach flu. So I told him I was the station co-owner, and he said there was a uniformed officer at the police department speaking on condition of anonymity and telling him that Brent Lawrence had been spotted in the vicinity of the lighthouse." Roger looked in her eyes intently. "I swear to you, Holly, I had no idea that he had Lucy and Alan-Michael and Faith there at the lighthouse, or that Alan was making a ransom drop tonight. Not until Buzz Cooper came storming into your office at the station ready to throttle me for putting them in more danger. Given Brent Lawrence's criminal history, I thought it would be a public service to warn people that he was on the loose and where he'd been seen. That's all I was doing."

"I know that you didn't know about the ransom drop, or that Brent Lawrence had hostages at the lighthouse," Holly said, her arms still folded over her chest, "but you didn't get a name from this Hayes?"

"No," Roger said.

"And it didn't occur to you that even if you accepted the terms of anonymity to make sure that Hayes at least had a name that he could confirm later?" Holly asked.

"No," Roger admitted, abashed.

"**I'M** the station manager!" Holly exclaimed. "With Galliano out of commission, the decision was **mine**, not yours, co-owner or not! A hands-off partner at work, Roger, you said that when you first offered me the job after Gilly got transfered to New York."

"I remember," Roger said. "It's just that it's been such a difficult, exhausting week for all three of us, dealing with Jack's cold, and you've barely slept, and Jack's finally better, and you were sleeping so soundly, and so peacefully..." He trailed off weakly. He knew that he really had no defense. He'd been thinking like a husband instead of like the hands-off business partner he had promised Holly he would be...that he had been up until tonight.

Holly sighed. "I know that your heart was in the right place," she said, unfolding her arms from her chest. "But this is exactly the kind of thing we're going to be dealing with for the next eighteen years, Roger. How am I supposed to figure out how to balance my career and being a mother to Jack if you take decisions regarding work, decisions that are mine to make, out of my hands, even if you're trying to be helpful in the process? I **need** your help, and I **want** your help, but not _**this kind** _of help! I don't need or want you to take over my work. I need you to back me up, to help me find and maintain a balance between my work and our family. And when something like this comes up again, if I'm sleeping, I need you to wake me up so that **I** can handle it, because that's my job."

Roger nodded sheepishly, a contrite look on his face. "You're right. I was thinking like a husband, and not like a hands-off business partner and co-owner."

"Well, as your wife, I appreciate what you did. But as the station manager, I'm angry, because you took over and made a decision that, if tonight had played out any other way, could have seriously backfired on the station," Holly said. "I know you meant that bulletin as a warning to the town at large, but you didn't get all the facts before airing it, and I'm not talking about Lucy and Alan-Michael and Faith being hostages there now. This Larry Hayes, whatever his exact job is-and I will be looking into that tomorrow, Saturday or not-should have been prepared with that name, and he'd better have a name to give to Detective Levy right now. If things had gone differently tonight, we could have been looking at a hefty lawsuit, but thankfully, luckily, we're not. But this is why checking all the facts before you put something on the air is a must."

Roger hadn't thought about that aspect of it at all, and once Holly made that point, he felt more chagrined than he had already. "It doesn't seem like nearly enough, Holly, but I am really sorry. I should have woken you up and let you deal with it," he said.

"Yes, you should have," Holly agreed. "And speaking of decisions you made tonight, you had better never scare me like this again! I understand that you felt like you had to go to the lighthouse after you found out Lucy and Alan-Michael were there, but I'm trying very hard not to think about all the things that could have happened to you out there, because if I do that..." She shuddered as she trailed off.

"None of those things happened," Roger said. He put his hands on Holly's shoulders, uncertain whether or not she would shun his touch. When she didn't, he left his hands on her shoulders and went on, "Nothing and no one, including all the angels in Heaven and all the demons in Hell, is ever going to take me away from you and Jack and Chrissy and our grandsons-to-be. If they even try, they'll have the fight of the century on their hands."

Holly had already known that Roger felt that way, but after what had happened this evening, she needed the reassurance. She leaned in closer to him as she said, "This is a new experience for me. I've never been angry at you and proud of you at the same time."

"You're proud of me?" Roger asked, surprised.

"Of course I'm proud of you!" Holly told him. "You saved Faith's life tonight, and you kept Mike from getting shot."

"When I found out that I might have inadvertently put Lucy and Alan-Michael in more danger than they already were, I just...I had to do something," Roger said. "That's why I went out there." He paused, then said, "I wasn't trying to impress anybody, and I wasn't trying to be a hero, and I wasn't trying to make up for anything that I did to any of them in the past. I just didn't want those kids to get hurt or killed because of something I did, so I had to go out there, Holly. I'm sorry I scared you, but I had to go there. I **had** to." His eyes pleaded for her understanding.

And she **did** understand. "I know you did," Holly replied, putting her arms around him. "I get why you did it. You wanted to head off potential tragedy at the pass, and you did. That's why I'm proud of you." She gently squeezed him. "And I forgive you, both for what happened at the station and for scaring me." She pinned him with a hard look then, the look that he recognized as a warning not to cross her on what she was about to say because if he did, there would be hell to pay. "But if you **ever** try to take over at WSPR for me again, no matter what the circumstances, no matter how good your intentions are-"

"I promise, even if I have to wake you up in the middle of the night for something, I will never again do your job for you," Roger vowed. "This is something I need to work on with Dr. Janssen, and I'm going to bring it up in our next session."

Holly kissed Roger, and then they returned to the ER waiting area. When they got there, Alexandra, Hope, Alan, Mike, and Maureen were gathered together talking, but they stopped when they saw Roger and Holly. They all looked at each other, and then Alexandra spoke. "Roger."

"Alexandra," Roger said, looking at her warily.

"I'll never forget everything that has happened between you and me, and between you and my family," Alexandra said, "but I am very grateful to you for saving Faith's life."

"I understand," Roger said, and he did. After everything he had done to Alexandra and Alan and the rest of the Spauldings, and everything Alexandra had done to him and to Holly, Roger knew he would never forget any of it either. But if the situation were reversed, if Blake had been in mortal danger and Alexandra had been the one to save her life, Roger would be thanking Alex for that the same way she was thanking him for saving Faith now.

"Maybe..." Alexandra began. Then she said, "Maybe we can continue on as we have, steering as clear of one another as possible."

"It does seem to be working," Roger agreed.

Nick and Susan approached them then. "Dr. Grant just came out and said that Alan-Michael's out of surgery and he's going to be fine," Nick announced, and Hope sagged against Alan in relief as Maureen smiled and Alexandra closed her eyes for a moment in silent thanks to Heaven.

"Lucy's chomping at the bit to get in there with Alan-Michael, and I think Dr. Bauer is going to let her go back," Susan said. "I'm sure he'll let you go back as well, Mr. and Mrs. Spaulding. Alexandra and Nick and I will wait out here."

Maureen hugged Roger then. "This night could have turned out so much worse if not for you," she said.

"Anyone would have done the same," Roger insisted.

Alan looked at Roger then. "Roger," he said, but he was at a loss as to what else to say.

Roger said, "Anyone would have done the same, Alan. At the end of the day, you and I are just two fathers who would do anything for our daughters."

Hope spoke up then. "Roger, I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you did tonight for my daughter and for my father."

"Anyone would have done the same," Roger repeated, uncomfortable with Hope's direct praise.

"But it wasn't anyone," Hope persisted. "It was you. You kept my daughter from falling to her death, and you kept my father from getting shot. You gave Faith the chance to fight to come back to us, and I'll never forget that." Her worry over Faith shone plainly in her eyes and on her face then.

"Faith's been fighting to come back to you for the last three months. She's not about to quit now," Roger said. "She's half Bauer, and all of the Bauers are fighters." One corner of his mouth twisted wryly. "You had to be to survive me."

Hope said nothing to that, just looked at Roger so intently that he had to stop himself from squirming.

Then Hope spoke. "For the first time in all the years I've known you, Roger," she said, "I see something of the man my grandfather saw in you."

Bill Bauer had been the only member of the Bauer family who had ever believed there was some good in Roger deep down, and for a time, Bill Bauer had been the only person in Roger's life that didn't believe he would never be anything more than evil, the only person in Roger's life who had believed he wouldn't always fail at everything he tried to do. The look in Roger's eyes told Holly that Roger was remembering how Bill thought of him, and how, before he had died, after Roger had returned to Springfield, Bill forgave Roger for shooting him on his way out of town when Bill tried to stop him from going to Santo Domingo all those years ago.

Ed came over then to tell Hope and Alan that they could go back and sit with Alan-Michael (Lucy was already keeping vigil at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up), and as Ed, Hope and Alan departed, and Alexandra and Maureen excused themselves to talk to Fletcher, who was working on the story for the next morning's _Journal. _When Holly saw Detective Cutter approaching then, she asked Roger, "Have you given your statement to the police yet?"

"No, I haven't," he said.

"Cutter's headed this way, and that's probably what he wants," she replied.

Indeed, Cutter said, "Mr. Thorpe, we need your statement about what happened out at the lighthouse tonight."

Holly squeezed Roger's hand. "I'll wait out here with Blake and Ross," she said. He squeezed her hand back before going with Cutter to give his statement.

"Has there been any word on Faith?" Holly asked Blake and Ross as she sat down in the chair next to Blake.

"Ed said there hasn't been any change in her condition," Blake said.

"Yet," Ross said. "She's in there fighting, though."

"If anyone can make it through this, it's Faith," Holly agreed.

Blake leaned closer to Holly. "You and Dad are okay, right? I mean, I know he really messed up. He even admitted that he messed up in front of the entire waiting room here, but he was really just trying to help you out," she said.

"We're okay, Blake," Holly assured her daughter. "We've discussed it, and I'm sure we'll discuss it again." She was thinking of what Roger had said about working on this with Dr. Janssen. He was very conscientious about working through issues in their relationship instead of letting them fester, and Holly was grateful for it. Even when therapy got tough, neither one of them gave up, because the one thing they would never give up on was their relationship.

Tangie arrived then and greeted Holly, Blake, and Ross. "They said at the police station that Cutter's here. Is he working?" she asked.

"At the moment, yes, he's taking Roger's statement," Holly replied, "but I imagine after that, he'll be rushing to Faith's bedside once they're letting people in to be with her."

"They found Faith?" Tangie asked eagerly. "How is she?"

"She's not in good shape," Blake said before filling Tangie in on Faith's condition and where she'd been for the last three months.

"She's made it this far," Tangie said when Blake had finished. "She has a lot of people pulling for her. She'll make it. She has to." Neither Tangie nor Blake wanted to think about what it would do to Patrick Cutter if Faith didn't make it.

Meanwhile, Roger gave his statement to Cutter, and when he had finished, as he was turning to leave, Cutter said, "Could you wait a moment, please?" Roger turned back and looked at Cutter. "They don't know yet if Faith is going to pull through this," Cutter said. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly through his nose before continuing. "If she does, it'll be because you kept her from falling from the lighthouse tonight." He looked at Roger intently. "I won't forget that, Mr. Thorpe. Not ever."

Roger dipped his chin in a nod of acknowledgement, unable to think of anything to say to Cutter and uncomfortable with the possibility of more thanks. He knew that deep down, his actions at the lighthouse wouldn't really change anyone's feelings about him. But between the exhaustion and helplessness of dealing with Jack's cold all week, the events of this evening at WSPR and the lighthouse, his conversation with Holly, and the reminder of Bill Bauer, who had once been the only person in the world willing to give Roger a fair chance, which led directly to memories of how Roger had repaid Bill for that, by shooting Bill on his way out of Springfield to Santo Domingo, he was very close to emotional overload, and he just wanted to go home and be with Jack and Holly before one more person thanked him.

He understood why Cutter, Hope, and even Alexandra and Alan had thanked him, but he didn't do it for their thanks. He was just trying to keep the night from ending up in tragedy in any way that could have been tied to him. Self-preservation? Partly, yes. Most of Springfield would cheerfully blame him for bad weather and hangnails, and he admitted that they had excellent reasons for that. But this time, if something bad had happened, he would have been partly responsible because the bulletin that aired on WSPR aired on his sole say-so. It had taken him a lifetime, a lot of loss, and a lot of hard work, but Roger had finally reached a place where he no longer reveled in the suffering of others, even others whom he had once despised to the very marrow of his bones. Roger Thorpe now worked hard every day to be the good man that Bill Bauer had once seen...the good man that Holly had believed for so long that he was capable of being, even when he didn't believe it himself...and no matter what any of the Bauers or Spauldings or Jenna or Buzz or Detective Cutter or anyone else thought; tonight he had been faced with the choice of being the good man he now strove to be, taking full responsibility for his actions and doing whatever he could to keep innocent people from getting hurt or worse because of his actions, or turning a blind eye and doing nothing, shirking accountability for the mistakes he had made tonight, and the only thing he could do, the only thing he wanted to do, was what he had actually done tonight: take responsibility for his actions to everyone and try to fix the mistakes he made the best way he could. Having accomplished that, he could look himself in the mirror while shaving with a clear conscience-the fact that he had a conscience, after ignoring or disregarding its existence for most of his life, another benefit of wisdom gained and therapy hours clocked-and he just wanted to go home and be with his wife and son now.

Roger returned to the ER waiting room to find Holly sitting and talking with Chrissy, Ross, and Tangie. "Are you ready to go home?" he asked Holly by way of greeting.

"Yes," she said. "I called to check on Jack, and he's being really fussy for Ryan and Colleen. I don't know if he's not feeling well again, or he's not happy because it's the first time he's been without you or me or Blake."

"I drove Mom here, but we came in my car," Blake piped up then.

"I drove here from the lighthouse," Roger said. "We have a way to get home." He paused, then said, "When you hear something about Faith, let us know."

"I will," Blake promised. She, Tangie, and Ross said their good nights to Roger and Holly, and Roger and Holly left Cedars.

But when they got outside, they were surprised to find Mike Bauer out there, getting a breath of fresh air and taking a moment alone, since Hope, Alan, and Lucy were with Alan-Michael, and no one was allowed in to be with Faith yet. Mike looked at Roger for a long moment, so Roger looked back at him, neither of them speaking. Then Mike extended his hand, and Roger shook it, and as they shook hands, Mike said, "My father would be glad that he was right in what he believed about you." He looked at Holly then and said, "Blake said the baby has a cold. I hope he's feeling better soon."

"He seems to be over the worst of it," Holly replied. "But we're headed home to him right now. Good night, Mike."

"Good night, Holly," Mike said. He nodded at Roger. "Roger."

Roger nodded back. "Mike."

Mike went back inside Cedars then, and Holly put her arm through Roger's, knowing that he wasn't comfortable with getting thanked by the people who had thanked him tonight, with the exception of Maureen since they were friends regardless of what the rest of the Bauers and Spauldings thought, but she also knew that for what Roger did tonight, he deserved it.

"Let's go home," Roger said, and she agreed.

* * *

_February 9, 1996, 10:28 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Ryan was walking the floor with a wailing Jack up over his shoulder when Roger and Holly got home. "Thank God!" Ryan exclaimed over Jack's crying. "See, buddy? I told you Mommy and Daddy were coming back, and here they are."

Holly took Jack from Ryan, and as soon as he saw her, he began to calm down. "Everything's okay, Jack. Mommy and Daddy are home now," she crooned, lightly kissing the tip of his nose and wiping away his tears. Jack rested his head in the crook of her neck and Holly sank down on the couch next to Colleen, picking up the forgotten pacifier from the coffee table and offering it to Jack, but he refused it, content just to be in his mother's arms.

"You're all right?" Ryan asked Roger anxiously.

"Yeah," Roger said.

"Well, the next time you decide to go charging off like that, you really need some backup," Ryan said. "Crockett had Tubbs, Starsky had Hutch, Malloy had Reed, and even Joe Friday had Bill Gannon."

"You forgot Cagney and Lacey," Colleen piped up from the couch with a smirk. "Just make sure before you go charging into danger with Roger that you have your Uncle Brendan the retired cop set you up with a bulletproof vest and a canister of tear gas first, honey."

Before Ryan could answer, the phone rang, and since Colleen was closest to it, she answered it. "Hello?...Yes, she's right here, just a minute, please." She lowered the receiver from her ear and said, "Holly, it's someone named Larry Hayes at WSPR."

"Oh, I'll definitely take it," Holly said, a stormy expression gleaming in her eyes.

Roger took Jack from Holly, and he shifted from his mother's arms to his father's with minimal complaint.

"It's really late for us, so we'll take off now," Ryan said as Holly accepted the phone from Colleen. "But I'll call you tomorrow, Roger. I want to know what happened out there."

"Okay," Roger said as he and Jack walked Ryan and Colleen to the door. "And thank you for coming over and taking care of Jack for us."

"Anytime," Colleen said.

After the Greenbergs left, Roger locked up, and seeing that Holly was arguing with Larry Hayes over the phone, Roger took Jack to the nursery and settled in the rocking chair with him. Jack looked up at him with Holly's eyes, as the first truly restful, potentially lengthy sleep Jack had had in nearly a week began to close in on him.

"Your old dad really messed up tonight," Roger told Jack. "But everything turned out okay somehow after all. Well, once we know that Faith's going to be all right, everything will have turned out okay." He smoothed Jack's hair off his forehead, and Jack's eyes fluttered closed at Roger's touch, but he forced them back open. "I don't set out to take over things for your mommy, but sometimes that's how it ends up coming off. But there are ways I can help her without taking over, because that just makes her angry and upset, and that's not good. But you know what? She forgives me. Even when I mess up like I did tonight, your mommy forgives me for it and loves me anyway, because she is the most incredible, amazing, remarkable woman in the world. You're going to grow up knowing that about her. And I hope that when I make mistakes with you like I do with your mommy, and like I have with your sister, that you can forgive me the way Mommy and Blake forgive me, because your mommy said something once, though she was talking about you at the time, but it's true for her and for Blake too: the mistakes that I make with the three of you, I make because I love you so much. I don't set out to mess up, I really don't, but sometimes I mess up anyway, but everything I do is because you and Mommy and Blake are my whole world."

Jack was nearly asleep now, and when Roger shifted and stood up, Holly was standing in the door of the nursery, watching the two of them together. "How much of that did you hear?" Roger asked softly.

"I came in when you were telling Jack that you don't set out to take over things for me, but sometimes that's how it ends up coming off," Holly replied.

"I meant it," Roger said.

"I know," Holly replied.

"Everything settled at the station?" Roger asked.

"For now," Holly said. "I don't think Larry Hayes is going to last in his job for very long, however. But I won't make a final decision for a while yet."

Roger crossed the room then and handed the nearly asleep Jack to Holly. "I'm going to take a quick shower before bed," he said. "He's almost asleep." He kissed Jack, then Holly, and then went to shower.

Holly carried Jack to her and Roger's bedroom and laid him in his bassinet, gently stroking his hair. "Yeah, Daddy messes up sometimes," she told Jack softly. "But deep down inside, your daddy has good in him. I've known that for a long time now, and you're going to know it too." Jack was sleeping now, and Holly was exhausted herself. She leaned down, kissed Jack, whispered, "Sweet dreams, baby boy," and then changed into her pajamas.

When Roger emerged from the bathroom in his own pajamas, Jack and Holly were asleep. He climbed into bed next to Holly, and as soon as he had turned off the light, Holly rolled over and snuggled into his arms, using his chest for a pillow, her arm stretched across him to nearly the edge of his side of the bed. He kissed the top of her head, wrapped his arms around her, and was asleep in moments.

* * *

_**Thanks to Kate for her help with the lighthouse rescue scenes.**_


	19. About Four Boys

_March 20, 1996, 4:52 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

It was touch and go at first, but to the immense relief and eternal gratitude of her family and friends, Faith Spaulding survived her bout with sepsis. Once she was conscious, Patrick Cutter spent every waking hour, and quite a few sleeping ones, at her bedside, monopolizing her time to the point that Alan, and Faith's many friends including Bridget and Dylan, Stacey, AJ, and David, complained among themselves about how little time they were getting with Faith without Patrick hovering. Hope, Alexandra, Maureen, Lucy and Alan-Michael, and Nick and Susan understood Patrick's feelings, though, and all of them explained to Alan and the others, especially Alan, that, having lost three months, and with Faith having thought for all that time that Patrick was dead while Patrick spent all that time fearing that Faith was dead, the couple needed to be with each other as much as possible now that they had finally been reunited.

The cop who talked to Larry Hayes at WSPR about Brent Lawrence, a transfer from Decatur named Marcus, faced disciplinary action for blabbing to the press about an ongoing case without clearing it through proper channels first, and most of the veteran officers at the Springfield PD figured Marcus' days on the force were numbered.

Now officially into her third trimester, Blake felt as big as a house. Her feet were swollen nearly all the time, she got tired more easily, her cravings intensified and her appetite increased. The boys were healthy, Dr. Sedwick assured Blake and Ross. "Growing a baby is difficult work, growing two at once is even more demanding on your body," she told Blake, adding that Blake needed to take it a bit easier now. The physical discomfort was no picnic, but what really bothered Blake was that she and Ross were no closer to agreeing on first names for their sons, and so Blake had bought another copy of each of the books of baby names and their meanings that she and Ross had been consulting, handed the extra copies to Ross, and told him to go through the books and make a final master list of his most favorite names of all, minus any they had had vehement arguments about already, since neither of them wanted to revisit discussions like "Blake, I don't care how much you liked their music in the early '90s, we are not naming one of our sons 'Radley' after The Boo Radleys," and "Jasper? Really, Ross? Am I giving birth to a basset hound?"

Roger and Holly continued to be amazed by Jack as he grew and thrived, changing a little bit every day. Now two months old, Jack was sleeping in his crib instead of in the bassinet in his parents' bedroom, could roll from his side to his back and from his back to his side, which surprised and thrilled his parents, and two days after learning to roll from his back to his side and from his side to his back, he discovered he had hands, and his hands fascinated him. He spent lots of time looking at his hands and fingers, sticking them in his mouth, and waving them around.

It was also at this point that Holly started adding Shakespeare to the books she read aloud to Jack. He listened to the Shakespeare as much as he listened to _Goodnight Moon, Pat the Bunny_, or similar books, and Roger would join Holly and Jack for this whenever he could, not wanting to intrude on their mother-son bonding time, but just wanting to be near his wife and son, and to hear Holly read aloud, since he had always enjoyed hearing her read aloud.

A couple of days past Jack's two-month birthday, Roger had a client meeting in Oakdale, so Holly took Jack to the pediatrician for his two-month checkup by herself. When she and Jack returned home after the visit to Dr. Winfield, Holly was surprised to see Faith Spaulding sitting by the front door. "Faith!" she exclaimed.

"Hi, Holly," Faith said as she stood up. "I hope you don't mind. Patrick had to go in to the station house, and when I got out of physical therapy today, I just didn't feel like going home. Everyone's been really great, but they're all kind of...well...hovering. And I get that, I do, but..." She trailed off, then smiled at Jack in Holly's arms. "I've been wanting to get a look at this little guy. He's beautiful."

"Thank you," Holly said, her maternal pride and joy shining on her face. "This is Jackson Robert Thorpe. Jack, this is Faith."

"Hi there, Jack," Faith said. She looked at Holly. "I'd ask to hold him, but I'm afraid I'd drop him. I still have a ways to go before I have all my strength back." She gingerly rotated her right shoulder. She was in physical therapy to regain her strength and improve her range of motion. The stab wound in her shoulder was the last lingering physical effect of Faith's ordeal at Brent Lawrence's hands. The bruises she had sustained from his repeatedly throttling her into unconsciousness had all healed or at least greatly faded. Brent Lawrence had gotten a sick rush out of what he called the power of holding her life in his hands and then giving it back to her. When she was conscious, he had taunted her about hurrying up and dying already, and rubbed in what he had done to Lucy, Alan-Michael, Patrick, Susan, and Nadine, crowing that she was powerless to do anything about it, and so was the rest of the town. Though she had gotten progressively sicker and weaker during the three months he held her captive in the lighthouse, Faith refused to give him the satisfaction of dying by his hand, and although she had no firsthand memory of her final struggle with Brent Lawrence, she had no problem at all with the fact that she was the one personally responsible for his arrival in Hell.

Faith mentally shook off these thoughts and held out her left index finger, which Jack grabbed eagerly. "He's got quite a grip," Faith said.

"He recently discovered he has hands, and he likes to use them," Holly said with a smile.

Holly unlocked the front door and nodded for Faith to enter the house ahead of her. Once they were all inside, Faith sat down on the couch while Holly stowed Jack's diaper bag in his room and then removed both his coat and her own. "Can I get you anything?" Holly asked as she sat on the couch, Jack on her lap.

"No, thank you," Faith said. "Roger's not home yet, is he?"

"Not yet," Holly said. She looked at her watch, then said, "But he figured he'd be home about 5:15, 5:20 today."

"Do you mind if I hang out for a while? I'd like to talk to him about something," Faith said.

"Of course not. You're welcome to stay as long as you like," Holly assured her.

Jack regarded Faith curiously, never having seen her before. The people he saw the most were Mommy and Daddy, of course. He saw a pretty good amount of Blake, and Ross was with her about half the time. And he'd seen the people that called themselves Tangie, Maureen, Ed, Michelle, and Uncle Ryan and Aunt Colleen a few times, but he'd never seen this lady before.

"Not sure what to make of me, Jack?" Faith asked, noticing Jack watching her. "You are your father's son." But there was no rancor or sarcasm in her tone. She was merely amused by the way Jack watched her. Jack waved one hand at Faith in response. "You're a little cutie," Faith said to Jack then, holding out her hand to him again. He once again grabbed her finger. "How old is he now?" Faith asked Holly.

"He was born January 18, so he's two months and two days old today," Holly replied. "And he just had his two-month checkup, and he's healthy and thriving and happy." She held Jack up over her head, making him squeal, then brought him down to rub his nose against hers.

"And so are you, and unless I miss my guess, Roger is too," Faith said.

"We are," Holly said simply. She set Jack in her lap again and then leaned forward and picked up a small, multicolored plush ball from the coffee table and dangled it in front of him, mesmerizing him. "We're also relieved that you're all right," she said, meeting Faith's gaze seriously now.

"I don't remember everything," Faith said, "and I don't remember a single thing about the night we were rescued. Everybody tells me it's better that way. I don't know if that's true or not, but I know enough about the night we were rescued to know that Roger played a big part in the rescue. That's why I want to talk to him."

"It isn't that we didn't want to come by the hospital while you were in there," Holly said apologetically, "but we've been so busy with Jack, and...well..."

"You don't have to explain, Holly," Faith said, waving away her explanation. "I know the history between our families as well as anyone. I certainly didn't expect Roger to be keeping vigil at my bedside. Even knowing what he did that night, my father, Aunt Alex, and Uncle Ed wouldn't have stood for that. I've been really busy myself, between recovering, starting physical therapy, and all of my family and friends spending time with me, and then Nick and Susan got married a couple of weeks ago."

"I saw the announcement in the _Journal_," Holly said with a nod.

"Alan-Michael and Lucy are next. They're aiming for a May wedding now," Faith continued. "And I've seen Blake and Ross a few times. Blake told me about her little brother, and about the babies she's expecting this summer. Twins! I didn't even know she was pregnant when I...well...disappeared."

"I've been trying to plan a surprise baby shower for Blake," Holly admitted. "I really want it to be something special and something fun, but trying to carve out the time to do everything I need to do for it is difficult."

"Could you use some help?" Faith offered. "My calendar is wide open."

"That would be great," Holly said gratefully. "If you're sure you're up to it, that is."

"Planning a baby shower is in no way more strenuous than physical therapy, and that's really all I have going on at the moment," Faith said. "What ideas do you have so far?"

"Just a theme, really," Holly replied. "Winnie the Pooh. And a location: the country club. I was thinking next month."

"Saturday afternoon? Or morning might be better. You could make Blake think you want to have breakfast at the country club just the two of you, and we'll rent out the main ballroom and get everybody in there before you and Blake arrive," Faith said.

"That's brilliant," Holly said. "Let's go with that. Now, the 6th is the day before Easter, so that's probably not a good idea. People will be getting ready for the holiday."

"Yeah," Faith agreed. She considered for a few seconds, then said, "How about the 20th? April 20?"

"Say, 10 AM?" Holly asked.

"That would work," Faith agreed. "One month from today. We'll get the invitations out in the next few days so everyone has plenty of notice and we have plenty of time to plan it all out."

"All right," Holly agreed with a smile.

The front door opened then, and Holly, Jack, and Faith all turned to look as Roger walked into the house. He'd had a stressful afternoon in Oakdale; after Thorpe and Marler's success with the new cardiac wing at Cedars, Oakdale Memorial Hospital had hired them for a similar job, and the first meeting had been today. The Chief of Staff of Oakdale Memorial, Dr. Bob Hughes, clearly had a difficult history with the Chief of Cardiology, Dr. John Dixon, who was also on the hospital board, and Lucinda Walsh, one of John Dixon's many ex-wives, was on the board too. Between Lucinda and John's verbal ping-pong with one another and John continually baiting Bob, it was a difficult afternoon for Roger as the man stuck trying to keep things moving forward, as the rest of the doctors and board members had sat silently while the verbal volleys flew back and forth between and among Bob, John, and Lucinda. Roger thought Bob Hughes had shown remarkable restraint, but eventually John had gotten to him, and finally one of the young doctors at the meeting, Ben Harris, had suggested they adjourn for the day. Roger made it a point to thank Dr. Harris on his way out of Oakdale Memorial. Harris had replied, "At least you only have to deal with them temporarily, Mr. Thorpe. The rest of us have to deal with this dynamic every day."

No matter how stressful and exhausting any work day was for Roger, though, seeing Holly and Jack always made the stress start to melt away. But today, he was surprised to see Faith Spaulding sitting on the couch beside them. He walked over to the couch, bent to kiss first Holly and then Jack hello, and then stood up and looked at Faith and said, "You look a lot better than you did the last time I saw you."

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be sitting here at all," Faith replied. "I don't remember anything about that night, but I'm told that I went over the side of the lighthouse and got caught on a railing and you're the one who climbed to where I was and brought me down to the ground. I know that Patrick and most of my family thanked you at the hospital that night, but I wanted to thank you myself."

Roger perched on the arm of the couch nearest Holly and Jack. "I'm just glad you're okay," he said.

"I also heard that you warned my grandfather when there was a bullet from Brent Lawrence's gun coming his way, and I thank you for that too," Faith continued. Jack held out his arms to Roger then, and Roger took Jack from Holly. "He's a beautiful boy," Faith said then.

"Thank you," Roger said.

Faith stood up and shrugged on her jacket, then looked at Roger again. "Years ago, after everyone found out that you weren't really Adam Malik, my great-grandfather told me that in spite of everything, he still believed that you had some good somewhere inside you, and that he hoped that someday you would find a way to embrace the part of you that was good. He would be glad to see how things have turned out for you, and he would be grateful for what you did for me and for my Grandpa Mike that night at the lighthouse...and he wouldn't have been surprised that you did it, because he always knew you had it in you, and it turns out he was right."

Faith smiled at Jack then. "It was nice meeting you, Jack. Next time I'll be strong enough to hold you, if you don't object to that." Faith turned to Holly and carefully hugged her. Holly carefully returned the hug. "I'll call you in the next couple of days about the shower, okay?"

"Okay," Holly replied. "It was good to see you."

"'Bye," Faith said before she slipped quietly out the front door.

After Faith had left, Holly looked at Roger. "I agree with Faith about Bill Bauer," she said.

"It's a nice thought," Roger admitted. "No matter how badly I messed up, he never stopped believing that I had the ability to turn things around somehow, someday."

"He was right," Holly said, squeezing Roger's shoulder.

"How was Jack's checkup?" Roger asked then, ready for a subject change as he shifted Jack in his arms.

"He's in the ninety-ninth percentile across the board," Holly said with a big smile. "Weight, length, the fact that he's discovered his hands and he can roll from his back to his side and his side to his back. He's healthy and thriving. Yes, you are!" she said brightly to Jack. She kissed him, then headed to the kitchen. "Could you feed him while I get some dinner together for us?"

"Sure," Roger said, eager to spend time with Holly and their son and shed the weight of the day. Having Holly and Jack to come home to made the most stressful of days bearable, because they were what was important, and he could handle anything life threw at him as long as he got to be with them at the end of every day. He heated Jack's bottle and settled on the couch with Jack to feed and burp him.

As she prepared dinner, Holly kept sneaking looks at Roger and Jack. After feeding and burping Jack, Roger laid him on the couch so he could stretch his tiny limbs, keeping his palm braced on Jack's belly to keep him from rolling off the couch. Jack babbled happily at his daddy, and Roger hung on Jack's every syllable, carrying on a conversation with him and leaning down to nuzzle Jack's forehead, cheeks, and nose as they talked, Jack stretching his arms and legs and moving his hands all the while.

Holly's heart swelled with happiness as she watched Roger and Jack together, the way they interacted, how much they clearly adored each other. This tiny little person had only been in their lives for two months and two days, but he had brought so much love and light and joy with him. Sure, there were difficult moments, and rough days, but Jack was worth it. Any number of interrupted nights of sleep, any amount of wondering how she would balance motherhood and her career, any moment of worry or fear was all worthwhile, because it was for Jack. And Holly had a true partner in Roger. She wasn't doing it alone this time, as she had for most of Blake's childhood, and that made a big difference. The load was lessened because she shared it with Roger, and the love and the light and the joy were multiplied, again because she shared it with Roger. And seeing the kind of father Roger was to Jack made Holly fall in love with him all over again, and there were times when she would catch Roger watching her with Jack, whether she was tending to him somehow or reading to him or rocking him to sleep, and she could see his heart in his eyes in those moments, his love for Jack and his love for her, and she knew that seeing her be a mother to their son had made him fall in love with her all over again, too.

Smiling, she turned off the burners on the stove before letting Roger know that dinner was ready.

* * *

_March 20, 1996, 7:34 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Ross handed Blake his sheet of paper, and Blake scribbled one last name on her sheet of paper before handing it to Ross. "Ready?" Blake asked.

"Ready," Ross agreed.

They then silently perused each other's lists of names until Blake thoughtfully mused aloud, "Jason."

Ross looked up from his list. "You like Jason?" he asked.

Blake tilted her head, considering. "Jason Marler," she said, trying out the name. "Jason James Marler."

"That sounds good," Ross said. "I like that. Jason James Marler. Jason Marler."

"Then we have a name?" Blake asked hopefully.

"We have a name," Ross agreed.

Blake grinned and tried to launch herself at Ross for a hug, but her center of gravity now was such that she couldn't successfully accomplish it. She nearly fell into Ross's lap. "Oops, I don't want to crush you," she said.

Ross pulled Blake against his side and wrapped both arms around her. "You couldn't crush me," he insisted.

"Take a good look at me," Blake said. "I am rapidly approaching the phase where I will be mistaken for Shamu, Ross."

"You are not Shamu, Blake. You're carrying our sons," Ross said. "You've never been more beautiful."

"And you said that with a straight face," Blake said.

"I mean it," Ross said earnestly. "You're always beautiful to me, Blake, but now, growing our babies..." He trailed off, then leaned down and softly kissed her.

When they broke the kiss, Blake said, "Well, we have one name, but we need another one yet."

Ross got an idea then. "Give me my list back," he said.

"Why?" Blake asked after handing the list to him.

"I'm going to compare it to yours," Ross replied, putting both lists on the coffee table side by side and leaning over them to carefully read them. "There must be one name that is on both of our lists."

"There hasn't been so far," Blake reminded him. "We're lucky we agree on Jason James. Trying to find another name, and one that goes well with Ross and doesn't start with a 'J' because that's just too cutesy and I'm not doing that to our sons, is like lightning striking twice in the same place."

Ross looked up from the lists with a grin. "Here comes the lightning bolt, then," he said. "There's one name on my list that is also on yours."

"There is?" Blake asked, shocked. "Which one?"

"Kevin," Ross replied. "So we both like it, since we each put it on our list."

"I like it," Blake agreed, "and it doesn't start with a 'J.'"

"Kevin Ross Marler," Ross said, trying the name out.

Blake got tears in her eyes then. "It's perfect," she said.

"It is," Ross agreed. "As perfect as Jason James Marler."

"Our sons have names, Ross," Blake said as she began to cry. She looked from her belly to Ross, her face shining. "Our sons have names!" she exclaimed happily.

Ross tenderly caressed Blake's belly. "Kevin and Jason," he said.

"Kevin and Jason," Blake echoed. She laid her head on Ross's shoulder and sniffled. "Sorry I'm crying again," she said. "I'm a hormone casserole these days." She lifted her head and looked at him, biting her bottom lip nervously. "I'm probably going to get more emotional and more crabby the closer we get to June," she said.

Ross gently rubbed her back. "What, you think I can't take it?" he teased. Then he grew serious. "You're growing two little lives, Blake. I can't do anything to take away the physical discomfort of the process, but whatever you and Kevin and Jason need, I'm here for, whether it's food or a foot rub or to serve as your human handkerchief."

Blake smiled, then lifted her head and kissed Ross.

* * *

_March 20, 1996,_ 8:37_ PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Jack's eyelids were fluttering. "Someone's getting sleepy," Holly said in a sing-song voice.

"It's no wonder, the way he's been rolling and stretching and kicking," Roger said. He and Holly were in the living room with Jack, who had been showing off his rolling and stretching and kicking skills for the past hour.

Jack yawned hugely then. "I think it's pajama time," Roger said.

"And maybe a song from Daddy?" Holly asked as she picked Jack up.

Roger gently cradled the back of Jack's head in his palm as the baby laid his cheek against Holly's shoulder. "Yeah, I don't think you could even get through_ Goodnight Moon _tonight before he's fast asleep," Roger agreed. He followed Holly to the nursery and helped her get Jack changed into his blue sleeper with little white stars all over it and a fresh diaper.

Holly lifted Jack off the changing table, kissed him, and said softly, "Good night, baby boy. Sweet dreams. Mommy loves you so much." Then she handed him to Roger with a whispered, "Meet me in our room when he's asleep," brushed a hand gently through Jack's hair, and left the nursery. Roger sat down in the rocking chair with Jack, and he didn't get through one full chorus of "My Blue Heaven" before Jack was sound asleep, dreaming his baby dreams.

Roger laid Jack in his crib and covered him with a small, light blanket, then he bent over the crib and kissed him, stroking his cheek gently with one fingertip. "Sweet dreams, Jack. Daddy loves you," he whispered. He picked up the nursery monitor and made sure the nightlight was on, and then he left the door ajar and headed across the hall to his and Holly's room.

The sight of Holly by candlelight, lying in the middle of their bed with one hand propped beneath her head, wearing the green satin nightgown she had worn on their honeymoon stopped Roger in his tracks and took his breath away. She smiled at him as she sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, then got to her feet. "It fits," she said, a note of triumph in her voice. She smoothed one hand over her stomach. "It's a little more snug in the stomach, and possibly the hips, than it was on our honeymoon, but it fits. Not that I plan to be wearing it for very long." She took three steps, closing the distance between the two of them. "Jack isn't the only one who went to the doctor today," she continued, winding her arms around Roger's neck. "I had a little visit with Dr. Sedwick myself."

"Did you?" Roger asked, putting his arms around her waist, the nursery monitor still clutched in one hand.

"Mmm-hmm," Holly replied as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck as she continued, "She said that I'm fully recovered and completely healed from Jack's birth." She slid her hands to his shoulders, then down his arms to his hands, gently removing the nursery monitor from his hand and placing it on top of the dresser behind him, holding his gaze all the while.

"That's good," Roger said as he gently framed her face in his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs before letting his hands slide down her back, the heat of his touch making her heart beat faster.

"It is," Holly agreed, moving closer in his arms, her breath whispering across his face.

"So," Roger said, resting his forehead against Holly's, "what should we do this evening?"

"Mmm, I have several ideas," Holly said before brushing her lips across his briefly.

"Why don't you tell me about them?" Roger asked as they began to move toward the bed, wrapped in each other's arms.

"I'd rather show you," Holly said as the backs of her knees hit the bed. They fell onto the bed together, Roger on top of Holly, and met in a long, slow, deep kiss. Clothes were shed and discarded, and then they were pressed to each other, naked and hot. "I've missed being with you like this," Holly whispered huskily, her hands roaming Roger's chest, feeling his pounding heart beneath her fingertips, to his back, feeling his muscles move as he pressed himself ever closer to her and kissed his way down her throat.

"I've missed it too," he whispered back as he lifted his head to meet her gaze as he joined their bodies. They found their rhythm in a slow, seductive dance instinctively remembered and joyously shared.

They lay in each other's arms in the afterglow, sharing long, dreamy kisses. Holly gently stroked Roger's bare chest as he kissed her temple. She touched his face and said, "You make me feel like the most beautiful, most desirable woman in the world."

He smiled and brushed her hair off her forehead. "You are," he said simply. "To me, you are."

"Even with those last few pregnancy pounds hanging on, and a C-section scar?" she asked, the smallest hint of insecurity in the words.

"Does my scar bother you?" he asked, his eyes flicking to his own bare chest for a moment, to the scar left behind when Eve Guthrie had removed the bullet a few years back.

"No," Holly replied honestly. "That scar is proof of life, proof that you survived that bullet." She kissed his scar then. "To me, that scar is beautiful."

"Your scar is proof of life, too," he said. "Proof of Jack's life. For nine months, you carried a little piece of both of us inside of you, and that scar is how he came into the world. Talk about beautiful." He gently brushed a fingertip across Holly's scar, then shifted so that he could kiss it, then kissing his way up her body until he met her lips once more.

Then they heard Jack crying over the monitor. They broke the kiss, and Roger rested his forehead against Holly's for a moment, catching his breath. "I'll go," he said. He found his boxers on the floor and pulled them on before hurrying across the hall to tend to the baby. Holly leaned down from her place in bed and snagged Roger's shirt from the floor, putting it on and buttoning it up.

Roger returned carrying Jack. "I changed him," he reported as he carefully climbed back into bed beside Holly while holding the baby. "He's not acting like he's hungry, but he's not acting like he's sleepy either."

Holly reached for the baby. "Not so sleepy, little man?" she asked.

And that's when it happened.

As Holly took Jack from Roger, Jack looked right at her and smiled his very first smile.

Holly gasped. "Jack," she said, surprised.

Roger saw it too. "Holly, he's smiling!" Roger exclaimed.

"He is," she agreed. "His very first smile." She lay back against the pillows, holding Jack on her lap, facing her. Roger settled himself back against his own pillows next to her, and the two of them looked at their son, who had a line of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth and was still smiling. Holly cuddled the baby close, kissing him and smiling back at him. Then she looked at Roger and said, "He really does have your smile."

Roger watched the two of them and felt a smile taking root on his own face. "Boy, are you in trouble, then," he teased.

"Your smile doesn't always work on me," Holly reminded Roger. "Jack's won't either."

"Sure, you say that now..." Roger said. Then the phone rang. Roger reluctantly rolled over and answered it. "Hello?"

"He's here! Sam's here!" the jubilant Ryan Greenberg practically shouted on the other end of the line.

"Congratulations!" Roger exclaimed. He looked at Holly and Jack. "It's Ryan. Sam's here."

"Congratulations, Ryan!" Holly called.

"So, details!" Roger said. "When was he born? How big he is? Who does he look like?"

"11:03 tonight, seven pounds, ten ounces, 20 inches long," Ryan said. "He's got a shock of dark hair like Colleen, and the bluest eyes I've ever seen."

"And how is Colleen?" Roger asked.

"Incredible. If men had to give birth, the human race would have died out thousands of years ago," Ryan said. "She's sleeping now. I just had to let you know that Sam's here, though." Ryan paused, then said in amazement, "I'm a father, Roger."

"Welcome to the club," Roger said.

Roger heard a newborn crying in the background then. "Oh, Sam's awake, I gotta go," Ryan said hurriedly. He hung up before Roger could say goodbye.

Roger replaced the receiver and settled himself back against his pillows once more. "How are Ryan and Colleen? How's Sam?" Holly asked.

"Well, Ryan's on top of the world, Colleen is asleep, and Sam started crying just now, so Ryan had to hang up," Roger said. He looked at Jack, then looked back at Holly. "Do you think Jack and Sam will get to be friends?" he asked.

"You and Ryan are. I don't see why the boys wouldn't," she replied.

"I hope they do," Roger said. He took Jack from Holly then, laying the baby on his chest over his heart, Jack's favorite spot. Holly snuggled against Roger's side, gently rubbing circles on Jack's back as he snuggled into Roger's chest and popped a fist in his mouth. They lay there in silence as Jack slowly drifted back to sleep, lulled back to slumber by the sound of his father's heartbeat and the feel of his mother's touch.

After Jack had fallen back to sleep, Roger looked from the baby to Holly, his heart full to bursting with love for both of them and a joy that nothing but snuggling in bed with the two of them had ever given him or ever would give him. "'God is in His Heaven, and all is right with the world,'" he said softly.

"Robert Browning," Holly responded automatically. She looked from Jack's sleeping face to Roger's smiling one, her own heart filled to overflowing with love for her husband and son, and a deep feeling of peace that was becoming increasingly familiar in moments like this, moments where she and Roger and Jack were just together at home like this, suffusing her soul. She smiled, let her hand still and rest gently on Jack's back, cupped Roger's cheek in her other palm, and looking into his shining eyes, said softly, "I agree with him...and with you" before craning her neck to plant a tender kiss on Roger's lips.

* * *

_**Bob Hughes, John Dixon, Lucinda Walsh, Ben Harris, and Oakdale Memorial Hospital are all from As the World Turns. **_


	20. Shower the People You Love With Love

March_ 26, 1996, 3:45 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger, Holly, and Jack were just returning from the Greenbergs' house-or as the exhausted Ryan called it, "The House Where Sleep Went to Die," since Samuel Connor Greenberg was not a good sleeper at all, and kept his parents up most of the night every night as he adjusted to life on this planet-when they heard the phone ringing. Roger was carrying Jack, so Holly rushed for the phone after they got inside. "Hello?...This is she," she said. Roger took Jack into the nursery and took off his jacket-there was still a chill in the air since it was still March-while Holly finished the call, but he distinctly heard her say, "Oh, no!...You're sure?...Well, thank you for calling. Goodbye."

Holly appeared in the nursery doorway a moment later, looking upset. "That was the day care center. One of their caregivers' mothers was in a serious car accident this morning, and the woman lives in Dayton, so her daughter has taken an open-ended leave of absence effective immediately to go and be with her and then to help take care of her after she's out of the hospital, so they can't take Jack starting April 8 after all. They won't be able to take him until the end of May at the absolute earliest, but they're not sure about that yet," she said.

"Okay," Roger said.

"'Okay'?" Holly echoed. "Roger, my first day back at work is April 8! WSPR doesn't have an in-house day care, and neither does your office. What are we going to do?"

"I'll stay home with Jack until the day care center can take him," Roger said calmly.

Holly looked at Roger, surprised. "You will?" she asked.

"Absolutely," Roger said. Seeing that she still looked surprised, he said, "Is my staying home with Jack really that big a shock?"

"Well, no," Holly admitted. Roger shifted Jack to his other arm, grabbed a couple of toys, and then carefully got down on the rug with Jack, laying the baby on his stomach to play and then sitting down across from him. Holly sat down next to Roger. "You just seem so eager to do it."

"I can keep up with my work well enough for however long it takes for the day care center to be able to take Jack," Roger said. He looked at Jack now, as the baby lifted his head and stretched out his left hand toward a ring of colorful plastic keys. "That's the way, Jack. You can reach the keys." Keeping his eyes on Jack, Roger continued, "I missed this phase with Chrissy. And I love being with Jack. I'll take any extra time I can get with him. I can keep up with my work while he's napping during the day. I can work a couple of hours in the evenings or on the weekends if I need to."

"If I could change Blake's babyhood-" she started.

Roger placed a gentle finger on her lips to silence her. "That's not why I said it. That's water under the bridge. I was just stating a fact: I _**did** _miss this phase of her life, and until Jack, I didn't know how much or how fast babies change every day." He removed his finger from her lips. "There are things I'm going to miss with him, Hol. There's no guarantee that I, that either one of us, will be there when he crawls for the first time or takes his first step or says his first-ever word. I hope at least one of us will be, but there's just no way of knowing for absolute certain that you or I or both of us will."

Holly looked at Jack, the determination on his little face as he reached for those keys making him look so much like Roger. Then she looked at Roger. "I hope at least one of us is there for those firsts of his, too," she said. "And he's going to love being with you."

Jack let out a squeal then. Roger and Holly looked, and the keys were clutched in Jack's fingers! "That's our boy!" Roger exclaimed proudly. Jack smiled and lifted his left hand, holding the keys, babbling excitedly. Roger lifted Jack into the air and then settled the baby on his knee, Jack now waving the keys as he continued to babble.

"You picked up those keys all by yourself! Good job, Jack!" Holly said brightly.

"He picked them up with his left hand," Roger noticed then. "Do you think that means he'll be left-handed, like me?"

"He might be," Holly said. She smiled at Jack, then looked at Roger once more. "Just don't let me come home and find you vacuuming again."

"I promise I won't touch the vacuum cleaner," Roger vowed seriously. But then he grinned at her and said, "But I make no such promises about the microwave."

Holly laughed. "Use the microwave all you want. Just don't blow it up," she said.

"Yes, dear," Roger said, laughing too. Then Jack laughed as well, even though he didn't know what Mommy and Daddy found so funny.

* * *

_April 7, 1996, 7:08 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly settled herself on the couch, her feet propped on the edge of the coffee table, her knees and thighs together, Jack lying in her lap looking up at her as she gazed down at him. Roger was going over some work in their bedroom, leaving mother and son alone at Holly's request.

Jack was going on three months old now, and fascinated by faces, listening intently to his parents' voices when they spoke to him, and gazing raptly at their faces whenever they made eye contact with him. He cooed at his mother and she braced him in her lap with one hand as she gave him her other finger to hold. "I'm going back to work tomorrow, Jack," Holly began. "I know you don't know what work is yet, but you're used to being at home with me every day during the day, and that's going to change starting tomorrow. It isn't that I don't love being here at home with you, because I do. I love it a lot. But I need to work, too."

Jack held her gaze and listened to every word she said, seeming to understand her earnestness even though he couldn't possibly understand the reasons for it. He squeezed her finger, and she smiled at him, earning a smile from him in return, before she grew serious again. "When Blake was your age, there was so much I didn't know...about how to be a mom, about who I was, about what made me happy. And I don't know everything now." She traced his tiny jawline with the back of her index finger.

"But I know so much more now than I did back then about being a mom and about who I am and about what makes me happy. You, Jack, you make me happy. And Blake makes me happy. And your daddy makes me happy. Yes, you do," she said with a nod when he cooed again. "But my work makes me happy too, in a completely different way than you and Blake and Daddy make me happy. I know what I **don't** want to do this time around, and I think between me and your father and you, we can figure this all out somehow, so tomorrow, I'm going back to work...and it's going to take some getting used to for both of us. But for the next little while, you'll get to hang out with Daddy all day, and you'll have a lot of fun doing that."

"Aye oh oh aye," Jack babbled.

"Yes, you love Daddy, and Daddy loves you," Holly said. "And** I** love you, Jack. So very, very much." She leaned down and kissed him, and as she lifted her head, Jack gurgled at her and he reached his hand up and touched her face for a second before stretching both his arms up above his head. Holly caught hold of the hand he had just touched to her face and kissed it. "Being cute and making me melt. Like father, like son," she said.

"You're comparing Jack to me. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Roger asked, having heard Holly's last four words as he walked down the hall towards the living room.

"A good thing, in this instance," Holly replied as she looked up at Roger standing at the edge of the hall. "Join us."

Roger sat down beside Holly and looked down at Jack in her lap. "It looks like the mother-son talk went well," he said as he smoothed a hand through Jack's hair.

"It did," Holly agreed, turning her own gaze to Jack once more. "Well, tomorrow's the day."

"It will be an adjustment, for all of us," Roger said, stretching his arm across the back of the couch behind Holly. "But we're going to make this work." He looked at her then, and she looked back at him.

"Promise?" she asked. Even though she wanted to go back to work, and she knew that Jack would be fine with Roger, she also knew that she would miss the baby, since she had been home with him every day of his life so far.

"I promise," Roger vowed.

* * *

_April 8, 1996, 8:34 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger set Jack in his swing, then dropped to the floor and, in one swift motion, pulled a small, flat, gift-wrapped package out from under the couch, making Jack laugh. "Glad to amuse you," Roger said, making a big show of bowing. Holly's purse was hanging on the coat rack by the front door, and he hurried over and stashed the package inside, then he walked over to the swing, where Jack looked at him and babbled. "When you're older and we do things like this for Mommy, you can be my lookout," he said.

Holly emerged from her and Roger's bedroom then, dressed for work. Roger picked up the travel mug of coffee he had placed on the coffee table before stashing the wrapped package under the couch and held it out to her. "Have a great first day back," he said as she took the travel mug from him.

Jack piped up from his swing then, "Eee aye oh eee!" and gifted his mother with a big smile.

Holly looked at Roger, then at Jack. "I know you've got everything under control with Jack," she said, her gaze flicking back to Roger.

Roger saluted smartly. "No Armagnac in Jack's bottles, and he has to be able to actually hold the cards before I teach him poker," he said. Holly couldn't help it; she laughed out loud. "That's better," Roger said with a smile. He took a step closer and tucked Holly's hair behind her ears. "I know you're gonna miss Jack," he said softly, "but we'll be fine, Hol. And you'll be great. And we'll be here when you get home."

"I know. It's just..." She trailed off, then said, "You've been through this. The first time is the hardest, right?"

"Right," Roger said. He spun on his heel, took Jack out of his swing, and returned to Holly's side.

Holly took Jack, held him for a minute, and kissed him. "You have fun with Daddy today," she said, "and I'll see you tonight." Then she kissed Roger. "Have fun," she said.

"Definitely," Roger said. "Call us later."

"I will," Holly said as she handed Jack back to Roger. She headed to the front door, snagging her purse and coat from the coat rack, then looked back at Roger and Jack. Roger picked up Jack's arm and waved at Holly. "I love you guys," Holly said.

"We love you too," Roger said. Then Holly took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and walked out the front door.

After she was gone, Roger looked at Jack, who looked back at him slightly puzzled, wondering where Mommy had gone and why he didn't go too, because whenever Mommy went somewhere, Jack went too. "Mommy's going to work," Roger told him. "But she'll be back tonight. And when she finds our little present for her, it'll put a smile on her face." Jack babbled and smiled then. "Yeah, just like that," Roger said, smiling back at Jack before nuzzling the top of his head.

* * *

_April 8, 1996, 10:26 AM-WSPR, Holly Lindsey-Thorpe's Office_

Holly had been at work almost an hour-and-a-half before she looked in her purse, and the first thing she saw was the wrapped package. She opened it to reveal a framed snapshot of a laughing Jack, with a small folded note tucked into the bottom right corner of the frame. She pulled the note from the frame and opened it.

_"I thought you could use a new picture for your desk, Mommy._

_Love, Jack"_

Smiling, Holly picked up the phone and called home. "Hello?" Roger answered.

"I just found the picture of Jack. Thank you," she said.

"It was all his idea," Roger said, a smile in his voice.

"Yes, his note said that he thought I could use a new picture for my desk," Holly replied, balancing the receiver between her ear and shoulder as she set up the picture of Jack next to the wedding picture of her and Roger.

"Our son is a very smart boy," Roger said.

"Yes, he is," Holly agreed. "And how **is** our very smart boy?"

"Sleeping," Roger replied. "We've had a very active morning. I strapped him to my chest in that Snugli thing Ryan and Colleen gave us and played the piano for him after tummy time, and Holly, he loves it! He really loves it! He was practically bouncing in the Snugli and reaching out toward the piano keys. He loves me playing the piano as much as he loves you reading aloud to him."

"That's wonderful," Holly said. "The piano can be something special for you and Jack, like reading aloud to him is special for Jack and me."

"Oh, speaking of reading aloud to Jack, I was thinking after lunch and his afternoon nap that we might hit the bookstore. I hear there's a sale on spring-themed board books."

"That sounds good I have a meeting this afternoon about the upcoming May sweeps ad rates. But I should be home by six."

"We'll be waiting," Roger said. "I love you. And Jack loves you too."

"I love you and Jack too. Give him a kiss from me when he wakes up?"

"First thing," Roger promised. "We'll see you when you get home."

"'Bye," Holly said, making a mental note to get a picture of Blake for her office as she hung up the phone.

* * *

_April 10, 1996, 3:47 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

_Roger was pacing outside the ER cubicle. Holly was unconscious and in bad shape after being bricked up in an abandoned wine cellar in the Spaulding Mansion, and he was waiting for word on her condition. _

_Ed Bauer stepped out of the cubicle and looked stricken. "Roger..." he began._

_Roger shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "No, Ed. Don't say it. Do not come out here and tell me that my wife is dead!"_

_Ed swallowed hard. "Roger, we did everything we could," he said. _

_"No!" Roger insisted. "She's not dead. She's not!"_

**"HOLLY!" **Roger bolted upright in bed, trembling and drenched in sweat, his heart pounding faster than it had ever pounded before as he cried out her name, terrified.

His eyes were still closed, but he felt arms close around him, fingers in his hair, soft, warm breath on his face, a forehead resting against his cheek.

Holly's arms. Holly's fingers. Holly's breath. Holly's forehead.

He opened his eyes and looked, and Holly was beside him in their bed, holding him tightly.

"Thank God," he rasped out, throwing his arms around her. He pulled back to look into her eyes. "It was last year, and Alex had taken you, and Ed was telling me that...he came out of that ER cubicle and said that you..."

He couldn't make himself say it, but Holly knew what the nightmare had been about, what he wasn't able to bring himself to say.

She rubbed his back through his pajama shirt, which was sodden with sweat. "We made it through that," she said softly, speaking right in his ear. "I'm okay. I'm all right. I'm here."

"I'm drenched," Roger realized then.

"I don't care about that," Holly said. They just sat there in bed holding each other, neither of them saying anything, for a while. Roger rested his head on Holly's shoulder, and she kept rubbing his back and she pressed several gentle kisses to his temple and the side of his face she could reach to calm and soothe him. When Roger was no longer trembling, Holly drew back and said, "I'm just gonna get you a dry shirt, okay?" He nodded, and she got out of bed and quickly grabbed a white t-shirt from the drawer where Roger kept them. When she returned to bed, he had unbuttoned and removed his pajama top and was using it to towel the excess perspiration off his torso. After he put the clean shirt on, Holly pulled Roger close again and wrapped her arms around him once more, and he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her chest as Holly gently eased them down onto the pillows.

"Can Jack and I please take you to work and pick you up today?" Roger asked when they were lying in each other's arms. "I know that probably sounds ridiculously overprotective, but please, Holly." He lifted his head to look at her, and she saw the pleading and the fear in his eyes.

"Yes," Holly said, and her stomach clenched briefly when she saw how that one word from her relaxed him instantly. The nightmare about his birthday last year had really terrified him. "Yes, you and Jack can take me to work and pick me up today," she promised.

"Thank you," he said.

"And then tonight, we'll have dinner here with Jack and Blake and Ross and Tangie, and cake and presents," Holly said.

Roger rested his cheek on Holly's shoulder. "Keep talking," he said softly. "I need to hear your voice."

"We'll have to have presents first, of course, because it's you," Holly said fondly. "You realize you're setting a precedent for Jack's birthdays."

"You wouldn't be able to make him wait until after dinner and cake for his presents any more than you can make me wait," Roger said, and Holly felt better when she heard the smile in his voice.

"That's true," she admitted. "So we'll have presents first, then dinner and cake...and knowing you, you'll sneak Jack a taste of frosting from your fingertip when I'm not looking."

"How did you know I wanted to do that?"

"I know **you."**

"I wasn't going to give him a whole fingertip full. Just the tiniest taste humanly possible. And only if he seemed to want it."

"He'll want it. He's never seen a birthday cake before, and he'll be very interested in that big, colorful cake, with the candles and all of us singing to you, I'm sure." She trailed her fingertips down his cheek and jaw. "One tiny taste of frosting won't hurt him. And pictures. We'll take lots of pictures, and have the video camera going. And about dinner, what are you thinking? Because I really haven't had time to plan what we'd eat, and so I figured we'd either pick something up or have it delivered, if that's okay with you. We could get something from The Towers Club, or just order Chinese or pizza even. Do you have any idea yet what you might want to eat tonight?" He didn't answer. "Roger?" Holly shifted slightly, enough that she could see his face. He was asleep, clinging to her tightly but not uncomfortably. She kissed the top of his head, then whispered, "Sleep well, my love" before closing her eyes, and a few minutes later, she was asleep again too.

Later that morning, Roger and Jack took Holly to work. And that night, after they picked her up from work, they celebrated Roger's birthday on his actual birthday. Jack liked the taste of frosting his daddy gave him. They had takeout from The Towers Club for dinner. Holly let Ross in on the plans for Blake's surprise baby shower in ten days while Blake was in the bathroom. Ross handled the video camera while Roger opened his birthday presents, and Tangie took a photograph of Roger, holding Jack on his lap, with Holly resting her head against his right cheek and Blake resting her head against his left cheek, which Blake got a copy of for her and Ross's house; the original would be framed by the end of the week and placed on the fireplace mantel next to Roger and Holly's wedding portrait.

* * *

_April 20, 1996, 9:41 AM-Lakeland Country Club_

"This was a great idea, Mom," Blake said as she and Holly pulled into the country club parking lot. "Some mother-daughter time is just what I need."

Holly felt a flash of guilt at Blake's words, because it wasn't going to be just the two of them.

Then they were inside the country club, and the crowd gathered there, including Tangie, Maureen, Michelle, Faith and Hope Spaulding, Vanessa Chamberlain, Bridget Reardon Lewis, and Nola and Stacey Chamberlain were surrounded by Winnie the Pooh-themed balloons and decorations and yelling in unison, "SURPRISE!"

A banner featuring Owl in the left corner and proclaiming, "Double the diapers, double the toys, Blake is having twin baby boys!" hung on the wall behind the chair reserved for Blake. A huge stack of gifts was waiting to be opened, and a huge buffet table of food and drinks had been set up.

"Are you terribly disappointed that it's not mother-daughter time after all?" Holly asked somewhat anxiously, so only Blake could hear.

"No," Blake assured her. "I've been waiting for this. I was beginning to think I'd have to **tell** you to throw me a shower!" She hugged Holly, and Holly hugged her back. Then Blake drew back, still holding on to her mother, and bit her lip and said, "But maybe we could have some mother-daughter time just the two of us after the party?"

"Whatever you want," Holly promised. "And no, I've been planning this for several weeks, and Faith helped me pull it all together."

Faith approached then, carrying a champagne flute filled with orange juice and handed it to Blake. "Happy baby shower!" she exclaimed.

"I'm so glad you're here, Faith," Blake said, accepting the glass and giving Faith a one-armed hug.

"So am I," Faith said, returning the hug carefully. "And I'm really glad your mother asked me to help her put all of this together. This is exactly what I needed this past month."

The other women crowded around then to greet Blake, congratulate her, hug her, fuss over her. Blake was surprised to see Stacey there and said so. "I didn't think this sort of thing was...well, your scene," Blake said.

"It's not," Stacey replied honestly. "But** somebody**" she looked at Faith here, "told me it was a party for you, and-"

"And you didn't hear anything that came after the word 'party,'" Bridget teased. "I shudder to think what you brought for a gift."

"I just signed my name to Mom's card this morning," Stacey said. She looked at Blake. "Seriously, I'm happy for you and Ross, although how the thought of two little creatures shooting out of your hoo hoo doesn't freak you out is beyond me."

"'Little creatures'?" Bridget asked. "They're babies, Stace, not aliens!"

"And in all fairness, they're not 'shooting out of her hoo hoo,' she has to push them out," Faith added.

"And that's, like, the most painful thing a woman can feel, right?" Stacey said.

Bridget elbowed Stacey in the ribs then, jostling the drink in her hand. "You're not supposed to freak the pregnant woman out at her baby shower!" she exclaimed.

But Blake just laughed. "I know it's going to be painful. But to me, it's worth it," she said. "Besides, they have truly **fabulous** drugs and epidurals these days, and I intend to take as much as they'll give me so that I feel as little pain as humanly possible."

"See, she's not offended," Stacey said, although she was getting warning looks from her mother Nola and her Aunt Maureen both, and Bridget, Faith, and Hope were all staring at her. "Okay, I'll shut up about the giving birth part."

"I thought we'd eat first, and then play the games, and then do the gifts last," Faith said.

"Terrific, I'm starving!" Blake exclaimed. "And I need to use the restroom. The boys are using my bladder for a trampoline now, so my trips to the bathroom are frequent. Excuse me, everyone."

After everyone had dined on fruit kabobs, omelettes made to order according to each guest's specifications, sticky buns, and either plain orange juice or mimosas, it was time for the games.

Blake was a bit apprehensive when Faith said these weren't your normal, run-of-the-mill baby shower games. Not that there was anything wrong with those, but Faith did some research and found some fun-sounding games that required a bit more activity than the normal, run-of-the-mill baby shower games. "I'm not sure how active I can really get," Blake said, gesturing at her expansive girth.

"Oh, you won't be playing the games," Faith assured her. "You're going to be the judge." She left the ballroom then, returning a moment later with a large rolling cart borrowed from the kitchen containing two Twister games and several wrist weights, fanny packs, and cushions from chairs. "The other game is set up outside, but I thought we'd do this one first: Pregnant Twister! Everyone but Blake grab a cushion, put the wrist weights in the fanny packs, then strap the cushions and the weighted packs around your waists. Last woman standing wins!" She quickly broke open the games, spread both Twister mats on the floor, and handed Blake one of the cardboard spinners. Meanwhile, the women strapped the weighted fanny packs and pillows around their waists, took off their shoes, and broke into age groups, Michelle, Bridget, and Stacey gathering around one mat and waiting for Faith to join them, while Holly, Tangie, Maureen, Nola, Vanessa, and Hope gathered around the second mat.

Blake grinned. "This is going to be fun!" she exclaimed.

"Says the one person guaranteed not to embarrass herself here," Stacey muttered.

Blake gaily called out the instructions to the others. Faith was the first one out, losing her balance and nearly wiping out Bridget in the process when she tried to bend backwards to reach a yellow circle with her right hand. Stacey fell flat on her face next, when she reached forward for left hand red. Vanessa landed on her behind trying to slide over and back for right foot green. Nola face planted into the Twister mat when she tried to reach around Maureen for right hand blue, and Bridget, having avoided getting wiped out when Faith fell, fell over when stretching toward left foot red. Tangie accidentally stepped on Nola's foot while trying to move towards right hand yellow, then tripped and fell, landing on her right side. Hope and Maureen reached for the same spot on right foot blue, collided, and both fell over, making everyone burst out laughing. Finally, only Michelle was left standing on the younger womens' Twister mat, and only Holly was left standing on the older womens' mat. Blake had to take a bathroom break before the final round of Michelle versus Holly, which went on for half an hour, finally ending when Holly lost her balance while trying to twist around Michelle to reach a green dot with her left hand, so Michelle won the game of Pregnant Twister.

"Okay, everybody outside for the next game!" Faith called after a few minutes' break to use the restroom and freshen their drinks.

When they walked outside, they passed the swimming pool, and Blake stopped and looked at it, smiling to herself and stroking her pregnant belly as she remembered the magical night the previous September that Kevin and Jason had gotten their start. "What's with that look?" Faith, who had been walking with Blake, asked after she noticed the look on Blake's face.

"Nothing," Blake said.

"Something," Faith disagreed.

"Personal," Blake informed her.

"Ooh, sexual?" Stacey asked, overhearing. "You know what this party needs?" she went on, neither expecting nor getting an answer to her question. "A stripper."

"It's a baby shower," Faith told her.

"Work with me here, Faith," Stacey implored. "Lucy doesn't want a stripper at her bachelorette party."

"Well, of course she doesn't," Blake said. "You think Lucy wants some guy shaking his moneymaker in front of Hope, Maureen, and Alexandra?"

"'Shaking his moneymaker'?" Stacey asked.

"I'm not **that** much older than you are!" Blake retorted.

"Anastasia Louise, are you inciting a riot?" Nola called.

"She's complaining that we don't have a stripper here!" Faith called back.

"Snitch," Stacey complained.

"Horndog," Faith shot back.

"I'm glad I'm having boys," Blake said then.

"Yes, but siblings have stupid, petty arguments like this all the time," Maureen said then, having joined them. "I should know. I was one of seven kids."

"She's right," Nola added. "And boys tend to get more physical than girls. At least, Tony and Jim got more physical than we ever did, right, Mo?"

"Well, there was the time that you tried to yank my hair out because you thought I took your lip gloss," Maureen reminded Nola.

Seeing the look on Blake's face at this, Stacey mused, "And they told **me** not to freak out the pregnant woman talking about the birth."

"We're having a race!" Holly announced then, eager to get back to the party proceedings so that Blake didn't start freaking out about future arguments between her sons. "Actually, it's more of a Baby Stroller Olympics, isn't it, Faith?"

"Yes," Faith said. "As you can see, there is an obstacle course set up over here. The object is to strap the baby doll into the stroller, then push the baby and stroller around all of the obstacles and get to the finish line. The person with the fastest time wins." The obstacle course included chairs, sticks, a large patio umbrella, and a few life preservers and pool toys borrowed from the country club, and Blake had control of the stopwatch.

Stacey had the most trouble getting the doll strapped into the stroller, and the most spectacular wipeout. She lost control of the stroller and the whole thing went flying over the patio umbrella and landed upside down. "This is why I'm never having kids!" Stacey exclaimed as she struggled to set the stroller upright again and retrieved the doll. "I can't even handle an inanimate doll!"

Bridget, Faith, and Michelle all razzed Stacey mightily, and Faith declared that since the baby actually fell out of the stroller when it overturned, she was disqualified.

The others took turns cheering each other on, and while a few people (Vanessa, Tangie, Michelle, and Faith) bumped into or collided with various obstacles, the doll didn't fall out of the stroller when anyone else was racing it around the obstacle course. Maureen was the winner, with the fastest time. "I owe it all to all the strollers I've pushed in my life," she said.

When they returned inside, there was another restroom break. Blake, Holly, Faith, and Bridget were still in the ladies' room, and the others were milling around, waiting for Blake to return so she could open her mountain of gifts, which included a gift that Dinah had sent for Vanessa to bring to the shower, when a young man entered in a police uniform.

"Is there some sort of problem, Officer?" Hope asked, hoping nothing had happened at the station that Faith needed to be told about, since she was already on medical leave.

It was then that Hope noticed that the officer was carrying a boom box. Everyone else's conversations had gradually petered out as they noticed the stranger in their midst. He set the boombox on an empty chair and turned it on. As the opening words of "I'm Too Sexy" filtered through the room, the man began to dance.

"YES!" Stacey cheered happily, sidling over to dance with him as he tore his pants off.

It was this scene, and Maureen's hands over Michelle's eyes as Michelle protested exasperatedly, "Mom, I'm a teenager and in junior high school and I've had sex education!", that Holly, Blake, Faith, and Bridget returned to a moment later. Vanessa, Nola, Tangie, and Hope were exchanging bewildered looks.

"You said you didn't get a stripper!" Bridget exclaimed as the man twirled his shirt over his head as Stacey pretended to spank him.

"I didn't!" Faith said. "I swear, I didn't." Her eyes frantically sought out each woman in turn as she said their names. "Holly, Blake, Mom, Aunt Maureen, I swear to you, I didn't do this!"

Stacey was hooting and hollering and having a fine time dancing with the nearly naked man, who by now was wearing only a red Speedo and black steel-toed boots.

Faith marched over and shut off the music right in the middle of Right Said Fred singing about doing his little turn on the catwalk. "Hey!" Stacey protested.

"**What** do you think you're doing?" Faith asked the stripper.

"Are you the bride?" he asked.

"No, I'm not the bride. There's no bride here. It's a baby shower!" Faith said.

The stripper blushed bright red. "Baby shower?" he asked, horrified. "You mean this isn't the Marston bachelorette party?"

"That's this afternoon!" Faith said. She had been told when she reserved the country club for Blake's shower that they needed to be out of there by 1 PM at the latest for the Marston bachelorette party. "This is the Marler baby shower!" she informed the mortified man.

"Party pooper," Stacey griped.

The stripper spluttered out an apology as he hurriedly dressed again, gathered up his boombox, and left.

Maureen finally removed her hands from Michelle's eyes. "He didn't get totally naked, did he?" she asked.

"Michelle!" Maureen exclaimed.

"No, he didn't," Stacey grumbled petulantly.

"Then you didn't have to cover my eyes, Mom!" Michelle exclaimed.

"You are 14 years old! You are not watching a stripper, mistake or not!" Maureen exclaimed right back.

"Then how old do I have to be to watch a stripper?" Michelle wanted to know.

"40!" Maureen yelled. When Michelle rolled her eyes, Maureen said, "If your father had his way, you'd be 90, so don't push it, young lady!"

Faith was apologizing all over the place for the stripper, even though it wasn't really her fault. Holly, Blake, Hope, and Bridget tried to reassure her that they didn't blame her for it while Stacey complained about Faith making the stripper leave.

Nola, meanwhile, had noticed that Vanessa's face was bright red. "Um, Vanessa, are you all right?" she asked, concerned.

Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at Vanessa. "I'll get you some ice water," Maureen said.

But Vanessa's face was fire-engine red because she was holding back her laughter, and she couldn't hold it back any longer. She laughed until she cried, and she had to grab Nola to keep herself from falling on the floor.

Vanessa's laughter was contagious, and soon everyone was laughing until they cried. Just when they started to calm down, Blake said, "Uh oh! Excuse me, everyone!" and began waddling to the ladies' room at full speed, which set everyone off again.

After they had all recovered themselves completely, and Blake had returned from the ladies' room, Faith had the two small Winnie the Pooh cakes brought out, and after the cake, Blake attacked the pile of presents. Dinah's gift was two tiny leather bomber jackets. Maureen, Michelle, and Vanessa all gave Blake several outfits for the boys. Nola and Stacey gave them two nursery monitors. Faith and Hope had gone shopping together and each bought a carseat and a stuffed animal-Faith bought a stuffed monkey and Hope bought a teddy bear. Bridget gave Blake two mobiles for the cribs. Tangie's gift was a baby activity gym, consisting of a plush mat and a monkey theme, with plush monkeys, flashing lights, and dangling rings and toys to grab at, plus it played music. And Holly's gift was two baby books, one for each boy, but that was just the gift to open at the shower; she and Roger had already given Blake and Ross a double stroller, and they were close to being finished setting up the nursery, which already had two cribs and a changing table but still needed a rocking chair and a dresser. They also still needed bassinets, high chairs, and baby gates.

After the gifts, Faith had one last game: Guess the Due Date.

"Let's make it interesting," Stacey said. "We each chip in ten bucks, and the person who comes the closest to picking the right due date wins the money."

"Can I get in on this?" Blake asked. "I was the judge of the other games, but this one I could actually participate in."

"But you know exactly when they're due! That's hardly fair!" Stacey exclaimed. She didn't understand why everyone else, including Michelle, laughed when she said that. "What?" she asked.

"A due date is just the obstetrician's best estimate of when the baby will be born," Nola informed her daughter. "Babies tend to have minds of their own regarding when they'll make their grand entrance. You and AJ certainly did."

"So did you," Hope said, looking at Faith.

Vanessa, Bridget, and Holly all chimed in with their own comments about their children being born either before or after their due date.

"How did you know about this due date stuff?" Stacey asked Michelle.

"Biology class," Michelle replied.

"It's hardly fair to disqualify Blake just because she's the mother," Maureen said. "You should definitely be in on the pool, Blake," and the others murmured their agreement.

"So when is your due date, exactly?" Faith asked Blake.

"June 29," Blake replied.

Holly got a pad and pen from a waiter and everyone in turn chose a date for the Marler boys' birthday. Stacey chose the 4th of July, but everyone else chose a day in June.

"So," Bridget said in an undertone to Faith while Stacey was talking with Nola, Maureen and Michelle, "should we tell Stacey that twins are almost always born early and, like, never, ever come almost a week after their due date?"

Faith and Bridget looked at each other, wrinkled their noses, said, "Nah," in unison, and then shared a laugh that Stacey missed.

* * *

_April 20, 1996,_ 1:19_ PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Blake decided to leave most of the gifts in the car for Ross to bring in later when he returned from his golf date with Ed, Rick, and Quint.

After she and Holly had had lunch, they sat on the couch together, kicked their shoes off, and propped their feet up. "So how is it going with Dad staying home with Jack while you go to work?" Blake asked.

"It's working out pretty well," Holly replied. "I think I had a harder time adjusting than either Roger or Jack. I like working, and I want to work, but that first week was difficult because I missed Jack so much during the day. But it's been a couple of weeks now, and I've settled in at work again, and I get to be with Jack every night and every weekend."

"I guess it'll be my turn soon," Blake said. She looked away from her mother then, gathering her courage. "I'm really excited about these boys, but I'm really, really scared too," she confessed, still not looking Holly in the eye.

"Because of the pain of childbirth?" Holly asked. "Despite having no interest in and apparently little knowledge of the process, I can't tell you Stacey was wrong. Giving birth** is** the most painful feeling you can experience. And if some labor nurse tries to tell you that you'll forget the pain once you're holding your babies in your arms, she's lying. You never forget the pain. I've been through it twice, naturally with you, so all the pain came before the baby, and the C-section with Jack, so all the really serious pain came after the baby. But whether the pain is before or after the baby, once it's over, it ceases to matter, because the only thing that matters is that your child...children in your case...are here, and you get to see them and hold them and watch them grow and change every day, and that is worth any amount of pain."

"I'm not worried about the pain," Blake said, and she did look at Holly here. "I'm worried about what happens after they're here, after Ross and I bring them home and it's just the four of us. I want to be a good mom. I want to be...well, I want to be like you: tough on my boys when I need to be, especially if they're anything like I was, but never giving up on them, the way you never gave up on me, and loving them through everything even when they aren't behaving very lovably. I want my sons to always be able to come to me with anything. I just... I want to be the best mom I can to my kids, and I really don't know anything about being a mom."

"Nobody does when they start out," Holly assured her. "Do you remember the day your father and I told you I was pregnant with Jack?"

"Oh yes," Blake replied. "You said that I taught you everything you knew about being a mother because I was your first child."

"You did," Holly said. "You can read the books and you can take parenting classes and you can do everything possible to prepare yourself. And you can learn how to change a diaper and how to test the bath water and how to take the baby's temperature and how to get them to latch on and nurse, and then how to take a bottle. But a lot of being a mother, you aren't going to learn until your kids are here, because they're the ones who are going to be teaching you."

Holly took Blake's hands in hers then and looked into her eyes. "You're going to be more tired than you've ever been in your life," Holly went on. "You're going to have moments where you feel like you don't know anything, and moments where you get frustrated beyond belief, and moments where you are more terrified than you ever knew you were capable of being, and moments where you wonder what you were thinking when you thought having kids was a good idea. But you're also going to love these boys like you've never loved anyone before, and being parents is going to add another dimension to your relationship and your bond with Ross. You're going to have some really ridiculous arguments about whose turn it is to change the dirty diapers or get up at 3 in the morning to tend to the screaming baby or babies, but you're also going to have a thousand moments where you fall in love with each other all over each other again when you see one another with your sons.

"I know you, Blake. I've known you literally all your life. And I know that you are going to be an amazing mother to these boys." She reached out with one hand and rested it gently on Blake's bulging belly. With her other hand, she brushed Blake's hair off her forehead. "All you really have to know at the start is how to feed them, how to change their diapers, how to give them a bath, and above all, how to love them, and I know that you know how to do all of that. The rest will come in time."

"You always give me such great advice," Blake said.

"All my past mistakes are good for something, after all," Holly mused.

"You realize, we're going to be hopelessly outnumbered," Blake realized then. "Daddy and Jack, Ross and our boys."

Holly raised an eyebrow. "Anticipating difficulties navigating this boys' club we're both a part of?" she asked.

"On the contrary," Blake said with a grin. "I can't wait until the first time all seven of us are together."

Holly pictured it then: four adults, three babies, constant vigilance required, a lot of noise and chaos, tears and laughter, and various and sundry items of baby detritus spread over every available surface.

She grinned too. "You know something? Neither can I," she said.

* * *

_May 10, 1996, 4:37 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger and Jack were playing on the nursery floor when the doorbell rang. "Huh. I wonder who that is? We'd better go see, hadn't we?" Roger asked, scooping Jack up, blowing a raspberry on his stomach, which elicited a big laugh from the tiny boy, and then carrying him into the living room to answer the door.

The scowling woman on the other side of the door was just about the last person Roger expected to see standing there.

Jack snuggled closer to his daddy, instantly picking up on the tension in the air emanating from the scowling woman.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me in?" the woman demanded, her frown deepening.

"Barbara," Roger said. He stood aside. "Yes. Come in."

Barbara Norris, Holly's mother, swept into the house, scowling all the while.

* * *

_**Cliffhanger! I've had this planned for this point in the story all along, however. So please bear with me, as it looks, fingers crossed, like I'm finally going to be moving a week from Monday, so next weekend, I won't be here writing, I'll have to finish packing up. But I will return to the story as soon as I possibly can. Thank you for reading and reviewing. **_


	21. Hurricane Barbara

_May 10, 1996, 4:39 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Roger noted that Barbara didn't have any luggage with her, just her purse, but that didn't mean that she didn't have a suitcase or two in the car that was parked in front of the house. "Do you have any luggage I need to bring inside?" Roger asked then.

Barbara had been looking around the living room, but she turned to look at Roger then, her scowl still in place. "No, I'm staying at a hotel," she said. "I wouldn't be comfortable staying in the same house with you."

_Blunt as ever_, Roger thought, shifting Jack in his arms. Jack was regarding the stranger in their midst warily.

"Where is Holly?" Barbara asked.

"She's still at work, but she's off at five," Roger replied.

"Then what are **you** doing here?" Barbara asked archly.

Roger gave in to his impulse and replied, "I live here."

Barbara rolled her eyes. "I mean, why isn't the baby with a sitter or a nanny or something?"

"Because I'm here with him," Roger replied. "I've been here with him for the past few weeks, and I'll continue staying with him until such time as the day care center Holly and I chose is able to take Jack during working hours."

"**You're** staying home with the baby?" Barbara asked, shocked.

"Yes, I am," Roger said, "and the situation is working out well for all involved."

The look on Barbara's face said it all: she clearly didn't think too highly of Roger staying home with Jack, even temporarily.

It was Mother's Day weekend, and Barbara's unannounced visit was not part of Roger's plans at all. The visit had to be a surprise, because if Holly had known her mother was coming to see them, she would have told him.

Which meant that Holly was going to be even more blindsided than Roger had been. Barbara had called exactly once since Holly left a message on Barbara's answering machine the night Jack was born almost four months ago, and if she had given Holly any indication that she was coming for a visit, Holly would have told Roger right away. The fact that she didn't meant that Barbara's visit was crafted as a surprise on purpose. Roger had no doubt at all that Holly's mother was here to look for problems and to let her disapproval be known in person.

Jack squirmed in Roger's arms and began to fuss then, and after almost four months, Roger recognized that particular cry as Jack's "I need a clean diaper" cry.

"He's crying," Barbara said, and Roger could have sworn he detected a note of triumph in her voice.

"I noticed," Roger said. He carried Jack down the hall to the nursery, Barbara following behind. He laid Jack on the changing table and proceeded to change his diaper, which was wet.

"You're doing that wrong," Barbara said, peering over Roger's shoulder and watching him change Jack.

"I've been changing Jack's diapers since the night he was born," Roger replied, keeping his tone calm and even so as not to upset his son. "After almost four months, I think I've gotten pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. And it's not like there are a lot of different ways to change a diaper." He fastened the tapes, then refastened the snaps on Jack's short-sleeved blue romper with the bright green dinosaur on the chest. "There you go, little man," he said. He picked Jack up and Jack babbled and cooed at his daddy and smiled at him. Roger smiled back and gently bumped his nose against Jack's.

"I certainly hope you don't take my grandson to any of your romantic rendezvous," Barbara said haughtily.

_Is she... She **is**, _Roger realized_. _"My last romantic rendezvous was four nights ago, with my wife," Roger said, "and no, Jack wasn't present. And for your information, Holly is the only woman I have romantic rendezvous with now."

"The way you tomcatted around when you were married to her before, I'm supposed to believe that?" Barbara asked, arching one eyebrow.

"I don't cheat on Holly," Roger said firmly. "I have neither the desire nor the time to cheat on her. I'm not going to do anything to ruin what I have with her now. I have learned my lessons."

"A leopard doesn't change its spots," Barbara insisted.

_You think I'm still the monster I was 25 years ago_, Roger thought. _Well, whatever you dish out, I can take, and for Holly's sake, and Jack's sake, and Blake's sake, I **will** take it._

"It's a good thing I'm not a leopard then, isn't it?" Roger asked benignly before turning his full attention to Jack once more.

Barbara frowned at this. This was not the Roger Thorpe she knew, but she didn't believe that anyone was capable of the vast changes necessary for his current behavior and demeanor to be true. No, this was obviously an act he was putting on. It couldn't be anything else, because the Roger Thorpe she knew wasn't capable of anything else. How could Holly have been so stupid and misguided as to have married him again? Barbara was definitely going to have a long talk with her daughter this weekend, as soon as possible, because these poor decisions on her part had to stop, especially now that another innocent child was involved.

"Okay, Jack, it's dinnertime," Roger said, his full attention on his son in his arms then. "And Mommy will be home soon." He carried Jack to the kitchen to get his dinner.

"Do you even know what and how to feed that child?" Barbara asked.

"Yes," Roger said simply. But he still spent the whole time he was feeding Jack his bottle listening to Barbara criticize the way he held Jack, the way he fed him, the amount of air Jack was taking in, and then the way he burped Jack when he had finished his bottle.

_Whatever you dish out, I can take. For Holly's sake, for our childrens' sakes, I **will** take it,_ Roger reminded himself as Barbara continued her criticism of the way he cared for Jack. _But I won't stand silently by while you constantly browbeat Holly all weekend. I won't throw you out, because it's not my place, and I won't get in the way of what she has to say to you, but if you treat Holly anything like you're treating me right now, you're going to hear from me, because no matter how much I deserve this treatment from you, she doesn't. _

* * *

_May 10, 1996, 5:20 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly had a smile on her face and a spring in her step as she got out of her car in the driveway that Friday afternoon. It was Mother's Day weekend, and she was looking forward to lots of time with Roger and Jack, and although Roger didn't know it, she had overheard him on the phone with Ross earlier in the week, planning something at Ross and Blake's house for Blake and Holly for Mother's Day. As Blake's pregnancy neared its end, the levels of physical discomfort involved in carrying twins were getting increasingly higher with each passing day (sometimes with each passing hour or minute, according to Blake), so she wasn't going out much these days. Whatever Roger and Ross had up their sleeves for Mother's Day would obviously be taking place at the Marler residence, and Holly couldn't wait to see what it was, because it was a gift for her and Blake, and because whatever it entailed, based on what she had overheard the other night, Roger and Ross had worked together to pull it off, which was something Holly had never thought would happen, though the obvious bickering back and forth that Roger and Ross were doing in that phone call hadn't proved surprising to her in the least.

She fitted her key in the front door lock, opened the door, and walked inside, happily calling, "Roger, Jack, I'm home! And I'm ready for lots of snuggles with both my boys and a weekend of celebration."

Roger emerged from the nursery carrying Jack, and Holly wondered at the solemn looks on both their faces. She had never seen Jack look so solemn before.

But when she saw her mother appear behind Roger and Jack, that answered all of her questions. "Mom?" she asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to meet my new grandson," Barbara said, "among other things."

Holly inwardly winced but didn't show that reaction to her mother. She could guess the kinds of things her mother had been saying to Roger, though Roger had a placid, benign, if solemn, look on his face, so he wasn't reacting outwardly either. She could also guess what the "other things" her mother was here for were, and she could feel the beginnings of a tension headache clawing at her at the mere thought of the conversation certain to deteriorate into an argument with her mother that surely awaited her.

She walked over to her mother and gave her a hug, which was awkward because Barbara didn't hug Holly back right away, and when she did put one arm around her, it was only for a second. Physical contact was a part of Holly's daily life now: plenty of hugs and kisses shared with Roger and Jack, she and Blake hugged more too, and Holly had gotten into the habit of tucking Blake's hair behind her ears as a gesture of affection. But Barbara had never been much for hugs or physical affection, only once in a while and even then she wasn't very comfortable with it.

After letting go of her mother, Holly went over to Roger and Jack. She kissed Jack and he held out his arms to her so she took him from Roger, and as she held Jack with one arm, she put her other arm around Roger's neck and kissed him hello. "I didn't know she was coming," she whispered after kissing him, her forehead touching his, their eyes still closed.

"I know," Roger whispered back.

Holly drew back and stood beside Roger, Jack in her arms and happily babbling to his mommy. "You did?" Holly asked. "That's great, Jack."

"He's had his dinner, and I changed him right before he ate," Roger said. "I think I'll go out and get something for us for dinner. What do you feel like?"

"Pizza?" Holly asked.

"The usual?" Roger countered.

"Yes," Holly said.

Roger turned his attention to his mother-in-law then. "Barbara, will you be joining us for dinner?"

"I think not," she said. "I don't like pizza, nor do I particularly care for all of the company here."

_Bulls-eye_, Roger thought. He saw the flash of temper in Holly's eyes at the clear message that Barbara still hated him. On the one hand, Roger understood Barbara's hatred of him. If any man had done to Chrissy what Roger had done to Holly so long ago, Roger would have hated him in perpetuity too, even after killing the man with his bare hands.

But Barbara was even more unyielding than Roger's own father. He and Adam were at least in contact, with Western Union serving as their go-between. A few telegrams had been exchanged back and forth between them since Jack's birth, and a package from Adam had arrived earlier in the week with Mother's Day cards and gifts for both Holly and Blake and another telegram asking that Roger inform him when Blake gave birth. Roger had immediately sent a telegram back to Adam, promising that Adam would be his first call as soon as Blake's sons had arrived. Roger had been trying to get up the courage to call his father for the past few months, and had even started dialing the number a few times, but he was never able to complete the call, unsure of what to say and still retaining the fear that Adam would hang up on him, if not immediately then the first time Roger said something Adam didn't agree with or didn't want to hear. Roger reasoned that when he called his father after the birth of Blake's babies, he would at least know what to say, and since Adam wanted to be informed, he wouldn't hang up on Roger during that phone call.

Roger could live with Barbara hating him for the rest of their lives, and he could certainly understand it, on a certain level. He would take whatever Barbara dished out because Holly was worth it. He understood with new clairty what Ryan went through with Colleen's father not liking him. But Ryan said that his father-in-law tolerated him. Barbara showed no signs of tolerance toward Roger, and likely never would.

"Easy there, tiger," Roger said so only Holly could hear him.

She looked at Roger then, wanting to defend him, wanting to tell Barbara that she could not talk about Roger like that in their home, wanting some notice before her mother just showed up instead of a surprise visit. Before she could say anything, Roger said, again so only Holly could hear him, "I appreciate the thought, but she has enough ammunition already, don't you think?"

_If you could only see how much Roger has truly changed, Mom,_ Holly thought then. There was a time when Roger would have exploded at Barbara's condescending remarks, at her blatant disapproval and disrespect of him. That was probably what Barbara was waiting for right now. But Holly knew that he wasn't going to do it, because he was not the out-of-control rage-a-holic he had been when he was younger. And Holly also knew that Roger was right: her mother clearly had enough ammunition already, and there was no reason to give her more. Still, Holly was determined to find a way to let her mother know that she would not speak to or about Roger in their own home that way. But if she got angry and yelled at Barbara for this, first of all it would scare Jack, which Holly did not want to do under any circumstances, and secondly, Barbara would chalk it up to Holly being the same flighty, neurotic, overwrought girl she was 20 years ago and more, and Holly **_wasn't_ **that girl anymore. But she had serious doubts that she could make her mother really see that.

More tension clawed at Holly's neck and shoulders, shooting tiny arrows of pain behind her eyes. She was going to have one hell of a headache by the time this evening was over.

"I'll be back shortly with the pizza," Roger said. He gently pulled Holly and Jack into his arms, holding them both for a long moment.

"I'm so sorry," Holly whispered in Roger's ear.

"It's not your fault," Roger whispered back. He kissed her, then kissed Jack, and then he released them and headed for the front door.

"You didn't call and order the pizza," Barbara piped up.

"I'll just wait there while they make it," Roger replied, turning from the front door to look at Barbara, then at Holly and Jack once more, meeting Holly's gaze squarely.

Barbara noticed the look that passed between Holly and Roger, and was momentarily floored by it. Had it been anyone else but Roger Thorpe, she would have believed that that was love and support in his eyes as he looked at Holly. She saw no hint of posessiveness or rage in Roger's eyes, which was the biggest surprise of all. _No,_ Barbara thought._ No, it's impossible for **anyone** to change **that** much, especially **him.**_

Jack was looking at Holly with confusion, because he wasn't used to this kind of tension and didn't know what to make of it. She cuddled him close and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Everything's okay, Jack," she said softly. "Mommy's here, and Daddy will be right back." Jack still looked confused, but he was assured that Mommy wasn't going anywhere again and that Daddy would be back soon, so he went back to regarding the stranger warily. At least she wasn't frowning anymore.

"Can I get you anything, Mom? Some iced tea, coffee, anything?" Holly offered.

"No, thank you," Barbara said.

"Then let's sit down," Holly replied, carrying Jack over to the loveseat and sitting down with him in her lap. Barbara sat down beside them and reached out to stroke Jack's hair. Jack looked at her, still somewhat wary but accepting her presence as long as he was safely ensconced in his mother's arms.

"So, how have you been?" Holly asked.

"Fine," Barbara said. "But I want to know what's going on with you."

"Going on?" Holly asked. "I'm a new mother, I'm about to be a first-time grandmother, I'm back at work, I'm happily married to the man I love and who loves me. I'm doing really well, Mom."

Barbara looked at Holly critically, taking her measure, clearly not believing her daughter. Holly bit back a sigh as she waited for her mother's first salvo in the battle they were going to be fighting, in which Barbara picked apart every aspect of Holly's life and marriage, and Holly defended her actions and decisions to the one person who had never trusted her judgment on anything. _Just like old times,_ Holly thought miserably as the muscles in her neck and shoulders tightened even more with tension.

* * *

_May 10, 1996, 5:34 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Ross knelt beside the bathtub and rinsed the soap from Blake's back. "Mmmm," Blake murmured contentedly. The hot soak was doing wonders for her aching feet and back. She opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder at Ross. "I really wish there was room in here for you," she said. "But with these babies on board, I'm lucky there's room for me in here." She looked at her large belly protruding above the water. "They're actually not kicking very much right now, at least not to the point where it's really uncomfortable. Maybe my sitting in this bath has something to do with that, since they were conceived in water."

"That could be," Ross agreed as he gently washed Blake's belly. "But we're never going to tell them that, right?"

"I don't think most parents tell their children the 'where you were conceived' story," Blake said. "That's not exactly something most people are eager to know."

Ross rinsed the soap from Blake's belly and gave it an extra stroke before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Lean your head back and I'll wash your hair," he said.

"You spoil me," Blake said as she leaned her head back.

"I love you," Ross countered as he poured water in Blake's hair. "And at the risk of sounding like a caveman, I love taking care of you. I am so completely in awe of you, Blake. Going through this pregnancy with you, watching our babies grow inside you...It has been humbling and overwhelming and the most incredible experience of my life."

"Do you think you'll still feel that way after we've been through labor and delivery?" Blake asked, a hint of insecurity in her voice.

"I know I will," Ross replied as he worked the shampoo in his palm into a lather and massaged it through Blake's hair, massaging her scalp in the process and drawing a low, satisfied moan from deep in her chest.

"I love your hands," Blake said as she leaned back so Ross could rinse the shampoo from her hair. "I'm serious, Ross. It's going to be...well...disgusting. Blood and guts type stuff, and seeing...well...certain parts of me in...well, a not very flattering way, to put it mildly."

"A little blood and guts, and an unflattering view of certain parts of you, won't bother me in the slightest," Ross pledged. He finished rinsing the shampoo from Blake's hair. "I've waited a long time to be a father right from the start and to have a family of my own, and the fact that it's happening with you makes me happiest of all, because I have never loved anyone the way I love you, and I'm so excited to meet our sons." Blake looked at him, seeing his heart in his eyes. She craned her neck toward his and he leaned down to meet her lips...

...but before they could kiss, they were jolted by the insistent, repeated ringing of the doorbell. Whoever was ringing the doorbell was leaning on it. "Who could that be?" Blake wondered.

Ross quickly rinsed the remaining shampoo residue from his hands and dried them. "I'll go and see," he said. "I'll be right back."

When Ross opened the door, Roger was standing there, by himself and clearly perturbed about something. "I knew you and Chrissy had to be home because both your cars are in the driveway," Roger said. "Where is she?"

"In the bathtub," Ross replied, not understanding why Roger had shown up on his and Blake's doorstep alone and agitated.

"Then you'll have to tell her," Roger said.

"Tell her what?" Ross asked. "If this is about Mother's Day, I thought we had that all settled."

"We do. It's not," Roger said. He took a breath and said, "Holly's mother is in town. She just showed up unannounced at our house a little while ago. She hasn't mentioned Chrissy yet, but I can't believe she won't come to see her...and therefore you."

Ross wanted to get back to Blake in the tub, but couldn't help noticing how agitated Roger was. "I'm guessing she doesn't approve of you and Holly being married again," Ross said.

"She doesn't approve of anything about me," Roger replied, "and I'm sure she's giving Holly an earful right now on all of the things about me she disapproves of. She thinks Holly and I are both the exact same people we were in 1979, so consider this a friendly warning that she will, in all likelihood, think the same thing about you."

"I think even you would agree now that my representing you at that trial was not my finest hour," Ross said, "but as I recall, Holly shot you and you then faked your death and skipped the country before the jury came back with a verdict, and then...well, you know."

"That won't matter to Barbara," Roger insisted. "You represented evil incarnate-namely, me-and in her eyes, and as I recall, you did everything to keep me from being convicted and you might have won the case if I hadn't... The point is that Barbara thinks that's still the kind of man you are. As far as she's concerned, none of us have changed in the least since then, not me, not Holly, and not you."

Now Ross understood why Roger was so agitated. "Blake can't get upset, not now," he said firmly.

"You know as well as I do that Blake will defend you, and Holly and me, with everything in her once Barbara starts in, and make no mistake, she will start in," Roger warned. "She can say anything she wants to say about me. For Holly's sake, for Jack and Blake and my grandsons-to-be, I'll take it. I deserve it. But the rest of you don't. And since Holly will have the tension headache from hell by the time I get back, it's going to be up to you to keep Blake from getting too upset over what Barbara has to say about the rest of us."

"Is she staying with you and Holly and Jack?" Ross asked.

"No," Roger said. "She said she's not comfortable staying in the same house with me. She's at a hotel. I don't know how long she's planning on staying in town, though."

Ross ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Blake really doesn't need the stress," he said.

"I agree," Roger replied. "Neither does Holly. But we can't make her leave town. I'm not going to kick her out of the house."

"You're not?" Ross asked, surprised. "Even with the number she's doing on Holly right now?"

"Barbara is her mother," Roger said. "There has always been a distance between Holly and her mother, with Barbara disapproving of pretty much everything Holly has done, at least since I arrived on the scene, and back then, she had a point, but she doesn't anymore. I'm not going to let Barbara browbeat Holly the entire time she's here. She's saying her piece now. She verbally attacks Holly while I'm around, she'll be hearing from me. But the ultimate decision on what to do regarding Barbara is Holly's, and whatever she decides, I will support. And I hope I can count on you to be just as supportive of Blake."

"You know I will," Ross replied.

Roger nodded once. "I just wanted to let you know she's here," he said. He turned to leave. "I'm heading out to pick up dinner for Holly and me, but I wanted to give you a heads up so you and Chrissy aren't as blindsided as Holly and I were."

"Thank you," Ross said, because it seemed to him that that's what he should say.

Roger raised a hand in farewell as he walked away from the Marler house, and Ross closed and locked the front door and returned to Blake in the tub.

"Who was at the door?" she asked.

"Your father," Ross said. He knelt beside the tub again. "Your grandmother's in town. She's over at your parents' house now."

"Grandma's here? Mom didn't tell me she was coming."

"She didn't know. It was a surprise visit."

Blake snorted. "More like an ambush," she said. She struggled to stand up, and before she could ask, Ross helped her up, then wrapped her up in a big, fluffy towel and helped her dry off. "Mom and Grandma have never been close. Even as a little girl, I could see that. Do you know I never remember seeing them hug each other, even once? Grandma doesn't approve of Mom's choices in life. She never has. And the thing she disapproves of the most is Mom loving and marrying Daddy."

"She had a valid point the first time around, Blake," Ross reminded his wife.

"But she doesn't have a valid point anymore," Blake retorted. She wiped the steam from the bathroom mirror and then began combing her wet hair out, talking to Ross all the while as he knelt to dry her legs and feet for her. "You know, she and Mom and I lived together for a few years in Europe when I was growing up, and she was constantly picking at Mom, disapproving or disagreeing with just about everything she did and said. And if I had to guess, I would guess that she thinks neither of my parents have changed at all since the first time they were married, so she is expecting, and maybe on some level even hoping to find Daddy cheating on Mom and lying to her and worse, so she can say 'I told you so' to Mom and light into her about what a mistake it was for her to marry him again. She won't want to see that Daddy has changed_** so much**_. She won't care that he would lie down in front of a train for Mom, or that he loves her more than anything in the world, and she certainly won't care that Mom is happier than she's ever been in her life, because she's never been interested in Mom's happiness."

"Those are some pretty serious accusations, Blake," Ross said as he stood up and wrapped the towel around Blake after he finished drying her legs and feet. Still, what Blake was saying matched up with what Roger had told him about Holly's mother, so there had to be at least some truth to it.

Blake met Ross's eyes in the mirror and said, "I didn't and don't have a warm and fuzzy grandma, Ross. I invited her to our wedding, did you know that? I invited her to our wedding, and all she did was send the RSVP card back saying she wouldn't attend. She didn't give a reason, she didn't even call me to congratulate me, although she was probably scandalized by the fact that it was my third wedding, never mind that it's the only time I got married for the right reasons, and to the right man."

Ross followed Blake to their bedroom. "No, I didn't know that your grandmother turned down your invitation to our wedding," he said. "I don't know her. I only know _**of**_ her. But one thing I do know: it isn't good for you or the babies to be getting so upset."

"You can't expect me not to react to her, Ross!" Blake exclaimed as she got dressed.

"Of course not," Ross said. "But the strength and magnitude of your reaction to her concern me. Roger and Holly are certainly capable of defending themselves and their marriage to your grandmother."

"You can't expect me not to defend my parents, either!" Blake continued, her chin up and her eyes flashing.

"You've always been their staunchest defender, so no, I don't expect you not to defend them at all. Just please, for yourself and our boys, stay as calm as possible while you're defending Roger and Holly," Ross replied.

"I will stay as calm as I can," Blake promised as she finished dressing, "but I'm not going to let her just rip my mom and dad to shreds right in front of me without saying something."

Little did Blake or Ross know that it wouldn't be Holly and Roger that Blake would be defending the most.

It would be Ross.

* * *

_May 10, 1996, 5:42 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly had moved to the floor with Jack, letting him play on the rug (and hearing "Are you sure the rug is clean enough for him to play on?" from Barbara) with his activity center. Barbara watched them together for a couple of minutes, seeing for herself how good Holly was with the baby, how much they clearly adored each other.

Finally Barbara spoke. "Jack has your eyes."

"He does," Holly agreed.

"The rest of him almost entirely resembles Roger, though," Barbara continued.

"Are you going to hold that against him?" Holly asked, then mentally kicked herself for sounding too defensive. Holly knew that Barbara had loved her and her brothers and done her best for them, but she was not very emotionally open, and she was very critical of the choices her kids made in their lives, heavy on the disapproval and censure, and even when she was supportive, Holly, Andy, and Ken had known that beneath the support was a wellspring of disapproval over their actions. Holly was the first one to admit that she had made plenty of mistakes in her life, and some of them had been catastrophic. But she had finally gotten to a place where the mistakes that she made were not catastrophic. Still, her mother was not the type to give any quarter, or to see how deeply and how truly Holly had changed. Barbara would always see Holly the way she had been as a young woman, when she had been at her worst almost all the time, and when she made mistakes with far-reaching, catastrophic consequences that affected not only her own life but the lives of others, many of whom were caught in the fallout of Holly's actions. She wasn't that girl anymore, but she believed she would never truly convince her mother of that fact.

"Of course not," Barbara answered. "I was just stating an unfortunate fact."

"I don't think it's unfortunate at all," Holly replied evenly.

"Holly, why?" Barbara asked.

_And here we go,_ Holly thought. Reminding herself once more to remain as calm as possible, for Jack's sake if not her own, she rejoined Barbara on the loveseat, Jack playing at their feet, and waded into the fray. "Why don't I think Jack resembling Roger is unfortunate?"

"Don't be purposely obtuse," Barbara scolded. "Why did you ever marry that man again?"

"Because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him," Holly replied.

"He raped you, Holly!" Barbara exclaimed. "He faked his death and let you go to prison for it, and then he tried to kidnap Blake, and failing that, he kidnapped you and he dragged you through the jungles of Santo Domingo and nearly killed you!"

Jack looked up from his activity center at Barbara's sharp tone. "It's all right, sweetie, everything's all right," Holly assured Jack. Then she turned her attention to her mother again. "I know, Mom. And I would appreciate it if you would keep calm in front of Jack."

Barbara ignored Holly's remarks entirely. "And yet you married him again and had another child with him." She shook her head. "You have this gigantic blind spot when it comes to Roger Thorpe, and you always have. You don't have any more sense now than you did when you were 19."

"That's what it always comes back to for you, isn't it, Mom?" Holly asked. "You still see me as that 19-year-old girl with stars in her eyes and few if any realistic expectations about life in general and Roger in particular. But that's not who I am anymore."

"You still have stars in your eyes when it comes to Roger," Barbara disagreed. "I have never understood the hold that man has over you."

"The same hold that I have over him," Holly said, keeping her tone even. "Love."

"How you can love that man after everything he did to you is beyond me," Barbara said, sitting back on the couch. "You should hate him. You have separate bank accounts, don't you?"

"No," Holly said.

"Tell me that you signed a prenuptial agreement," Barbara said.

"No, I didn't," Holly said.

"You're doing absolutely nothing to protect yourself and Jack?" Barbara asked, upset.

"I don't_** need** _protecting from Roger. Not anymore," Holly said. "He and I went into marriage this time with our eyes wide open and as equal partners, and believe it or not, we have both changed a lot since we were young. If we hadn't both changed, then we never would have been able to get back together, to get to where we are right now. But we did. Thank God we did."

"But he's so volatile, Holly," Barbara fretted.

"Not anymore," Holly said. "Oh, we have our arguments like everyone else, but they're just ordinary, run-of-the-mill arguments now."

"He's not cheating on you all the time?" Barbara challenged.

"He's not cheating on me at all," Holly replied.

"You sound so certain of that," Barbara said.

"I am," Holly said as she helped Jack with one of his books. She opened the book and Jack batted at the buttons that made animal noises. Holly looked up at Barbara. "Mom," she said, "Roger and I are happy together. We love each other, we love our kids, we love being married to each other, and neither one of us is going to do anything to screw it up this time."

"I can just imagine what other people think of you for marrying him again," Barbara said with a disapproving frown.

"I don't care what other people think, Mom, because **I know. **I know Roger's faults, I know his fears, and I know his heart, and he knows mine," Holly said. She looked right into Barbara's eyes, determined to make her feelings crystal clear to her mother even though she was certain before she even started speaking that it would not do anything to change Barbara's mind, or her opinions of Roger, and of Holly having married him again. "I remember what Roger did to me. I remembered it and hated him for it so much for twenty years that it almost destroyed me. For twenty years, hating Roger was my job. I wore it like a badge, and I showed it to everybody who tried to get close to me: to my daughter, my friends, anyone who tried to love me, including Roger, and he does love me, no matter how you try to devalue it, and him. So after twenty years, I took off that miserable badge and I forgave him. I wasn't planning on being with him again. I just wanted to get on with my life.

"And then, while I was getting on with my life, Roger got hurt, he got hurt very badly, and he went missing and was presumed dead. And while he was missing and presumed dead, I realized that I still had feelings for him that had been buried under all that hate for all that time. And when it looked like he was really dead this time, I was consumed with regret, thinking that he didn't know that I loved him, and by that time we had forgiven each other for the past and finally moved beyond it, but now any chance for us to try again and get it right this time could have been lost forever, and when I thought it was, I felt such a deep, sharp pain..."

Holly trailed off and took a few seconds' pause to gather her composure again before continuing. "But he didn't die. Thank God, he didn't die. He survived, and that's when I realized that nothing...not what other people think, not our past, which we had forgiven each other for long before this anyway...nothing mattered anymore except the two of us being together, the two of us seeing if we could make it work the way we couldn't when we were young. I was alone and empty inside for so very many years, Mom. When Roger and I found each other again, when we got back together, we made a commitment not only to each other but to our relationship, that we would do whatever it takes to make it work this time. And we _**are**_ making it work this time. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. And I really wish that just this once, you could be happy _**for**_ me, or at least be happy about the fact that I'm finally truly happy."

"A leopard doesn't change its spots," Barbara insisted stubbornly.

"Then it's a good thing I didn't marry a leopard, isn't it?" Holly countered. "I married a man. A flawed but loving man. He does have good inside of him, Mom. I know you've never believed that. There was a time I didn't believe it either. But I know now that he does have good in him. I know who Roger is, and I love him. And he knows who I am, and he loves me. You know that I've been with all the good doctors and all the good lawyers of Springfield, and it never worked with any of them, and I finally know why it never worked with any of them: because when I was with them, I was twisting myself up in knots trying to be everyone else's version of the perfect woman. But with Roger, all I have to be is myself. He loves me for who I am, faults and all, and that's the way I love him. And I know you think I'm lying to myself, but I'm not. I can't say it any plainer than that, Mom. I'm not lying to myself. I **stopped** lying to myself, because it's Roger I love and it's Roger I want to be with, and I finally am."

"I think you need your head examined," Barbara grumbled.

"Roger and I have been in therapy together for almost two and a half years," Holly said, and then thought, _Oh damn, I shouldn't have told her that without talking to Roger first. No one but Dr. Janssen knows...knew we're in therapy. _

"And how in the world did you get him to agree to go to therapy?" Barbara wanted to know.

Jack interrupted then, babbling to his mommy and holding up his jack in the box. Holly set Jack in her lap and adjusted him before turning the handle on the jack in the box until the clown popped up, making Jack laugh. Then she looked her mother in the eye once more and said, "I didn't. Therapy was Roger's idea."

Barbara didn't know how to respond to that. She knew Holly wasn't lying, but she couldn't wrap her head around the concept that Roger Thorpe voluntarily sought therapy and kept going for two and a half years, so she switched tacks. "Well, what kind of quack therapist would think that the two of you being together again is a good idea?"

"Our therapist knows everything about our relationship through all the years," Holly replied, "and she doesn't judge us. That's not what she's there for. She's there to help us, and she _**has**_ helped. She _**does**_ help, every week." Barbara stared at Holly then, and Holly stared back, not blinking and not flinching. "I married Roger because I wanted to," she said. "And I'm going to _**stay**_ married to him for the rest of my life because I want to. It's that simple."

Barbara looked at Holly in disbelief. "You married him because you wanted to," she repeated, shocked.

Holly wasn't sure what the bigger insult was: that her mother thought Roger had somehow conned her into marrying him again, or that her mother was so shocked that Holly married Roger again because she wanted to. "Yes, Mom, I married Roger again because I wanted to, because I love him and he loves me and I wanted to make a life and a home and a family with him and Blake, and Jack."

"Then Jack was planned?" Barbara asked. "Because at your age...You do realize how old you'll be by the time he graduates high school?"

"Jack was a wonderful surprise," Holly replied. "Completely unplanned, and very much loved, very much wanted, and very much the light of our lives. And 63 is not ancient, not the way it once was considered to be."

"And yet you're not staying home with him," Barbara said, letting Holly's age go for now.

"I took three months of maternity leave," Holly informed her mother.

"But you're not staying home to raise him," Barbara said.

"It's 1996, Mom. Most women work nowadays. And the fact that I _**wasn't**_ working when Blake was little was part of the problem," Holly said.

"Well, I just hope Jack doesn't suffer for not having you at home," Barbara said. "You certainly complained mightily for quite a long time because I _**had**_ to work when you and your brothers were growing up."

Holly took a deep breath and looked at Jack, who stuck his fist in his mouth to chew on it as he looked up at her. She had to stay calm for his sake. "Jack will not suffer for not having me at home full-time," she said. "Not for one second. And my circumstances are vastly different than yours were. I'm not raising Jack by myself. I have a loving and supportive partner to share everything with this time around. I work because I enjoy it, and because I'm good at what I do, and because it gives me fulfillment. I was never cut out to be just a housewife and mother. It took me a long time to learn that, but I finally did, and we do our share of juggling, but Roger and I are both here for Jack, and we always will be."

"If you say so," Barbara said. "It just strikes me as selfish of you to put your career ahead of your child."

A sharp arrow of pain shot across Holly's forehead then and made its way down her neck to her shoulders. "I am not putting my career ahead of Jack," she said, fighting to keep her tone even so as not to scare or startle her son, "and finding professional fulfillment is not selfish," she said.

"It is when it comes at someone else's expense," Barbara retorted.

Holly bit the inside of her cheek and took another deep breath as she felt more pain piercing her forehead and the muscles in the back of her neck. "I am not doing _**anything**_ at Jack's expense," she said tightly, her carefully cultivated composure starting to slip. "I was miserable when Blake was a baby and when she was growing up. I didn't know how to be happy, and I didn't know who I was back then. Well, now I do. Now I know how to be happy, I _**am**_ happy, and I know who I am. I have a life that is so much better than I ever thought I would have, than I ever dared to dream I would have."

"If you say so," Barbara said. "I just hope you know what you're doing, Holly. With all of it."

"I do," Holly said firmly, and she thought she did an admirable job of keeping the defiance out of her voice.

Roger walked in then, carrying a pizza box. "Dinner is served," he announced. One look at Holly told him that she had had a very stressful conversation with Barbara. She looked relieved more than anything else, but Roger could also tell that she had a terrible tension headache.

"Yes, well, I believe that's my cue to leave," Barbara said. "I'll be back tomorrow, for lunch."

_Gee, I can't wait,_ Holly thought as she shifted Jack in her arms. At that exact instant, her nostrils were assailed by the telltale unpleasant scent of Jack's dirty diaper. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Mom, around noon. If you'll excuse us, I need to change Jack before we eat."

"I'll get everything ready," Roger assured Holly. While she took Jack into his room to change him, Roger carried the pizza over to the kitchen table, moved to the cupboard to get plates for himself and Holly, and then he poured them each a glass of water.

Barbara wordlessly watched Roger the whole time, and as he was pouring the second glass of water, she finally spoke. "You certainly have Holly fooled, but don't think you're doing the same to me."

"You really don't think much of your daughter, do you, Barbara?" Roger asked.

"Holly has never had good judgment, especially when it comes to you," Barbara said.

Neither Barbara nor Roger heard the door of Jack's room open, and neither of them saw Holly, carrying the freshly diapered Jack, emerge. Holly stopped at the edge of the hall when she saw her husband and her mother staring each other down, and neither she nor Jack made a sound.

"You don't deserve her," Barbara informed Roger haughtily.

"You're right, I don't," Roger agreed, shocking Barbara by agreeing with her. "But she loves me anyway. And I love her, more than any words could ever adequately express."

"Well, I remember what you claiming to love her did to her before," Barbara retorted.

"I didn't know how to love anyone back then," Roger continued, "and I certainly didn't know how to love Holly."

"And now you do," Barbara said sarcastically.

"Yes, now I do," Roger replied earnestly. "And as for fooling Holly, it's impossible for me to do that anymore. She knows me too well, and she's the first person to call me out on everything." Roger returned the water pitcher to the refrigerator, then turned to face Barbara once more. "Maybe if you took the time to really get to know her, you would see what a remarkable, intelligent, vivacious, feisty, loving, forgiving, beautiful woman she is, Barbara, because your continued refusal to acknowledge Holly for the person she is now is a great disservice and injustice to her. She deserves better from you, she really does."

Holly knew full well that Roger felt that way about her, but hearing him say it to her mother now made her heart swell with happiness.

Her mother did not react similarly, however. "How dare you," Barbara said coldly. "How dare you presume to tell me about my daughter. I _**know**_ my daughter!"

"You _**used to** _know your daughter," Roger corrected. "And you still think of her the way you did twenty and more years ago. Do you honestly think she hasn't grown or changed at all in all that time?"

"She's still tangled up with you, isn't she?" Barbara retorted.

"And that makes me the luckiest man alive," Roger said. "But leave me out of it, Barbara. Look at Holly for who she is as an individual. Because as long as you don't do that, you're really missing out on an amazing person."

"A person who doesn't learn from her mistakes, because you're the biggest mistake she ever made, and she fails to see that now just as surely as she did all those years ago," Barbara spat.

"You have every reason in the world to hate me," Roger said. "And I can live with you hating me for the rest of our lives if I have to."

"I don't need your permission to hate you!" Barbara exclaimed. "Don't you stand there and condescend to me!"

Roger shook his head sadly. "I'm not condescending to you, Barbara," he said. "I'm pleading my wife's case to you. Not because she asked me to, not because I'm trying to put anything over on you or to make you like me, but because I know Holly well enough to know that this lack of relationship she has with you, this inability to connect with you, bothers her. It took her a long time to get her life together, to figure out who she is and what she wants and what makes her happy, and contrary to what you believe, I'm only one part of that. It would be nice if you could acknowledge who Holly is now instead of continuing to hold the past against her."

Barbara glowered at Roger, then turned on her heel and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind her.

After Barbara was gone, Roger looked to Holly and Jack. "How much of that did you hear?" he asked.

"Enough," Holly replied. She pulled Jack's swing over by the kitchen table, strapped him into it, and set it gently in motion. Then she turned her full attention to her husband. "You had one thing wrong, though." At his questioning look, she continued, "You_** do** _deserve me. Love isn't about being deserving, Roger. It's about finding the one person who takes you as you are, the whole package, and stands by you and gives you their all through whatever life throws at you. That's what you do for me, and I hope that's what I do for you. I certainly try to do that for you."

"You do," Roger assured her. Holly rubbed at the back of her neck then, and Roger reached into his pocket and removed a bottle of pills. He poured two of them into his palm and then held his palm out to Holly. "For your headache." He had surreptitiously pulled the tension headache medicine from the kitchen cabinet when he was getting the dishes for dinner, knowing that Holly needed it. He then handed her one of the glasses of water from the kitchen table. She accepted both the pills and the water gratefully and took the medicine.

After she had taken the medicine, she lowered the glass from her lips and sighed. "I'm 45 years old," she said. "I have a nice home, a career that I enjoy, a husband I love who loves me back, two beautiful, healthy children, and I'm going to be a grandmother in another month or so. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy, and yet my mother disapproves of almost everything about my life. Why can she still push all my buttons?"

"The same reason my father can still push all my buttons: they installed them," Roger replied.

"At least you're getting somewhere with Adam, albeit with Western Union as an intermediary," Holly said. "I know Mom bashed you pretty good, and she definitely had a lot of unfavorable things to say about us and our marriage, but the truth is, she threw my whole life up against the wall and ripped it to shreds. Marrying you again was a horrific mistake. I'm an idiot for not protecting myself and Jack from you. I'm selfish because I'm working instead of staying home with Jack, and she hopes that he doesn't suffer for not having me at home full-time, and as her grand finale, she hopes that I know what I'm doing with everything...said in that way she has that makes it abundantly clear that she thinks I _**don't**_ know what I'm doing with all of it, and everything is going to blow up in my face again the way it did when we were younger."

They sat down at the table with the pizza. "I have a pretty good idea of what she said to you. I mean, before I got home," Holly continued.

"She doesn't like that I'm staying home with Jack, even temporarily," Roger said. "She doesn't think I'm capable of taking care of him correctly when it comes to things like feeding him and changing his diapers. She accused me of cheating on you, and said that a leopard doesn't change its spots. She obviously thinks I'm the same monster I was when I was a young man."

"I'm sorry," Holly said.

"It's not your fault," Roger assured her.

"I'm not apologizing for that," Holly said. "I'm apologizing because I messed up when I was talking to my mother." Holly looked down at the top of the table before she continued, "She said I needed my head examined, and that made me so angry, and I really had to fight to hold on to my composure because Jack was right there and I didn't want to let loose and scream at her in front of him, but I...well, I ended up telling her that you and I have been in therapy for two and a half years." She looked up from the table at Roger sitting across from her. "I shouldn't have just blurted it out like that."

"You were provoked," Roger said. "I'm not mad, or upset, Hol, except over what she's doing to you."

"What she's doing to me is par for the course, sadly," Holly said. "And I wish I could change it, but I can't change it by myself. She has to be willing to meet me at least part of the way, and she doesn't seem capable of doing that. I just...I didn't mean to tell her." She rolled her shoulders then as Roger opened the pizza box, glad that Roger wasn't upset about her having told Barbara they were in therapy.

Frowning at the fact that she was in pain, Roger said, "I'll give you a massage after we eat. And it's true that we agreed that us being in therapy is not for pubilc consumption, but I doubt your mother is going to be announcing that to everyone. And if she does, so what?"

"I'm not very hungry, anyway," Holly said. "I mean, I'll eat something, because of the headache medicine, but most of this will probably go in the fridge." She gestured to the pizza with one hand while pulling the smallest slice she could find out of the box with the other. "I just want to snuggle up with you and Jack tonight until Jack's asleep, and then I'll take you up on that massage, and then I just want to sleep in your arms until I have to face my mother again tomorrow. She had her say today. I defended myself the best I could, as poor as my effort obviously was, but tomorrow, it's my turn." Holly looked more determined than Roger had seen her look in ages. "She is finally going to listen to me and really hear me," Holly vowed. Roger hoped that Barbara would listen to Holly and really hear what she was saying, although privately, he had serious doubts that it would make any difference in Holly and Barbara's relationship, or lack thereof.

* * *

_May 10, 1996, 7:18 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

When Barbara arrived at Blake and Ross's house, Blake was prepared for a fight, ready to defend her parents and their marriage to the death.

But it turned out that Barbara didn't want to discuss Holly and Roger with Blake. She was too busy expressing her disapproval of Ross and of Blake being married to him.

Ross figured it wasn't going to be a pleasant visit when Barbara completely ignored him to take Blake's hands, look her up and down, and declare, "Land sakes, girl, you're as big as a house!" as soon as she was in their living room.

"She's having twins," he said. Barbara scowled at him before turning her attention back to her granddaughter.

"Twins," Barbara said. "Do you know what they are yet?"

"Boys. They're fraternal twin boys," Blake replied. "And you haven't actually met my Ross yet."

"Yes, I have," Barbara said.

"When?" Blake asked.

And that's when Ross knew things were going to get a lot worse than he had imagined.

"When he was your father's lawyer at the trial," Barbara said as she primly seated herself on the couch.

Blake made the mistake of asking, "Grandma, come on, do you know how long ago that was?"as she plopped down in the chair.

"I'm the only one who seems to remember," Barbara replied tersely.

"Because everyone else got past it and moved on a long time ago," Blake said. "Mom forgave Daddy years ago, long before they ever even got back together, let alone got married. Do you really think she ever would have married him again if she didn't truly trust him?"

"She's never been able to see the kind of man he really is," Barbara said.

"No, she's able to see _**exactly**_ the kind of man he _**really**_ is," Blake insisted. "For so long, that one night, that one event, defined them. It's like there was nothing before it and nothing after it. But they hashed everything out and dealt with it, and they found a way not to be slaves to the past. They found a way to build a life together and a future together, and I am so proud of both of them for doing that. There is so much more to my mother and father than just that one event. Why can't you see that?"

"I don't expect you to understand, Blake," Barbara said. "Look at who you married. You're following in your mother's footsteps, making the same mistakes she made."

"What is _**that** _supposed to mean?" Blake wanted to know.

Ross moved to sit on the arm of Blake's chair and put his hands on her shoulders just as Barbara said, "You married that ruthless, evil lawyer that defended your father all those years ago."

"Ross, ruthless and evil?" Blake exclaimed disbelievingly.

"Blake, honey," Ross said.

"No!" Blake said. "She can't say that about you!" She pinned her grandmother with a glare then. "You don't even know him! You know one thing he did almost thirty years ago. Ross is not ruthless and evil! He's the best person I know! If you want to talk ruthless and evil, you should have been around four, five, six years ago, because _**I**_ was the ruthless and evil one then. I had no relationship at all with my mother. We lived to hurt each other. And I did so many terrible things to so many people who didn't deserve it, including Mom, that if I told you even half of them, they'd make your hair stand on end! And you have the nerve to come in here and sit in judgment of Ross when you don't even know him? That's not acceptable to me. You won't even give him a chance, and it's obvious that you're not going to give Mom and Daddy a chance, either. And as long as that's the case, I don't see where we have anything to talk about, so I think you'd better just go, Grandma."

"You're throwing me out of your house?" Barbara asked, shocked.

"I'm asking you to leave, yes," Blake replied.

Ross had been silent up to this point, but now he spoke. "Barbara, representing Roger in that trial was not my finest hour, I agree. But I'm not who I was all those years ago. Blake has certainly changed, and so have Holly and Roger. I agree with my wife, and as I believe that you have upset her enough for one night, I too would like for you to leave our home." He got up, walked across the living room to the front door, and opened it.

Barbara looked angry, and she glared at first Blake and then Ross before stomping out the door with all the wounded dignity she could muster.

After Ross had closed and locked the door behind Barbara, he returned to Blake's side. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm really mad at her," Blake said, "but physically, I'm okay." She smoothed her hand over her large belly. "Where does she get off, coming into our house and talking about you like that? God, I can just imagine what she said to Mom and Daddy tonight."

"She's not a pleasant person," Ross agreed, "but there's some underlying reason for her feeling this way."

"What?" Blake asked.

"I don't know," Ross said, "but it's something."

"Well, it's not a good enough excuse," Blake said. "Nothing is a good enough excuse for her to say those things about you, or to think that Mom made a mistake marrying Daddy again and he hasn't changed at all. They've both changed. Mom is not the same mother I grew up with, or the same mother she was when she and I were constantly at each other's throats. And Daddy... He's a vastly different person now. Her judgmental attitude and her refusal to see how different everything is now is a real slap in the face to my parents, and she doesn't even know you and she's written you off as some ruthless, evil ambulance chaser." Blake picked up the phone then and punched in her parents' number.

It took several rings before Roger finally answered. "Hello?" he said cautiously.

"Daddy," Blake said.

"Chrissy," he said. He sounded distracted. "It's Chrissy," she heard him say, obviously to her mother. "Is something wrong?"

"Not really wrong," Blake said. "It's just...Grandma was just here. And the things that she was saying about you and Mom, and about Ross, were horrible. How's Mom?"

"Recovering," Roger replied.

Roger had been giving Holly the promised massage. She reluctantly moved away from him and sat up, reaching for the phone. Roger handed Holly the receiver. "Blake?" Holly said. "Are you all right?"

"I'm okay," Blake assured Holly. "What about you?"

"It wasn't pleasant," Holly began.

"That's got to be an understatement," Blake said.

"But I survived it," Holly said. "And so did you."

"She is just so wrong, about so much," Blake said. "It really burns me up, what she thinks of Ross, and what she thinks of you and Daddy."

"Well, she had her say tonight. She's coming back over here for lunch tomorrow, and tomorrow, I'm going to be the one doing the talking, and she's going to be the one doing the listening," Holly said.

"I want to be there too," Blake said.

"Honey, this is my fight," Holly said. "It's not good for you to get upset so close to the end of your pregnancy."

"It's my fight too," Blake insisted. "She thinks Ross is ruthless and evil, and she's trashing you and Daddy, all of which affects me."

Holly was silent for several seconds. "You can come," she said at last, "but I want you to stay calm. I mean it. And you let me fight my fight, agreed?"

"Agreed," Blake said. "I love you, Mom. And tell Daddy and Jack I love them too."

"We all love you too," Holly said. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"See you tomorrow," Blake agreed. "Good night."

"Good night, Blake." Then Holly hung up.

"I'm going to be there too," Ross said in a tone that brooked no arguments. "I appreciate how passionately you defended me to your grandmother tonight, but that's kind of what I do, and I'd like the opportunity to answer for myself to her tomorrow."

"Just one big happy family," Blake said.

"Well you and I and Holly and Roger are all on the same side," Ross reminded her.

"That seems to be happening more and more as time goes on," Blake reflected.

"Yes, it does," Ross agreed, "and it's starting to get less strange when it happens as time goes on, too."

Meanwhile, Holly stretched out on her stomach on her and Roger's bed after hanging up the phone, and Roger resumed massaging her shoulders and back. "So Chrissy and Ross are going to be here for the next showdown?" he asked.

"Yes," Holly said. "But it's not a showdown, although I'm sure Mom will see it that way." She sighed. "I don't know if it's even possible for her to understand how different everything is now from what it was back then, but I have to try to make her see that it is."

"Correction: _**we**_ have to try to make her see that it is," Roger said. "All four of us."

"Not exactly the best kind of family bonding," Holly mused, "but if nothing else comes of this, Mom will have to realize that we really _**are**_ one family now, that we stand together instead of attacking or turning on each other. At least, I hope she does."

Knowing how much it meant to Holly, Roger replied, "Me too."


	22. Say What You Need to Say

_May 11, 1996, 8:54 AM-Company_

The only person in the Norris-Thorpe-Marler family who slept normally that night was Jack. Blake was in the most uncomfortable stage of pregnancy anyway, and her roiling emotions over Barbara and what she had said about Ross and about Holly and Roger didn't make for a peaceful night for her, so Ross didn't have a peaceful night either. Holly kept tossing and turning, and Roger lost count of the number of times she woke him up after the ninth time it happened, and so he didn't get much sleep either. And Barbara got very little sleep as well, regretting her visit to Blake, and wondering if anything she could say or do would get through to Holly and make her see that she was once again naively riding for a big fall.

Gaining two hours when she flew from California made Barbara get up even earlier than she usually did, and she decided to eschew breakfast in the hotel dining room since she had not been impressed with their room service offerings at dinner the night before.

That was how she found herself eating at Company when Ed Bauer walked in, having been at the hospital since 3 AM with a critical patient. He stopped off at Company intending to get a cup of coffee to go before heading home for some sleep, but when he heard someone calling his name, and saw that the someone was Barbara Norris, he went over to her table. "Barbara," he greeted her warmly.

She gave him a genuine smile as she stood up, eagerly reaching for his hands. "Hello, Ed," she said. "It's so nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you too," Ed replied, smiling back as he squeezed Barbara's hands. "You must be in town for Mother's Day."

"I guess that is how it worked out, isn't it?" Barbara mused, realizing for the first time that tomorrow was Mother's Day.

A waitress came to the table then and took Barbara's breakfast order and Ed's coffee order. After the waitress departed, Barbara said, "So how are Maureen and the kids?"

"We're all doing very well," Ed replied. "Am I remiss in guessing that things aren't going any more smoothly between you and Holly than they ever have?"

"No, you're very perceptive in guessing that," Barbara said. She sighed. "You know, of course, about Holly and Roger."

"Surely Holly told you she had married him again, and that they had Jack," Ed said. He remembered well the emotional distance between Holly and Barbara, how vastly different the two women were from one another, but he couldn't fathom Holly not at least informing her mother of her marriage and the birth of her second child.

"Oh, yes, she told me when both events occurred," Barbara said. "But for the life of me, I can't figure out why she ever married that man again. I still think she made a vast mistake letting you get away."

Ed folded his hands on the table. "Holly and I are much better as friends than we were as spouses," he said. "When we were together, we were both looking for something and trying to make ourselves believe we'd found it in each other, but we didn't."

"Well, Roger lurking in the background all the while certainly didn't help your relationship any," Barbara said primly.

"But Roger was the one Holly really wanted all along," Ed reminded her, and through their affair while Holly was married to Ed, Holly had found a way to have him back then, albeit in stolen moments.

"And that's the part I can't understand," Barbara admitted. "I couldn't understand it then, and I understand it even less now."

"When they first got back together, it was definitely a shock," Ed agreed.

"Surely you don't give their marriage your blessing?" Barbara asked incredulously.

"Holly and Roger don't want or expect anyone's blessing," Ed said. He leaned back and said contemplatively, "Ever since they both turned up back here in Springfield, Roger has always maintained that all he wants is Holly, that he just wants to be married to her and have a life with her. And although Holly started out back then insisting that she hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, they kept...well, they kept getting involved in each other's lives, sort of dancing around each other over the years, and deep down, I always knew that a lot more than hate was going on on Holly's part. Then they finally got back together, and they got married a year after that. And I think privately, the entire town was expecting something ugly and explosive to happen all over again. But a year-and-a-half later, it hasn't happened, and nothing indicates that it's going to happen." He leaned forward then, and looked Barbara right in the eye. "But I do know this: I have never, over all the years I have known Holly, seen her happier than I've seen her since she and Roger got married again."

Barbara looked at Ed skeptically. "Oh, come now, Ed," she chided. "A man like Roger Thorpe is incapable of being happy, let alone making anyone else happy, and certainly not Holly."

"Up to a year-and-a-half ago, I would have agreed with you completely," Ed said. "But I've seen it with my own eyes. Holly and Roger make each other happy. And in Holly's case, there's a peace about her that I never saw even the slightest glimpse of until after she married Roger again. She has a better relationship with Blake than she's ever had. She enjoys her work. When we were all a lot younger, and when Holly and I were together, she was relentlessly searching for something all the time, and I'm not even sure if she knew exactly what it was she was searching for back then. After all these years, she finally found it, and the change in her is enormous. And Roger... I didn't think anything could ever settle him down, but clearly, he meant it when he said that all he wanted was to be married to Holly, because he's not doing anything to mess it up this time. In fact, he's done some things since marrying Holly again that I never thought I would see him do. When he saved Mike's and Faith's lives back in February-"

"He _**what**_?" Barbara asked, shocked. "He saved your brother's life? And Faith's life? Your niece Hope's daughter?"

"Holly didn't tell you about that?" Ed asked.

"No, she did not," Barbara replied. "Suppose you tell me."

The waitress brought Barbara's breakfast and Ed's coffee then, but Barbara ignored her breakfast, and after Ed took a fortifying sip of coffee, he explained to Barbara about Faith's kidnapping, the months she was held hostage at the lighthouse by Brent Lawrence, the disappearances of both Alan-Michael and Lucy Cooper, and the night of the rescue mission at the lighthouse, when Roger's shouted warning kept Mike from being on the receiving end of a bullet, and then how he climbed down the lighthouse with a wounded, unconscious Faith on his back. In the interests of full disclosure, Ed then backtracked to explain about the news bulletin Roger had okayed to go on WSPR without Holly's knowledge. "But Jack was just a few weeks old then," he concluded, "and I remember Ross saying something about he had his first cold around that time too, so obviously Holly was exhausted. That's why Roger showed up at the lighthouse: he felt personally responsible for putting Faith and Alan-Michael and Lucy in more danger than they were already in, although at the time, the only one who knew that Faith was there was Alan. And I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad he was there that night, because he helped save Mike's life, and Faith's life."

Barbara was stunned. She could believe Roger putting the news of the hostage crisis at the lighthouse on television, but the fact that he went down there to help after finding out the extent of the damage his decision could have caused did not compute with anything she knew about Roger Thorpe. Then too, she was troubled by Ed's contention that Holly was happier and more at peace than she had ever been before in her life. Barbara just couldn't see how that was possible, considering she was married to Roger Thorpe again. But she knew that Ed wouldn't lie to her about this...which meant that either Holly and Roger were much better actors than Barbara gave them credit for, or Holly was telling the truth when she insisted that she and Roger had both changed a great deal in the past couple of decades.

Was it possible that Holly and Roger really were what they claimed to be now? Could they really be happy together? Could it be that they were _**not**_ a violent disaster waiting to happen again?

Barbara had to know the real truth about Holly and Roger's marriage and relationship...whatever it was. How to discern the truth, though, that was the question as she turned her attention to her breakfast at last.

"It's a lot to take in, I know," Ed said, taking another drink of his rapidly cooling coffee.

"It just doesn't make any sense to me," Barbara admitted. "I honestly don't understand how it could be."

"I don't think anyone really does," Ed mused. "But honestly, it's pretty much generally accepted that Roger and Holly are very solidly, happily together."

Barbara shook her head. "Roger must have been thrilled when his good friend Ross married Blake," she said.

"'His good friend Ross'?" Ed asked. He couldn't help himself; he burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Barbara asked, puzzled.

"The thought of Ross Marler being Roger Thorpe's good friend," Ed said as he recovered himself. "Ross is my best friend, and he didn't have any choice about Roger being his father-in-law. His fate was sealed once he realized he was head over heels for Blake. Why would you...Ohhhhh," Ed realized. "Ross was Roger's lawyer at the trial. They've never been friends, though. In-laws, yes, but Ross has changed a lot since then too."

"To be worthy of your friendship, he must have," Barbara replied.

"Ross and I have been through a lot together," Ed said. "He's a good man, Barbara. I remember what he was like during the trial, and he's vastly different now. You don't have to take my word for it, either. He is one of the most respected, well-liked people in town. You can ask anyone."

"A real pillar of the community now, is he?" Barbara asked.

"Yes," Ed said. "And what's more, he and Blake love each other very, very much. They're very good for each other." Ed paused for a moment, wondering if he should continue with what he wanted to say.

"Go on," Barbara said.

"Ross was alone for a long time. Oh, he dated various women..." Ed had the presence of mind not to mention that Holly had been one of them, figuring that if Barbara didn't know, there was no reason for her to hear it from him, especially since everything that had needed to be resolved and forgiven from that time between and among Holly, Blake, and Ross had been resolved and forgiven long ago, "...but he never...well, he never fell until Blake. It really took him by surprise. It really took Blake by surprise too. They complement each other perfectly. Ross grounds Blake, and Blake brings a light and a liveliness to Ross that he has never known before. They're really good together, and really good for each other."

"I guess I really didn't give him much of a chance last night," Barbara admitted. "But I remember how he was during the trial, so ruthless, so cruel."

"He really isn't like that anymore," Ed assured her.

Barbara shook her head. "I can't believe things really have changed as much as it seems they have," she said. "It just doesn't seem possible to me that they _**could** _change _**that**_ much."

"It was a long time ago, Barbara," Ed reminded her. "Actually, if you don't mind a piece of advice..." Ed began. At Barbara's accepting look, he continued, "The rest of your family, at least the Springfield branch, isn't looking to the past as much as you are. They're living in the present and looking to the future. And maybe...well, maybe things might be less strained and stressful between you if you live in the present and look to the future too."

Ed finished his coffee and hugged Barbara goodbye. She returned the hug without reluctance.

Shortly after Ed left, Barbara left too, her thoughts whirling.

* * *

_May 11, 1996, 10:19 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

Barbara stood outside looking at Holly and Roger's house for the longest time, thinking about her conversation with Ed.

Being careful to remain far enough in the shadows that neither Holly nor Roger would see her if they happened to look out the window for any reason, Barbara silently, carefully moved to the porch and looked in the living room window.

The baby was in his swing, chattering away as Roger folded laundry at the coffee table-tiny clothes that could only belong to Jack-and chattered back to the boy. Holly was working in the kitchen, seemingly trying to do several things at once and looking frazzled.

"Mommy's a whirling dervish, Jack," Roger told the baby. Jack wasn't sure what that meant, but he could see for himself that Mommy was moving and talking fast.

"Okay, I did the vacuuming and dusting, the chicken salad is made, the potato salad is in the fridge, along with the cucumber and watercress sandwiches, which are my mother's favorites...The pie!" Holly exclaimed suddenly, stopping in her tracks in the kitchen. Jack and Roger both looked at her, and Barbara could see her through the window, looking frantic. "I forgot to defrost the pie!"

Roger put the last of Jack's folded clothes in the laundry basket, set the basket on the coffee table, and went to Holly in the kitchen. "It's one of those thaw-and-serve things, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes," Holly said.

Roger opened the freezer and removed the French silk pie, which he remembered as Barbara's favorite, which was obviously why Holly had gotten it. "Stick it in the fridge for an hour, and it'll be fine." He put the pie in the refrigerator before turning back to Holly and pointing out, "We'll eat the chicken salad and the cucumber and watercress sandwiches and the potato salad first anyway."

"Potato salad!" Holly groaned. "What was I thinking? Blake can't eat the potato salad!"

"Blake never eats potato salad," Roger reminded her. He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "I think there's one thing you're forgetting to do, though, Hol."

"What?" Holly asked anxiously, looking at Roger with wide, panicked eyes.

"Breathe!" Roger said.

Holly shakily sucked in a breath and then slowly exhaled. "You're right," she said. She looked Roger in the eyes then. "As far as my mother is concerned, I haven't done anything right in 45 years. It's highly unlikely she'll suddenly change her mind about that today." She pushed a hand through her hair as she asked, "How am I not getting on your nerves? I'm getting on my_** own** _nerves right now."

Roger put his arms around Holly's waist. "Because I love you, and I know how much this means to you. Besides, you want to talk getting on someone's nerves, you'll want to take Jack and flee the state if I ever get word that my father is coming here."

"Never," Holly said firmly, looping her arms around Roger's neck. "I'm really sorry I was so restless last night. I couldn't stop thinking about Mom and me, and Blake and me. When Blake and I were so far apart, I think part of the reason was that I was thinking of her the way my mother thinks of me. It was like I expected her to be something else, and then when she wasn't...instant conflict and resentment."

"We've learned that a full night's uninterrupted sleep is highly overrated," Roger said, earning the ghost of a smile from Holly. "As for you and Blake and what your relationship used to be like, that's not all on you. You had excellent reasons to disagree with a lot of her decisions, especially the less than ethical ones. Some of the things she did..." He trailed off as he remembered when Blake had been living in full-scale rebellion against everything and everyone, including both him and Holly, and the way he had encouraged some of those less than moral, less than ethical actions of hers.

"Were not just less than ethical, not all of them were legal either," Holly said, remembering Blake's rebellious years herself. "And some of it was her lashing out at me because she thought I didn't love her enough."

"She was also a lot like I used to be, and that was a big problem for you too," Roger said.

"I know Blake felt that way. She once said that she felt that when I looked at her, all I saw was the daughter of a man I hated," Holly said.

Barbara had been out of the loop for so long that she'd had no idea things had gotten that bad between Holly and Blake, but that much, at least, made sense to her: that when Blake was apparently at her worst, Holly was reminded of Roger, the man she hated.

_But how did the hate turn into love_, Barbara wondered. That was the part Barbara couldn't comprehend.

"She was right," Roger said. "For a while there, she was absolutely right. About being the daughter of a man you hated."

"She was," Holly agreed. "But something kept bringing us together over and over again."

"A lot of somethings," Roger said. "Chrissy... the station... Daniel St. John..."

"You know, that was when I was absolutely certain that you loved me...After we had both turned up back here, I mean," Holly said.

"When?" Roger asked.

"During the whole ordeal with Daniel," Holly said. "You were trying to convince me that he was guilty of murder, and I told you that if you loved me, you would let me leave, and you did. You stood aside and let me walk out that door. I wasn't convinced at that point, but when I asked you to let me leave, when I said you would let me leave if you loved me, you did." She brushed a hand through his hair. "As conflicted as I still was about you and about us then, I didn't have any doubts from that point on that you really did love me."

"That was the first time you spelled it out like that," Roger said. "That was the first time you had even suggested that you might have thought I loved you. But at that point, my main goal was to keep you safe, to not let Daniel do anything to you."

"And you didn't," Holly said. "It was a really close call, but you didn't." She smiled wryly as she said, "Of course, you being who you were then, you weren't entirely honest about the whole thing."

"No, I wasn't," Roger said, a look of regret etching itself into his features. "I wish I had been. I wish that I had known then what I know now, so we could have had that time together."

Holly touched her forehead to his briefly. "Regretting the time we lost doesn't give it back to us," she reminded him quietly.

"I know," he said. He took her hands in his and gently squeezed them. "Though there will always be a part of me that wishes we had figured everything out earlier, not a day goes by that I am not thankful that we _**did**_ figure it out, and that we have what we have now."

"Me too," Holly said before kissing him softly, letting the kiss linger for a long moment. Jack, already accustomed to seeing Mommy and Daddy kiss like this, was unfazed, looking on from his swing, but looking on from outside, Barbara was floored seeing Roger and Holly this way. They had certainly never been like this when they were married before. As Barbara recalled it, they had argued all the time when they were together when they were young, Holly had been perpetually miserable, and Roger had regarded Holly, and Blake too, as his possessions rather than as his wife and daughter. But seeing them like this now, hearing them like this, no traces of that rage-filled young man or that miserable young woman were evident.

Holly broke the kiss, then tilted her head. "You're trying to distract me," she said knowingly then.

"Partly," Roger admitted. "Is it working?"

"Partly," Holly replied, and she and Roger both chuckled before Holly grew serious again. "Maybe if Mom had been here all along, you and I would make more sense to her."

"You think that she thinks you just jumped into marriage with me again without thinking about it?" Roger asked.

"That's exactly what I think," Holly replied. "She believes I didn't think at all. She's just never trusted my judgment...especially when it comes to you."

"I didn't give her, or you, anything to really trust when we were kids," Roger pointed out.

"True," Holly agreed. "Back then, I really didn't think. And then I had all those years to do nothing _**but**_ think."

"We both did," Roger said. "I get that it's foreign to Barbara that I could ever... Well, put you first, for starters. _**Really**_ be a husband and a father instead of acting like the kids are prizes to be won, and you're a possession instead of a wife and partner, and be able to feel things other than anger and inferiority. I never put my best foot forward with your mother. She has very good reasons for hating me."

"And she doesn't change her mind easily, if she changes it at all," Holly said. She and Roger walked over to the couch and sat down, Holly sitting closest to Jack in his swing. "Mom and I have been like this with each other for as long as I can remember. I haven't handled myself very well with my mother over the years. She has always disapproved of my actions and my decisions, and when she starts criticizing them, and criticizing me for the things I've done, or haven't done, I get defensive. Did I make mistakes in the past? Of course I did. But not every decision I made was the wrong one. I wasn't always right...but she wasn't always wrong, either. We just... We never really learned how to talk to each other."

Roger put his arm around Holly's shoulders. "I wish that I could make this better for you, or easier, somehow," he said.

"You're here for me," Holly said. "That's how you make it better. As for making it easier, I don't think that's possible when it comes to Mom and me." She looked at Roger then. "I don't care what anyone else thinks of our marriage, but I do wish I could make my mother understand how it is with us now, as opposed to how it was with us then..." She trailed off. "I don't know if I can make her understand, though."

"I don't think she's ever going to like me, and I don't want her feelings about me to get in the way of any non-confrontational relationship you might be able to forge with her," Roger said. "It's not worth it for you to defend me to her."

Holly looked at Jack in his swing, smoothing his hair off his forehead and returning his precious smile before looking back at Roger. "It _**is** _worth it to me," Holly retorted. "_**You're**_ worth it to me."

"I know that you forgave me a long time ago and we've moved beyond it, but your mother hasn't, and to be fair to her, if some man had done to Chrissy what I did to you all those years ago, you-"

"-would have slowly tortured him before you killed him with your bare hands," Holly admitted. ""Look, I'm not so naïve or so stupid as to think that Mom is ever going to throw her arms around you and call you 'Son,' and I honestly don't think she's ever going to be happy that you and I are married. But at the very least, she has to accept that you and I are going to be together for the rest of our lives for the fact that it is." She sighed then, momentarily biting her bottom lip before asking Roger, "Do you think she's right that I could be screwing up Jack by not staying home with him full-time?"

"Of course not!" Roger exclaimed. "And I guarantee you that Jack doesn't feel that way. He knows that you always come home when you're done with work. You tell him every day that you'll see him that night. And I tell him too, when it's getting close to time for you to be home. The kid adores you. Or have you really not noticed the way he lights up every time you walk in the room?"

"He does, doesn't he," Holly mused rhetorically, "like somebody else I know." She looked at Roger, who just smiled back at her in reply. She leaned against him and continued, "I used to think it was just a generational thing with Mom and me, mixed with our personalities being so different. She always thought I was wrong about all the decisions I made, that I was too impulsive and too reckless and I never thought before I acted, and she still does. And _**I**_ always thought _**she**_ was wrong when she would try to tell me what I should do instead of what I had actually done. Looking back, I can see now that she wasn't always wrong. But that defensiveness on my part, and the lack of understanding... I never felt like I understood her, and I never felt like she understood me. I don't know. Maybe it's too late for that."

"You don't really believe that," Roger said gently.

"I don't _**want**_ to believe it," Holly corrected him. "That doesn't mean it's not true, though. You and I have what we have now because we work at it. Blake and I have the relationship we have now because we worked through everything we needed to work through. All three of us grew and changed and accepted responsibility for all of the things we did and said to hurt each other, and forgave each other those hurts. But Mom still thinks that you and I, and apparently Ross as well, are exactly the same people we were in 1979."

"Perish the thought," Roger murmured, gently stroking the back of Holly's hand with his thumb.

"God forbid," Holly agreed. "But she is not an easy person to convince of anything. So until and unless she sees me for who I am right now, today... I just don't know if we have any kind of chance at having a non-combative relationship, because I don't know if she's willing to work through everything with me, to listen and really hear me, and to see me as I am now, not as I was when I was nineteen."

Outside, Barbara reared back as if she had been slapped across the face. How could Holly think that Barbara didn't want a better relationship with her? _Have you really given her any indication that you see her as anything more than a recalcitrant child in need of scolding who exasperates and angers you when she ignores your counsel and advice?,_ she asked herself. If she were being brutally honest, she had to admit the answer to that was a resounding 'no.'

Before she had left California, her son Andrew had said, "Mom, if you could be a little more supportive and a little less critical, I think I would drop from the shock. Okay, I wasn't the perfect son. And Kenny wasn't the perfect son, and Holly wasn't the perfect daughter. But all things considered, we could have turned out a lot worse than we did. I learned from my mistakes, and Holly learned from hers, and we're both actually happy now, Mom. Would it kill you to be happy for us instead of acting like everything's going to fall apart at any second?"

As Barbara recalled, she had scolded Andrew for discussing Ken, who was still catatonic in a mental hospital after all these years. She had completely disregarded what Andrew was trying to say, and he had only been honest. She **_was _** incredibly critical of her children. She always had been. And her criticism obviously bothered Holly more than Barbara had ever realized...more than Holly had ever admitted before now, not knowing that Barbara was listening.

Barbara refused to believe that Roger was not bothered by her feelings toward him, but she had to admit, loath as she was to do so because it made no sense to her, that he was putting Holly ahead of himself and his feelings at least so far as telling Holly that he wasn't worth defending to Barbara (on that, Barbara agreed) and that he didn't want Barbara's feelings about him to get in the way of Barbara and Holly's mother/daughter relationship. She never expected Roger Thorpe to be capable of that kind of selflessness.

And when she had spoken to Roger yesterday, making her feelings about him abundantly clear, Roger had not turned on her. He had not threatened her or told her off. No matter what she said or implied about him, he took it without complaint and without any outward show of anger or defiance, which greatly shocked her, as the Roger Thorpe she remembered had been brimming with rage, selfish and self-involved in a way that reminded Barbara all too uncomfortably of her first husband, Holly, Andrew and Ken's father Stanley Norris, a man who looked at Holly and Blake as possessions, not as people, and a man who wanted what he wanted and wanted everyone's attention on him so that he could show them all what a big man he was.

Watching Roger with Holly and Jack now, Barbara saw none of that, none of the rage, none of the selfishness, none of the possessiveness, none of the grandstanding that had been his defining characteristics as a young man.

As for Holly, she was clearly as headstrong as ever when it came to Roger, insisting that defending him to her mother was worthwhile. Barbara had never fathomed what Holly saw in Roger, exactly why she gravitated to him so strongly, and she understood it even less now than she had when it first became apparent that her 19-year-old daughter was deeply smitten with this young man.

"What I have to do today, even if I don't accomplish anything with Mom, is not get too defensive, because the more defensive I get, the more critical she gets," Holly said.

Roger gently moved a strand of hair off Holly's forehead. "Well, no matter what happens with your mother today, you have a husband and son who think you hung the moon, and a daughter who thinks you're the greatest," he said.

"I know," Holly said with a nod.

"Ah ba ba gee!" Jack exclaimed from his swing then.

Holly took Jack out of his swing, lifted him high in the air, then brought him down to touch her nose to his, then brought his little hand to her lips to kiss it. Then she looked into her baby boy's big brown eyes, solemnly regarding him. "I promise you, Jack, no matter what happens today, we aren't going to yell. We did too much of that to Blake, and we have learned from our mistakes."

Ed's words rang in Barbara's head again as she watched Holly and Jack together:_ "The rest of your family, at least the Springfield branch, isn't looking to the past as much as you are. They're living in the present and looking to the future. And maybe...well, maybe things might be less strained and stressful between you if you live in the present and look to the future too."_

Barbara looked in the window once more. Holly was sitting beside Roger once more, holding Jack on her lap, and she and Roger were talking to him and playing with him. Roger had one arm about Holly's shoulders, and she was leaning back against him.

The closeness between Holly and Roger now had never been there the first time they were married. Barbara was certain of that much.

And Holly's insecurities seemed to stem solely from her relationship, such as it was, with Barbara. Barbara couldn't explain it or understand it, but she could clearly see with her own eyes that Holly was secure in Roger's love for her and in their marriage, which was the polar opposite of their first marriage.

Barbara was also certain that no matter what her feelings about it were, Holly meant it when she said that she would be with Roger for the rest of their lives. That was her clear and obvious intention, and it looked to be Roger's as well, even with his admission that Barbara would never like him, which she probably never would. She just could not forgive or forget what he had done to Holly and Blake years ago, even if they had been able to forgive him for it.

But Roger didn't seem to want to antagonize Barbara now. That alone was a huge difference from the past. And then there was the way he was with Holly and Jack, which she had just seen and heard, as hard as it was for her to reconcile the Roger Thorpe she remembered with the Roger Thorpe she was seeing now. The Roger Thorpe she knew would never have risked his life to save anyone else's, especially any member of the Bauer family. Ed didn't understand why Holly and Roger were together now and how their relationship was working any more than Barbara did, but he had accepted that it was so, and accepted that Holly was happy with Roger this time around.

Barbara moved away from the window, having remained unseen by Holly and Roger, and having seen the last thing she expected to see when she saw Holly and Roger together: a couple who clearly loved one another very much. She had never before seen Roger behave like this toward Holly. And as much as she hated to admit it, why would Roger put on an act with Holly when he didn't know he was being observed?

Could it really be? Was it possible that this is who he really was now?

Barbara could not wrap her brain around the concept.

One thing she could not deny, though, was that her relationship with Holly was in a shambles. And Holly was right: it would take both of them to fix things.

And perhaps Andrew had a point about her being too critical of her children.

As she drove away from her daughter's house, Barbara was thinking long and hard about what she wanted to say to Holly, and to Blake, when she returned in a little while for lunch.

* * *

_May 11, 1996, 12:05 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

"I'm sorry we're late," Blake greeted her parents as she hugged first her father and then her mother. "I'm now taking bathroom breaks every ten minutes." She looked down at her protruding belly. "If I promise to buy you a trampoline when you come out, will you guys stop using my bladder for one while you're still in there?" Then she looked up at her parents once more. "Grandma's not here?"

"Not yet," Holly replied.

"Where's Jack?" Blake asked next, noticing that her brother wasn't in the living room.

"Sleeping," Roger told her.

"Can I peek in?" Blake asked.

"Of course you can," Holly said, and she went with Blake to look in on Jack, which left Roger and Ross alone together.

"How is Blake, really?" Roger asked Ross.

"Ready to jump to my defense, and yours, and Holly's at word one from Barbara," Ross replied grimly.

"Holly doesn't want this to devolve into a fight," Roger said.

"I don't think Blake does either, deep down," Ross admitted. "But Blake has always been yours and Holly's biggest champion."

"And yours," Roger added. "Still, Holly is adamant that this is her fight, and that she doesn't want to get too defensive with her mother because that will just make Barbara more critical of her."

"How is Holly, really?" Ross asked.

"Torn," Roger replied. "She doesn't want to fight with her mother, but they've never been close. This distance between them, the conflict...that all started long before I first came on the scene. I certainly didn't help matters any, but-what?" Roger asked, seeing the look of surprise on Ross's face.

"Nothing," Ross said. "It just still surprises me when I get a firsthand reminder of exactly how much you've changed."

"Barbara will never believe it's true," Roger replied, "and I can live with that. I won't be the reason she and Holly can't resolve their differences."

Meanwhile, Blake and Holly stood over Jack's crib, watching him sleep. "Do babies always look angelic when they're sleeping?" Blake whispered.

"Yes," Holly replied.

"Did I?" Blake asked next.

"You sure did," Holly said.

Blake rubbed at her aching lower back, then said, "Look, Mom, about Grandma..."

"Yes, about Grandma," Holly said. "I want us both to stay calm, and not get too defensive. Getting too defensive with her only makes her more critical than she already is."

"I'm not going to let her sit there and tear Ross down, or tear you and Daddy down," Blake insisted in a fierce whisper.

"And I'm not asking you to," Holly replied, "but this is my fight, remember? You'll have your say. But I get to go first, and when you _**do**_ have you say, you will do it calmly and rationally. We have to stay calm here, Blake, as difficult as it will be to do so."

"I'll do my best," Blake promised.

Then the doorbell rang. Holly and Blake looked at each other anxiously, as did Roger and Ross. Then Holly and Blake returned to the living room, leaving the door of Jack's room ajar. Holly opened the door, and there stood her mother.

"Hello, Mom," she said. "Come in." She stood aside to let Barbara enter the house.

"Thank you, Holly," Barbara said. Blake was sitting on the loveseat, Ross seated beside her already. Roger was standing by the couch, waiting for Holly. "Hello, Blake," Barbara said as she seated herself in the chair adjacent to the couch and across the coffee table from the loveseat.

"Grandma," Blake replied.

"Where is Jack?" Barbara asked as she set her purse on the floor by her chair.

"Sleeping," Holly replied as she sat down on the couch. Roger sat down next to her. "So there won't be any yelling today, from anyone." Then Holly looked at Barbara. "I don't want to fight with you anymore, Mom. And I'm tired of constantly having to defend my decisions and my life to you. It feels like that's all I've ever done."

"You haven't shown good judgment for most of your life," Barbara said evenly, "and you have always been drawn to the dark side, starting with your father."

Unconsciously, Holly dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands. Roger saw this and gently uncurled her fingers, then took her hand, knotting his fingers with hers. Feeling him holding her hand gave her the strength she needed to remain calm. "I had to find out for myself about Dad," Holly said. "Yes, he was not a good father. He didn't care in the least. He didn't want to be bothered by any of his children. You were right about him, Mom. You were not always wrong. But neither was I."

"And it's because of your father that you met Roger in the first place, a man who is cast from the same mold as Stanley Norris," Barbara continued.

"But there is one crucial difference between Roger and Dad," Holly pointed out. "Roger has a conscience. Dad didn't."

"Roger didn't always have a conscience," Barbara said, regarding Roger now.

"May I say something?" Roger interjected, looking at Holly. Blake marveled all over again at how her parents' relationship had evolved over time. Ross still felt surprised, but not as surprised as he would have once upon a time. And Barbara watched Roger and Holly carefully.

"Yes," Holly said. True, she felt that this was her fight, but she was still figuring out what to say to her mother, and Roger _**did** _have a stake in this too.

Roger looked at Barbara now, holding her gaze firmly without flinching, wavering, or even blinking, and not letting go of Holly's hand. "You're right, Barbara," he began. "I didn't always have a conscience. I've done a lot of horrible things to a lot of people who didn't deserve them. And I probably did remind you a lot of Stanley when I was younger: ambitious, unfaithful, cruel, angry all the time. That's what I was back then, and no one suffered more for it than Holly."

Barbara was so stunned to hear Roger talk this way that she said nothing, just kept looking him in the eye.

"I had a lot of close calls over the years, a lot of brushes with death," Roger continued. "And, starting when Holly and Chrissy and I all ended up back here in Springfield, I also had several circumstances where Holly and I either were thrown together, or came together on our own for some reason." He paused. "I don't expect you to believe this, but it's true: I loved Holly when we were young. But I was so messed up myself, I didn't know _**how**_ to love her...love anyone. All I knew was how to control, or try to control. And I couldn't control her, because you can't control another person. In trying to control her, I completely lost control of myself, and I make no excuses for that. What I did was horribly wrong. And I lost Holly, and lost Chrissy, as well I should have.

"And I had a lot of time to think all those years we were apart." He looked at Holly for a moment, then back at Barbara. "So many times since we ended up back in Springfield, Holly and I got close. And then I would ruin it somehow and drive her away again, because I was still keeping secrets, I was still lying, I was still sabotaging myself because I couldn't trust anyone, not even Holly, not even myself.

"Then I nearly died...for real this time. And I knew that I was a lot closer to the eventual end of my life, whether it came from that bullet in my chest or I survived that and it came sometime later, than I was to the beginning. And I still wanted the one thing I have wanted from the moment I met your daughter, Barbara: to be married to her and have a life with her. But I wanted it in a way I had never wanted it before through all the years. I wanted to be able to trust Holly, and be able to trust myself not to screw it up again and drive her away. I wanted to be a man that was worthy of her love and her trust, and that maybe she could even be proud of. I wanted to get it right this time, to make it last for the rest of our lives. And to do that, I knew that _**I** _would have to change, and I also knew that I couldn't do that by myself. I would need help. Holly's help, and the help of a professional.

"That is why Holly and I have been in therapy-"

Blake's gasp interrupted Roger. "You're in therapy?!" she exclaimed. "Since when?"

"Since February of 1994," Holly replied.

"I wanted to get us right," Roger said, looking at Blake, "and I wanted your mother to know that I am as in this as I can possibly be, and that she didn't have to be afraid to take a chance on me, on _**us**_, this time. And yes, going to therapy was my idea."

"It hasn't been easy," Holly said then, looking at Roger, who looked at her, "but Roger was right: we needed it. We still need it. And it is beneficial to us and our relationship. We have learned a lot about ourselves and about each other, and we've learned how to communicate and how to fight fairly. We're still learning."

Roger looked at Barbara again. "You said yesterday that I don't deserve Holly. On that we agree. Holly doesn't," here he squeezed her hand gently, "but whether or not I deserve her, she loves me anyway. And I love her, more than anything in the world. She is my heart. She is everything to me. She and our daughter and our son. And I will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work, and to be the best husband and father, and soon here grandfather, I can possibly be."

Barbara looked at Holly then. "You really forgave him." It was a statement, not a question, and it was not said in shock or in judgment.

"Yes," Holly replied. "It owned me long enough." She was calmer now, no longer a mass of nervous anxiety. She knew that she could get through this day with her mother without yelling, without getting another tension headache, and without feeling insecure about the choices she had made to get to where she was today.

For her part, Barbara was still struggling mightily with the changes in Roger, which she was forced to admit were not just on the surface. He would not be in therapy with Holly for almost two-and-a-half years if he wasn't serious about making the effort. What had compelled Holly to marry him again, though, that was the question that still had not been answered to Barbara's satisfaction.

"I have always loved Roger," Holly continued, looking intently at her mother, "and eventually I realized that that love had remained buried under the hate for all those years. I spent a long time fighting that love, running from it and trying to bury it and trying to make it go away. But I couldn't. I tried making the safer choice several times, but no matter who else I was with, it never worked out, for several reasons. I never gave everything I have to any relationship...not even our first marriage." She glanced at Roger before looking at Barbara again. "I was always holding back. At first it was because I didn't know who_** I**_ was, and not knowing that, how could I give all of myself to any relationship?

"But even when I started to figure out who I am, and what I want out of life, what makes me happy, I still couldn't do it. I could never be myself with anyone else. There was always this idea that I was trying to live up to, and I never could. So then I was unhappy because I couldn't be myself.

"Well, then Roger and I found our way back to each other...a little older and a lot wiser than when we were together the first time, because in all the years we were apart, each of us had figured out who we were and what we wanted out of life. And together, we realized that forgiveness and love and trust were not abstract concepts, and were not impossible for us to have. We both wanted that more than anything.

"I'm not nineteen anymore, Mom. It took a lot of years and a lot of hard work and pain and tears for us to get here, and Roger and I are going to be together for the rest of our lives. Both of us are dedicated to each other and to our relationship, to keep it flourishing and keep it growing stronger and deeper."

"He really makes you happy," Barbara said. Another statement without shock or judgment or the slightest hint of a question in her tone.

"Happiness has to come from within," Holly replied. "I'm much happier now than I have ever been in my life. For so long, I was just blowing in the wind, not sure of who I was or what I wanted. It took a long time, but I finally found those answers, and part of that journey was reuniting with Roger, yes, but only part of it. It's also having the relationship I have now with Blake" and here she looked at her daughter with a smile, which Blake returned, "and finding not just a job but a career that I enjoy and that I am good at, and having Jack, and in another month I'll be a grandmother. I am so richly blessed to have the life I have, with the man I love who loves me back, faults and all, a great career, a nice home, two beautiful, healthy children that I am inordinately proud of, and two grandsons on the way that I can't wait to meet.

"But for all of that, there's still one thing missing: you, Mom." She took a deep breath before concluding with the bottom line. "Now, I have learned enough to know that it is pointless to expect things from people that they are incapable of giving. So I can accept that you aren't able to be happy for me, and I can even accept that you still think I'm the same flighty, overwrought, scheming girl I was when I was nineteen, though I know that's not who I am anymore. But _**you**_ have to accept that Roger is my husband and the father of your grandchildren, and that I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life. You have to accept that I work because I enjoy it and I'm good at it and I find it fulfilling, and my son will not suffer for having a working mother. You have to accept that even if you don't agree with my decisions, they're _**my**_ decisions, and that while you weren't always wrong about my decisions being the wrong ones, I wasn't always wrong about my decisions being the right ones...like now. And I hope you can do that, Mom, that you're at least willing to try to do that, because I don't want to fight with you anymore, and I'm tired of defending and justifying everything about my life to you. I would like to think that you and I can just be who we are and go from there and build a relationship with each other that isn't based on you always criticizing me and me always being defensive."

Jack woke up crying then, and Holly said, "It's up to you, Mom. Now, if you'll all excuse me, Jack needs me," before heading to the nursery to tend to him.

After Holly had left, Blake spoke. "You may think I don't remember what it was like between Mom and Dad when I was a little girl," she said. "I don't remember everything, but I remember that there were some good times back then. Not many, granted, but a few. And I remember the screaming fights and the slamming doors. That happened a lot more often then. And I've been here every step of the way these past years. I watched them circle each other, I watched them come together and pull apart. And then I watched them come together again and _**stay**_ together this time.

"I didn't know they were in therapy until now, but it makes sense to me, because I've seen how they've changed, and how much they want their marriage to work. When I look at my parents now, I see two people that love each other more than anything. They trust each other in a way they never have before. I have never in my life seen either my mother or my father at peace the way they are now. I've never seen either of them more content than they are since they got married. They made the decision to face the world as a team, but more than that, they made the decision to do things right this time. Mom brings out the best in Daddy in a way that no one else ever could. I have seen his entire focus shift. He meant it when he said what he wanted most in the world was a life with my mother, and now that he has it, he will do everything he can to not screw it up this time.

"As for Mom, I have known her my whole life. In the past few years, even before she and Daddy got back together, she has really come into her own. She has figured out who she is and what she wants, and she makes no apologies for it. But there was still something missing from her life, and the something that was missing was my father. No one knows her better than he does, and no one knows him better than her. But they are equal partners now. They have taught me so much about forgiveness, and about the power and depth of love, and I am so incredibly proud of them, and proud to be their daughter.

"I know from my own life what a powerful motivator love is," Blake said, looking at Ross before focusing on her grandmother once more. "If you want to talk about mistakes and bad decisions, I made just about every one possible. Somehow, though, Ross found something in me that he felt was worthwhile, and he was able to make me see it too. When I fell in love with Ross, I was not on good terms with either one of my parents, and I hated myself. Ross was the first person that truly cared about me, imperfections and all, at a time when I didn't believe that either of my parents did. He trusted me and he believed in me, and he made me believe in myself and see that I was not the hopeless cause I believed myself to be. He was good and kind and sweet and caring, and of course I screwed up, being me, but he forgave me for that. We love each other unconditionally. Ross loves me for exactly who I am, and I love him for exactly who he is, without holding anything back. For the first time in my life, I feel safe. I have an anchor, a safe harbor when I go off on one of my crazy tangents. And I have something permanent in my life, which I've never had before."

Ross spoke then. "I had a very settled, ordered life," he said. "I thought I would go on the way I had been, and the truth is that I was very much alone. Having been badly burned by love once, although I kept company with women over the years after my first marriage ended, deep down, I never wanted to take that chance again, because I never wanted to hurt like that again. Once was enough.

"And then Blake came along, and she gave my life meaning. She made me feel things I had never felt before, and she made me work through all my old fears and made me want to take chances again. She made me want to share my life with her, and make a home and a life and a family with her.

"Yes, I have done things in my life that I regret, and that I am not proud of. Everyone has. But Blake... She is my own personal miracle. She completely upended my staid, predictable, settled life, and made it better than I ever believed it could be. She did that because she's Blake, and I love her beyond all reason and always will."

Holly and Jack had returned to the living room when Blake was talking about Ross, and they were sitting next to Roger on the couch now.

Everyone fell silent, except for Jack, who was cooing and babbling. Barbara looked from Holly to Blake to Roger to Ross. Then she turned her full attention to her daughter. "I didn't want you making my mistakes," she said. "That's why I came down so hard on you. And I still don't understand how all of this happened, but you seem to be happy. And I want you to be happy, Holly."

"I am," Holly replied.

"I'm beginning to think that you really are," Barbara said. "And I would like to be a real part of your life again, not just reacting, usually badly, to our occasional conversations about what's going on with you and what you're doing now. I would like to get to know my grandson, and my great-grandsons too, and get to know the woman my granddaughter has become. I...Being critical is my nature. But if you can make changes in your life, I can certainly make changes in mine. I can try to curb my impulse to criticize all the time."

"I'm willing to try if you are," Holly said. "If you can accept my life the way it is, and accept that I'm happy with my life the way it is."

"I am," Barbara said.

"That's all that I'm asking for," Holly replied. "Now, how about some lunch?"

"Good idea," Blake approved.

Holly handed Jack to her mother before heading into the kitchen. Jack regarded Barbara solemnly. Barbara smiled at the baby, and she finally coaxed a small smile out of him. She still didn't understand how Holly and Roger could be happily married, and she wondered what had prompted the change in Ross from ruthless ambulance chaser to pillar of the community, but she was starting to think that maybe it wasn't completely necessary for her to understand it. Maybe it could be enough that Holly and Blake and Jack were happy and healthy.

At any rate, Barbara had promised to try, and she did want to be on better terms with her only daughter, and accepting circumstances was vastly different from actually liking Roger Thorpe. No one was asking her to like Roger, and Roger certainly didn't expect her to like him, nor did he expect Holly to constantly defend him to her mother.

So Barbara would try to accept that Holly had married Roger Thorpe again, and that Blake had married Ross Marler. She would try to let their happiness be enough, and she would work to temper her criticisms of not only their lives and relationships, but her son Andrew's life and his relationship with Paloma Ramirez.

Jack seemed to be comfortable with Barbara, so Roger joined Holly in the kitchen to get lunch set up. "You were brilliant," he said softly.

She grabbed hold of his hand and said, "You helped me get through it. I was all tensed up, and you took my hand, and that helped me stay calm and focused. And what you said to Mom...you were pretty brilliant yourself."

"I was inspired," Roger replied, bringing their joined hands to his lips and brushing a kiss across Holly's knuckles.

Barbara happened to glance into the kitchen in time to see this stolen moment between Roger and Holly. He was clearly here to stay in the lives of her daughter and grandchildren, so all she could do was try to accept that fact.

If Ed could accept Holly and Roger's marriage as a fact, then surely she could too, Barbara thought before Holly announced that lunch was served.

* * *

_May 12, 1996, 9:45 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Blake was lying in bed, admiring the charm bracelet on her wrist, her Mother's Day gift from Ross. Seven tiny sterling silver charms dotted the matching sterling silver bracelet: a kissing couple; two storks carrying babies in their beaks with IT'S A BOY on their legs; a briefcase; a bathtub; a chef's hat; and a letter B.

She and Holly had been surprised when they had discovered that they had each received a charm bracelet for Mother's Day. (Holly's bracelet and charms were white gold, though she also had seven charms on her bracelet, all of which were different from Blake's: a circular charm with intertwined wedding rings engraved on it; a little girl in a dress; a teddy bear with a blue enamel bow around its neck; a book; a computer; a heart with the word 'Grandmere' engraved on it ("They didn't have 'Gigi,'" Roger explained.); and a house.) It turned out that Roger and Ross had each independently come up with the idea, and neither of them had been comfortable upon running into each other at the jewelry store when Ross was in the process of selecting charms for Blake's bracelet and Roger, with Jack in tow, came by to pick up Holly's bracelet and realizing they had bought the same kind of Mother's Day gift for their wives, but each of them refused to change his mind and exchange the bracelet for something else.

Ross got into bed, having finished locking up the house for the night, and upon seeing Blake admiring her bracelet again, said, "Knowing how much you love the bracelet is worth thinking like Roger."

"You could look at it as he was thinking like you," Blake suggested. "He undoubtedly gave Mom an earful about how uncomfortable he is to be thinking like you as soon as they left here this afternoon. But it was still a great Mother's Day, even if I'm not officially a mother yet." In addition to the bracelets and flowers, Roger and Ross had arranged to have lunch catered at Ross and Blake's house. Jack was the life of the party, comically reacting to the babies kicking in Blake's belly when she was holding him on what little bit of lap she had left, and leaving his parents, big sister, and brother-in-law enthralled when he rolled from his back to his front and held his head up all by himself for several minutes. Barbara had even joined them for lunch, and both Holly and Blake had cards and flowers for her, and the whole family accompanied her to the airport to see her off for her return flight home to California. Before getting on the plane, tentative plans were made for Barbara to return for another visit later in the summer, after Blake and Ross's babies had been born.

"You're a mother-to-be," Ross pointed out, rolling over and lying on his stomach facing Blake as he reached out and cradled her large belly between his palms. "And Dr. Sedwick said that twins tend to be born earlier than their due date."

"The due date is just an estimate anyway," Blake said, "although I want them to stay in there as long as possible, a couple of more weeks at least."

"Do you hear that, Kevin, Jason?" Ross asked, addressing the large bump of Blake's belly. "You need to wait at least two more weeks to come out of there." He was rewarded with a flurry of movement from both babies, causing his face to light up. "That never gets old," he said happily.

"Try feeling it from this side," Blake replied. "I'm glad to know that they're all right in there, and that they're thriving, but I'll be glad when they're not using my bladder for a trampoline and my ribs for a crash mat when they turn somersaults."

"I know you're getting increasingly uncomfortable, but we're almost there," Ross said, lifting his eyes to meet Blake's. "I can't wait to meet them."

Blake stroked Ross's cheek gently. "I can't wait to see you with them," she said. "You're going to be such a wonderful father."

"And you're going to be an amazing mother," Ross replied. He moved up beside Blake and rested his head gently against hers. "This is everything I ever wanted and never thought I would have," he said. "You and our children."

"I hope you'll still feel that way when we're up all night and dealing with dirty diapers and spit-up and screaming babies. You heard Mom earlier. I had really bad colic as a baby and didn't sleep through the night until I was four years old," Blake said. She looked anxious then. "We can do this, right, Ross?"

"Absolutely," Ross said firmly, confidently. "Will it be easy? No. Being parents will be the hardest thing we'll ever do, Blake. But we get to do it together. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else. I only hope that our sons have your passion and your zest for life."

"Well, I hope they have your big, kind heart," Blake replied, "and your sweet smile."

They kissed good night, and as they settled down to go to sleep, Ross said, "I wonder if they'll be born on or before Father's Day?"

"Whether or not they are, I already have your Father's Day present," she said. Through a yawn she said, "The first of many."

"Yes," Ross said as he watched Blake sleeping. "The first of many." He fell asleep thinking of all of the Father's Day and birthdays and Christmases and wedding anniversaries awaiting him and Blake and Kevin and Jason, and maybe someday a little girl who looked just like Blake.


	23. Greet the World With Arms Wide Open

_June 21, 1996, 12:19 AM-Roger and Holly's House_

The month after Mother's Day weekend was a busy time for the Thorpes and Marlers. Jack started at day care the first week of June, and Holly and Roger had more difficulty adjusting to the change in routine than Jack did. Blake started her maternity leave June 10 because Dr. Sedwick ordered her on bed rest for the last few weeks of her pregnancy because her blood pressure was slightly high, which she assured the worried Blake and Ross was common in women carrying multiple babies Their second wedding anniversary on June 13 was spent quietly at home together, eating Chinese food and watching an old movie. Then it was Father's Day on the 16th, and Roger's and Ross's turns to be feted as Holly and Blake had been on Mother's Day. The celebration was somewhat tamer than originally planned, since Blake was on bed rest, but it was such a nice day that Ross fired up the grill for steaks and chicken breasts. Blake insisted she felt well enough to sit outside with Holly and Roger and Jack while Ross cooked the steaks and chicken breasts, and reminded Ross for what felt like the thousandth time that weekend alone that Dr. Sedwick had not prescribed total bed rest, she just had to limit her strenuous activity and remain seated or reclining as much as possible, and she could certainly do that outside as well as she could inside. Ross let the subject drop since the last thing Blake needed was to get upset or angry. The home stretch of pregnancy was stressful enough for both Blake and Ross as it was.

Blake had discovered the ease of shopping online during her bed rest, so she had gone to town for Ross's first Father's Day, giving him two onesies that both said I LOVE MY DADDY in bold, bright blue letters, a red tie with tiny white footprints and the word TWINS alternating as its pattern, a pair of gold cufflinks engraved with the boys' initials, KRM and JJM, and a gray t-shirt that stated the following:

_YES THEY ARE TWINS_

_1. No, they are not identical._

_2. Yes, I can tell them apart._

_3. Yes, my hands are full but my heart is overflowing._

_4. Yes, twins do run in my family. They run all over the place._

_5. I'm glad they are mine and not yours too._

_6. Yes, they are natural. _

_What's an artificial twin anyway?_

Blake went sentimental for Roger's gift: a three-picture frame whose two ends were blank, awaiting pictures of her sons, and a poem in the middle that Blake had had the store modify since she was giving her father two grandsons.

_The First Grandsons_

_You will always be the ones who took my heart by surprise_

_Loving so completely, Grandsons..._

_You are perfection in my eyes._

_Overwhelming love, greater than I knew_

_So full of pride and joy, and endless talk of you_

_You will be shamelessly spoiled with my affection and time_

_Your energy in life will renew and ignite mine_

_You will always be the first, true blessings from above_

_You will always be the grandsons who filled hearts and souls with love._

Holly also went sentimental with Roger's Father's Day gift, two photo collages, one of Blake throughout her life, and one of Jack throughout his life so far starting with a copy of his newborn picture from Cedars.

The day after Father's Day, Roger had to go to Seattle for a meeting with an Internet startup company looking to go big in a hurry. It was his first extended business trip since Jack's birth, and every night when Holly and Jack got home, Jack looked around, wondering where Daddy was. Holly kept reassuring him that Daddy would be home in a few more days, but she wasn't sure how well Jack understood that. Whether or not he understood, though, he clearly missed his daddy, and so did Holly, and Roger missed his wife and son. Roger called home every night that he was gone, but Jack was always asleep when he called, and he was too young to talk on the phone anyway.

It was nearly 10:30 PM the night of June 20 in Seattle when Roger finally made it back to his hotel room, and he shed his jacket, shoes, and tie with one hand as he reached for the phone with the other. He punched in the familiar number, and on the third ring, Holly answered. "Hello?"

It wasn't until he heard her voice that he remembered the time difference between Seattle and Springfield. A quick glance at his watch told him that it was almost 12:30 in the morning June 21 in Springfield. Silently cursing himself, he said, "Did I wake you?"

"No," Holly replied, "Jack and I are wide awake."

"I would have called earlier, but I just got back to the hotel," Roger replied, leaning back against the headboard. The whole week had been a nightmare, as all of the officers in the Internet startup company were between 19 and 23 years old and fully possessed of the cockiness and certainty only found in the very young, so they hadn't warmed up to any of Roger's ideas, and tonight had been the final blow. "Four days of interminable meetings, never once finding any common ground, and finally tonight they decide to go another way. The whole week was a bust."

"I'm sorry," Holly said.

"I'm not," Roger said. "Not really. I'm sorry I wasted the four days, and sorry that I missed four nights with you and Jack, but I don't think we would have been able to find a way to work together. And I'm so beyond ready to come home that I actually called the airline from the restaurant in the hopes that I could get on the redeye, but I couldn't, because they were booked solid. But I did get a seat on the 9 AM flight to Chicago, with a connecting flight to Springfield, so I should be back in Springfield at 12:30 tomorrow...or I guess for you this afternoon."

"Great, because we're beyond ready to have you home," Holly said. She was feeding Jack, who was regarding Mommy talking on the phone curiously as he looked up at her. "How about Jack and I play hooky tomorrow, pick you up at the airport, and then we can all spend the rest of the day together?"

"That would be wonderful," Roger replied. "I miss you and Jack so much."

"We miss you too," Holly said. "And Jack hates Sinatra's version of 'My Blue Heaven.' Of course, Ol' Blue Eyes doesn't personalize the lyrics. But Jack wailed throughout Sinatra's version on the CD, and he's not too fond of my singing in general."

"I'll be sure to sing it for Jack tomorrow," Roger promised. "How's Chrissy?"

"Ready to not be pregnant anymore," Holly replied as she laid Jack across her lap to burp him. "Her last doctor's appointment was three days ago, and Dr. Sedwick said her blood pressure isn't as high, but the babies haven't dropped yet."

"Do you think they'll have to induce labor?" Roger asked worriedly.

"Blake didn't say anything about getting induced," Holly replied as Jack let out a mighty burp. She sat him upright on her lap again and he reached for the phone, which she still had wedged between her ear and shoulder. Holly was on the cordless handset, and Jack reached out and touched it, still regarding it curiously. "Yes, I'm talking to Daddy," Holly said to Jack. "Do you want to talk to him?" Jack patted the phone and babbled. "Say something to him, Roger," Holly said before holding the phone up to Jack's ear.

"Hi, Jack, it's Daddy!" Roger said. "I love you and I miss you and I'll be home tomorrow."

The look on Jack's face was a combination of comical to his mother and quizzical: his little mouth formed a perfect, round 'O' and his brown eyes widened, the expression on his face clearly wondering how his daddy could fit inside that little black thing, but he knew he heard Daddy's voice, so he excitedly rattled off some babyspeak.

"That's great, Jack," Roger said.

Holly took the phone from Jack's ear then and told Roger, "He has no idea how you got in the phone, but he knows it's you!"

"Of course he does. We have a very smart boy," Roger said.

Jack was babbling again. "Yes, Jack," Holly said, "Daddy will be home with us tomorrow."

"And he can't wait," Roger said.

"Neither can we," Holly replied, brushing her hand through Jack's downy, soft hair.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 5:13 AM-Ross and Blake's House_

The pain in her back woke Blake up, not that she had slept very soundly for the past couple of months. Sighing quietly, she shifted with difficulty so that she could rub at the spot where her back was hurting, wondering yet again if her back would ever not hurt again.

She looked beside her, and Ross _**was**_ sleeping soundly, for a change. She had really been restless the past few nights, which took its toll on both her and Ross, and his exhaustion had finally caught up with him last night. _At least one of us is sleeping well,_ Blake thought.

It was just more back pain, her near-constant companion for the entire third trimester, and she saw no reason to disturb Ross. What could he do, anyway?

The pain subsided after just a moment, so Blake adjusted the pregnancy pillow Ross had bought for her four months ago under her giant belly, closed her eyes, and tried to go back to sleep.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 11:03 AM-Ross and Blake's House_

Blake had had twinges of pain in her back on and off all morning, which was not unusual. At least the pain came and went, as opposed to aching for hours on end.

When the doorbell rang shortly after 11, Ross was at work, and Blake was ensconced on the couch in front of the TV. After three valiant tries to gain her feet by herself, Blake gave up and called out, "Come in, unless you're some kind of psycho or axe murderer or something!"

The door opened to reveal Holly, sunglasses perched on top of her head, carrying Jack, who was wearing a tiny baseball cap to shield his eyes from the sun, in her left arm, his diaper bag and her purse hanging from her right shoulder. "It's just us," Holly said. She looked at Blake sympathetically as she nudged the front door closed with her foot. "Rough night last night?"

"Rough night every night for the last three months," Blake replied as Holly dropped her purse and Jack's diaper bag on the coffee table and sat down next to Blake. "I think I'm over the whole 'pregnancy is such a miracle' thing, at least until the boys get here." Blake switched off the TV. "And some of these children's programs they have now...ugh. _Sesame Street_ and _Mister Rogers' Neighborhood_ are still around, although _Sesame Street_ seems to have been taken over by this little red falsetto-voiced puppet named Elmo who always speaks in the third person."

Holly grimaced. "Really? Elmo always speaks in the third person? He never says 'I,' 'me,' 'my,' or 'mine'?"

"Well, I'm not a regular viewer, but from what I've seen, he doesn't," Blake said. "I always liked Bert and Ernie."

"I remember," Holly said.

"But Elmo is tolerable compared to that giant purple dinosaur, Barney." Now Blake shuddered. "Scariest thing I've ever seen. Not in a stereotypical way, but there's just something...I don't know..._**off** _about him. Not to mention he's contradictory. In this one episode, he talks about the importance of using your indoor voice. Then five minutes later, he talks about getting excited and using your excited voice for a party, and the party is inside! Well, which is it? And I know kids are gonna get excited at a party whether that party is inside or outside, but I think it's just bad form to be that contradictory with kids that young. They all looked like they were between 3 and 5 years old, and kids that young can't make that kind of distinction."

"I agree," Holly replied. Jack babbled at Blake.

"Hi, Jack," Blake said. She reached out and took him from her mother, and the babies in her belly kicked, which Jack felt. He looked at Blake's belly and said, "Oh bo go ga nee!"

"You hear that, boys?" Blake said, addressing her stomach. "That's your Uncle Jack." She looked into Jack's little face. "You're going to have to get used to me not being this big and fat. I won't always look like this, you know."

"Nee ba goo ah," Jack said.

"I hope that's baby for 'I know you won't, Blake,'" Blake said. Then she felt an arrow of pain shoot through her lower back, the first one in a long time.

"Jack is going to be thrilled to have two nephews to play with and grow up with," Holly said, taking Jack back from Blake after pulling a bottle out of the diaper bag to feed him. "They'll only be five months apart in age, so they'll go all through school together, and I'm glad they'll have each other."

"I am too," Blake said, shifting on the couch just as the pain subsided. She rubbed absently at her lower back. "I wonder what Jack will think of the boys once they're here?"

"He'll probably look at them the way he looked at the phone last night when he realized your father was on the other end of the line," Holly replied. She related the look on Jack's face after hearing Roger's voice over the phone the night before.

"That is so cute," Blake said.

"We're on our way to pick your dad up at the airport, finally," Holly said.

"He didn't get the account, did he?" Blake asked knowingly.

"No," Holly admitted.

Blake nodded. "I didn't think he would. I read their prospectus. First time I've ever seen 'dude' used in a business prospectus. How is he taking it?"

"Not badly," Holly admitted. "He called every night while he was away, and he was having a lot of trouble relating to the company officers, and they weren't interested in anything he was suggesting, so he felt it was better that he didn't get the account. And being here when your sons are born is more important to him, to both of us, than a bunch of college kids launching an Internet startup company. There will probably be plenty of those in the near future anyway."

"Hear that, guys?" Blake asked her belly. "Everyone's waiting for you. So anytime you want to come on out, we're ready."

Holly gave her daughter an amused smile. "If only it were that easy," she said.

"Drugs," Blake said. "The best drugs available. That's how I'm getting through pushing two human beings out of my body."

"That's what they're there for," Holly agreed. "But once you're holding those boys in your arms, the pain won't matter anymore."

"You and Daddy will still come to the hospital, right?" Blake asked.

"The second you call and tell us you and Ross are headed there," Holly said. "Ed and Maureen have already said they'll watch Jack for us, no matter what time of day or night it is."

"They're coming over for dinner tonight," Blake said.

"Have fun," Holly said. She noticed the time then. "We'd better get going. I'll just change Jack first, and then we'll be off."

"Tell Daddy I said welcome home," Blake said. "'Bye-bye, Jack." She kissed his cheek, then hugged Holly around the neck when Holly leaned down.

Holly frowned when she pulled back. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?" she asked, since Blake was grimacing from another twinge of back pain.

"Yeah, it's just my near-constant companion of the past few months, back pain," Blake replied. "I'll be okay."

"Can I get you anything before we go?" Holly asked.

"A bottle of water, and a time machine to go back to a time when my back didn't hurt," Blake suggested.

"One bottle of water coming right up," Holly said. "As for the time machine, you'll have to see either H.G. Wells or Christopher Lloyd for that."

"I figured it was worth a shot," Blake replied as she shifted on the couch, trying to get comfortable.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 2:28 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

After a joyous reunion at the airport, Roger, Holly, and Jack headed home, and after Roger had a sandwich, chips, and a dill pickle for lunch, he played with Jack and talked to Holly until Jack started to get fussy because it was his naptime, so Roger got him to sleep by singing "My Blue Heaven," and Holly smiled as she watched Roger gently swaying Jack back and forth and Jack snuggled into Roger's chest, contentedly snoozing.

When Jack was settled in his crib, Roger returned to the living room and extended his hand to Holly, who was seated on the couch. She took his hand and together they walked to their bedroom. "I have a confession to make," Roger said as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Holly sat down beside him. "I don't sleep very well without you. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, but when I open my eyes, you're not there. I go to throw my arm across your middle and snuggle up to you, and all I feel is cold sheets and an empty pillow."

"You want to know something?" Holly asked, turning to face him. "I don't sleep very well without you either. I keep reaching out for you, but you're not there. I toss and turn, and it takes forever for me to get to sleep. I think I woke up in the middle of the night more times than Jack did these past four nights." She slid her arms around his neck and moved closer. "All those years of sleeping alone, and it's just not something I can do easily anymore."

"I'm glad. At least if we're going to get sappy, we can be sappy together."

Holly smiled, then kissed Roger gently. When she pulled back, she said, "Since Jack is sleeping, would you like to take a nap with me?"

Roger chuffed out a laugh. "I thought you'd never ask."

They both kicked off their shoes and settled down in each other's arms, Holly's head resting on Roger's chest. Within five minutes, they were both asleep.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 7:51 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Blake and Ross and Ed and Maureen were sitting in the Marlers' living room after dinner. Blake hadn't been very hungry so she hadn't eaten much.

Then the most intense pain Blake had felt all day hit. It felt like someone was twisting a screwdriver into her lower spine. She couldn't stop herself from crying out in pain. "That's a contraction!" Ross exclaimed.

"Gee, you think?" Blake snarked, her face contorted in pain. "But why is it in my back?"

"Back labor," Ed said.

"That's possible?" Blake asked, getting a sinking feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with the physical pain she was in.

"Of course," Ed said.

"Okay, okay, we have to time the contractions," Ross said. "When they get to five minutes apart, we have to go to the hospital."

Another sharp wave of pain hit Blake in the back then and she nearly fell off the couch. Ed just managed to catch her before she fell to the floor, but while they were crouched in front of the couch together, Blake's water broke...all over Ed's shoes!

"Is that-?" Ross started to say.

"Yes," Ed said. "You'd better get to Cedars right away."

Maureen hurried to the phone. "I'll call Dr. Sedwick."

Blake's knees buckled and she almost hit the floor again. "I don't think there's time for that," she said. "I feel something."

"What?" Ross asked anxiously.

"It better be a head!" Blake shouted.

"You mean here? Now?" Ross asked, going pale. "But...how? It's not supposed to happen this fast!"

"You've been having contractions all day," Ed said matter-of-factly.

Blake looked at Ed with tears in her eyes. "I'm such an idiot!" she exclaimed. "I've been having back pains on and off since 5:15 this morning, but I thought it was just back pain, because my back has been hurting almost constantly for the last three months, but obviously they were contractions. How could I be in labor for almost 13 hours and not know it?"

"It's not as uncommon as you might think," Ed replied. Another contraction hit then. "Breathe, Blake. I know it hurts, but try to breathe through it."

"Oh god, I have to do this without the epidural!" Blake groaned.

"I'm sorry," Ed said sympathetically. Ross was frozen, staring at Blake with a mix of awe and terror. "But even if we had time to get you to Cedars, you're too far advanced to have the epidural anyway."

Blake laughed mirthlessly. "Is that supposed to make me feel better, Ed?" She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Contraction over?" Ed asked, treating Blake's question as rhetorical.

"For now," Blake replied.

"All right, then let's get you into bed. Maureen, call Dr. Sedwick and let her know what's going on, and then get some clean towels and clean blankets, and diapers and sleepers for both babies."

"Right!" Maureen exclaimed, hurrying for the phone.

Ross unfroze then. "Towels are in the hall closet, and blankets, diapers, and sleepers are in the nursery!" he told Maureen. Then he helped Blake stand up. "We're having the babies, Blake!" he said excitedly.

Ed braced Blake's other side, and the two men helped her walk to bed. When they reached the bedroom, Ed said, "I'm going to wash up. Ross, help her get changed into a nightgown and get into bed."

While Ed went to wash up and Maureen was gathering what they would need, Ross helped Blake get into a nightgown and then get into bed. Just as he was helping her get settled back against the pillows, another contraction hit. "Oh god, Ross!" Blake said.

Ross grabbed her hand. "Squeeze," he said, "squeeze as hard as you need to, and breathe."

She held Ross's gaze as the pain rolled through her. He gazed deep into her eyes, all of his feelings of frozenness and anxiety gone. Their sons were coming, and the only thing Ross felt was a great joy and an eagerness to meet the boys and hold them and Blake in his arms.

When the contraction ended, Blake looked at Ross wide-eyed. "I'm so scared," she whispered.

"Everything's going to be fine," Ross assured her. "You and the boys are going to be just fine." He stroked her face tenderly and took off his glasses to wipe at his moist eyes with his other hand. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Blake said tearfully. Then another contraction, the strongest one yet, hit. Blake cried out from the physical pain, and Ed walked into the room mid-contraction.

"I need to check you," he said gently as she was coming down from the contraction.

"Yeah, this isn't awkward at all," Blake said as Maureen entered, her arms full of blankets, sleepers, diapers, and clean towels, which she carried into the bathroom. Then she hurried back into the nursery, returning a moment later with the two baby baths, which she also carried into the bathroom before returning to the bedroom.

"I changed your diapers and bathed you when you were a baby and a toddler," Ed said. He checked Blake, then looked up, his gaze encompassing both Blake and Ross. "Baby number one is crowning," he announced. "On the next contraction, I want you to push as hard as you can. Ross, help her sit up. Maureen-"

"Standing by," Maureen said. She was holding one of the clean towels in one hand, and one of the receiving blankets in the other.

Blake tensed as she felt another contraction beginning. Ross was sitting behind her now, his arms wrapped around her, holding her up, supporting her, his cheek resting against her head as he spoke soft words of encouragement in her ear. "Push, Blake, push!" Ed exclaimed. Blake pushed with everything in her, then slumped back against Ross, completely drained.

Ross kissed her cheek. "He's almost here," he said. "Our first son is almost here. You're doing so great, Blake."

"Okay," Ed said, "one more big push on the next contraction and he'll be here. You can do it, Blake."

On the next contraction, Blake pushed as hard as she could. She didn't stop pushing until she heard the hearty cry of a baby. "And here's our first contestant," Ed announced happily, holding the baby up so Blake and Ross could see him.

Tears streamed unchecked down Blake's cheeks when she got her first look at her firstborn son. Ross was crying too. "Oh my god, Ross, he looks just like you!" Blake exclaimed. Indeed, the baby had a shock of hair the exact light brown color of Ross's plastered to his head, and bore a striking resemblance to his daddy.

"He's beautiful," Ross said, his voice thick with emotion.

Ed tied off the cord. "You want to cut the cord, Ross?" he asked.

Ross nodded, cutting where Ed pointed. Once the cord was cut, Ed accepted the towel from Maureen and wiped some of the blood and fluids of birth from the baby before wrapping him in the blanket and laying him on Blake's chest.

"Hello there, Kevin Ross Marler," Blake said. Ross instantly got Blake's reasoning: their firstborn looked like Ross, so he would be Kevin Ross Marler. "I'm your mommy."

"And I'm your daddy," Ross said. "We've waited a long time for you."

"We love you soooo much," Blake cooed. Kevin was still fussing.

"I hate to break up this family moment," Ed said, "but Kevin's brother is still waiting to join us, so why don't you give the baby to Maureen and let her give him a sponge bath and get him dressed?"

Ross carefully placed Kevin in Maureen's arms. "Kevin," he said, addressing the baby, "meet your godmother, your Aunt Maureen."

"Hi, Kevin," Maureen said. "Let's get you cleaned up and then you can come back out here and meet your brother."

After Maureen took Kevin into the bathroom to get him cleaned and dressed, Blake sagged against Ross, already exhausted but knowing that she'd have to push Jason out before she could truly relax. "Okay, Ed, I'm ready to go again," Blake said. Ross helped her sit up again.

"That's good," Ed replied, "but the baby's not ready to go, at least not yet. It could be a few minutes, or it could be a few hours."

"No," Blake said. "Just...no. Ed, I can't wait another few hours!"

"Well, the baby is running the show," Ed told her. "He isn't crowning yet, so he may not be in as big a hurry as Kevin was. There's no set amount of time between twins. They're not all born five minutes apart, or five hours apart."

Ross shifted then and put his face near Blake's stomach so he could address the baby. "Come on now, Jason, give Mommy a break," he said. "She and I want so much to meet you and hold you. All you have to do is come out."

It could have been coincidence; it could have been the first instance of Jason's clear adoration of his mother, his first great love, because in the years ahead, while both boys would be the apples of both Blake's and Ross's eyes, and both boys would love both Mommy and Daddy fiercely and completely, Kevin would be more like Blake in personality and therefore would gravitate more toward Ross, while Jason would be more like Ross in personality and therefore would gravitate more toward Blake.

But whatever the reason, after Ross spoke to Jason, Blake started having intense contractions.

By the time Maureen returned with a sleeping Kevin, dressed in a gray sleeper with little red fire trucks all over it, Jason was crowning.

Blake fell back against Ross's chest. "I can't," she panted. "I can't do it. Not anymore. I'm too tired."

"Yes, you can," Ross said, kissing her temple. She was bathed in sweat, her hair plastered to her head, wincing in pain. "You can, Blake."

"I know you're tired, honey," Ed said, "but we just need a little bit more and he'll be here, and then you can rest."

Another contraction hit then. Blake moaned in pain and, with a death grip on Ross's hand, as he murmured words of love and encouragement, she dug deep and pushed.

"That's good, Blake, good, he's coming!" Ed exclaimed. She stopped pushing, exhaustion getting a stranglehold on her, and sagged against Ross once more, panting. "Okay, his head and shoulders are out, Blake," Ed said. "So all you need to do is give us one more big push, and he'll be here."

Blake craned her neck to look at Ross. "I can do this?" she asked.

"Yes," Ross said firmly. "Yes, you can, Blake. You can do anything."

"I can," Blake whispered.

"You can," Ross whispered back.

Blake nodded. "Okay," she said.

Ross helped her sit up again. "Oh god, here it comes!" Blake said, feeling the contraction start.

"Push, Blake!" Ed said.

Seconds later, another cry was heard.

"And here's our second contestant," Ed announced triumphantly, holding the screaming infant up for his parents to see.

Jason looked nothing like Kevin, and not much like Blake or Ross. His hair was the same color as Jack's, the same color Roger's had been before he had gone gray. "He's beautiful," Ross said hoarsely. "They're both beautiful." He rested his forehead against Blake's temple for a moment.

"Ross, do you want to-?" Ed asked. He showed Ross where to cut Jason's umbilical cord, and then Ed wiped Jason off with a clean towel and wrapped him in the second blanket before putting him on Blake's chest.

"Jason James Marler," Blake pronounced happily.

"Hi, Jason," Ross said. "I'm your daddy, and this is your mommy, and we're so happy you're here. We love you so very much."

"And thank you for coming out so quickly," Blake said.

Maureen gave Kevin to Ross to hold while she took Jason to get him cleaned up and dressed. "Hi there, Jason," she cooed to the baby as she carefully picked him up from Blake's chest to carry him into the bathroom. "We'll get you cleaned up and you'll feel much better, yes you will." When she returned with Jason, who was wearing a sky blue sleeper with little teddy bears all over it, she placed Jason in Blake's arms. Ed had taken care of the placenta, and Blake, Kevin, and Jason all three were doing fine.

Blake and Ross were enthralled with their sons and so were startled when the doorbell rang. "We haven't called anybody yet," Blake said, bewildered.

Maureen went to answer the door, and a moment later, Dr. Sedwick was in Blake and Ross's bedroom. "Looks like the Marler boys were rather antsy," she said upon seeing the two tiny bundles in their parents' arms.

"No, their mother was a complete idiot," Blake said sheepishly. "I didn't know there was such a thing as back labor. Back _**pain**_, yes. But back _**labor**_? I had no clue."

"You're not an idiot, Blake," Ross insisted. "You're the most incredible, amazing woman in the world." He looked at Ed and Maureen then. "And we had quite an assist from the boys' godfather and godmother."

"Well, as long as I'm here, I'll just check the three of you over," Dr. Sedwick said.

While Dr. Sedwick was checking Blake and the boys over, Ross slipped into the living room and picked up the phone.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 8:57 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Jack was almost asleep when the phone rang. Holly carefully shifted Jack to one arm so she could pick up the phone with the other. "Hello?" she said, her voice hushed.

"Holly."

"Ross? Is Blake in labor?"

"You and Roger need to come to our house right away."

"Has her water broken yet?"

"Just come to our house as soon as you can get here."

"Jack's almost asleep. We'll have to get some things together for him and drop him off with Ed and Maureen first."

"Ed and Maureen are still here, so just bring Jack with you. We'll see you when you get here." Ross abruptly hung up then.

"It's time?" Roger asked.

"It sounds like it," Holly replied. "But Ross insists that we go to their house first. He wouldn't say if Blake's water has broken yet. She must have just started having contractions. They say not to go to the hospital until the contractions are five minutes apart. And Ed and Maureen are still there, so I guess they can take Jack home with them from there."

"I'll get some of his things together," Roger said, hurrying down the hall to the nursery.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 9:14 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Ross was on the phone with Phillip, having called Dinah first, and having gotten both Justin's and Sam's answering machines, when Roger, Holly, and Jack arrived. Maureen let them in.

"Listen, Phillip, Holly and Roger and Jack just got here, so I have to go," Ross said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow...And if you reach Justin or Sam before I do, don't say anything to either of them, if you don't mind."

"Of course not. This is your news," Phillip replied. "Congratulations again, Dad. Is it all right if I tell Hope?"

"Sure," Ross agreed. "Talk to you tomorrow."

"Good night, Ross," Phillip said.

Ross hung up the phone and looked at Roger and Holly, Roger carrying the sleeping Jack in his carseat, and Holly carrying Jack's diaper bag, with a big smile on his face. "Come with me," he said simply. Roger and Holly exchanged a look before following after Ross.

The sight that greeted them when they walked into Ross and Blake's bedroom shocked them both: Blake was sitting up in bed with two babies in her arms. Her smile was positively beatific. Ross went to sit on the edge of the bed next to Blake as Blake gleefully said to her parents, "Mom, Daddy, look what I did!"

Roger swallowed hard but couldn't get the lump in his throat to go away. Holly's eyes filled with tears. They both walked closer to the bed. Roger carefully set Jack's carseat on the floor next to his feet.

"You have two beautiful, healthy boys," Dr. Sedwick announced. "Kevin Ross is six pounds, five ounces, and Jason James is six pounds, nine ounces. And you're doing very well too, Blake. In fact, I see no reason that you need to go to the hospital."

"How?" Roger asked hoarsely.

"It turns out I was in labor since five this morning and didn't know it, because I didn't know you could have back labor," Blake said. "Once my water broke, things happened pretty fast. Thank God Ed was here."

"You delivered the twins?" Holly asked Ed, shocked.

"_**Blake**_ delivered the twins," Ed corrected her. "My job was the easy part."

"Mom, Daddy, may I present your grandsons," Blake said, happiness in every syllable. "This is Kevin Ross Marler. He was born first." At Blake's look, Ross carefully took Kevin out of her arms and gave him to Holly to hold. "And this is Jason James Marler." Ross then carefully took Jason out of Blake's arms and handed him to Roger.

Roger was surprised to see that Jason looked so much like Jack, and like him: the same dark hair, and the same brown eyes. "Jason looks a lot like Jack," he said thickly, swallowing hard again.

"And like you," Blake said. They all knew it; she saw no point in denying the resemblance between grandfather and grandson.

"Kevin has your eyes, Blake," Holly said then. "Other than that, he looks like Ross."

"I think so too," Blake agreed. "Kevin, Jason, this is your Gigi and your Grandpa. Your Uncle Jack is sleeping, so you'll have to meet him later."

"They're both so tiny," Roger marveled.

"I have body parts that disagree with that statement," Blake replied, "but you were right, Mom: once they're here, and you're holding them in your arms, the pain doesn't matter anymore."

Jason went back to sleep then, but Kevin started to cry. "Maybe he's hungry," Holly said. She put Kevin back in Blake's arms.

Ed couldn't help being amused by the distinct deer-in-the-headlights look on Roger's face. Indeed, Roger was panic-stricken. Watching Holly nurse Jack was one thing; she was his wife, Jack was their son, and he'd certainly seen Holly without a top before. But Blake was his daughter, and the thought of even accidentally catching a glimpse of her breastfeeding made him uncomfortable.

Ross took pity on Roger and took Jason out of his arms. Roger nodded at Ross gratefully, then turned his back to Blake and gratefully accepted Maureen's hug and congratulations.

"I think he's doing it!" Blake exclaimed as she nursed Kevin for the first time. Then she looked at Holly worriedly. "How will I know when he's done?" she asked anxiously.

"You'll know," Holly assured her. "Maybe not tonight, but give it a couple of days, and you'll know."

Meanwhile, Roger and Ed were looking at each other. Maureen was looking back and forth between them. Holly went over to Dr. Sedwick, who was repacking her medical bag, and quietly asked her something. Ross was holding the sleeping Jason while Blake fed Kevin.

Roger spoke first. "Thank you, Ed," he said, "for taking care of my family."

Ed couldn't help thinking that Roger just _**had**_ to be proprietary about Blake and Kevin and Jason. Some things would never change. Roger would never let Ed forget that Blake was his daughter and not Ed's, and Kevin and Jason were Ed's godsons, or would be once they were christened, but they were Roger's grandsons. But this was a happy occasion, so all Ed said was, "I'm just glad I was here."

"Who won the pool?" Blake asked Holly then, referring to the pool at her baby shower in which everyone guessed when the twins would be born.

Holly and Maureen exchanged a look. "I said the 20th, Nola said the 14th, Stacey said July 4th...I think Michelle said the 21st."

"I said the 18th," Holly said. "Was Michelle the only one who said the 21st?"

"I think so," Maureen said.

"We should get going and leave the new family alone," Ed said then.

"I agree," Dr. Sedwick added. "Call if you need anything," she told Blake and Ross, "and congratulations."

Ed hugged Blake. "You did great," he told her.

"I couldn't have done it without you," Blake replied honestly. "Thank you."

Ed just smiled before hugging Ross. "Congratulations, Dad," he said.

Ross grinned at Ed for a second before growing serious. "Ed..." he began, but then he was lost for words. Nothing seemed good enough, or big enough.

"I know," Ed said softly. "I know." Ed then looked at Holly. "You're a grandma!" he exclaimed.

"Gigi," Blake corrected.

"Whatever Kevin and Jason call me, yes, I'm a grandma," Holly said. She gave Ed a wry smile. "No mocking allowed. Your day will come, Ed."

Ed hugged Holly and quietly said so only she could hear, "I'm not mocking, Holly. Honestly, I'm a little jealous." He released her and said, "You're gonna be a terrific grandma...or rather, a terrific Gigi."

"And someday you're gonna be a terrific grandpa," Holly replied.

Ed tilted his head slightly to one side and looked at Holly. "And when I am, you're going to mock me, aren't you?"

"Mercilessly," Holly said with a grin.

"Something to look forward to," Ed said, smiling back.

Maureen had just finished hugging and congratulating Blake and Ross and fussing over Kevin and Jason one last time, and she came over then. "Congratulations, Holly," she said.

"Thank you, Maureen," Holly said.

After Ed and Maureen said their goodbyes, Roger leaned down and kissed Blake's cheek gently. "The boys are beautiful, Chrissy," he said, "and so are you."

Blake looked up at her father with shining eyes. "I'm so glad you're here," she said emotionally.

"So am I," Roger replied.

Holly gently stroked first Jason's face and then Kevin's. "Blake," she said in amazement, looking at her daughter.

"I'm a mom," Blake said.

"You are," Holly agreed. She hugged Blake carefully, since Jason was now in Blake's arms, ready to be fed.

Roger picked up Jack in his carseat. Jack had slept through the whole thing. "We'll bring Jack by tomorrow afternoon to meet Kevin and Jason," Holly said. "You know, when Jack's actually awake."

"Okay," Blake said before turning her attention once more to her sons and husband.

Roger, Holly, and Jack quietly slipped out, leaving Ross, Blake, Kevin, and Jason alone together.

After Jason had been fed, Ross softly kissed Kevin's cheek, then Jason's cheek, then Blake's lips. "You were amazing," he told Blake. "Simply amazing."

"I couldn't have done it without you there holding me up and encouraging me, telling me I could do it," Blake said. She looked at Kevin in Ross's arms and Jason in her own. "Ross...we have sons."

"We do," Ross agreed, grinning happily. "Welcome to our greatest adventure, Blake."

Blake grinned back at him before soothing Jason, who began to fuss slightly, back to sleep. "It's going to be incredible," she agreed, resting her head against Ross's shoulder.

* * *

_June 21, 1996, 10:25 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Holly put Jack to bed while Roger went to the phone, picked up the receiver, took a deep breath, and then punched in Adam's number. Adam answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"You're a great-grandfather," Roger said without preamble.

"Wonderful!" Adam exclaimed. "Now, they're fraternal, correct? They don't look alike."

"Right," Roger said. "Kevin Ross Marler, and Jason James Marler." He paused. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you their names."

"I don't think Blake will object," Adam replied. "How is she?"

"She's fine. She's amazing," Roger said. "She ended up giving birth at home. But luckily Ed was there, and he delivered them." Holly returned from putting Jack down for the night just in time to hear Roger say that Blake had given birth at home but luckily Ed was there and he delivered the boys.

"Are they at Cedars now?" Adam asked.

"No," Roger replied. "Dr. Sedwick came by and checked everyone over and said they didn't absolutely have to go to the hospital, so they didn't." After a beat, he said, "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Adam replied. Now he paused for a moment. "Congratulations to you too."

"Thank you," Roger answered.

Another pause.

"How are Jack and Holly?" Adam asked next.

"They're fine," Roger said. "Doing really well." Holly sat down beside him on the couch then and took his hand in hers. Seeing her look of encouragement, Roger took another deep breath and said, "We're having Jack christened at the time as Kevin and Jason. Would you like to come?"

"I would love to be there," Adam said sincerely.

"Well, we still have to set the date, but it'll probably be in a few weeks," Roger said. "We'll let you know."

"Please do," Adam said. "I'll definitely be there."

"Great," Roger said. "Oh, um...If you think Hart would like to know about Kevin and Jason, you can tell him."

"I will," Adam said. After a few seconds of silence, Adam said, "It's good to talk to you, Roger."

"It's good to talk to you too, Dad," Roger said. Holly squeezed his hand, and he squeezed her hand back.

"Tell Holly I said hello, and call me with the details of the christenings when you have everything set," Adam set.

"I will," Roger promised. "Good night, Dad."

"Good night," Adam said. He hung up the phone then, so Roger hung up too and looked at Holly. "Dad says hello."

"Is he coming to the christenings?" Holly asked. She already knew the answer, but she also knew Roger would want to say it.

"He said he would love to be there," Roger said, awed. "I think...maybe...we're getting somewhere, he and I."

"I think so too," Holly said. She let go of Roger's hand, then picked up the bottle of champagne from the coffee table, opened it, and poured some into each of the two glasses on the coffee table. "I picked this up Monday after dropping you off at the airport," she explained, "and Dr. Sedwick said a few sips wouldn't hurt." She set the bottle down and handed one of the glasses to Roger, picking up the other one for herself. "To our grandsons, Kevin Ross Marler, and Jason James Marler," she toasted. "A long, healthy, happy life."

"To our grandsons, Kevin and Jason," Roger echoed before touching his glass to Holly's. After they had each taken a sip, Roger said, "I was right, you know."

"About what?" Holly asked.

"You _**are**_ the sexiest grandmother in Springfield," he replied with a grin.

"And the winner of the weirdest come-on line award is..." Holly said.

"I'm serious," Roger replied earnestly.

Holly set her glass down, took Roger's glass and set it down, and put her arms around him. "You're quite the sexy, debonair grandfather yourself."

Roger looked at Holly in amazement. "Our baby girl has two babies," he said softly.

"Yeah," Holly replied just as softly, touching his face before pulling him into a warm, tight embrace that he enthusiastically returned.


	24. The Ties That Bind--and Gag

_July 9, 1996, 7:04 PM Local Time, Lake Forest Park, Washington_

When he walked in the front door of their house on the lake, his girlfriend was on the phone. "I know I haven't been home for a visit in years," she was saying. "Yes, I'd like to be there for Mother's engagement party, and you know I want to meet my little brothers, Daddy...Yes, and Blake too." She rolled her eyes at him at this point before speaking into the phone again. "Look, Daddy, I'll tell you what, he just walked in, so let me talk to him...The 20th? That's, what, a week from this Saturday?...Okay, if there's any way we can make it, we'll be there...Daddy, he's not The Missing Link, he's my boyfriend of over a year-and-a-half." This last sentence was said in an exasperated tone of voice. The boyfriend in question smirked, but when she saw the smirk on his face, she glowered at him until he wiped the smirk off his face. "Daddy, I promise, if there's any way we can be there, we will...Okay...I love you too...'Bye."

Dinah Marler hung up the phone with a sigh. "I don't think we're gonna get out it of this time," she informed her boyfriend, who was now seated on the couch. "Now that the twins are here, Daddy's really after me to come home and meet them and their mother, and apparently they're being christened on the 20th of this month, and he really wants me there for that. And now that my mother is engaged, and her engagement party is on the 24th,_** she** _really wants me to be there for_** that**_. And I haven't even met this guy she's marrying, or my father's wife." She frowned as she sat down on the couch beside him, thinking of her stepmother and her future stepfather, both of whom were younger than her parents were. "_**You've**_ met my father's wife before, though."

"It was kind of impossible not to," he said.

"What kind of name is 'Blake' for a woman, anyway?" Dinah wondered.

"She goes by her middle name," her boyfriend, Hart Jessup, replied. "Well, except Roger tends to call her 'Chrissy' most of the time, because her first name is Christina, and I guess that's what he called her when she was a kid."

Dinah wet her lips before nervously confessing, "Daddy mentioned him too. Apparently it's a triple christening: Daddy and Blake's twins, and Roger and Holly's son."

"Makes sense," he said blandly. "A big family celebration."

"Look, I totally get your issues with Roger Thorpe, and I agree with them," Dinah said. "But if we don't show up for this, then we'll get guilt trips for at least the rest of the year for having missed it. You know that it hasn't just been my father and my mother calling. My grandfather even called a couple of times, and so has yours. He's going."

"But he won't guilt me for _**not**_ going," Hart reminded her, "and he won't guilt you either."

"No, he probably wouldn't," Dinah agreed. "But my father probably will, and my mother definitely will, and my grandfather is the one person I actually would like to see. I'm not really interested in another five or six months of nagging and guilt trips from both of my parents, and I'd hate to disappoint my grandfather."

"That last part wasn't fair, Dinah," Hart complained. Dinah and Hart both adored their respective grandfathers, Henry Chamberlain and Adam Thorpe, and Hart would hate to ever disappoint Adam just as much as Dinah would hate to disappoint Henry.

"It wasn't meant to be fair," she said. "We haven't been back to Springfield in a long time, either one of us. We need to just go and get it over with." She gave him a wicked grin then. "Besides, no one in Springfield knows yet that you and I are a couple."

"I'm not expecting them to take it well," he replied.

"Oh, neither am I. That's the fun part," she said, still grinning wickedly.

He sighed. "Okay," he said. "We'll go."

"For the christening and the engagement party?" Dinah asked.

"Yes."

"And then after that, we come straight home, to our lake house and our life here in Washington State. Deal?" She extended her hand to shake on it.

"Deal," Hart replied, grabbing Dinah's hand and then pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her so she couldn't move. Dinah splayed her palms on Hart's chest and rested her chin on the backs of her hands, looking up into his eyes as he said, "And this way I can see Peter. Meet him, I should say." A flicker of worry passed through Hart's eyes. "I hope he likes me. I don't want to mess up his life, but I'd like him to know me and know who I am."

"Are you going to let me meet him?" Dinah asked.

"You want to?" Hart asked, somewhat surprised. Neither he nor Dinah was very into kids.

"He_** is** _your son," Dinah said. "That's kind of the point of this whole trip, isn't it? Meeting the kiddie brigade? Well, and Stepmommy and Future Stepdaddy Dearest."

"Blake's not really a bad person, I guess, except for her blind spot when it comes to Roger," Hart admitted somewhat grudgingly. "But apparently she's not the only one with a blind spot about him, since he got Holly to marry him again and they had another baby. Although, there always was this..." He groped for the right word for a few seconds before finally settling on... "vibe between them."

Now Dinah sighed. "It's really too bad that we couldn't just confine our family to you and me, and Peter and Adam and my Grandfather Henry," she reflected.

"Well, no matter what happens in Springfield, we'll get through it by sticking together," Hart said.

"I know right now that my mother isn't going to be happy about us, and I don't know what my grandfather and my father are gonna think."

"They don't scare me," Hart said, pulling Dinah closer.

"Well, they don't scare me either," Dinah replied. "I mean, Blake and Matt don't scare me."

"What about big, bad Roger Thorpe?" Hart asked.

"He doesn't scare me either," Dinah said before she moved in for a kiss.

* * *

_July 17, 1996, 7:49 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

"That's it!" Barbara exclaimed.

"Which one?"

"The gray house with the green shutters," she replied.

He pulled the car over to the curb in front of the house, since there were already two cars in the driveway.

As the trio got out of the car, Roger, who had heard the slamming of the car doors, got up, leaving his spot beside Holly and Jack in the rocking chair in Jack's nursery, and looked out the window. "They're here," he said, looking over his shoulder at Holly.

Holly nodded, carefully getting up with the sleeping Jack in her arms and placing him in his crib. Then she and Roger quietly left the nursery and hurried to the living room to answer the door before the knocking woke up Jack.

Crowded together on the other side of the door were Holly's mother Barbara, brother Andy, and Andy's fiancée Paloma Ramirez, who had all come to town for the christenings of Jack, Kevin, and Jason.

Holly and Andy hadn't seen each other in an eternity. They had spoken on the phone occasionally, and remembered one another with Christmas and birthday cards, but this was their first time seeing each other in almost twenty years, so they just stared at each other wordlessly, Holly taking in Andy's slightly receding hairline and the gray hairs sprinkled throughout the goatee he now sported, while Andy was struck by how happy Holly looked.

Everyone was silent for a few moments. Roger hung back slightly, as did Paloma, who looked on nervously. Barbara's eyes kept darting back and forth between Holly and Andrew. Finally, Andy said, "Hey there, Holly."

"Andy," Holly said, smiling. Then Andy stepped into the house and opened his arms, and in two-and-a-half strides, Holly was in them, and brother and sister were hugging.

They held the hug for the space of several heartbeats. Then they pulled back to look at each other again. "You finally grew a beard!" Holly exclaimed.

"Goatee," Andy corrected. Then, with a wry twist of his mouth, he said, "And I had to wait until I started going gray to get it to look right." Then he smiled at her, and for the first time since they were kids, Andy's smile reached his eyes. "But you...You are radiant, little sister. More radiant than I've ever seen you."

Holly's smile grew wider at Andy's acknowledgement of her general contentment with her life. "You're looking very well," she told him. "California must agree with you."

"Among other things," Andy said. He looked over his shoulder then reached out a hand to the nervous-looking fortysomething woman with dark brown hair standing behind and to his left. "Holly, I want you to meet someone very special. This is my fiancée Paloma Ramirez. Paloma, this is my sister, Holly-" He paused for one second, thinking to make sure he got it right, then continued, "-Lindsey-Thorpe."

"Hello," Paloma said. At Holly's kind smile, Paloma's nervousness dialed itself down a few notches. "I've heard a lot about you from Andy, and we have the picture of your son you sent us on our mantel. He's a beautiful boy."

"Thank you, Paloma," Holly replied. "It's nice to meet you." Holly started to turn, but Roger stepped up beside her. "This is my husband, Roger Thorpe. Roger, this is Paloma Ramirez, and you remember my brother Andy."

Roger greeted Paloma with a smile and a handshake. "Welcome, Paloma," he said.

"Thank you," Paloma replied.

For once, Barbara didn't object to being ignored, because seeing her daughter and son together for the first time in almost two decades had her feeling more emotional than usual, so she took these few minutes to regain her composure.

Andy regarded Roger and was impressed when Roger didn't blink or squirm under his scrutinizing stare. Then Andy extended a hand to Roger, and when Roger shook it, Andy said, "You treating my sister right this time around?"

"Absolutely," Roger replied.

"Keep it up," Andy said, "because if you even think about_** thinking** _about doing anything like what you did to her all those years ago, I want you to keep something very important in mind: I have no problems at all going back to prison for any reason."

"Andrew!" Barbara exclaimed exasperatedly.

"It's the truth, Mom," Andy said, not breaking Roger's gaze. "We clear?" he said.

"As glass," Roger assured him. "And you don't have to worry, Andy. Nothing like that will ever happen again."

"All right, then," Andy said.

Everyone went to sit in the living room together, and Barbara asked, "Is Jack sleeping?"

"Yes," Holly said. "But you're welcome to peek in on him if you want to."

"Andrew, Paloma?" Barbara asked.

"We'll wait until the kid's awake, Mom," Andy replied. After Barbara had headed for the nursery, Andy smirked at Holly and said, "I can't believe my little sister is a grandma!"

Holly smirked back at him. "Okay, let's have it. Let's get all the old-age cracks out of the way now."

"Well, if you're expecting it, it's no fun," Andy said, pretending to pout. Then he and Holly both laughed. When they had recovered themselves, Andy said, "It's good to see you looking so happy, Holly."

"I was just thinking the same thing about you," Holly replied.

Barbara returned then. "Jack is sleeping like an angel," she reported. "How is Blake? How are Kevin and Jason?"

"Blake is great," Roger said. "Adjusting to life with twins."

"Kevin seems to have inherited Blake's colic," Holly said ruefully, "but Jason doesn't seem to have it."

"Oh, poor Kevin," Barbara said sympathetically. "Has she considered trying my remedy?"

"Your remedy?" Holly asked.

"The one you wouldn't let me use on Blake when she was a baby," Barbara reminded her. "Whiskey rubbed on the gums."

Andy burst out laughing. "Way to go, Mom. A little Jack Daniel's, and we _**all**_ sleep well, eh?"

"Don't start, young man," Barbara warned, pointing at Andy.

Holly started laughing then. "Oh, this reminds me of the time we got Mom that Julia Child cookbook for her birthday, and when you saw Julia Child on the cover after Mom opened it, you called Julia Child 'the old booze cooker,'" she said. "Do you remember that, Andy?"

"Of course I remember that. I didn't get any cake and ice cream because of that. I was grounded for two weeks because of that," Andy said indignantly.

"Well, it was disrespectful," Barbara said primly.

"Please. You watched her on TV all the time, and she put booze in everything she cooked!" Andy exclaimed. "I was a kid. I was making an observation."

"An impolite observation," Barbara said. Holly cracked up laughing again.

Paloma and Roger watched Holly and Andy laughing together and Barbara scolding them, but without much fire to it. "I don't have any brothers or sisters," Paloma said to Roger. "Is this normal?"

"Neither do I," Roger said. "As for normal...I can't say for sure if it's normal or not, but the only thing that matters to me is that my wife is happy to see her family."

Paloma smiled at Roger then. "Andy is very happy to see his sister after all these years. I don't know what happened when their mother came here to visit you and your wife a couple of months ago, but whatever it was, she's...well, she's different now. Less critical of Andy, and less critical of our relationship. So for whatever it was you and Holly said and did to have that kind of effect on Mrs. Norris, I thank you."

"It was much more Holly than me," Roger replied.

They watched Holly, Andy, and Barbara reminiscing some more, and when Holly and Andy laughed again, this time Barbara even managed to chuckle along with them. "I didn't think Andy was capable of laughing around his mother," Paloma confessed. "I never saw it happen until now." She paused, then said, "It's nice."

"It is," Roger agreed.

* * *

_July 19, 1996, 6:17 PM-Springfield Airport_

Kevin and Jason were asleep, thankfully, undisturbed by the hustle and bustle of the airport around them. Blake wasn't brimming with energy, but she was there with Ross and the boys, and with Vanessa Chamberlain and Matt Reardon, waiting for Dinah and her boyfriend to arrive from Seattle.

When their flight was announced, Ross who had been sitting beside Blake, with Kevin and Jason snoozing in their double stroller and facing their parents in case one or both of them suddenly awakened needing something, jumped to his feet. Blake remained seated, and Vanessa and Matt, who were sitting nearby, also rose, Matt resting his hands on the nervous Vanessa's shoulders.

"There she is!" Ross exclaimed.

"Where?" Vanessa asked anxiously.

"Right over there," Ross said, pointing. He waved at her, calling, "Dinah! Over here!"

Indeed, Dinah, in sunglasses, a fire-engine red skirt and matching sleeveless blouse, and shiny black stiletto heels, had arrived. Since Ross and Vanessa were focused on looking for her, it took them, as well as Blake and Matt, a moment to notice the dark-haired young man holding hands with Dinah, wearing a short-sleeved gray-and-white plaid shirt, stiff new blue jeans, and black Doc Martens with both of their carry-on bags slung over one of his shoulders. Dinah was carrying a tiny clutch purse that matched her outfit.

"Her boyfriend looks familiar," Ross mused. "Where have I seen him before? Blake, honey, do you know where I've seen Dinah's boyfriend before?"

Blake's jaw was somewhere around her ankles, because she too recognized Dinah's boyfriend. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no sound came out. Ross wasn't looking at her anyway, he was still trying to wave Dinah down and get her attention, but Dinah's head was now turned towards her boyfriend, and they were talking softly. Finally Blake found her voice: "It's Hart."

At this, Ross and Vanessa both turned and looked at Blake. Vanessa was visibly dismayed. "Hart? As in Hart Jessup?" Matt's head snapped in Blake's direction as well when Vanessa said that name.

"Hart Jessup? Isn't he Peter's-?" Matt started to say.

"Yes, he is," Vanessa said grimly.

"So he's Roger's-" Matt said.

"Yeah," Blake said.

"It's Hart," Ross said as he and Blake exchanged a look. "Dinah is dating Hart."

"Hi, everybody," Dinah said. Four heads swiveled back to look at Dinah and Hart, now standing before them, still holding hands, as Dinah removed her sunglasses. "I believe some of you know my boyfriend, Hart Jessup. Hart, this is my mother Vanessa Chamberlain and..." Dinah trailed off when she noticed Matt hovering behind Vanessa. "...you must be the Matt my mother can't stop talking about."

"Matt Reardon," Matt said, extending one hand to Dinah to shake. "It's nice to meet you, Dinah. I've heard a lot about you from Vanessa."

"Well, I'd say 'all good, I hope,' but we all know that would be a lie, don't we?" Dinah said. She quickly shook Matt's hand.

"Dinah, really," Vanessa said. She hadn't even been home sixty seconds yet.

Now Hart had the same shell-shocked look on his face that Ross, Vanessa, and Blake had on theirs. "Reardon?" he said. He swallowed hard before meeting Matt's gaze. "Are you any relation to Bridget Reardon?"

"She's my sister," Matt replied. Hart dipped his chin in a semblance of a nod. "Does she know you're here?"

"Yes, actually," Hart said. "We do stay in touch because of Peter. She knew I was coming in today, and that I'll be at your engagement party. She'll be there too, of course, being your sister and all." Hart now focused his gaze on Vanessa and extended his hand to her. "Ms. Chamberlain, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Please, call me Vanessa," Vanessa said, her shock starting to wear off as she shook Hart's hand. When she released Hart's hand, she gathered Dinah into a big hug. "Welcome home, Dinah."

"Thanks, Mother," Dinah said, hugging her back. Then Dinah turned her attention to Ross. "Daddy!" she exclaimed, launching herself at him. Ross caught her and hugged her tightly.

"Dinah," Ross said. His joy at having his daughter home again, having her here to meet Blake and the twins, was at odds with all of the questions he had about exactly how Dinah had gotten herself involved with Hart Jessup, but for the moment, he was willing to concentrate on the joy of having Dinah home.

As Ross released Dinah, Blake said, "Speaking of sisters, hello, Hart."

"Blake," Hart said. He nodded to the sleeping babies in the double stroller. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Blake replied. "I'm going to take a wild guess that Dad doesn't know you're in town."

"I haven't spoken to Roger in three years," Hart said.

Dinah interjected then, eager to head off an argument over Roger Thorpe in public. "So you're my stepmother. Sorry I couldn't make the wedding."

"Yes, why was that, exactly?" Blake inquired. "Ross said that you canceled at almost the last minute."

"Mr. Marler," Hart said then, determined to protect his girlfriend from the wrath of her stepmother/his half-sister. "Hart Jessup. I don't believe we've ever formally met. Or may I call you Ross?"

"We haven't formally met since I found out you're dating my daughter," Ross replied, "and Mr. Marler is fine." He shook Hart's proffered hand, then said, "I would be very interested to know exactly how you dating my daughter came about."

Kevin awoke then, shrilly crying, and Ross and Blake both hurried to take care of Kevin and see if Jason too was awake. Kevin was the crankier of their two sons.

"Thanks, kid," Dinah murmured so only Hart could hear. Aloud she said, "And which of my little brothers is that?"

"Kevin," Ross said as Blake tried to get him to take his pacifier, but Kevin didn't want the pacifier.

"How's Jason?" Blake asked over Kevin's shrill cries as she put him up over her shoulder and gently swayed side to side with him.

"Still sleeping," Ross reported.

"Thank God," Blake said. "I think Kevin's hungry."

"Well, Hart and I are staying with Mother and Matt anyway," Dinah said. "Daddy, why don't you and Blake go and take care of Kevin, and we'll go with Mother and Matt and see you later? We still have to get our luggage anyway."

"All right," Ross agreed. "You and Hart can come over after dinner tonight."

"Sounds great," Dinah said, pasting on a big smile for Ross's benefit.

"I've got to feed him now," Blake said. With the still wailing Kevin in her arms, she headed for the nearest ladies' room for some privacy, Ross following after, pushing the still sleeping Jason in the stroller, with the diaper bag in the basket underneath the seats.

Dinah and Hart lagged behind Vanessa and Matt on the way to the baggage claim. "It's worse than I thought," Dinah said in an undertone to Hart. "Both of my parents are robbing the cradle! Daddy has to be at least twenty, twenty-five years older than Blake, and there's got to be at least that much of an age difference between Mother and Matt too."

"Well, lucky for me you don't take after your parents, then," Hart said.

"It's not funny," Dinah insisted. "I knew that Blake and Matt were younger, but I didn't know they were so close to my age." She paused. "Thanks for throwing yourself on your sword with my father."

"I had to get Blake off your case somehow," Hart replied, squeezing her hand. "Besides, you threw yourself on your sword first when Blake asked if Roger knows I'm in town." They shared a smile before reaching the baggage claim.

Meanwhile, Kevin had settled down after he was fed, burped, and changed. By the time he was settled, Jason was awake and needed to eat, so Blake fed him and burped him, Ross changed him, and then they returned to the car to go home. When the boys were strapped in their car seats, Blake told Ross, "Take the long way home. Maybe they'll go back to sleep." Then she dug her recently purchased cell phone out of her purse and punched in her parents' phone number.

* * *

_June 19, 1996, 7:24 PM-Roger and Holly's House_

Jack's introduction to baby food had proved that he was a messy eater. Roger was giving him a bath before dinner, and Holly had just arrived home a few minutes before. When the phone rang, she grabbed it. "Hello?"

"Mom, thank God you answered. I wouldn't have known how to tell this to Daddy, and I'm sorry you're going to be the one stuck doing it, but he has to know before he's blindsided at the church tomorrow. Hart's here," Blake said in a rush.

"What?" Holly asked, surprised.

"Guess who Dinah's boyfriend is?" Blake asked. "Hart. And he's here in Springfield."

"You're sure it's really him?" Holly asked.

"Positive," Blake replied. "We just left the airport. He and Dinah are staying at Vanessa's house, but they're coming over to our house later tonight. You and Daddy and Jack are welcome to come over too, if you want to."

Holly worried her lower lip between her teeth momentarily before answering Blake. "That's got to be your father's decision," she said. "I'll tell him. I take it Hart's coming to the christening tomorrow, then, and he'll be at the party afterwards at your house?"

"I'm guessing yes, since he's Dinah's boyfriend," Blake replied.

"Small world, isn't it?" Holly remarked.

"And getting smaller all the time," Blake replied. "Here I thought the fact that Phillip and Faith are coming would be the hardest part about tomorrow."

"Well, I'll be there, and Ed and Maureen and Michelle...Ryan and Colleen and Sam...you...Jack and Kevin and Jason, so whatever happens, your father won't have to deal with it alone," Holly said.

"Listen, Mom, we're home, so I have to go," Blake said.

"All right," Holly replied. "Thanks for letting me know about Hart."

"There's no way I would let Dad, or you either, be blindsided by Hart," Blake said. "'Bye."

Holly slowly hung up the phone and headed into the bathroom, where Roger was wrapping Jack in a thick, fluffy towel. "All fresh and clean!" he announced brightly. Seeing the somber look on Holly's face, he asked, "What?"

"That was Blake on the phone," Holly said. "They went to the airport to meet Dinah and her boyfriend, you know."

"Yeeeeeahhhhh?" Roger asked, drawing out the lone syllable.

Realizing there was no good way to say it, Holly just blurted it out. "Dinah's boyfriend is Hart."

Roger blinked. "Jessup?" he asked.

"Yes," Holly replied. "Blake just saw him. She's sure it was him. He came with Dinah because he's her boyfriend, and they're going to be at the christenings tomorrow, and the party at Ross and Blake's house afterward."

"Well," Roger said. "That's..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Jack got his daddy's attention then, babbling loudly at him.

"Right, we've got to get you dressed, Jack," Roger said, Jack having snapped him out of his shock.

Holly trailed after Roger and Jack. Roger had Jack's diaper and pajamas laid out on the changing table, and she helped Roger get Jack dressed. Once Jack was dressed, and Holly had quickly combed his wet hair, Roger sat down in the rocking chair with Jack in his arms. Holly looked at Roger. "Roger?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered her unspoken question. "I don't know what to think about this, or how to feel. I only know that Hart didn't contact me himself, so I presume that he's not here because he wants to see me." He cuddled Jack a little closer.

"He and Dinah are staying at Vanessa's house," Holly said. "They're going over to Ross and Blake's later this evening. We've been invited, if we want to go." She paused a beat, then said, "Do you want to go?"

Roger considered this for a moment. "No," he said. "Hart isn't here to see me. We can't avoid it at the christenings and the party tomorrow, but that's soon enough. And tomorrow is about Jack and Kevin and Jason, not about Hart and me." Jack laid his cheek against Roger's chest then and popped a thumb in his mouth. Roger looked down at Jack for a few seconds and said, "Besides, I'm getting Jack to sleep here. And maybe between now and tomorrow, I can figure out what to say to Hart when I do see him."

Holly walked over and knelt beside the rocking chair, trailing a hand down Jack's back, then letting her hand rest on Roger's arm. "I know it hurts," she said.

"It's been hurting for three years," Roger replied quietly as Jack's eyes drifted shut. "I don't think it's ever going to stop hurting. But Hart has made his feelings clear by not letting me know that he would be here." They were both silent for a few minutes more, and then when Roger had settled Jack in his crib and they had both kissed him good night, when they were in the hall, Roger leaned against the wall next to Jack's bedroom door and, looking at Holly with wounded eyes, said quietly, "I can't make Hart forgive me or love me, Holly. I can't make him want to be my son, I can't make him want a relationship with me. So I have to respect his wishes, no matter how much it hurts me."

"I'm sorry," Holly said, laying a hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry that after all these years, you still can't get anywhere with Hart."

"So am I," Roger said regretfully.

* * *

_July 19, 1996, 8:39 PM-Ross and Blake's House_

Blake was juggling two crying babies in her and Ross's bedroom, but even with the door closed, she could still hear Dinah and Ross arguing with each other. "Oh, come on, Daddy, are you really going to try and tell me that you and Blake didn't live together before you were married?" Dinah challenged. "Besides, I already heard all of this from Mother, which is just as rich coming from her, because Matt has practically moved in with her, and they're not getting married until September."

"We are not talking about Blake and me," Ross said in a clipped tone. "And we are not talking about your mother and Matt Reardon. We're talking about you and Hart. How long have you been living together?"

"How, exactly, is that your business?" Dinah wanted to know.

"I'm your father!" Ross exclaimed.

"I'm over 21!" Dinah shot back. "I have a life in Washington, Daddy, and Hart is a big part of that life!"

"That's not an answer," Ross said. He looked at Hart. "How long have you been living together?"

"We've been dating for a year-and-a-half, Mr. Marler," Hart said.

"Hart!" Dinah exclaimed sharply.

"He's your father!" Hart exclaimed back. "I don't want him thinking I don't respect you!"

"I appreciate your honesty, Hart, but that's still not an answer to my question!" Ross said. "You've been dating for 18 months. How many of those have you been living together?"

The arguing adults downstairs and the crying babies that Blake was unable to soothe were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. "Oh, goody," Blake said. "Okay, boys, here's what we're gonna do," she addressed Kevin and Jason. She laid Jason in his bassinet and gave him his pacifier, which worked. Then she sat down to nurse Kevin, and once he had latched on and the room was blessedly silent, if only for a few fleeting moments (she was a quick study and her sons had given her, and Ross, quite the education in the month since their arrival), she grabbed the phone from the bedside table and said, "Hello, and not to be rude, but please make it fast, because I have one son with a pacifier and the other nursing, so I only have a few minutes."

"I won't keep you," said the voice on the other end of the line.

"Daddy," Blake said, relieved to hear a voice that wasn't either yelling or crying.

"I just...I thought I should let you know that we're not coming over tonight. Jack's asleep, and Hart didn't really come here to see me, so..."

"We have enough of a battle going on here as it is," Blake said. "Stay home, gird your loins for tomorrow."

"What do you mean, you 'have enough of a battle going on'?" Roger asked.

"Dinah and Hart are living together," Blake replied.

"And Ross isn't taking it well," Roger guessed.

"Not at all," Blake said.

"Well, fathers of daughters always have a hard time accepting exactly how grown up their daughters are," Roger said.

"You know, I already heard all this and more from Mother AND from Uncle Quint, and Grandfather isn't exactly doing handstands over it, but he at least left the lecturing to Mother and Quint," Dinah was saying. "And I really don't see what the big deal is. Hart and I are in a committed relationship. You and Blake did it, Mother and Matt are doing it, everybody does it these days. It's not a big deal, Daddy."

"Define 'committed relationship,'" Ross said. "Are you engaged? Are you getting married?"

"So, what, twenty-five years from now, if Kevin or Jason is living with his girlfriend before they're married, then I'll be the one having a meltdown, is that what you're saying?" Blake asked.

"Possibly," Roger said.

"I know part of the reason it's making Ross so crazy is that he missed so much of her life," Blake said. "That part, I can understand." She sighed. "I guess it could be worse. She could be moving in with us, and we know that's not happening."

"Is Hart happy?" Roger asked suddenly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask you that. It's not fair to you to put you in the middle, Chrissy. Never mind."

"He's not really speaking to me," Blake admitted. "He only talks to me if I say something to him first. I haven't figured out yet if he's doing it to get in good with Dinah because she doesn't like me, or if he's mad at me because of you, or both."

"Why do you think Dinah doesn't like you?" Roger asked.

"I don't think, I _**know**_," Blake replied. "She's been civil to me so far, but it's clearly an effort. Her eyes say much more than her words. It's not exactly 'if looks could kill,' but it's close." Kevin was finished eating now, and Blake wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder as she put Kevin up over her opposite shoulder to burp him. After Kevin gave a hearty burp, Blake got up to settle him in his bassinet before retrieving Jason from his and returning to the bed to nurse him now. "He's going to be at the christening and the party afterwards tomorrow, you know."

"Your mother told me," Roger said. "And tomorrow is about Jack and Kevin and Jason."

"Tomorrow is about our family," Blake corrected. "Everyone's here. Grandma's not giving you and Mom a hard time, and Grandpa even came. And Uncle Andy, who I haven't even seen since I was a kid, and his fiancée, who's really nice. The last thing I want is Hart or Dinah making some kind of scene tomorrow. You just... You should be prepared, because Hart is only here as Dinah's boyfriend."

"I figured that," Roger replied. "I can handle it, Chrissy."

"I know _**you**_ can," Blake said. "What I don't know is if Hart can."

"Hart, that is none of my father's business!" Dinah shrieked from the living room. Her shrieking made Kevin and Jason both start crying.

Blake sighed. "I have to go, Daddy. See you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too. 'Bye, honey," Roger said before Blake hurriedly disconnected the call, finished burping Jason, and then picked up Kevin.

Blake carried both boys into the living room, walked over to Dinah, and got right in her face. "Scare my sons again by screaming like that, and I'll throw you out of here, stepdaughter or not," she warned Dinah in a controlled yet angry voice.

Ross took the wailing Kevin from Blake and began to sway with him, patting and rubbing his back. "I just want to know about your life, Dinah," he said tiredly.

"I already have one judgmental parent, thanks," Dinah said. "I don't need another one. Especially when neither of you has any room to judge me. At least I'm with someone age appropriate." She looked at Blake now, cuddling Jason close and swaying with him as well to calm him down. "You must have considered it quite the triumph to bag yourself a rich lawyer," she sneered.

"Dinah," Ross said warningly.

But Blake had been expecting this. "What's the matter, Dinah, worried about your inheritance?" she snarked.

"Well, from what Hart says, you should be in for quite a windfall from your own parents, so it's not like you really need my father's money," Dinah snarked right back.

Opting to leave Roger out of it for now lest Hart start shouting too, Blake replied, "I didn't marry your father for money. I married him because I love him." Dinah snorted indelicately at this. "Scoff all you want," Blake continued. "It happens to be the truth...which you might have realized if you had bothered to come to the wedding, or stay in touch with your father with more than a five-minute phone call every four or five months."

"Lay off her," Hart ordered angrily.

"Everyone needs to just lay off," Ross said firmly then. Kevin had stopped crying, and Jason, in Blake's arms, was down to whimpers. "Dinah, Blake is my wife, and she is going to _**be**_ my wife for the rest of my life. You will give her the respect she deserves. And you will also not scream and shout to the point that it scares Kevin and Jason."

Dinah glared at her father before saying, "We're out of here." She spun on her heel and headed for the front door. Hart immediately followed after her.

After they left, Ross said, "At least they didn't slam the door."

"Well, that went well," Blake remarked.

"I'm sorry about what Dinah said," Ross said.

Blake sank down on the couch with Jason. "You don't owe me an apology for that, Ross. You didn't tell her to say that."

"I just want to know what's going on in her life," Ross said as he sat down next to Blake and Jason with Kevin in his arms. "I realize she's been on her own for quite a while, but that's no reason to leave out certain details of her life. Until today I didn't even know that her boyfriend was Hart, just that she had a boyfriend. And I still don't know how long they've been living together. Neither of them would tell me." He sighed.

"I'm sorry I popped off at Dinah like that," Blake said then, "but her shrieking really did scare the boys."

"She should have known better," Ross agreed. "And I guess I should have known that she would accuse you of being a fortune hunter."

"I don't want to make you choose sides between us. That never works out well for anyone," Blake said. "But I'm not going to let her push me around, Ross."

"I don't expect you to," Ross said. "Just try to keep it from devolving to the point where you're trying to rip each other's hair out by the roots."

"I'm not interested in a physical fight with Dinah," Blake replied. "I would like to be able to get along with her...or at least get to the point where we can be civil to each other."

"You were doing great up until she scared Kevin and Jason," Ross assured her.

"Tomorrow's going to be a disaster, isn't it?" Blake said. "Dinah, Hart, my father, my grandfather, my grandmother, all in the same room. I just hope war doesn't break out at the church. It'll be bad enough if it breaks out here."

"Henry Chamberlain's coming with Vanessa and Matt," Ross reminded Blake. "Dinah won't do or say anything untoward in front of him. He seems to be the only relative she has that she doesn't at least somewhat resent, and that includes you, and Matt. But they're only coming to the christening, not here to the party afterwards."

"At least we won't be accused of starting a holy war," Blake cracked. But she was still worried about the next day, and what Dinah would say and do, and even more than that, what Hart would say and do to Roger.

* * *

_July 19, 1996, 9:51 PM-Springfield_

After driving in silence for fifteen minutes, Hart decided that he had given Dinah enough of a chance to speak, and since she was stubbornly refusing to discuss what had just happened at her father's, he would have to push her into talking about it, if only to get the argument between the two of them, if there was going to be one, out of the way. "I don't see what was so bad about telling your father we've been living together for six months and dating for a year-and-a-half. We told your mother," he pointed out.

"Are you planning on telling _**your**_ father that you're shacking up with your sister's stepdaughter?" Dinah demanded.

"HALF-sister," Hart corrected her, "and it's not the same thing. You love your father. I hate mine. As far as I'm concerned, I have no father. And I know you, Dinah. It isn't me telling your dad how long we've been dating and how long we've been living together that's bothering you so much, so why don't you tell me what this is really about?"

Hart patiently waited through the short silence that followed, looking at Dinah behind the wheel of her mother's car as they drove aimlessly through Springfield. She didn't take her eyes off the road, and she was doing the thing with her lip that always meant that what she was about to say wasn't the whole truth.

"It really bugged me, seeing my father with Blake," Dinah finally said.

"Okay, you hate that your father is married to someone closer to your age than to his own," Hart agreed. He knew Dinah well enough to know that part was true. But he also knew her well enough to know there was something she wasn't saying. "But that's not all this is."

Dinah glanced at Hart before returning her eyes to the road. "I find it very annoying that you know everything about me," she said.

"No, you don't," Hart replied gently. "You told me not three weeks ago that you love that I know everything about you."

"Great, I have the only boyfriend in North America who remembers stuff like that," Dinah said. She tried her last tactic to get Hart to drop this. "You have enough of your own stuff going on. You're in the hot seat tomorrow."

"So I can't help you deal with your stuff?" Hart asked. "Come on, Dinah." She knew that tone of voice, the half-exasperated, half-encouraging inflection that she had never heard from anyone else in her whole life. "What was that really about?"

The headlights illuminated the sign for Laurel Falls on the side of the road, and Dinah took the turn to Laurel Falls, parked the car, and turned off the engine. When she got out of the car, Hart followed, and found her leaning against the trunk. No breeze stirred the trees, but the temperature was down to about 70 degrees, which was seasonal.

Hart leaned a hip on the trunk next to Dinah. She looked at him for a moment before staring off into the darkness surrounding them, and then she began speaking. "Seeing my father with Blake and those babies...the way he took whichever one he took out of Blake's arms when she came in with both of them screaming their heads off and got him to calm down...He never held me like that when I was a baby. He didn't even know I existed when I was a baby." Hart knew that; they knew everything about each other's lives before they met. "And yeah, it bothers me that he's married to Blake, but it's not really because she's around my age. Not entirely, anyway. I saw them together. I saw the way he looks at her. My father looks at Blake the way I look at you." She spared Hart a quick look before once again staring ahead into the night. "He really loves her, Hart. He never looked at my mother that way."

"You can't know that for sure," Hart replied.

Now Dinah did look at Hart, her expression one of incredulity. "My parents were a teenage summer fling," she said. "They went into it knowing it wasn't going to last." She shifted slightly, then braced her hands flat on the car's trunk and hoisted herself up to sit on it. Hart followed suit, and when they were sitting beside each other, Dinah went on. "If my mother had told my father she was pregnant, he would have done the right thing and married her, I'm sure. But he never would have looked at her the way he looks at Blake, because he didn't love her the way he loves Blake." She sighed. "I should be grateful that my parents are friends. I should be glad that Daddy is happy with Blake, and that Mother is happy with Matt. I should be grateful that my father's sons get to have him in their lives right from the start, that they won't go through what I did. But I'm not."

Hart took Dinah's hand in both of his then. The only noises were coming from the crickets, frogs, and one old hoot owl. "Daddy and Blake and the babies...They're a family, Hart," Dinah broke the silence to say. "They're a family in a way that I'm never going to be a part of. And it's the same kind of thing with Mother and Bill and Matt." Now she looked at Hart, and he saw in the dim light from the moon above the vulnerability she worked so hard to hide from the world at large, and the pain glinting in her expressive brown eyes. "Go ahead and say it," she challenged him then. "Go ahead and say that it's pathetic for a woman in her mid-twenties to be jealous of two babies that are barely a month old, and a thirteen-year-old boy who lived through his parents getting divorced twice and his father going to jail."

"I'm not gonna say that, because that's not what I think," Hart replied. "I don't believe that you can't miss what you never had, especially when you're seeing it right before your eyes."

"This is why I keep my distance from my family," Dinah said. "Being around them makes me feel like I've fallen through the cracks, and I_** hate** _feeling like that."

Hart pulled Dinah back against him so that her back was resting against his chest. "I'll never let you fall through the cracks," he promised her.

She turned to face him. "I know you won't. I'll never let you fall through the cracks either." She laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I get feeling like you don't belong with your family," Hart said as he lightly rested his chin on the crown of her head. "God knows I don't belong with what's left of mine, except for my grandfather."

Dinah lifted her head to look into his eyes then. "I'm being really selfish," she said. "Tomorrow is going to be hell, but it's going to be a worse hell for you than it is for me, having to see Roger Thorpe."

"I'm not looking forward to it," Hart admitted, "but I know I'll get through it because you're gonna be there too. You're my cornerstone, Dinah. Everybody needs a reason, and you're mine. My place in this world is by your side. I can get through anything as long as I have you."

Dinah kissed Hart then, because it was either kiss him or start crying, partly because of the evening she'd had with her mother's family and then her father's family, and partly because the one sure thing in her life was Hart and their relationship. When they broke the kiss, she said, "How did I get so lucky as to find you?"

"I'm the lucky one," Hart insisted. "All the real estate developers I ever met on jobs were these slick MBA types in suits and ties, with cell phones and briefcases and a list of impossible demands...until the day you showed up at the Rickard house and got stuck in the wet cement we had just poured for the new driveway." He smiled at the memory. "There you were, up to your ankles in wet cement and royally ticked off about it. I know it's a cliché, but my first thought was that if you were that beautiful when you were that angry, you must be stunning when you smile...and I was right."

"And then you showed up at my office with a pair of shoes exactly like the ones I ruined and asked me out to dinner," Dinah said, smiling as well. "It was the shoes that did it, you know. That's why I said yes. I figured any man who would actually go out and buy me a pair of shoes that were not only the right size but perfectly matched the shoes I ruined was worth getting to know better. Best decision I ever made." She framed his face in her hands then. "You're my reason too. You know that, right? Because I know I'm not always the best at saying it, but I love you, Hart, more than I ever thought I could love anyone."

"I love you too," Hart replied softly. "You're my family, Dinah. You're why I made it through everything. All along, I was just waiting for the day you'd walk through that wet cement and into my life."

"Tomorrow is really going to suck, isn't it," Dinah said. It wasn't phrased as a question.

"Yeah," Hart said. "But whatever happens-"

Dinah cut him off with a quick, hard kiss. "We'll get through it together...somehow."

"Yeah...somehow," Hart agreed, but at that moment, neither of them had any idea exactly how.

* * *

_**The Dinah and Hart I knew the best, and see and hear in my head when writing, are Wendy Moniz and Frank Grillo. **_

_**I picture John Pankow, who I loved as Ira Buchman on Mad About You, as Holly's brother Andy Norris, but the way he looks now, on the Showtime series Damages.**_

_**I see Florencia Lozano, One Life to Live's Tea Delgado, as Andy's fiancée Paloma Ramirez.**_


End file.
